Read ZOMBIES!!! The Best Weapons for Obliterating Zombies in the Apocalypse Online
Authors: Zombie Slayer
Tags: #Zombies
ZOMBIES!!! The Best Weapons for Obliterating Zombies in the Apocalypse (7 page)
Lug wrenches are often mistakenly referred to as tire irons. The lug wrench has the same shape as a crow bar. However, the non-curved tip contains a wrench head rather than a notched, flat one. It can be used similarly to a crow bar, and it is an effective weapon against zombies. The crossed arm lug wrench (or "spider" lug wrench) is not an effective substitute for the original. Its four arms would be an unwieldy and inefficient weapon.
Though chainsaws seem like a good option when confronting zombies, they tend to be too inefficient to do the job. They also run on gas which may or may not be available. Because they are a moving machine, they become harder for the individual user to control when fighting zombies. There is also a lot of airborne fluid when using a chainsaw on a zombie. Unless the user is extremely protected, this poses a serious contamination risk. The heft of most chainsaws makes it a heavy, bulky machine to maneuver. The sound can also alert other zombies to your presence. Malfunctions can be fatal, or debilitating, when using one. Parts can break
and fly backward, severing the arm or hand of the user. This is a weapon to only use as a last resort. There are so many better choices out there. If you want the best killing power available, get a mace or a sword.
Since the emergence of man, the spear has been their constant companion. Used since Neolithic times, it was once used to take down mammoth and saber tooth tigers. It was designed to stab a larger animal while also keeping its distance from it. Because zombies are smaller and more agile than a mammoth, this may not be the best weapon for confronting zombies at close range. Nevertheless, it does have some advantages. Originally, spears of Neolithic times had stone heads that were affixed to a long wooden handle with sinew or plant fibers. The long blade had notches at the bottom end to make affixing easier. Later civilizations used more sophisticated equipment. A bevy of metals (bronze, iron, and eventually steel) were used in Greek and Roman military maneuvers. However, the development of the sword, and eventually, the gun, hasted their decline.
They can be effective against zombies if you are looking for a weapon that can damage a zombie while also keeping it several feet away from you. They are too long for close range fighting due to their length (around 8 feet). They are also limited in their movements, as stabbing is the only effective move with a spear. Wounds must be done on specific parts of the head, like the eye sockets or mouth, to be completely effective in killing a zombie. Like many more archaic weapons, this is a weapon that can be made with common materials in a fix. The user might be recommended in keep potential materials to make one, (a thick, straight shaft of wood will do), along with something that could be used as a spear point in case of emergencies.
While one might think the most logical thing to do with a spear is to throw it, this is rarely the best application. Spears are not designed with aerodynamics in mind, so the idea that one would be able to hit an object effectively when thrown is a specious argument. Javelins are intended to be thrown; spears are not. They tend to be ineffective at decapitation, but they can be good for disemboweling a zombie. Boar spears have two wings or lugs of metal than fan out above the top of the diamond-shaped blade. These wings prevent zombies from getting closer by virtue of its impalement on the spear point. Boar spears were used in Germany and Europe to hunt wild boar, a notoriously dangerous animal. No one wanted boars any closer than they needed to be either. Some other versions of the traditional, classic spear which you might consider are a Japanese Yari or a Greek Dory. These metal spearheads are upwards of 24 inches. They tend to be fairly sharp on all of their edges and, with a degree of skill, aiming at and taking off the head can be fairly easy. The Yari's sword-like spearhead (it looks like a sword on a staff) aids in increasing its range of movements, and its sharpness means that it could also potentially slice though a neck. The Dory was used in ancient Greece, but no copies remain contemporarily. Most spears won't be found easily (in the U.S.). You may be able to get replicas or steal one from a museum.
The javelin is the traditional throwing spear, and it is a smaller-scale and lighter-weight version. Historically, some of the first javelin-like weapons were used during Neolithic times. The atlatl is one such example. Javelins and javelin-like weapons were used on both new and old world continents: the Greeks, the Aztecs, and the Zuni all used them frequently in hunting and military pursuits. They are occasionally used contemporarily, but their use is sparse and is often relegated to sport or to undeveloped regions. The weight and balance are most important for a javelin as this determines its maneuverability, aim, and aerodynamics when attempting to hit an object. There are better weapons to kill a zombie with and most contemporary models you would see stateside would be for sports, not for hunting or military pursuits. They are tricky and cumbersome to make, so save your rainy days for something that guarantees protection.
Oh, the pickaxe! The pickaxe is a classic mining tool and it tends to be one of the few items that are always associated with mining in the public consciousness (though there are other applications for the tool besides mining). Generally, it looks like a tapering crescent moon stuck upside-down on a thick, wooden staff. One side of the half moon is thin and flat, and the other side is round and pointed. While long in use, most contemporary mining uses mechanical diggers or set explosive charges over the pickaxe. They tend to be fairly heavy, and are less common contemporarily than historically, so the chance of getting this gem is limited. Hardware stores may carry them. If you do find one of these excellent weapons, enjoy its wonderful crushing and ratcheting abilities! (If you do obtain one, please refrain from singing
heigh-ho heigh-ho, it's off to work we go
while bludgeoning zombies. Zombies can't think like we can think, but I don't have to tell you what bad manners that is.)
obtain weapon. They can be found at most hardware stores or at most fireman stations. Some families keep fire axes in their homes as a matter of precaution, but this would be an unlikely find in any garage or basement. Hatchets are a smaller version of a fire axe, and they are usually used to cut brush or firewood. They tend to be available in a variety of stores and homes, but they are simply too small or too light to be an effective zombie killer unless attacking a tiny, slow-moving zombie midget. You might keep a couple around the armored compound to use as tools for building or for wood-based crafts.
A bearded axe is similar to a fire axe in size, but it is very rare and only historical models would be available. On the axe head, the front of the blade draws down like a chin in a long metal bit, and this gives the weapon its name. Historically, it contained a much longer handle than a regular axe. It was used in medieval times and could be an effective bludgeoner due to its weight. This also limits who could successfully wield one, and its relative scarcity makes this an unlikely weapon. If one is obtained, this can readily be used for decapitation or skull crushing. Contemporary versions are similar in shape and size to a hatchet, and their tiny size and light weight would make them ill-advised.