Whatever It Takes (19 page)

On Wednesday night, I came home from work late because I was taking off Thursday and Friday for my cousin’s wedding.  I promised to help Emma pack Thursday and then we’d leave early Friday morning. 

I entered the house not even trying to hide the fact that I was in a foul mood.  I slammed the door a little too hard and instead of going straight to Emma for a kiss I went to the fridge and grabbed my after work beer.  Only after drinking about half of it did I go to her and kiss her hello.  She was sitting at the kitchen table with her laptop catching up with emails.

“You hungry?” she asked.  She shut the computer and went to get some food for me from the refrigerator.

“No.”  I stood at the sink with my back to her.

“Bad day?” she prompted.

“Kinda.”

“Want to talk about it?”

“It’s nothing,” I sighed.  “It was just busy and I’m so...”  I braced myself on the ledge of the sink and hung my head.

She knew what I was.  I was frustrated to the point of feeling so tightly wound, the smallest hitch and I’d snap.  The shitty thing was I knew she was feeling the same way for the most part.  The yoga was helping her though.  I had taken to swimming laps almost every night.  They were becoming the equivalent to taking cold showers but they weren’t fucking helping. 

Emma hugged me around the middle from behind and pressed her cheek between my shoulder blades.  I didn’t welcome it though.  I tensed and she pulled away.  I knew I was being a dick but I just couldn’t do it tonight.  I couldn’t let her touch me without wanting to throw her down and bury myself in her.  I couldn’t touch her knowing it would stop just at the point of driving me mad with frustration.

“I can’t, Emma.  I can’t have you touching me with it being not enough.  Not tonight.”

“I’m sorry,” she sniffed.  “I’m trying, Gav, I really am.”

I turned to look at her.  She was telling the truth and so would I.  “I know you are.  And I’m trying to be as patient as I can but I can’t tonight.  I’m going to go for a swim and then just shower and go to bed.  Okay?”

She nodded and let me be but not before reminding me that in the morning I needed to follow her so she could drop her car off.  She was due for an oil change and then needed me to bring her to her yoga class and then pick her up.  In my cranky state, I cursed stupid shit like oil changes and yoga in my head but told her, “That’s fine,” and then slipped out the back door. 

Emma

I was doing my deep breathing and trying to line up all my chakras the next morning but I wasn’t able to find the peace I was seeking.  I guess all the stretching in the world couldn’t cure me of the fact that I needed to get laid.  I struggled not to laugh in class at that thought.  Didn’t want to disturb the other yoga-ers.

When class was done I exited the gym and stood waiting on the sidewalk.  Gavin wasn’t here yet.  As the others from the class came out, a new friend, Will, came up to say hello.  We’d both started taking the class on the same day and set up a sort of camaraderie, with us both being the newbies.  Will was thirty-five, handsome, built, and gay.  I had been disappointed to find that last part out, plotting to set him up with Yvonne within the first five minutes of meeting him.  But then he had told me he took up yoga to help him cope with splitting with his partner Adam and that plan went to pot.

Still, he was nice and I liked talking to him.

“Do you have plans for the weekend?  A buddy of mine is opening a new club.  I thought maybe you and your husband would like to come.”

“Aw,” I whined, actually disappointed.  “We can’t.  We have to go away this weekend.  His cousin is getting married upstate.”

“Oh, no worries,” he said.  “Another time then.  I’m gonna get going, you need a ride or something?”

I thanked him but declined, letting him know Gavin would be there to get me any minute.  Will leaned down and gave me a hug, just a friendly quick thing, and went on his way.  It wasn’t until he was gone that I noticed Gavin’s car waiting at the curb.  I could see his face through the windshield and he was looking ten shades of pissed off.

I got in the passenger seat and my door was barely shut before he took off.  My head was slammed into the headrest, he accelerated so quickly.  He drove fast, weaving in and out of traffic without saying a word to me.

“Gavin, slow down!”

He ignored me and actually sped up, making my heart beat a nervous, frantic tattoo. 

“Gavin, stop!  What the hell is wrong with you?” 

If he was pissed about me hugging Will he was being completely ridiculous.  I wanted to tell him that but couldn’t focus enough because I was so worried about us crashing into something.

He continued to speed and no matter how much begging I did, he completely ignored me.  Giving up, I squeezed my eyes closed and dug my nails into my palms and prayed we’d make it home safely.

As soon as the car was parked Gavin tore out of it and stormed into the house.  I jumped out and ran right after him.

“What the fuck was that?” I yelled,  following him into our bedroom.  He ignored me and started filling up our luggage we had laid out for our trip this weekend.

“Don’t ignore me, Gavin.  Tell me what the hell that was about!”

He turned on me and got in my face.

“Do you want to fuck him?”

“What?” I cried.  “Are you out of your damn mind?”

“Do you want to get back at me, Emma?  Fuck another man so we’d be even?” 

Oh, fuck no, how dare he?  The fact that he had the nerve to even accuse me of this had me spitting fire.  Well, two can play at this game.

“Yes!” I screamed.  “I want to fuck him, Gavin, and give you a taste of your own medicine!  Let you see how it feels to have your heart ripped out!  Let you know what it’s like to close your eyes and see me getting fucked by another man!”

A growl tore from his chest and he grabbed me and threw me against the wall.  It didn’t hurt but it did shock the hell out of me.  Before I could even register it though, his mouth was on mine, ferocious and unrelenting.  I kissed him back with everything I had, all of my anger coming to a head. 

Our hands tore at each other’s clothes.  I managed to remove his shirt but he had me stripped bare and pressed back against the wall before I could go any further.  He kissed his way down my body, using his teeth to nip angrily here and there.  He dropped to his knees and grabbed my ankle, pulling my foot up and resting it on his shoulder.

“Keep it there,” he sneered and then licked roughly through my sex.

I moaned loudly and fisted my hands in his hair, pulling hard.  He retaliated by biting the inside of my thigh firmly enough to leave a mark, and then went back to circling my clit with his tongue.  He kept me right on the edge of orgasm for what felt like hours and then moved his hand between my legs and started fucking me with two of his fingers.  I slammed my head back, dug my nails into his shoulder, and screamed as I rode out the first orgasm I had in more than a month. 

Gavin didn’t even wait for the tremors to subside when he rose and pulled me to the bed.  Rather than have me lie down though, he turned me away from him at the footboard, put my hands on one of the posts and pushed me to bend over.  I heard him removing his pants and shuddered impatiently. 

He pressed his body to mine and bit my shoulder eliciting a hiss from me.  His hand moved down  between my legs to stroke my already hypersensitive nerves.  He lined himself up right at my entrance but didn’t move.  I tried to push myself back into him but he held my hips firmly in place with his other hand. 

“Do you want me to fuck you, Emma?”  His words were thick and hot in my ear.

“Yes,” I moaned, trying in vain again to push back into him.

“Say it,” he ordered.  “Tell me you want me to fuck you.”

“I want you to fuck me, Gavin.”  I practically purred the words. 

I was prepared for him to slam into me, but on the contrary, he eased himself in slowly, one inch at a time.  Our groans came out in unison.  He kept at a gentle pace, seeming calmer now, savoring every thrust until I was begging him for it harder.  He finally complied and his hips began slapping into my body, his cock going deeper and deeper.   One hand was wrapped around my shoulder, pulling my body into his while the fingers of his other hand continued to massage between my legs.   We climaxed together, calling out loudly, both of our bodies going taut at the same time. 

When Gavin withdrew himself, he collapsed on the bed, lying on his stomach to catch his breath.  He left me gripping the bed post, waiting for the strength to return to my legs. 

When I was sure I could walk again, I quietly moved into the adjoining bathroom, slipping behind the wall of the snail shower.  I turned the spray on full blast and the initial water to hit me was icy.  It jolted me and I shivered until it heated up.

The water beat down on me as I hung my head in shame.  That was not how I wanted our first reunion to go.  We should have made love slowly and sweetly.  It should have been beautiful and gentle and done in an expression of adoration and happiness, not anger.  I was as much to blame as he was.  I shouldn’t have let his irrational fury get the best of me.  I should have tried to calm him, let him know that Will was just a friend, and I had no interest whatsoever in sex with him. 

Give up your shoulds.

As I tried to think what I would say to Gavin to fix this, he joined me in the shower.  I took one look at him and saw his apology written all over his face.  I pulled him into me, wrapping my arms around his waist, kissing his chest before resting my cheek against it.

“It’s okay,” I whispered.  “It’s okay, we’re okay.”

17

Bright and early the next morning, Gavin was loading up his car with our luggage for our trip upstate.  I was making my rounds through the house to make sure we weren’t forgetting anything and that the oven, the gas grill, or any other appliance that could burn our house down were turned off.  Gavin would do the same before we left, as was custom whenever we went away for more than a day, in order to give me that extra peace of mind.  That way when I asked him tonight, “Did I unplug the coffee pot?” he would be able to tell me I had. 

Yesterday, we had moved past our fight fairly easily, as much of a doozie as it was.  He explained that since we hadn’t had sex in ages, just seeing me hug another man put him in a tailspin.  I admitted to him that I was angry because he was angry and that I had absolutely no desire for Will, who was in fact gay.  We apologized to each other and moved on.

Let go.

I made my way through the kitchen to the patio doors to check, once again, that they were locked when I heard a familiar buzzing and rattling.  Gavin’s cell phone was going off on the kitchen counter.  Since it was not even eight a.m. yet I figured it was a work call and picked up the phone just as it stopped vibrating.  Unlocking the screen and glancing at the call log, my heart started to hammer.

Gavin had all of his contacts listed in his phone by name, even his clients.  This number did not have an identity attached to it.  Okay, so this doesn’t mean anything, does it?  Checking back through the log, I discovered it did. 

The same number had called him several times the day before, and even more times on Wednesday.  I counted.  Nineteen calls from this number, and all of them had been missed or rejected.  I had a feeling I knew who they were from.

“Em, I’m just going to check around the house and then we’re good to-” Gavin’s voice cut off mid sentence when he saw me standing in the kitchen looking at his phone.

I lifted my eyes, full of accusations towards him and then threw his phone at him.  He caught it before it could hit him in the face while I stormed off into the bedroom.

“Em!” he called, following me.  “I haven’t spoken to her, I swear to God!” 

I paced back and forth at the foot of our bed, willing myself to calm down and not say anything out of anger.

“That’s not the point!” I insisted.  “She’s calling you!  You told me she stopped weeks ago and now she’s calling your cellphone!”

“She just started Wednesday, Emma.  I don’t know how she got my number.  Someone from the office probably gave it to her thinking she was a client.”

“You told me you’d report her if she continued to harass you!”

“I know,” he told me, “and I am.  First thing Monday morning I’m calling the cops and then her office.  I didn’t want to upset you with this before the weekend.  I wanted us to have a good time without worrying about her.”

“Yeah, well,” I scoffed , “that plan is shot to shit now.  You lied to me, Gavin!”

“I didn’t lie, Emma,” he insisted.

“Oh, fuck you and your semantics!”

Stop.  Breathe. 
Try to forgive.

“I’m sorry,” I backtracked.  “But-”

His phone buzzed again in his hand, cutting me off.

“Oh for fuck’s sake!”  I yelled and then moved to snatch the cell from his hand.  “Listen to me you bitch,” I seethed into the phone.  “If you don’t leave my husband alone I will fucking kill you, do you understand me?”  I hit end and threw the phone, effectively putting a dent in the drywall.  Thank goodness for Otterboxes.