Whatever It Takes (20 page)

Goddammit.  This was the last thing I needed right now.  I had been so looking forward to this weekend and now it was ruined.  I didn’t even want to go anymore.  Why was it that any time we were supposed to be surrounded by a bunch of people, a  bomb was dropped on me?

Gavin collected his phone from the floor while I sat on the bed and tried to count the anger away. 

Thirty-one, thirty-two, thirty-three, thirty-four...

Gavin

I watched quietly as my wife sat on our bed, her ire practically visible in the space around her.  Again, all I could think about was how horrible I was.  After the shit I pulled yesterday with fucking my wife like an animal and now with the phone calls, I was sure she was going to get off the bed, tell me to fuck off, and leave me.  I let her sit and calm down for a while.  How long, I wasn’t even sure.  Ten minutes?  Ten years?   When I finally went to sit at my wife’s side, I took her hand.  She let it sit limply in my own.  She looked deflated, like she had nothing left. 

“What do you want to do?” I asked.

“What do I want to do?  I want to get in bed and sleep for a year.  Wake up twelve months from now and not remember any of this and just start over like nothing happened.”

“I can call and tell them we can’t make it.  Tell them I’m sick or something.”

As much as I didn’t want to disappoint my family, I couldn’t expect Emma to go now.  Even though we didn’t get to see my family as often as we liked and something like a wedding was too important to miss, I wasn’t going to push her into having to be around people now.

“No,” she said, rising.  “We need to go.  I’ve been putting a smile on my face and pretending everything was fine since I’m eight years old.  What’s one more time?”

Emma

During the drive up we were both quiet.  I sat in the passenger seat with my knees up, my body turned towards the door and away from Gavin.  He held on to my left hand, but I kept it limp like I had in the bedroom, not holding his back, even a little.  With my head pressed against the warm glass of the window, I just sat and thought.

Why was she still contacting him?  It had been more than two months since they’d slept together.  Was she honestly still hoping he’d go back to her?  And where the hell was her husband in all of this?  Did he know?  Had they separated?  As I let my mind wander I came across a conclusion that made my stomach turn. 

Picking my head up I turned to Gavin and blurted, “Could she be pregnant?”  I had never asked him if they had used any protection and how the hell was I to know if she was on any kind of birth control?  Could she be so eager to talk to him again because she needed to tell him she was carrying his child? 

“What?” he sputtered.  “No!”

“How can you be sure of that?” I insisted.

“For one thing I used a condom,” he said, adding quickly that she had had them, not him.  It occurred to me then that this whole thing could have been premeditated on her part.  She could have easily known Gavin was going to be there, with them both working in the same industry.  She had obviously gone there with the intent to sleep with someone if she brought condoms with her.  Had she been thinking of my husband when she packed them away or did she just get lucky enough to bump into him of all people? 

“And secondly,” he continued, “I stopped before I...finished.”

Well this was news to me, although I hadn’t asked him previously for that gory details. 

“You stopped?”  I asked.  “Like, right in the middle?”

“Yes.”

I don’t know why, but this bit of information made me feel better.  Not only because it made the chances of her being pregnant almost nil, but also because it made me feel that even while it was happening, Gavin’s thoughts were on me.  I felt myself softening a little but the fact remained that this woman was not going away.  If we were going to make this work that woman needed to be out of our lives for good.  I didn’t see how that was going to happen.     

Օ

The estate that was hosting the wedding was incredible.  The lane leading to it had been long and winding and lined with so many trees on either side they created a canopy over the road.  When we reached the main property, I felt like I was stepping into
Gone With the Wind
.  A huge, white mansion with pillars loomed in front of us, the surrounding land nothing but green grass as far as the eye could see.  From what we knew about this place, it was on over one hundred acres, with horse stables, tennis courts, two pools, and a lake.  Uncle Dominic must have been spending a fortune on this wedding, but Kaitlyn was his only daughter, after all. 

We pulled up the drive where a valet service was there to check us in and take our car, promising they would deliver our luggage to our room.  After we entered into the foyer, we were handed champagne flutes, filled to the top with bubbly.  Needing some liquid courage to help me with my gleeful facade, I downed the glass and helped myself to another one before we were ushered into the next room.  Gavin gave me a look of disapproval but I ignored him and smacked a brilliant grin on my face just before we joined the crowd. 

The room we were led into was an enormous dining hall, with hardwood floors and at least fifty tables clad in white linens and fine china.  A grand chandelier hung from the center of the room, but the light that filled it came from the floor to ceiling windows that graced the entire length of a wall facing the back of the property.  It was breathtaking.

As soon as we were noticed a loud chorus of cheers was called out and we were suddenly hugging and kissing Gavin’s relatives.  Aunts, uncles, cousins, second cousins, and third cousins greeted us with enthusiasm.  Gavin was beaming, thrilled with being surrounded by his father's family.  He grew up around all of his cousins, especially Uncle Dom's kids; five boys and of course, Kaitlyn.  They were the closest thing to siblings Gavin had.

Nicholas, Mattie, Kevin, John, and Sean surrounded us.  I was always overwhelmed when they were in a room together, though not in a bad way.  They were just so much to take in; their good looks, their charm, their bright  eyes, and their good humor.  Each of them bore the same Fitzgerald features, dark brown hair, dimples, and green eyes.  Gavin only stood out from them with his hazel eyes and slightly darker skin.  They started in right away about how they were going to party this weekend and drink like a good bunch of Irish boys should.

"Hey, don’t forget this prick is half Italian," Sean joked, clapping Gavin on the shoulder.

“Which means I’ll drink you under the table and then make a pair of cement shoes for ya,” Gavin shot back. 

The normalcy of everything going on around me irritated me and so I just stood quietly at Gavin’s side.  Everyone was joking and laughing while I was feeling like it was the end of the world.

“Hey,”  Mattie nudged me.  “You’re awfully quiet.  You okay?”

I smiled brightly at him and told him I was just tired from the long trip.

“Well, you better get rested up, beautiful,” he ordered.  “‘Cause we’re gonna party it up right nice this weekend.”

“Oy!  There yeh are!”  Uncle Dominic’s Irish brogue boomed from across the hall.  He moved with an easy gait towards us, his eyes twinkling.  He was a handsome gentleman, reminding me of an older George Clooney, with rugged good looks and salt and pepper hair.  Dominic, Gavin’s father Aiden, and their two sisters, Margaret and Eileen, were all born in Dublin.  They were children when they came over but a hint of an accent still lingered in their words, becoming more pronounced when they imbibed alcohol. 

“Emma!” he beamed, embracing me in a warm hug.  “You look beautiful, darlin.”  It was easy to see where Gavin and his cousins got their charm from.  I blushed, looking down at my simple outfit of white slacks, a black top, and black wedges.  I wasn’t underdressed though.  Most of the people in the room were casual, having traveled today as well.

“It’s so good to see you, Uncle Dom,” I told him and then let him greet my husband.  They hugged and swapped greetings and friendly insults. 

If Gavin and I didn’t make it through this, it wouldn’t be just him I’d lose.  Over the years I had become very close to his family and I loved them all.  My own family having been small and not one on big celebrations, Gavin and I spent most holidays with his relatives.  I felt very sad all of a sudden. 

Gavin must have noticed because he wrapped his arm around me, setting his hand on the swell of my hip, and leaned in to whisper in my ear.

“Enjoy yourself.”

I looked up at him and narrowed my eyes, frowning. 
Yes, sir!  Now that you’ve given the orders I’ll get right on that. 
I didn’t say anything though but pulled away from his side.  Turning my head I noticed Uncle Dom looking at us curiously.  Not to arouse suspicion, I put my smile back in place before taking another sip of my champagne. 

When lunch was served, I played my part better, talking and laughing with the others at our table.  We were sitting with the three boys who were married, Nicholas, John, and Sean, and their wives.  After we ate we went up to our room.  Even though the mansion itself was over a century old, the rooms had obviously been updated to serve modern needs.  A queen-sized bed sat in the center and across from it there was a large, dark wood dresser with a flat-screen sitting on top of it.  We had our own adjoining bathroom that held a large tub and shower, everything marble and shiny.

There were lots of activities that could keep us busy throughout the afternoon but I didn’t want to do any of them, much to Gavin’s dismay.  I just wanted to stay in and sulk.

“Babe, can’t we just have a good time?  I’d like to spend some time with my family.”

“So go,” I insisted.  “I’m tired.  I’d like to just take a nap and rest before dinner tonight.”  Everyone was free to enjoy the amenities of the estate during the day and then the bridal party would gather for rehearsal.  The rest of the guests, Gavin and myself included, would then join them for dinner at around seven thirty. 

I slid my shoes off and got comfortable on the thick, white, comforter of the bed, lying on my stomach and curling my arms around one of the pillows. 

“This isn’t one of those times where you tell me to go but then you’re angry at me later for it, is it?” Gavin joked, sitting on the bed next to me.  He rubbed my back.

“No,” I answered, no humor in my voice at all. 

Gavin sighed and stood, kissed my cheek and told me he’d see me later.  After he closed the door behind him it took only a few minutes for the champagne I had to take effect and I fell fast asleep.

Gavin

If I was going to be honest, I would have to say Emma was getting on my nerves a bit.  I know I was cranky myself but her sullen attitude was not making things easy in front of my family, and I was sure my Uncle already knew something was up.  I wasn’t about to spoil anyone else’s weekend by acting moody and I didn’t want Emma doing that either.

I had given her the opportunity to cancel our plans.  I would have rather tell them I had come down with something than show up and be miserable the entire time but Emma had insisted we still go.  She had said she’d put a smile on her face and pretend everything was okay but I didn’t think she was doing a very good job so far.  I was hoping that after her nap she’d wake up in a better mood.

I wasn’t sorry that I didn’t tell her about the calls.  What did she expect?  We had both been looking forward to the weekend and I wasn’t going to spoil it for either of us by telling her Lisa had started contacting me all over again.  It would not have been a sin to just leave my phone off and then Monday morning let Emma know and then contact the police.

Trying my damndest to enjoy myself despite my wife’s mood, I met up with my cousins to take a tour of the grounds and then play a few games of horseshoes.  The estate was amazing and with it being full of just our family and close friends, we felt like we owned the place and stomped around like we were the fucking Rockefeller’s. 

While I stood next to Sean waiting for what felt like hours for Kevin to take his turn, Sean asked me where Emma was.

“She’s resting,” was all I told him.  I didn’t want to get into any further conversation about Emma just then.  But of course, Sean didn’t just drop it.

“You guys okay?.”

“We’re fine.  Why wouldn’t we be?”  I suddenly felt like I had a bright red “A” emblazoned across my chest.  If something was wrong with Emma, would everyone automatically think it was my fault?  Would they know I had betrayed her?

“I don’t know,” he answered.  “She was quiet earlier and it’s not like the two of you to be apart when the family is together.  You two are usually attached at the hip.”

He was right.  Whenever Emma and I were out together, no matter where we were, not just around my family, we stuck closely together.  Not for any other reason than we enjoyed each other’s company.  I changed that about us.  I was hating myself again.

“No, we’re fine,” I insisted.  “She’s just really exhausted.”

“Keep her up late last night, did ya?” Sean asked with a wink.  Leave it to my cousin to make this about sex.  If only that were the reason.  I was still feeling awful about the way I had taken her the day before after I saw that gorilla hug her outside of yoga class.  Gay or not, seeing another man’s arms around my wife had put me into full-on caveman mode and that was the last straw.  I snapped.  Even though we had made up in the shower, I was still feeling shitty about that on top of everything else.