Where I Found You (39 page)

Judith pulled her mobile out of her pocket. ‘No messages and no missed calls.’

‘Try James again.’ The tremor in her voice was an aftershock from the contraction that had exacerbated her sense of abandonment.

‘It’s ringing.’

‘Yes, I know,’ Maggie said with a quivering smile. Tears sprang to her eyes as she heard the distinctive ringtone from James’s phone echoing along the corridor outside. She strained her ears and thought she heard him apologise to someone for using the mobile, presumably their busybody midwife.

The door was flung open. ‘I’m sorry,’ James said. He sounded out of breath as he rushed to her side. ‘How the hell did this happen?’

Maggie reached towards him, seeking out the warmth and firmness of his forearm. The sense of relief was palpable as she ran her hand up towards his shoulder, her fingers tracing the thickness of his neck and the square of his jaw before she cupped his face in her hand. Her breathing was shallow and she could feel the next contraction beginning to build and the fear of its arrival made her stomach churn. She still hadn’t spoken, choosing instead to let her fingers do the talking. She took her hand from his face, slowly pulling away, sensing the distance between her fingertips and the warmth of his skin. Four inches, six, ten. She could feel the sterile hospital air filling the space between them and then, without warning, she brought her hand deftly back towards his face with almost as much force as the contraction that wrapped itself around her.

‘Ow! What was that for?’

The reply was more of a groan, muffled by the gas-and-air mouthpiece she was biting down on. In her throes of agony, Maggie had forgotten how to suck in the air from the tube and then out through her mouth. ‘I keep blowing when I should be sucking,’ she cried.

James had the temerity to laugh and even Judith let a chuckle escape. Maggie’s free arm flailed out to hit her husband again but James sidestepped the blow and Maggie only managed to grab hold of his T-shirt.

‘I’m getting the feeling you don’t want me here,’ he said, still laughing.

Maggie drew one last, long breath of gas and air as the pain eased. Still on her drug-induced high, she drew James closer as she slowly regained her speech if not her composure. ‘You idiot! I needed you and all you could do was ignore my calls. I can’t believe I was forced to send Ted on a fool’s errand because the fool in question was too stubborn and hard-headed to give in and speak to his mother. Judith did something stupid and she realises that now. But she’s been amazing today. She’s believed in me and stood by me through a pretty harrowing morning and if that’s a taste of how supportive she can be then I want her in my life! Now, do you have a problem with that?’

‘I wouldn’t dare,’ James said. ‘I’m sorry.’

‘Don’t apologise to me, apologise to your mother!’ Maggie screamed between gritted teeth.

The door opened again. ‘I don’t know about your blood pressure but mine’s shot through the roof!’

Mel had arrived but there was no time to relax and Maggie steeled herself for the next contraction. ‘I think I want to push,’ she groaned.

‘So do what your body is telling you.’

‘But it’s too soon!’ It was two weeks too soon to be precise and a part of her was willing to endure any pain to keep her baby safe.

‘The baby’s vital signs are looking strong and your blood pressure is actually lower now than it’s been for weeks. The doctor has already told you you’re both doing fine, hasn’t she?’

Maggie could only nod as she gave into the urge to bear down.

‘Then it’s time.’

Maggie breathed in deeply and slowly. The air carried a damp, metallic taste and the odours that filled her senses were both alien and familiar, as if the newborn placed on her chest was still a part of her. Her body continued to tremble from her exertions but the pain had vanished into the ether to be replaced by pure elation at the sound of her baby’s first cries. She wrapped him in her arms and gently let her fingers search out the precious contours of his skin, all damp wrinkles and wriggling fingers and toes. ‘He’s beautiful,’ she said.

James sniffed. ‘Yes.’

Maggie turned her face towards her husband and he kissed her gently on the lips and then the top of his son’s head.

‘Another boy! I am going to be outnumbered, aren’t I?’

‘We can try for a girl next time.’

Maggie laughed softly. ‘Let me catch my breath first.’

She held on to Aiden for as long as she could, which wasn’t long at all, but she didn’t object when Mel took him from her. She knew she would be getting him back.

Maggie had been running on pure adrenalin for the last couple of days and the relief that washed over her brought with it a heavy wave of fatigue but she wouldn’t give in, not until she knew her baby was safe and well.

‘Five pounds ten ounces and a pair of lungs that will keep you awake for the next two years at least. The doctor’s on her way to check him over but if you want my assessment then I think you have one sturdy little man here,’ Mel announced.

‘Takes after his dad,’ Maggie said with a woozy smile.

It was only as she was nodding off that she remembered Judith. She had remained in the room the whole time and Maggie wanted to encourage her out of the shadows but she was too tired to fight the pull of sleep. Her concern for Judith chased her through her dreams and half an hour later, when Maggie raised herself back into consciousness, she was relieved to hear Judith’s voice amongst the hushed whispers.

‘I panicked,’ Judith was saying. ‘I thought you were throwing your life away and it was my fault because I’d convinced you not to go to Portsmouth.’

‘I wasn’t throwing my life away. If anything, Maggie gave me something to live for. She has given me a sense of completeness that I’ve never experienced before, not even with Carolyn, not even close.’

‘You’re lucky to have her, I can see that now.’

‘So can I, Mum,’ James said. It was a warning. ‘I didn’t realise until recently exactly how much at risk our marriage was and the blame was all mine. I kept my feelings to myself. I thought that in time you would realise how much I loved her: that my actions spoke louder than words, but you weren’t listening. We were both responsible for Maggie being left isolated. I ignored the problem, and I ignored her pain. I’m supposed to be the strong one, strong enough to protect my wife and family, but I didn’t even have the courage to stand up and tell you, of all people, how I felt.’

‘And now?’

‘There’s nothing I wouldn’t sacrifice for my wife or my kids.’

‘Including me?’ Judith asked in the barest whisper, afraid to speak but even more afraid of the answer.

‘I’m sorry, Mum, but I can’t let you back into our lives if there’s even the slightest chance that it would put a strain on my marriage. You and Maggie are too alike. You both expect to get your own way and you each have your own ways of making that happen.’

‘Manipulative, you mean?’ Maggie joined the conversation. She sat up in bed and rubbed the sleep from her eyes. Her ears strained for the sounds of life in the room. To her immediate left, she could hear Aiden’s soft breaths and when she stretched out an arm, she found the hard plastic surface of a hospital crib. ‘Is he OK?’

There was the scrape of a chair on the far side of the room as James hurried over to her. ‘They were going to put him in an incubator but he’s doing so well they’ve said he can stay with us. How are you feeling?’

Maggie smiled as she counted her blessings. ‘Surprisingly well. Now, what’s this about me being manipulative?’

‘I think that was your word, not mine,’ James said. ‘Are you going to hit me again?’

The offending hand rushed to Maggie’s mouth rather than James’s cheek. ‘I’d forgotten about that. I’m sorry, James.’

‘I’ll forgive you if you can forgive me for not answering your phone calls.’

‘You’re forgiven – but the jury’s still out on whether you’re an idiot or not.’

James didn’t take the bait. ‘Mel said they need to move you to the ward soon. Even though Aiden’s arrived earlier than we expected, everything is going to plan and she’s said you should be able to go home in the next day or two as long as he’s feeding OK and you’re feeling confident enough.’

‘I’m not sure I ever will be,’ Maggie said. Her voice quivered. ‘The theory was daunting enough but this is such a huge responsibility. I don’t think I can do this on my own. I’m going to need all the support I can get.’ She bit her lip nervously.

‘I’m not daft,’ James warned. ‘And I’m not falling for the weak and feeble act.’

‘I don’t know what you mean,’ she answered curtly.

James sighed. ‘I give in,’ he said. ‘But I’m warning the two of you now: I expect you both to behave impeccably or you’ll have me to answer to.’

‘Thank you, James,’ Maggie said. Her face actually felt warm as she basked in a self-made glow of smugness. She had brought one problem to a satisfactory conclusion.

Another chair scraped across the floor and tentative steps drew closer. ‘I promise you that I’ll be making up for lost time and you’ll have nothing to worry about, James. We’re already quite a team, aren’t we, Maggie?’

It was then that a shadow passed across Maggie’s thoughts. ‘Have you been in touch with everyone yet?’

‘I’ve spoken to your dad and Dot’s trying to change their flights. I’ve texted everyone else,’ James said.

‘Any replies?’

‘Tons of them. Jenny is going to come in to see you later.’

‘Did you tell Ted?’

‘Of course I did. He and Elsie send their love.’

‘Has he forgiven me for sending him out looking for you?’

‘He said he hasn’t had that much excitement for years.’

‘Have you told Harvey yet?’ she asked with a trembling smile that threatened to send the tears spilling down her cheeks.

‘I thought we might do that together.’

There was still one crucial name that had yet to be mentioned. ‘Have you heard from Kathy?’ she asked, directing her question to Judith.

‘James sent her a text and I tried phoning but no answer.’

Maggie turned back to James. ‘No reply to the text?’

‘Not yet.’

Back to Judith. ‘Have you told him?’

‘No, I thought you might want to do the explaining.’

‘Yes, I suppose it is all down to me.’ Maggie was biting her lip again, although there was no acting involved this time and it did little to steady her nerves. ‘I’ve done something that’s going to turn Kathy’s world upside down and I don’t know who she’ll think has betrayed her most, me or her mum.’

28

Maggie left hospital two days after the birth and her return home had been an emotional one. Her first task had been to introduce her son to the second most important member of their household. Harvey, excited at the return of his mistress, had calmed immediately when the baby carrier was placed in front of him. His tail swished across the floor as he leant forward and gently touched Aiden’s cheek with the tip of his nose and breathed him in. He was the only one to keep his composure: even James had struggled to hold back the tears, and he didn’t have raging hormones as an excuse.

Maggie’s moods went from one extreme to the other. With her baby cradled in her arms, sleeping or feeding, she was blissfully happy; without him, she was desolate and if he cried, then the pain she felt was unbearable. His cries carried echoes of another baby and another time and she couldn’t help but imagine what it would be like to have him wrenched from her arms and not be allowed to comfort him. It was little consolation when she reminded herself that the baby whose cries tormented her, the little girl born to Elsa, now had a voice of her own.

It was Saturday morning and five days had passed since she had opened Pandora’s Box. Although there had been plenty of visitors to see the new arrival, Kathy hadn’t been one of them and Maggie’s guilty conscience had so far stopped her from making the first move. Judith had no such reservations but even her direct approach had proved inconclusive.

‘Has Anne told her? I mean, has she told her everything?’

Judith sighed down the phone line. ‘I’m sorry, Maggie, it was like getting blood out of a stone. As soon as I mentioned going to see her mum with you she couldn’t wait to cut the conversation short. Apparently she’s still in the middle of the house move and there was an emergency she had to attend to there and then.’

Maggie was in the kitchen. Her mouth was parched but she couldn’t stomach the orange juice she had just poured for herself. She felt drained as she rested her head on the refrigerator door. ‘It’s the not knowing that’s driving me mad.’

‘Maggie, the fact that Kathy is refusing to talk to either of us speaks volumes. She
knows
.’

A wet nose prodded her leg and Maggie rubbed Harvey’s head in response. ‘She must be absolutely furious with me.’

She could almost hear Judith’s mind turning as she tried to think of something reassuring to say. ‘Yes, probably,’ she said, ‘but she’s mad at me too and she can’t ignore both of us forever. Don’t worry; it’ll sort itself out eventually. Now tell me, how is my little love?’

‘He’s as beautiful as ever. James is in the living room with him now, and I think he’s just got him to sleep. I’ve only just fed him and I have to say this breastfeeding lark is thirsty business.’

‘So make yourself a drink while you’ve got the chance.’

‘I’m already on the case,’ Maggie said. She felt mothered and allowed herself a brief smile before sipping her drink. Next she launched into a lengthy description of every amazing little thing Judith’s new grandson had done in the sixteen hours since her last update. Without warning, Harvey chuffed lightly and scampered out of the kitchen.

‘I think I might have a visitor,’ she said and a second later there was a knock at the door. ‘I’d better go before whoever it is wakes up Aiden.’

Maggie tried not to build up her hopes as she pulled open the front door – they had been dashed too many times already, and her unwitting guests didn’t deserve her disappointment. It wasn’t their fault that they weren’t Kathy.

The rush of cold air was filled with the unmistakeable scent of lilacs. The smile on her face was only half formed as doubt crept in. These were fresh flowers.