150 Movies You Should See Before You Die (19 page)

Answer: B. Barbara Lord married Dr. Jack Warburton in 1961 and mostly retired from acting. Patrick Warburton is the oldest of her four children.

PRODUCERS
Alexandra Kelly, Andrew Kemler, Jason McHugh (executive producers), Ian Hardin, Jason McHugh, Trey Parker, and Matt Stone (producers)

WRITER
Trey Parker

DIRECTOR
Trey Parker

STARS
Juan Schwartz (
Alferd Packer
), Dian Bachar (
George Noon
), Jason McHugh (
Frank Miller
), Matt Stone (
James Humphries
), Ian Hardin
(Shannon Bell
), Jon Hegel (
Isreal Swan
), Toddy Walters (
Polly Pry
)

The lone survivor of an ill-fated mining expedition (Schwartz) tells how his hunger for gold led him to eat human flesh in this all-singing, all-dancing, all cannibalism musical extravaganza!

Why It Sucks

Yikes! This first feature film by co-creator of
South Park
Trey Parker was definitely a sign of things to come. It's a musical — that's right, a
musical
— about stranded prospectors who resort to cannibalism to survive. It's based on a real-world tragedy, and it's got several catchy tunes that will stick in your head for days after watching it, even if you try to remove them with a fondue fork. As for the “story,” … well, Parker went on to create
South
Park
, where you can see a lot of the same problems on display.

Thumbs Down Rating:

The Crappies

The Worst Director Award goes to …
Trey Parker for making a movie that almost loses its comedic momentum because he couldn't figure out how to end some scenes and pads others.
The Special Recognition for Advancing Minorities in Film Award goes to …
Trey Parker for creating the Nihonjin Indian tribe, which consisted entirely of Japanese actors and extras.

They Really Said It!

Alferd Packer:
Yeah, I hid in Wyoming for a while. I should have let them kill me.

Polly Pry:
Why?

Alferd Packer:
You ever been to Wyoming?

Betcha Didn't Know

The Nihonjin tribe was played by Japanese exchange students attending the University of Colorado at Boulder. The chief of the tribe was played by Masao Maki, a restaurant owner from Boulder, Colorado.

Trey Parker plays Alferd Packer, although he is credited as Juan Schwartz. This is a subtle joke, as Juan Schwartz is a variation of the name Packer lived under while hiding from the law after the cannibal accusations were leveled against him.

Trivia Quiz

What is Alferd Packer known for?

A: Discovering the Grand Canyon

B: Inventing the Spork

C: First person tried and convicted for cannibalism in the United States, and the only convicted cannibal from Colorado

D: Coining the phrase, “It tastes like chicken.”

Answer: C. Alferd Packer was convicted of manslaughter in 1886 and sentenced to forty years in prison. He was paroled in 1901, went to work as a security guard at the
Denver Post
, and died in 1907.

PRODUCER
Roger Corman

WRITERS
Francis Coppola and Jack Hill

DIRECTOR
Francis Coppola

STARS
Luana Anders (
Louise Haloran
), William Campbell (
Richard
Haloran
), Patrick Magee (
Justin Caleb
), Mary Mitchel (
Kane),
Bart Patton (
Billy Haloran
), and Ethne Dunne (
Lady Haloran
)

After her husband dies of a heart attack, Louise (Anders) covers up his death and enacts a scheme to gain the trust of her mentally unstable mother-in-law. Her plan is working well … until a crazed ax murderer shows up.

Why It Sucks

The only reason any serious critic would be found in the same room with this film is because it was made by Francis Ford Coppola while he was a gofer/assistant director for low-budget movie mogul Roger Corman. Sadly, it's mostly a snoozer. Every scene drags its feet before it gets going and hangs around long after the viewer wants to end his or her misery with a shotgun.

Thumbs Down Rating:

The Crappies

The Worst Auteuer Award goes to …
Francis Coppola for creating a movie that was so lame after its second cut that the producer hired a second writer (and ghost director) in an attempt to pump up the excitement.

And the Worst Actress Award goes to …
Ethne Dunne as Lady Haloran for playing a part that needed to have a touch of the sinister but instead turning in a performance that makes Tipper Gore look like Lady Gaga.

They Really Said It!

Kane:
Sometimes I think you see me as a Christmas tree ornament.

Betcha Didn't Know

This was the directorial and scripting debut of Francis Ford Coppola, in a time before he became a sensation so huge that only three names could properly describe him.

The film was shot simultaneously with
The Young Racers
, another Roger Corman production, using many of the same actors, locations, and leftover budget dollars.

Trivia Quiz

What iconic horror character has not been featured in a film produced or directed by Francis Ford Coppola?

A: Dracula

B: Frankenstein's monster

C: The Invisible Man

D: Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde

Answer: C. Coppola directed films about Dracula (1992) and Frankenstein (1994) and was the executive producer of a television version of
Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde
(1999).

PRODUCERS
Robert J. Anderson (executive producer), J. Christian Ingvordson, Steven W. Kaman, and Richard R. Washburn (producers)

WRITERS
J. Christian Ingvordson and Steven Kaman

DIRECTOR
J. Christian Ingvordson

STARS
Rick Washburn (
Rob Greene
), Keith Bogart (
Danny Greene
), Jake LaMotta (
Moe Boone
), and Sandra Bullock (
Lisa Edwards
)