Read ZOMBIES!!! The Best Weapons for Obliterating Zombies in the Apocalypse Online
Authors: Zombie Slayer
Tags: #Zombies
ZOMBIES!!! The Best Weapons for Obliterating Zombies in the Apocalypse (6 page)
While a police baton might seem like a good idea since they were expressly designed for violence, the heft and design make this an inadequate zombie killer, especially when trying to crush the skull with one. This would be something to help get out of a room or make your escape, but it is ineffective for the
coup de grace
.
Billy clubs, which are the earlier version of the police baton, would be an excellent replacement if you could get your hands on one. Another version, the tonfa, is similar to the Billy club and would make an excellent replacement. However, both these items are scarce, and you should not rely on finding one.
Baseball bats (both wooden and metal), certain golf clubs, and cricket bats (for the UK consumer) can all make excellent bludgeoning weapons. If you have one of these around, consider keeping it with you as a backup for other less reliable forms of weapons. However, since head crushing was not built into the designs, you should take care when deciding which to use.
Baseball bats can be an excellent choice. Generally, metal bats are favored, due to their heft and durability, over wooden bats. In a pinch, however, and with some other hardware goods (like long heavy nails), one can easily turn a large wooden bat into a more contemporary mace. Care should be taken when placing the nails as to not strain or split the wood. Nails should not be placed too close together or too far apart. Add too many and you may eventually spilt the bat, making it unusable during a fight. Add too few, and you may as well never have added them at all. Long, thick iron nails are best for this application. Even with the addition of nails, wooden bats have a low heft compared to other bludgeoners, and so a great deal of energy must be employed by the user for each strike to be effective. This would be a weapon of last resort, or a weapon to use, if you only have one zombie and feel confident in your hitting skills and strength.
Golf clubs are another sports related option. Their thin metal shaft and the small area of the club at the bottom make this a hit-or-miss weapon against zombies. With enough force, one could do some damage to the skull, but it would take multiple strikes to seal the deal. There is a reason that you rarely read about one of the living being beaten to death with a golf club—it's simply too hard to do.
Of all the sporting goods bludgeoners, cricket bats (which are a heavier, bulkier baseball bat) are the best choice of the three for smashing a head. Their weight and bulkiness create a good ratio of surface to contact for head smashing. However, they are not as common in the U.S. as in the UK; finding one after the the apocalypse may be hard. If you find yourself with one of these excellent bats, enjoy its nice features. Remember that the wood will eventually wear out or break, no matter how sturdy it is to begin with.
If you are in a pinch, your local hardware store can be a one stop shop for all things bludgeon, as long as it's not overrun by zombies. Even going through someone's garage or toolbox might yield some excellent bludgeoning weapons. Large, heavy wrenches, metal pipes (which can be procured from any abandoned house with a little effort), crow bars, and other home improvement or mechanical tools with durability and heft can be excellent options for the economically prudent, or weapons-bereft, zombie killer.
Crow bars are a long steel cylinder with a kink at one end and flat notched ends for pulling up nails. They get their name from the common crow, whose beak somehow resembles the tool. They are generally made of iron (or titanium in newer models). They are designed to help open doors and boxes or crates. They do so so effectively that they have become almost synonymous with home burglary. They are heavy and sturdy enough to use like a mace, and the hook-like end could definitely go through a skull (though it might get stuck). They are also excellent for abandoned neighborhood scavenging.
Pipes are extremely abundant in the plumbing of any house. Different types of pipes have different levels of usability. PVC pipes are made of plastic and should be avoided. There are several metal types that have varying degrees of usability. The best for the job are lead or steel pipes. Any other metal would not have enough heft to be effective. They do require a great deal of manpower to use with any success rate, so try to find something else to use over these ineffective weapons.
Carpenter's hammers and sledgehammers both can be great head smashers. There are pros and cons to each. The carpenter's hammer is easy to find and really digs into a skull. However, its short handle puts you dangerously close to a zombie. Unless as a last resort, or if attacking a zombie from behind, try to use something with a longer handle. The sledgehammer is like a carpenter's hammer on steroids. It's used in tearing down walls and it is extremely heavy (upwards of 10 pounds). Because of its weight, it is not advised for most users. However, when a head is hit with one of these, watch out! You will definitely want to keep your mouth closed to not swallow any blood or skull bits.
