When Parents Text: So Much Said...So Little Understood (4 page)
Read When Parents Text: So Much Said...So Little Understood Online
Authors: Sophia Fraioli,Lauren Kaelin
MPRNONG
ME
: When do you want me to come?
MOM
: 10:00 IN THE MPRNONG!
ME
: Why are you yelling?
MOM
: Not yelling. Just not good at texting.
Nothing Special
DAD
: In order not to forget how to send text messages, I just practice sending it. There is nothing special. Pls ignore this text.
FLASH
DAD
: ill send you a FLASH tomorrow
ME
: What’s a flash?
DAD
: this thing that goes FLASH on the phone
ME
: It’s a text, thanks.
Voice Activation
MOM
: milk orange juice fruit veggies creamer if it’s on sale. Soup. Forget the soup I just sneezed And it is thought I said Soup. ####, ####. I just said that f word And the s word And it types Pound sign! My phone’s a Train No it’s not a train It’s a pretty easy day No it’s not A pretty easy day I never said that. I said my phone is a prude
Bluetooth
MOM
: Its hard to do things while I’m talking on the phone. I think I need to get a blacktooth.
Helrp
DAD
: Helrp my fimgers too big for kleypad. <:((
Vibrated
MOM
: Your phone just vibrated.
MOM
: It just did it again.
Lunch Maggots
MOM
: Stop at dollar store on way home and get lunch maggots.
ME
: Lunch maggots?
MOM
: Baffles.
MOM
: Baggies.
MOM
: Ziplock lunch Baggies.
MOM
: Spell check is not helping me.
MOM
: This is dad by the way.
Sad Face
MOM
: if I knew how to make a sad face I would place it here
@
DAD
: can u buy milk
DAD
: @ tea bags
ME
: You know that @ means at and not and, right dad?
DAD
: no
LOL
MOM
: I thought LOL meant Little Old Lady
Favorite Words
DAD
: Eyebrows
ME
: What?! and since when do you know how to text?
DAD
: Its mom now. Im teaching dad how to text and his favorite word is eyebrows
Funniest Home Videos
DAD
: hello son. I need you to call me as soon as you get this. I am using good grammar because your mom said it bugs you when I dont. Sorry I didnt use an apostraphe I dont know how. I also dont know how to do a zero. I still use a capital O. Actually you dont have to call me anymore.
ME
: how long did that take you to write?
DAD
: lets just say funniest home videos is almost over.
Brb, Africa
MOM
: Are you on your way to Zimbabwe?
MOM
: Zimbabwe
MOM
: Zimbabwe
MOM
: Zimbabwe
MOM
: zumba
MOM
: I finally got it right.
Firsts
DAD
: Love you
ME
: OMG did you just send a text??
DAD
: Is that what i did?
Distortion
MOM
: You hurted my feelings {:>(.
ME
: Why do you have such a large nose? and a unibrow?
MOM
: The sadness has distorted my facial features.
Emotional
DAD
: Ill see u later :-) =D ;)
ME
: Did you actually just use emoticons?
DAD
: Im really emotional
Largish File
MOM
: Beloved family. PLEASE DO NOT CALL ME i am downloading a largish file n need to not be interrupted. S/b done by 8:15 or so. Thank you!
Glasses Needed
ME
: My suitemates scare me
MOM
: What’s a suiternate
Old School Recipe
DAD
: Get some pepto-bismol from CVS & some soups of your choice. Mom made soft rice & steamed neocolonialism.
DAD
: Broccoli
Dr. Gul
DAD
: dont forget you have the dentist next week
ME
: ok
DAD
: hes new, his name is Dr. Gul
DAD
: Dr Gul
DAD
: Dr Gul
DAD
: Dr GUL
DAD
: Gul
ME
: OK I KNOW
HIS NAME
Intercepted
ME
: Dad, can you send me your credit card number so i can put more money onto my food account?
DAD
: Will call. Dont want to get intercepted.
That Helps
MOM
: You left your phone on the counter!!!!!!
Texting?
DAD
: Is this a text?
ME
: No its an email
DAD
: but I sent it from my cellphone...
Lauren:
At first Marti Schmidt Kaelin struggled with texting. The very first texts on the website (see “The Origin Story,” page 1) reflect the frequent misspellings and grammatical challenges that she faced in those early days—
Doyle
not
Boyle
(see
page 20
).
Now Marti falls into a new stratum of texter: Master Class (see “
Mobile Mouse
”).
Marti has embraced her Internet celebrity and taken the challenge to perfect her craft seriously. She now corrects misspellings and insists on the relevancy of the new format. “It’s the perfect way to get in touch with your children.”
The other day, Marti tried to teach my father how to text.
“Click on Messages, Mark, then just type. You can even insert a picture. It’s easy.”
Oh, how far Marti—and the parents in these texts— have come.
Blam!
DAD
: By the way, my new nickname is fre$h money Mike. or F’dub. The reason I use the ke$ha thing is two fold: it’s a money symbol but also because… wait for it….” the party don’t start ‘till I walk in.” Blam!
Ready
MOM
: my phone has texting now!
ME
: welcome to 2011. :)
MOM
: my glasses are ready at hand
Happy Uterus
MOM
: how do you feel?
ME
: awful. my uterus hates me.
MOM
: but your not pregnant so it doesnt hate you this month
MOM
: (\:D/) <— happy uterus
Midterm Angel
ME
: Wish me luck! About to take my midterm!
MOM
: )8(
MOM
: I sent an angel to watch over you!
:-)3
MOM
: :-)3 Dimple chin man
Bowtie Man
MOM
: Can you please call me when you need to be picked up! Don’t do anything stupid! :-)8
ME
: What is that emoticon?
MOM
: bowtie man! He doesn’t do anything stupid*
*“Bowtie Man” was submitted anonymously, and it is still one of the funniest texts to date. When we doubt the longevity of our website, or its hilarity, there is always Bowtie Man. He doesn’t do anything stupid.
Money
ME
: Hey mom can you transfer some money over for me
MOM
: Does it look like I have ...(_$_)
ME
: What is that supposed to be?
MOM
: Does it look like I have money coming out of my ass?!
Missing Persons Report
MOM
: Amber Alert! Missing 22 yr old. Brown hair blue eyes 5’3” app 116 lbs. Last seen with boyfriend. Believed he took her to his residence. If you find her send her home. Her mother misses her. $10.00 reward.