Who Are You Meant to Be? (29 page)

Planning and Setting Goals

Artists need to recognize when paying attention to their emotions is interfering with setting and achieving their goals. They also need to break the habit of waiting until they are in the right mood to do something. By facing unpleasant tasks, they become more disciplined and less likely to be pulled off course. They easily recognize when their feelings are calling for attention and can delay responding to them.

Practicing Self-Care

Taking care of their physical bodies by cultivating a disciplined approach to exercise helps Artists build self-esteem and confidence. Body-based activities such as yoga, Pilates, tai chi, walking, or jogging can be very helpful for staying in touch with reality. Practicing mindfulness can also help Artists develop the ability to observe emotions rather than focusing on and giving in to them.

Developing Objective Reasoning

Artists do well when they learn to seek objective and impartial feedback to help them accurately assess the difference between feelings and facts. They need to separate emotional reactions (e.g., anger at a partner’s failure to do something for them) and the feeling judgments (e.g., “She doesn’t care about me”) that often go with them.

Seeking Help

Seeking counseling or therapy—for example, cognitive behavioral therapy—can help Artists see patterns of thinking that lead them to feel anxious or depressed and weaken their self-esteem. They need to talk to a trusted friend or colleague to get a more realistic view of themselves.

Developing an Observing Self

By observing their thoughts and feelings, Artists come to see how dysfunctional it is to complain about what they don’t have as a way of trying to get someone to take care of them, to feel their pain, or to deeply empathize with their struggle. When they stop relying on the sympathy of others as a vehicle for getting help, and stop wearing people down with their complaining and helplessness, they will create relationships based on real give-and-take, and not just raw emotion.

Just Doing It

Artists need to catch themselves when they are getting stuck expending energy on ruminating or second-guessing themselves. They stop thinking about what they need to get done and become obsessed with figuring out why they can’t just do it. Having supportive friends that tell them that they are spending too much time complaining about themselves often allows them to shift to action and refocus their energy.

Achieving Their Full Potential

It is the “art of living” that is the Artist’s true calling. Artists’ art capitalizes on the freedom of expression that can create harmony out of disharmony, order out of chaos, joy from tears, and beauty from seemingly random materials. They create their lives as much as they live them. The Artist is a Striving Style with the potential for authentic and creative expression and nurturing of everything and everyone the Artist cares about. These individuals dominate the fields of creative arts, personal service, teaching, and counseling. They hold politicians accountable by insisting on a more holistic approach to government, and this insistence comes from the rock-solid value they place on human life and beauty. When they can hold their values and integrate them with mainstream society, their lives become true works of art.

C
HAPTER
T
WELVE

THE ADVENTURER—STRIVING TO BE SPONTANEOUS

Lookin’ for adventure

And whatever comes our way.

—“Born to Be Wild” Mars Bonfire

W
E KNOW WHEN WE
are in the presence of an Adventurer because the energy in the room increases and the fun begins. Adventurers’ enthusiasm and excitement are contagious, and they easily entertain others with story after amusing story. Adventurers are action oriented and make things happen for themselves and others around them. They have an attractive, friendly style and a talent for making even the most mundane events seem exciting. They live for the enjoyment of the moment and work hard to ensure that the moment is never boring.

Adventurers are driven by a need to be spontaneous. With apparent fearlessness, they tread where others dare not go. They may bounce from bungee jumping to foreign travel to tribal drumming classes, just to stay active. Brimming with enthusiasm and excitement, they always have a quality of restlessness about them. They like to “fly by the seat of their pants,” often conjuring excitement in an ordinary day, if only to keep things stimulating. They seem to know that despite any trouble they get themselves into, they can easily charm or scheme their way out of it. These abilities make them good at both entrepreneurial enterprises and negotiations.

Often ambitious and competitive, Adventurers are always up for a game of something, or they will turn whatever they are doing into a competition. They enjoying winning and one-upping their friends and colleagues just for the pleasure of beating them. They may argue purely for the fun and excitement of it and turn the simplest conversations into sparring matches. They enjoy the sense of camaraderie that sports and working on a team create as it meets their social needs as well. Their popularity and ambition often help them find their way into roles in management positions that don’t always meet their need to be spontaneous. They will take the challenge of throwing their hat in the ring and when they win, they really don’t want the prize.

Larry was not prepared for the amount of bureaucracy and planning that the job of captain of his fire station required. When he had first been approached to apply for the position, he was told that he would have the opportunity to make changes for the good of the fire station and to influence his superiors on behalf of his team. It wasn’t too long before he realized that his decision to take the job was impulsive, that he hadn’t really listened when he was told about the administrative, repetitive, and time-sensitive aspects. In addition, he was now management and had to deal with a very adversarial union that put him at odds with the men and women he considered both his friends and colleagues.

After two months in the role, Larry found himself becoming more and more resentful about being told how to work, what to do, and when to do it. He found the chain of command oppressive and would frequently leave his office to chat or play cards with his former peers. His superiors were shocked when Larry made them look bad by failing to follow through on several commitments and not letting them know that he wasn’t going to do so. Instead of working, he spent time planning to leave his job and undertake an expedition to climb Mt. Kilimanjaro. Everyone was angry and frustrated but couldn’t put their finger on what the problem was.

Larry’s direct superior brought me in for a joint coaching session to try to help Larry before he self-destructed. We spoke at length about the need satisfiers and dissatisfiers of the Adventurer, and Larry quickly realized what the issue was. Larry admitted that the job was not giving him any satisfaction and that he saw no other way of resolving this issue but getting out. We began exploring options for positions that would allow Larry to avoid being demoted and also leverage his leadership and crisis management skills. As a result, Larry continued in the captain’s role for another six weeks, until the job as the head of a crisis unit became available. He still plans to do the climb but is no longer obsessed with using it as an escape hatch from his life.

Spontaneous and flexible, Adventurers are great when it comes to dealing with whatever the world might throw their way. No matter what the situation or how bad it is, they always seem to land on their feet, even when the odds are against them. They enjoy life and are rarely caught up in others’ drama, but neither are they critical of drama when it occurs. These confident individuals often like to think of themselves as “players.” Whether male or female, and regardless of the forum (social, political, business, show business), Adventurers like to be in the heart of the game and where the action is. Like Jerry Maguire before his crisis of conscience in the movie of the same name, they seek the thrill of the win, regardless of the cost to others.

What Makes Adventurers Tick?

Adventurers don’t just tiptoe to the edge of life; they dive in head-first. They thrive on experiencing sensations and are energized by doing things that stimulate them. They live mainly from their left emotional brain—the part responsible for producing and reproducing familiar sensations—and reexperiencing these sensations helps them maintain emotional security. In other words, the Adventurer’s goal is to feel on a physical level what he or she has felt before, whether pleasant or unpleasant, right or wrong, good or bad, useful or not useful. Adventurers don’t think about the emotions that may be evoked by the chosen activity. They look at what they are doing in relation to what they have done before, and they re-create experiences, often attempting to increase or prolong the intensity.

Adventurers tend to do things in a structured, mechanical, detailed, and sequential way, although this might not be apparent to others. Because they’re always looking for experiences that excite and stimulate their senses, they can appear to be simply reacting. However, their emotional security comes from the ability and freedom to take action in response to their environment. They prefer to engage in activities where they have some experience because the sensations will be predictable. They make tremendous athletes, gymnasts, and dancers because they don’t mind practicing the same thing again and again for hours—after all, the goal is to keep those familiar sensations coming. Consider ballet dancers, who in the course of their careers will spend thousands of hours performing the same set of warm-up exercises at the barre.

An art exhibit that featured Degas’s paintings of ballet dancers included an actual ballet barre as part of the installation. One dancer who visited the exhibit couldn’t help but hike a leg up and give it a stretch on the barre. Her explanation: “You can’t just walk past it. I see a ballet barre and I just have to do something. [It’s] kind of an addiction.”

The left brain produces sensations, not feelings. As a result, Adventurers don’t see the point of spending time feeling emotions and especially not talking about them. Like Houdini, they are escape artists when it comes to dealing with interpersonal conflict, and they can also be very uncomfortable when they are asked to express their emotions. If someone tries to get them to talk about their feelings or expresses upset with them, they want out. They don’t know what to do and feel backed into a corner. Adventurers will cut and run when they feel they are out of options and don’t know what the other person wants them to do. When someone gets upset with them, Adventurers may not even stay around long enough to find out why. They are just as likely as not to drop that person from their large roster of friends and move on.

The Adventurer is a thrill seeker who is always trying to turn up the “volume” on the intensity of what he or she is experiencing. Having to follow routines with no relief from the monotony of the activity is a huge challenge for Adventurers. When others are quiet, Adventurers want to shout at the top of their lungs, just to see what will happen. They have great difficulty when others try to curb their enthusiasm or expect them to conform to social norms. They often find that living with others becomes too complex with unwanted obligations and personal entanglements. When this happens, Adventurers can become rebellious, both actively and passively resisting all attempts to restrict their actions.

The widder’s good to me, and friendly; but I can’t stand them ways. She makes me get up just at the same time every morning; she makes me wash, they comb me all to thunder; she won’t let me sleep in the woodshed; I got to wear them blamed clothes that just smothers me, Tom; they don’t seem to let any air git through ’em, somehow; and they’re so rotten nice that I can’t set down, nor lay down, nor roll around anywher’s; I hain’t slid on a cellar-door for—well, it ’pears to be years; I got to go to church and sweat and sweat—I hate them ornery sermons! I can’t ketch a fly in there, I can’t chaw. I got to wear shoes all Sunday. The widder eats by a bell; she goes to bed by a bell; she gits up by a bell—everything’s so awful reg’lar a body can’t stand it.

—Huckleberry Finn, from
The Adventures of Tom Sawyer

The Relationship Style of the Adventurer

Fun and excitement are always prominent features in relationships with Adventurers, and they make great friends and playmates. If you are looking for an exciting time on the town, your Adventurer friend is the person to call. With their joie de vivre, they are game to do or try anything that you suggest, as long as the energy keeps moving. Adventurers are positive, optimistic people with an undefeatable can-do attitude. They make supportive and encouraging friends and mates who believe that you can do anything you want to do. They accentuate the positive in people and situations, and for them the glass is always half full. They’re the friend you call when you’ve just broken up with someone and want to lighten up or be distracted. They’ll keep you entertained with stories and jokes until your sides are splitting. Adventurers give freely of themselves to their friends, adding fun, laughter, and unpredictability to the lives of everyone around them. Laughter follows Adventurers, as they have an endless supply of amusing anecdotes.

Although they are acquainted with many people and are generally very popular, Adventurers do not always have deep, committed relationships, as they like to keep their options open. They will do anything for their friends, often putting their families’ needs second. They will also form conditional relationships based on what they are doing and what they can get out of it. Like politicians, they are always negotiating with others for the best possible deal for themselves. When used effectively, their talent for negotiating can be useful for creating win-win situations for everyone. However, they are just as likely to use this talent to get themselves out of sticky situations. They will charm their way out of trouble by making up stories or being so outrageous that you succumb to their charm. Consider Puss in Boots as he tries to worm his way out of a difficult situation in the movie
Shrek
: