150 Movies You Should See Before You Die (24 page)

This is Steven Seagal's only directorial effort to date.

Trivia Quiz

Which of the following facts about Steven Seagal is
not
true?

A: He owned and operated an aikido dojo in Japan.

B: He is a fully commissioned sheriff's deputy in Louisiana's Jefferson Parish and produced a reality show titled
Steven Seagal: Lawman
that followed his exploits.

C: He has been engaged in a bitter feud with Jackie Chan for nearly twenty years.

D: He won the 1995 Razzie Worst Director Award for
On Deadly Ground
.

Answer: C. By allaccounts, Seagal and Chanare good friends.

PRODUCERS
Bruce Berman, Erik Olsen, and Steve Richards (executive producers), Susan Downey, Herbert W. Gains, Joel Silver, and Robert Zemeckis (producers)

WRITERS
Carey W. Hayes and Chad Hayes

DIRECTOR
Stephen Hopkins

STARS
Hilary Swank (
Katherine Winter
), Idris Elba (
Ben
), David Morrissey (
Doug
), and AnnaSophia Robb (
Loren McConnell
).

Katherine (Swank), a former missionary turned college professor-and-professional-debunker-of-miracles is called to an isolated Louisiana village to provide an explanation for a series of events that seem to be mirroring the Ten Plagues of Egypt. Katherine uncovers signs that something supernatural is indeed happening in the town, and it centers on a twelve-year-old girl (Robb). But is she a savior or a destroyer?

Why It Sucks

The Reaping
comes across as a fairly standard supernatural thriller. There's only so much that can be done with a script as shallow and unemotionally involving as this one. The story turns on Katherine's loss of faith, but at no time do we get close enough to the character to care. The writers weren't up to the subject matter but were too squeamish to go for over-the-top horror. The result is a mess.

Thumbs Down Rating:

The Crappies
The Worst Actress Award goes to …
Hilary Swank for playing an already underdeveloped character in such a disconnected way that the only point of interest is how she fills out her tank tops.

And the Worst Director Award goes to …
Stephen Hopkins for an over-the-top climax when he finally realized he needed to go full-out B horror film on the audience.

They Really Said It!

Maddie
: Are you here for my girl? Are you gonna kill my baby girl?

Katherine
: What? No!

Maddie
: Why not?

Betcha Didn't Know

Film critic Richard Roeper named
The Reaping
as one of the ten worst movies of 2007.

Hilary Swank has won two Best Actress Academy Awards (for
Million Dollar Baby
in 2005 and
Boys Don't Cry
in 1999).

Trivia Quiz

What television series did Hilary Swank have a recurring role in?

A:
Buffy the Vampire Slayer

B:
Beverly Hills 90210

C:
Northern Exposure

D:
The X-Files

Answer: B. Swank appeared in
Beverly Hills 90210
as Carly Reynolds in sixteen episodes, from 1997 to 1998.

Movie producers the world over have a bad habit of taking fiction and “basing” movies on it that ultimately have little to do with the source material. The movies here are not necessarily bad pieces of filmmaking, but as far as adaptations go, they miss the mark in one way or another.

PRODUCER
Uncredited

WRITERS
Edgar G. Ulmer and Peter Ruric (script), Edgar Allan Poe (original story … although how they got
this
from it, I'll never know)

DIRECTOR
Edgar G. Ulmer

STARS
Bela Lugosi (
Dr. Vitus Werdegast
), David Manners (
Peter Alison
), Boris Karloff (
Hjalmar Poelzig
), and Jacqueline Wells (
Joan Alison
)

Honeymooners Peter and Joan Alison (Manners and Wells) are stranded in an isolated house in a Hungarian backwater. Here, they are drawn into the nets of the evil Satanist Hjalmar Poelzig (Karloff) and the revenge plans of his one-time friend Dr. Vitus Werdegast (Lugosi).

Why It Sucks

The Black Cat
is a stylish and creepy movie from the Golden Age of horror at Universal Pictures. That said, it has absolutely nothing to do with Edgar Allen Poe's short story about an insane wife murderer. There aren't even traces of the Poe story. So why even bother to connect it to Poe?

Thumbs Down Rating:

The Crappies

The Worst Script Award goes to …
Edgar G. Ulmer and Peter Ruric for writing an adaptation of
The Black Cat
that has more in common with
The Fall of the House of Usher
.

And the Worst Director Award goes to …
Edgar G. Ulmer for giving the film a cheerful denouement, ruining what could have been one of the creepiest endings in the history of film.

They Really Said It!

Poelzig
: The phone is dead. Do you hear that, Vitus? Even the phone is dead.

Betcha Didn't Know

This was Universal's biggest grossing film in 1934, with a production cost of $96,000 and a domestic box-office take of $236,000.

This was the first screen-pairing of Boris Karloff and Bela Lugosi.

Trivia Quiz

Which star of
The Black Cat
also appeared in Universal's second movie to bear this title?

A: Boris Karloff

B: Bela Lugosi

C: David Manners

D: Jacqueline Wells

Answer: B. Bela Lugosi has a bit-part as a creepy groundskeeper in the 1941 horror-comedy.

PRODUCERS
Charles Band (executive producer) and Brian Yunza (producer)

WRITERS
Brian Yunza and David Paoli (script), H. P. Lovecraft (original short story)

DIRECTOR
Stuart Gordon

STARS
Jeffrey Combs (
Crawford Tillinghast
), Barbara Crampton (
Dr.

Katherine McMichaels
), Ken Foree (
Buford “Bubba” Brownlee
), Ted Sorel (
Dr. Edward Pretorius
), and Carolyn Purdy-Gordon (
Dr. Bloch
)

A pair of physicists (Combs and Sorel) create a machine that causes our dimension to merge with another. They end up unleashing horrors — and sexual perversion — unlike any seen before.

Why It Sucks

The similarity between the movie
From Beyond
and the H. P. Lovecraft story it sprang from ends about ten minutes in. It's a gory, goopy movie that you do
not
want to watch while eating. Not bad in many ways, but it's got very little to do with Lovecraft's fiction.

Thumbs Down Rating:

The Crappies

The Worst Special-Effects Award goes to …
The animators who created the “mystic energy” effects. Even by 1980s low-budget sci-fi standards they were bad.

And the Worst Actress Award goes to …
Carolyn Purdy-Gordon as Dr. Bloch for playing her part while clearly thinking “I wish I were somewhere else.”

They Really Said It!

Crawford Tillinghast
: It ate him! Bit his head off — like a ginger-bread man!

Betcha Didn't Know

This was one of three H. P. Lovecraft — based films that Stuart Gordon directed for companies operated by B movie mogul Charles Band.

Jeremy Combs and Barbara Crampton also star in Gordon's two other Band-produced Lovecraft films.

Trivia Quiz

What famous pop culture location did H. P. Lovecraft create?

A: Springfield

B: Arkham Asylum

C: The Land of Oz

D: Atlantis

Answer: B. Arkham Asylum. Several of Lovecraft's characters end up there or at least visit it. It's located in the fictional Massachusetts town of Arkham.

PRODUCERS
Joseph Janni

WRITERS
Evan Jones (script), Stanley Dubens and Peter O'Donnell (original comic strip)

DIRECTOR
Joseph Losey

STARS
Monica Vitti (
Modesty Blaise
), Terence Stamp (
Willie Garvin
), Clive Revill (
McWhirter/Sheik Abu Tahir
), Dirk Bogarde (
Gabriel
), Harry Andrews (
Sir Gerald Tarrant
), Michael Craig (
Paul Hagan
), and Rosella Falk (
Mrs. Fothergill
)