A Beautiful Struggle (8 page)

Elliot nodded solemnly and then laughed at
himself, “I’m sorry; I just don’t know how to do this.”

“Do what?  Talk nicely to a girl twice in
one day? Or behave like a person at work?”

“Both I guess, you know what’s at risk
here,” he said quietly.

“Then why are you even standing here?” I
asked him.

“I don’t know, I guess I figure there’s no
harm in talking to the people – the person; I want to talk to.”

“Well then perhaps you should get Evan out
here. He seems to know how to have fun,” I joked. He smiled and nodded slowly
at me, looking at his hands. “You know, you can probably be seen hanging out
with people from work and not cause too much of a stir. You're over thinking
all this.”

“What? I hang out with Andrew over there.
That counts.” I looked over to see another of the junior solicitors - a very
tall lanky, dark-haired guy who looked around the same age as Elliot; standing
in the corner speaking quietly with one of the account managers, she was a
little more than half Andrew’s height with brown curly hair and looked to be in
her mid to late 20s.

I smiled and asked if maybe he and his
friends would like to join us at Pontoon later. “And when I say you – I mean
Evan,” I grinned.

An amused smile crept over his face,
“Alright. I'll think about it.”

David returned with my drink, Bianca
trailing behind him, and handed it to me. “Everything alright?” he asked giving
Elliot the once over again.

“Everything’s fine David,” I assured him,
touching his chest in a ‘back down’ gesture, “Why don’t you get to know some of
the guys here, instead of hitting on all the girls?” I moved over to Kayley,
Albina and Jo to socialise were there wasn’t so much tension.

We ended up staying there drinking until
8pm before we all headed off as a group to Pontoon at Darling harbour – Elliot
included. As we walked he introduced me to his friend Andrew and the woman he
had been talking to earlier, Carmen. It turns out that she lives near David and
myself, so we made a plan to catch the train home together and swapped mobile
numbers, in case we got separated.

Pontoon was packed. The music was loud, the
air was thick with body heat and the bar was ten people deep - you needed to be
slightly aggressive to maintain your position so you would actually get to the
front of the line.

Bianca had David well within her sights and
wouldn’t leave his side. He offered to get me a drink, and she told him that
she would love one too so he obliged, enjoying the attentions of such an
attractive woman.

I wasn’t very willing to engage Bianca in
conversation, so I attempted to busy myself trying to spot where the rest of
our group had gotten to. Elliot was talking to Andrew and Carmen, and Kayley
and the others had gone straight for the dance floor. I smiled as I watched
them swaying their hips with their arms above their heads getting plenty of
attention from surrounding men.

Bianca obviously didn’t mind talking to me
though, “So, what are you? A cutter or something?” she sneered indicating my
scarred forearms.

I was categorically taken aback this time –
who the hell says things like that?!
I searched her face to gain some
sort of understanding but found myself expecting a forked tongue to flick out
of her mouth.

“
What
is your problem?” I frowned at
her.

“You’re my problem, I can see the way
you’re going after Elliot.”

“I’m not going after Elliot, I have to talk
to him for work and we get along – that’s all,” I told her feeling incensed in
her presence.

“Well keep it that way, Beth’s been working
on him for months, and she doesn’t need some Amazon like you getting in the
way. God only knows what he sees in you anyway - if you didn’t wear skirts and
have long hair, I would swear you were a boy.”

I looked over at Elliot and saw that Beth
had moved in and was chatting happily to him, Andrew and Carmen. They all
looked neat and tidy together. He was smiling. She was smiling – I had to admit
they looked good together. As I watched, I saw her link her arm with his and
rest her head on his shoulder laughing. Jealousy flared within me as he laughed
with her and put his arm around her, giving her a squeeze. I looked away
quickly, knowing Bianca was watching me react.

“I thought there was a ‘no dating’ policy
at work.”

“There is, but no one is going to tell on
them; Look at them, it’s only a matter of time before he breaks. Do you see how
they look at each other? They’re perfect together,” she insinuated close to my
ear.

A horrible possessive feeling tightened my
chest when I had no right to be feeling that way. Mentally, I shook my head to
try to clear it away.

“Bianca, I’m really not interested in
Elliot,” I lied. “I just got out of a serious relationship, and I’m not looking
to enter a new one right now.”

“You know. I really don’t think it matters.
The way he has his arm around Beth right now - I’d be surprised if he lasts the
night,” she said to me with faked brightness, I frowned because her words
didn’t match her voice, until I realised that David was standing behind me.
“Thank you, David! You’re such a sweetheart!”

He had returned with our drinks, a black
Russian for me, a Vodka Cruiser for Bianca and a schooner of beer for himself. I
took my drink with a thanks and knocked it back in two gulps before filling my
mouth with the ice left over and crunching down angrily. I needed to move away
from Bianca before I said something I was going to regret.

“I’m going to dance,” I yelled to David. He
looked at me and signalled did I want him to dance too, but I shook my head and
indicated that I was going to dance with Kayley. He nodded his understanding
and turned his attention back to seducing Bianca. I rolled my eyes as I walked
away, was there any woman off-limits to him?

Kayley’s group had grown and she squealed,
hugging me as I squeezed in next to her, she seemed pretty drunk at this point
and was having a great time. She started to yell in my ear, so she could
introduce me to the other people she was dancing with, they were mainly her
house mates; all Irish - they came over to Australia on a working visa at the
same time as she did. One guy was her cousin, and he leaned into me to shake
hands and introduce himself properly. “I’m Connor,” he yelled above the music
in his Irish lilt.

I was obviously more tipsy than I realised
as I actually blushed and giggled at him as I took his hand in greeting. I released
his hand and settled into the music, closing my eyes and trying to forget about
the men in my life and focus instead, on having a good time. Before I knew it
Connor, and I had broken off from the group and were pressed up against each
other rocking together to the music. He kept talking close to my ear, I
couldn’t really hear him but I was laughing anyway because his voice was really
sexy and the heat, coupled with the alcohol were making me forget myself.

But, when he leant in to kiss me, I
panicked. I pushed him away and wrestled my way through the crowd to get
outside for some fresh air.

The moment I stepped out, I felt the cool
air coming off the water wash over me, I gulped it in greedily and walked
further out along the wharf to escape the noise as well.
What was wrong with
me? That’s not the kind of person I am, I don’t dirty dance with random guys at
bars.

“Katrina?” I turned to the voice. My head
started to throb as I realised Elliot had followed me out.

I looked over my shoulder at him and
recognised that I was pissed off at him. “Go away Elliot,” I told him sternly.

“No, I’m not going away. What the hell was
that about? You invited me out, to what? Watch you dry hump some guy on the
dance floor?”

I spun around, “What? You haven’t even
spoken to me since we got here. Instead you’ve been focused on Beth!” I shook
my head and stepped away from him. “Oh my god, what am I even doing? I’ve
spoken to you what? Three, four times? We’ve trained together twice. I don’t
even want a relationship right now, and I’m acting like some jealous
girlfriend. Fuck me!” I complained as I ran my hands over my head in
frustration. Having him around me was making me act stupid.

“No, it’s not just you. I'm behaving the
same way - from the moment I met you, I've done nothing but break my rules to
spend time with you,” Elliot said gently as he moved closer to me. “In a week
you’ve got me at a bar chasing you out because I felt insanely jealous watching
with that guy, and I acted like a fool at work when I saw you with David. I
just… I can’t stop thinking about you Katrina. I don’t even think I care anymore
if we’re not supposed to date because of work – all I know is that I want you,
and I don’t want you to be with anyone else.”

“You could lose your job over this Elliot!”

“So could you,” he said moving even closer
to me.

“Who cares about my job, it’s entry level -
I can easily get another one,” his hand slid up and caressed the side of my
face causing a rush of longing to course through my body. I leaned into his
touch and closed my eyes as that magnetic attraction between us started to pull
us closer together, despite my own resistance.

“I care about your job. My days are better
when you’re in them,” he whispered as he drew my face towards his and ever so
lightly, brushed his lips against mine. I let out a slight whimper as he
circled his arms around me. I felt myself melt into him, a merging of bodies
unlike anything I’d ever felt before. I parted my lips as his tongue started to
tease me, searching my mouth for a response and sucking my lips into his. My
reaction became urgent as I reached my arms behind his head and entwined my
fingers into his hair, pressing myself against him.

His hands moved down towards my buttocks,
lifting me up in a show of strength as if I weighed nothing. I circled my legs
around his waist, clinging to him and kissing him like I was an addict, and he
was my drug, not giving a thought to where we were.

My emotions were swimming around in my head
as I gave into my need for this man’s touch. I tightened my own grip around him
as my tongue dove into his mouth more forcefully, exploring him, drinking him
in.

“Um Katrina?” an Irish accent broke the
moment.

My eyes popped open, and I pulled away from
Elliot slowly. Peering over his shoulder, I saw Connor standing there with a
look of disbelief on his face, closely followed by Kayley, David and worst of
all Bianca. She stood there behind the others shaking her head disapprovingly,
while I stayed frozen - my hair a mess, my lips swollen from kissing Elliot so
hard, and my legs still wrapped around his waist.

“What’s going on?” he whispered to me not
daring to turn around.

I pushed myself away from him and lowered
my legs while he supported my weight until my feet were on the ground.

Embarrassed from losing control in such a
public place I looked from Elliot to the group of people watching and stammered
out, “I…I’m sorry. I have to go.” I dashed off through Darling Park with the
single thought of making it to Town Hall station, so I could go home.

 I heard David yell, “No! I’ll go!” He came
after me at a run and caught up to me before I had even exited the concrete
park.

“Trina!” he called out as he caught up.
“What was that about? Are you ok?”

“No, I’m not ok. I'm an idiot! I just made
an absolute fool of myself,” I whined continuing to walk top speed.

“Katrina, slow down,” David pleaded with
his hand on my shoulder, “Talk to me properly.”

I stopped and looked at him face on, “I
don’t know what I’m doing David!” Tears of frustration fell from my eyes.
“Every time I’m around him, I can’t think straight. I find myself flirting and
being completely unable to control myself.”

“Hey baby girl, don’t cry. Everything will
be alright,” David cupped my face with his hands and wiped his thumb across my
cheek to dry my tears away.

“I don’t even feel capable of having a
relationship right now – I don’t want this David! -  Not to mention the fact
that I have Bianca gunning for me, and it’s only been a week! This is all way
too fast and way too much drama – this isn’t me! This isn’t the kind of person
I am!” I explained lifting my hands in vexation.

“Bianca? What’s she got to do with it?”

“Bianca is nothing but a bitch towards me,
David. She might have been all gorgeous sex kitten towards you tonight, but as
soon as you left me with her at the bar she asked me if I was a cutter because
of my scars and then warned me off Elliot. Every time I see her, she has
something bitchy to say to me – she keeps calling me a boy! I can’t believe
that of all the girls in my office, you had to choose her to hang around
tonight.”

David took a step back, his brows knitted tightly
together. “You never told me she was giving you a hard time. You hardly talk
about your work at all! All I know is its easy work, and the people are nice. I
only know you like Elliot because I caught you staring after him on your first
day with this infatuated look on your face; otherwise I’d have no clue. You
have to talk to me Katrina. We're best friends, and before Christopher came
along and fucked everything up you did tell me everything, don’t push me away
too ok?” he told me earnestly. He stared into my eyes to show me how serious he
was and then drew me into a hug. I sighed against his shoulder, realising I
hadn’t been a very good friend lately. I promised that I would talk to him more
about what was going on with me.