What to Expect the Toddler Years (132 page)

Nevertheless, it’s commonly agreed that classes are in no way necessary for a toddler’s optimum development, and that most toddlers get all the stimulation they need through everyday play. But while classes may not be necessary, there’s no harm in them, either—as long as you keep the following guidelines in mind:

The only purpose of a class for toddlers should be enjoyment. Before enrolling your child, make sure that the class she’ll be joining promotes fun, not prodigies. Enroll her in a movement class so she can enjoy jumping, and hopping, and swaying to the music—not to get a leaping head start on her training as a prima ballerina. Sign her up for gymnastics so she can climb and tumble—not with an eye to the Olympics.

Classes for toddlers should be completely pressure-free. Reluctant class members should be encouraged but never pressured to participate—by teachers or parents. Teachers should challenge, motivate, and cheer on their young charges, but children who would rather watch from the sidelines should be allowed to do so. (Be sure, however, that a toddler who opts to sit on the sidelines isn’t ignored; a little coaxing is generally all that is needed to get a child involved.)

Classes should be age-appropriate and safe. Children should be grouped according to age and ability. Two- and three-year-olds, no matter how talented or precocious, should not be lumped together with five- and six-year-olds. Not only will prodding a two-year-old to perform like a five-year-old lead to burnout, but—because toddlers are neither agile nor strong enough to keep pace with preschoolers—it can lead to injury. Many materials (such as some paints, craft items, scissors, and so on) that are suitable for older children are not suitable for toddlers; allowing toddlers to use them can be risky.

Classes should focus on developing the whole child, rather than a particular skill. If a child is enrolled in more than one program, the programs should provide different kinds of stimulation. For example, one could promote physical development (dance, gymnastics), another, creativity (music, painting, crafts) or intellectual growth (science, story time).

Discontinue classes that are “too much” for your toddler. If you pick up clues that your toddler is overscheduled (exhaustion, irritability), that the classes she’s taking are too demanding (she’s reluctant to go or refuses to participate), or that she’s just not having fun, it’s time to call it quits.

“We brought our son into our bed a few times because he was running a fever, and now he’s started coming in on a regular basis. We’re not getting any sleep or privacy, and we’re afraid it’s become a habit.”

Nocturnal pilgrimages to the parental bed can become a bad habit, one that’s tough to kick. They often begin when a child is sick, having a tough time with teething, is experiencing emotional stress (from starting a new school or having a new baby-sitter), or at other times of upheaval (a family vacation, moving). But though the set of circumstances that prompt a child to begin waking at night and cuddling with his parents for comfort
may be self-limiting, the visits generally aren’t. To put a stop to them, you’ll probably have to take action:

Offer your comfort, not your bed. If your child cries for you at night, and you’re sure he’s awake, go to him. Rub his back, assure him that everything’s okay, and then tell him that you’re going back to your bed. If he comes into your bed uninvited, carry him back to his bed. Though this approach will definitely cost you sleep in the short term, it should ultimately put a stop to the night visits and eventually earn you uninterrupted sleep. You can minimize the sleep deprivation by taking turns on night duty—one night, Mommy intercepts the night wanderer, the next, Daddy.

Be consistent. Returning your toddler to his bed on Monday night, then allowing him to stay with you on Tuesday (because you’re too tired to get up after Monday’s nocturnal sojourn) will teach him that it’s always worth a try. He’s really too young to understand, “Just this once.” Be firm, not ambivalent. If there’s any inkling in his mind that there’s any doubt in yours, he’ll be less likely to take “no sleeping in our bed” for the final answer.

Be patient and loving. No matter how tired and grumpy you are, try not to take it out on your toddler. Carry him back to his bed tenderly—rather than muttering and grumbling—so he won’t feel that you’re rejecting him. What you’re rejecting is his presence in your bed.

Give him a light. At this age, fear of the dark (see page 431) is common. Letting your toddler sleep with a night-light, or even a low-wattage lamp, should help him to feel more secure. Comfort can also come in the form of a blanket, pillow, or article of clothing that belongs to Mommy and Daddy.

Play bedtime games during the day. Using your toddler’s dolls or stuffed animals, play-act a similar middle-of-the-night visit with him in the light of day. In it, have the “baby” get up out of his bed and try to get into his parents’ bed. Then encourage your child to put the baby back in his own bed.