You Are My Sunshine: A Novel Of The Holocaust (All My Love Detrick Companion Novel) (27 page)

Manfred walked into his house
to find his mother in law and his wife huddled together waiting for him, the baby-sat on a blanket in the middle of the floor playing with a stuffed rabbit. As soon as he put his briefcase on the dining room table Christa ran to him. She threw her arms around him.

“Have you heard any news about Papa?”

He stood staring at her, his arms at his side. “I told you, we won’t hear anything about your father. He is dead to us.”

“Manfred, please, you have so many friends, you must do something to help him
. I’m begging you.”

“Christa, I can’t help him. And
furthermore, now we are all in trouble. I will be lucky if I can save the three of us. Your father was selfish and inconsiderate. What he did has put our entire family in jeopardy” Manfred’s voice harsh and unforgiving.

Katja
began to cry.  Mrs. Henkener reached down lifted the child into her arms. Still Katja cried.

“Manfred, you mean to say that we will never see Thomas again.”
Mrs. Henkener asked.

“Yes, that is exactly what I am telling you.”

“Oh God, my husband,” Heidi Henkener got up from the sofa and handed the baby to her daughter. She walked towards he son in law, her arms outstretched and pleading. “Manfred is there nothing at all…”

“N
o, there is nothing to be done. I’m sorry.” He said and walked into his bedroom. Then he sat down on the bed and put his head in his hands squeezing his temples forcefully as he listened to the weeping coming from the living room.

Chapter
46

For over an hour past curfew, Zofia walked the forbidden streets.  Dovid’s love for her would destroy him and all because of Koppels jealousy. Her feelings for Dovid were not love, but he was a good friend, and she could not help but be touched by his gentle soul. In fact, she might have married him. It amazed her that he loved her as much as he did. And now it broke her heart to know that, he sat imprisoned on a train on the way to some horrific destination and all because he’d given her his heart and soul. She felt physically ill.  And because of Dovids fragile nature, it was doubtful that he could endure what awaited him. She was angry at Koppel so angry she could kill him, angry at herself, angry at the world. Helpless, she wrapped her arms around herself, and looked up at the sky. IF only she could do something to save Dovid. But what? She wished she could go to Koppel and, plunge a knife deep into his chest. A shiver ran down her spine and she trembled. What had she become? A murder?

At least Eidel was safe, far away from the Ghetto. Thank God for Helen for taking her, and for Karl Abdenstern for getting her out.
At least her child would know peace, even if she would not.

To go home and try to rest was futile.
Even though he had the power to destroy her, she must confront Koppel.

The cold air rushed at her as she ran to the building where Koppel lived. Her cheeks stained with tears, her face wind burned, and her nose running from the chill.

Koppel answered the door to his apartment in his undershorts and white undershirt. With his disheveled hair, it appeared as if he’d been asleep.

“To what do I owe this
pleasure?” He said half smiling.

Z
ofia burst through the door. “What did you do?”

“Hold on a minute, you little spit fire. What do you mean what did I do?”
His mood instantly changed.

“You know what I mean. Where is Dovid?”

“Oh your boyfriend?” He said closing the door behind her and sitting down on a chair. “You mean the one who you were unfaithful to me with? You little ingrate, I got rid of him”

“Koppel,
did you think we were in a serious relationship, that I was not keeping company with anyone else? Nothing I ever said could have made you believe that. Now just look what you have done, Koppel, you’ve sentenced an innocent man to God only knows what kind of torture.” Her voice cracked as she watched him sitting there unmoved. “But then again, I should have expected as much from a weasel like you. You’re a coward Koppel, nothing but a coward. How can you call yourself a man, when you can so easily sell your own people to save yourself? You disgust me.”

Something she said touched a nerve. He stood
up, grabbed her arm squeezing hard, and jerked her in front of him. Then he pointed his finger right in her face and said “Listen to me, you are lucky I like you, or your sweet little ass would be on the next transport. Don’t push me, Zofia. I’m warning you.”

“And what you do you think, Koppel? Do you think that you’re different
from the rest of us? You’re a Jew, nothing but a Jew. Just like all the rest of us Jews. When the Nazi’s are done with you, you’ll go to the same place your sending all the rest. The only difference is you won’t be able to turn to God for help.”

“There is no God, Z
ofia. Haven’t you realized that yet? Look around you, the starvation, the sickness, the death, and the Jews are supposed to be God’s chosen people, chosen for what? If you consider everything around you, you can’t continue to believe God. You can’t believe in anything but yourself.”

“You’re a cruel and terrible
man Koppel. But you’ll see, you will be cursed. I know it. You will pay for your actions, for your treatment of others.”

“Shut up Z
ofia. Shut up now.” He slammed her against the wall. She hit the side of her face on a shelf and her teeth felt as if they had loosened in her gums.

“Are you afraid my words have a ring
of truth to them?” she said glaring at him.

He looked into her
eyes, which burned with hatred and accusation.

“You test me…you bitch. Get out
of here. Get out right now, and never come back, I never want to see you again.”

He grabbed her arm again and she winced at the pain. Then he opened the door and threw her out into the street.
She fell on the sidewalk skinning her knee and elbow.

“Never come near me again.
You hear me. NEVER!” He slammed the door.

Z
ofia lay on the sidewalk trembling. Her arm and her knee hurt. She reached up and touched her cheek it was tender and aching.  There would be a deep purple bruise by morning.

She got to her feet and realized her stockings tore when she fell. Straightening her
clothes, she began to walk home. Guilt haunted her. If Dovid died, she would never forgive herself. Not that she would ever know. How would she know? People got on those transports, and were never heard from again. Knowing Koppel’s cruel streak and abuse of power, she should have kept her distance from Dovid. Was she so stupid that she did not know it must end this way?

When she got home, Z
ofia was grateful to find Fruma and Gitel asleep. Quietly she cleaned the blood from her injuries then lay down on her cot. Although her body ached with exhaustion, she could not sleep. Her mind continued to race.

It came as no surprise to
Zofia; in fact, she was expecting it, the knock on the door in the middle of the night. The deep voice bellowing, “Gestapo, open the door.”

But what did come as a surprise was that Z
ofia expected they would only come for her. She was wrong. Again, she must shoulder the burden of guilt. Those who loved her would suffer for her harsh words to Koppel. Zofia felt the tears rain down upon her cheeks, but it was not for herself that she cried. Again, she’d brought suffering to those who loved her. Zofia went first. Then she watched Gitel and Fruma as the men pushed them into the back seat of the waiting automobile. Once they were inside the doors locked and the three women sat in silence as the car headed towards the transport station. The dawn broke just as they arrived at the cattle cars. Nazi SS stood around the lines of people; they carried guns pointed and ready to kill. Women holding babies, men bent with age, young and old, male and female, some crying, others stone faced, all just standing, waiting, hoping, praying, and wondering where they were headed.

Z
ofia looked around her sickened at the scene. Two women sat at a table handing out single slices of bread with jam to placate the people as they entered the cattle car. Hordes of those nearly starving waited in line for the food. Then followed like sheep as they were pushed into the closed cattle cars. In the corner sat Koppel, eating and watching. When Zofia’s eyes met his, he smiled and she swore she had come face to face with the devil. Because he’d touched her in that way, her body now repulsed her. Never before had she felt such hatred for another living thing. If she had another night alone with him in his bed, she would wait until he fell asleep, then she would take a kitchen knife and plunge it deep into his black heart.

“Mach Schnell” A guard yelled at Z
ofia causing her to realize she’d been standing and staring. He gave her a shove and she fell forward into the line. Fruma put her hand out and took Zofia into the fold of her arm. Gitel held up on the other side. And the three friends entered the boxcar.

Once the cattle car stood wall to
wall, standing room only, with wretched frightened people, a guard slammed the door obliterating all light. Darkness hovered over them like a shroud. The smell of fear, mingled with vomit filled the air, as the train rattled into motion. A baby wailed in its mothers arm. It’s piercing cries sending shivers through Zofia as she tried not to think of Eidel. For days, the train chugged along the track. The smell of human excrement from a small pail in the corner, overpowered Zofia. It caused many of the prisoners to vomit which only added to the nauseating smells.  Several times Zofia felt as if she might faint. No fresh air entered the stifling hot train car that felt like a casket already buried. Bathed in sweat Zofia leaned against the back wall. She had never been so thirsty, her throat felt sore and gravelly like sandpaper.  How long it had been since they left Warsaw, two days? Three? That was the last time she’d had a sip of water.

After a time the baby
who had been, crying grew silent. Zofia knew it was dead. Thank God, Eidel was not there. At least somewhere, Eidel was safe.

When the sun shone a ray
of light would sometimes trickle through the slats of wood. If she had kept track she would have been able to determine the passing of time, but she did not.  On occasion she fell asleep, and the day passed to night and then to day again. Still the train rambled along noisily on the track to hell.

Finally,
after what seemed like a lifetime the train jolted to a halt. Thrown forward the passengers fell upon each other, as their hearts trembled with the terror of what might be waiting outside the door.

From inside Z
ofia could hear the Nazi guards yelling and commanding as they opened each train car.

“You, to the lef
t, you to the right,” She heard, but she had no idea what it meant. Left ? Right?

Then
came a loud clanging as the lock released and the train door opened. After so many days in darkness, the light hurt Zofia’s eyes. Her limbs felt numb from lack of movement. She stood paralyzed, dizzy, looking around her.

She never saw the guard as he came up behind her hitting her ac
ross the back with a club.

“Move, Schnell. Get in line.”

The pain shot through her, as she fell forward. He raised the club to strike her again and she quickly got into the line. Fruma came up behind her with Gitel.

“MY God, there you are. We’ve been looking everywhere for you. I was frantic.”

“I’m sorry. I was…”

“Shut up, Juden. No talking” A guard said

“Left, Right, Left, Right.” A tall white haired man directed the prisoners.

“What does this mean? Some go left others right?” Z
ofia asked no one in particular.

“It means that some live and some die.” A
middle-aged woman with a red rash on her face answered. “Look like you are strong and like you can work. If they think you are, too weak to work they will send you directly to the gas chambers. You see that line. They tell everyone in the line that they must take a shower.  That line leads to the shower. It is a big massive room. Everyone is forced to go in at once. Then just as you think they are going to turn on the water, water isn’t what comes out. It’s gas. And everyone that is inside is murdered.”

Z
ofia looked at Fruma and Gitel. Both were pale.

“
Where did you hear such a thing? Would they really kill us, just like that?” Fruma asked.

Z
ofia found it hard to believe.

“Don’t ask questions. I heard it in the
ghetto from someone who escaped this place. For now, just look strong look healthy. Your life depends upon it.”

“Shut up, I told you. Keep moving.” The guard said as he cracked the club across the
middle-aged woman’s shoulder. She winced, then silence.

“Right” He said to Gitel

“Right” He said to Zofia

“Left” He said t
o Fruma.

“N
o!” Gitel yelled, “No!, we must stay together.” She grabbed Fruma’s arm and held on to it.  “Please, have mercy.” Gitel said to the guard. The guard clubbed her elbow and her hand released. Another SS officer pushed Fruma forward into the line to the left. “I can’t let her go, not all alone. We lived together it’s only right we should go to where ever this line leads together.  Goodbye, Zofia. If it is that my Fruma must die, then I too must die.” Gitel said and she ran after Fruma taking her hand. Zofia watched as they were forced at gunpoint to stay in the line to the left. “Fruma…Gitel” Zofia shouted as loud as she could.  Then, Zofia felt a deep jab in her ribs, clutching her stomach, she leaned forward in pain, only to look up and see the pressed black uniform of an SS officer. Tears stung her eyes. She wanted to lie on the ground and weep. Fruma, Gitel…she cried out like an animal that had been shot by a hunter and left to die in pain. She wanted to run after them to end all of this misery, but she must not. Someday she would leave this place and go home to Eidel. For Eidel she must fight to live. The line to the left moved quickly and within minutes, Zofia lost sight of her friends. “I am alone.” She thought.  None of the women that stood in the line with Zofia were elderly or carried babies. The men were all of working age, no children. Those had all been filtered out. Only the young and strong remained. The others moved in the line headed quickly towards extermination. A young girl with fiery curls that flowed down her back became gripped by panic. She began screaming and ran out of the line heading full force towards the barbed wire.