What's His Is Mine (17 page)

I
knew Kevin would eventually stop being mad and let Jarell come over. He brought all his things over. I just stared at my child—I had missed him so much. I didn't know how I was going to make it up to him for being absent from his life. He was walking and trying to talk. I turned on Nick Jr. for him and just watched it as he played.

By lunchtime I was wiped. Jarell had so much energy. He was pulling everything off the sofa and laughing and running around. But I was enjoying every moment with him. I missed him so much and just hoped he would never remember that I wasn't there for him.

 

 

Kierra and Jarell were looking at me like I was crazy when I was running all around the house and up and down the steps. Kierra was home from school and I was beginning to get antsy. I didn't want to have an attack in front of them, so I ran.

“Mommy, the phone,” Kierra sang as I grabbed the phone, out of breath.

“Hey, Kevin. Jarell is fine. He is sitting on the sofa talking to Kierra now while I do my running.”

“Running where? You are not supposed to leave the house.”

“I'm not leaving the house.”

I got a little claustrophobic sometimes so I just opened the basement door and ran from the basement up to the second floor a few times, and then I felt okay.

“You need a treadmill,” Kevin said.

“Yeah, I do, but by the time I get one, I will be a free woman.”

“How was your day?” I asked.

“It was good. We won. You didn't watch?”

“I don't think it was on here. To be honest, I am so television and movied out. When you get Jarell back he may be spoiled because Kierra has been hugging and kissing him all day.”

“That's okay. Y'all are just making up for lost time.”

We talked for three hours. It was like our old conversations we used to have, when we first met. We discussed everything. He liked being back in the States, but he missed the slow pace and serenity of Rome.

I
hadn't come down to Atlanta to visit, and DeCarious was texting me like crazy, asking me where I was and what I was doing up in Philly. He said he missed his daughter and me and that he wanted us to come down. I wasn't sure if he cared, but I guess he did. I know I had DeCarious right on the edge, and hopefully my next move would push him over. I was on my way to Atlanta and I was going to tell DeCarious I was pregnant. Hopefully me being pregnant would be a reality check to him, that we needed to be a family. If DeCarious got really serious with this woman, she was not going to continue to want me around, and I'd be stuck in scrubs for the rest of my life. I was running out of time and had to get everything into place. I drove over to Walgreens and purchased a few home pregnancy tests. I was looking around the pharmacy to see if maybe I could pay a pregnant woman to pee on the stick. Yes, that sounds disgusting, but whatever. I looked at the box—two pink lines if you're pregnant, one if your aren't.

I had four pregnancy tests. Some teenage boys were standing behind me in line and their mother shook her head.
If only you knew what was at stake, lady
.

The lady at the register counted my money slowly, each time dipping her finger on a wet sponge. Then she said it only takes one test to see if you're pregnant. I didn't ask her opinion.

I intended on faking a pregnancy test. Somehow I was going to make the test positive. Once home, I stood in the bathroom and then tried to draw a straight line. The first one was straight and the second one was crooked. So I opened the second box. This time I used the edge of the marker and made two perfect lines. I held it up to the light. They were straight enough. They were perfect. When I got down there I was going to set everything up.

 

 

Miss Anne was out and I had a little bit of time to execute my plan. I had everything situated. I had placed the abortion pamphlet and the pregnancy test in the trash can at the top. I propped it up with a bunch of toilet paper. As soon as he went into the bathroom he would have to see it.

“Adrienne!”

“Huh?” I said as I entered the bedroom. I let him show me the test and pamphlet.

I ran to the bathroom and started making vomiting noises. I flushed the toilet, washed my hands, put water in the inner corners of my eyes. I came out of the bathroom like I was flushed.

“Yes, DeCarious.”

“What's wrong with you? What's this?” He was holding the stick from the pregnancy test.

“Nothing.”

“Are you pregnant, Adrienne?”

“Yes.”

“Why didn't you tell me?”

“You have another relationship, we are not married, and I just don't want to ruin everything going on in your life.”

“So you are going to get an abortion? When did you take this test?”

“Earlier today. My period didn't come on and I felt it.”

“You can't do this, Adrienne. You can't do that to my child—he could be my son.”

“I know, but I can't be a single mom with two kids. My appointment is next week. I'm sorry for ruining your evening. I didn't want to tell you.”

He sat on the bed. “Listen, let's think about this for a moment and at least let's try to pray on this to see what else we can come up with. I think I'm going to tell my parents.”

“No, DeCarious. No, your parents would be so disappointed in us. Especially your mom. You know I've been going to church with her and everything. And how would she feel if we go through with it? She will be so angry.”

“You're right,” he said.

 

 

DeCarious came back home and he was a little bit intoxicated, but he wanted to talk.

“Listen, I've been thinking. I don't want you to have an abortion.”

“So what does that mean, DeCarious? I'm not doing this on my own anymore. It is too difficult.”

“You won't have to. What will it take for you to keep the baby?”

“I'm not keeping the baby.”

“Adrienne, you can have the baby and I'll take custody, and you can do whatever you want. It won't be a burden on you.”

“No, our kids deserve a family, DeCarious. A real family. Asia already has to go through security checks and plane rides to be with her family. I won't do that to another child. I'm not going to bring another baby into this world without us being married.”

“So what are you trying to say, Adrienne?”

“I'm saying I'm getting an abortion. I'm not going to be a single mom again, and that's it. There is nothing left to discuss.” I got up and walked out to the bathroom, and just for pure drama I left and went home, and let DeCarious marinate on my pregnancy.

T
his morning I woke up not thinking, but knowing that this is a man's world. They run it. People can say women secretly run the world, but I know we don't. We are the weaker, dumber, and loyal sex. Men are the faster, smarter, no-emotions-feeling species. They are hunters. They prey on us, take us down, rip out our hearts, and then leave us for dead. At least that's how I felt today. I hated men—all men. At my job, I hated Paul, I hated sports. I wished I could go back to the news. They needed to hurry up and get someone in this position.

Every day at work was a constant reminder that I was involved with an athlete. And DeCarious had been so distant. He had not been calling me. We hadn't spent any time together in a week, and something just didn't feel right. A bunch of crazy thoughts flooded my mind. Maybe he met someone—but he was in love with me. Maybe he met someone prettier, more successful—but he was always telling me how perfect I am. I could hear it in his voice right now.
Cherise, you are perfect. You are the best thing that ever happened to me
. I thought,
If this is true, where are you, DeCarious?
Maybe I was overanalyzing. Maybe he had a good reason not to call or be in touch. I don't know, something had changed in my relationship with DeCarious. I wasn't sure what it was, but it didn't feel right. I felt like we were stable, and now the lines were blurred. Honestly, right now I didn't know if I was taken, or available. And I didn't feel this way a few weeks ago. But what I was sure of was that he hadn't spent any real time with me in weeks. This was ridiculous; I called his phone, texted him, and left several messages. No response. I was so concerned.

I've called him and got his voice mail several times. It even seemed like he was intentionally not answering my calls.

I couldn't concentrate at all, going over what I did wrong in our relationship. This was so juvenile. Waiting for him to call me to find out what was going on with him. I was tired of calling Toni, but she was the only person who understood.

“Yes, sistah?” she answered.

“Toni, I'm still so confused. Last night I had a dream that he came to me and told me that he had to break up with me because he wanted to have sex with another man.”

“Maybe that's it. He's a gay football player. Makes sense.”

“Do you think so?” I asked Toni.

“Maybe. I mean, he is around all those men all the time.”

I thought about DeCarious being gay—no, that wasn't it.

“You know what I think? I think his baby mom's probably smelled another woman on him,” Toni said.

“No, I doubt it. He introduced me to his daughter's mother. She doesn't care anything about him.”

“Well, just think positive. You will find out what's going on.”

I
was going to go visit Jabril. We had been keeping in touch. I was so nervous. I changed my clothes several times; I had to make sure I looked perfect. I was wearing this cute royal blue silk dress and black peep-toe pumps Adrienne gave me. She was going to drop me off at the airport. She came in the room and asked me if I was ready.

“Almost,” I said.

“Let me see what you have on.” She looked me up and down and said, “Take those shoes and that dress off and put on some flats and jeans.”

“Why? I thought you said always look good. I'm confused.”

“Zakiya, let him think you are not trying to impress him. You just look too dressed up for the airport.”

“Okay, why am I not trying to impress him? I thought I was supposed to look cute all the time.” Adrienne had so many rules it was hard for me to keep up and follow.

“You are, Zakiya, but you have to make it look effortless. And right now you look like a first-time flyer, all dressed up in the airport. And you don't need two suitcases. You are only staying the weekend.”

I went and changed my clothes as I was instructed. As I took off my cute dress and put on jeans and put everything I needed into one bag, Adrienne ran off some more do's and don'ts. “I want you to compliment him, not his stuff—okay? Men like for you to appreciate them, not what they have to offer. You have to show him that you are not a dumb young girl who is easily impressed. Okay? Also, whatever you do, do not give him any. If you give him some, or act all excited because he paid for your flight, this will be your last visit. When he tries to show you his house, act like his house is just okay. His car is all right and you've seen much better. Just act nonchalant all weekend.”

I shook my head yeah and took a mental note of all the things I was supposed to do and not do.

 

 

Once I was inside the Will Rogers World Airport in Oklahoma City, five texts came through from Jabril. He said he was outside circling the airport and to call him as soon as I was ready.

I'm glad I packed light, like Adrienne said. I didn't have to wait to get my luggage. I called him and said, “I'm at baggage claim, level one.”

“Okay, give me a minute. I'll be right there.” I sat and called Adrienne to tell her I had made it. She didn't answer. I just sat and watched the people get picked up as I waited and waited. Then I saw a car pull up. Jabril had sunglasses on. He got out of his car and gave me a hug. He looked so handsome. I handed him my bag like Adrienne said, and he took it.

 

 

I wanted to take a picture of Jabril's house, but I had to act mature and unimpressed, like Adrienne said. He pulled around back where there was a huge pool and a brown and redbrick deck. Across from the deck were tennis and basketball courts. Inside he had trophies everywhere and pictures of him when he was a kid.

 

 

We went to his game against the Golden State Warriors at the Oklahoma Ford Center. It was the first live basketball game I'd ever been to. His friends were texting during the entire game like it was no big deal. It was a big deal for me. I was taking pictures and sending them to Lisa. Everything was so exciting and noisy.

After the game LJ, Chris, and I waited for Jabril to change. Then we went out to eat and a strange man came out of nowhere and pulled up a chair to our table. It was so rude. I was ready to tell him to get up but before I could he reached out his hand to Jabril and said, “Jabril, my man, how you doing? My name is Sam.”

Jabril didn't shake his hand and said, “What can I do for you, Sam?”

“Well, I called your manager a few weeks ago because I have a great opportunity for you. I can triple your worth in six months. I want to talk to you about investing in my company. I have a few guys from the Browns, the Saints, and the Nuggets on board. This is a chance of a lifetime.”

“Sounds good. You got a card?” Jabril asked. “I don't have a manager, but I can have my uncle call and talk to you.”

The man hesitated a little bit and said, “I wanted to talk to you, but okay, have your uncle call me.” He then got up from the table.

As soon as he left Jabril ripped up his card and said, “Wendell already told me they have these pyramid schemes they try to get you involved in and take all your money. I'm not falling for it.”

 

 

When we got back to the house LJ had some girl, and me and Jabril went downstairs to watch a movie. When it was time to go to bed I was so tired, scared, and a little nervous. I didn't want him to get the wrong idea. I liked him a lot. We had fun—I was enjoying myself, but he wasn't getting any.

“Where am I going to sleep?”

“Right here with me,” he said, patting the space next to him. I got in the bed and lay as far away as possible.

“You are going to sleep in your jeans?”

“Yeah.”

“That's uncomfortable.”

“I'm fine—it's okay. I sleep in my clothes all the time,” I replied quickly.

“Um, I don't allow any jeans in my bed.”

I looked at him and I took off my jeans, folded them, and placed them on the nightstand at the side of his bed. I didn't know if I should tell him now or later that he was not getting any. I decided to wait. He didn't attack, but he did start kissing me on my lips and neck, and I let him. Then his hands began caressing my breasts while they were still in my bra. Everything he was doing felt good, but I didn't want him to get the wrong idea.

I sat up and said, “Jabril, we can't have sex because I'm a virgin.”

“Are you serious? A real virgin—so you never had sex before?” he asked, shocked, and began sitting up.

“No, I never had sex before, and I don't want you to get the wrong idea. So if you want me to, I can sleep in the other room or downstairs.”

“No, you don't have to do that. Lie back down. I'm going to put the television back on and we are just going to relax. I understand. I'm not in a rush.”

I sighed in relief.

I think me telling Jabril I was a virgin made him try harder to get some from me. All night he kissed me and sucked on my breasts and neck. But at the end, several times he pulled his ruler-length penis out and whispered, “Please, can I feel it just a little? I'm going to use a condom.”

“It's not that. I'm just not ready,” I said as I got out of the bed, letting him know that I really meant it.

After several more attempts, he finally stopped. I thought he would get mad, but he didn't. I was safe for now, at least.