A Beautiful Struggle (10 page)

We didn’t really speak on the way. We just
listened to the cd playing – he drummed his fingers to the beat, and I sang
along to Lana Del Ray’s
Off to the Races
. I snuck a glance at him every
now and then, but I knew him well enough to know that he would talk to me when
he was ready.

We got our bikes sorted out as soon as we
arrived, and set off along the path to lap the lake for the next two hours.
There were a few rowers training on the water and a coach cycling up and down
the far side giving them instructions through a mega phone. I didn’t speak,
preferring to enjoy the scenery while I waited for David to get things straight
in his head. That took almost half an hour.

“I wanted to talk to you about this thing
you have with Elliot,” he ventured.

“Alright, talk away.”

“I just… can we stop for a minute?” he
stopped his bike not waiting for an answer, and I followed suit. We both
unclipped our shoes and wheeled our bikes off the track and sat down on the
ground. He sat with his knees up as he pulled at the grass between his feet,
breaking the blades up and letting them fall as he stared out at the water.
“Are you sure having a secret relationship is a good thing?”

“It’s not really that much of a secret -
you know about it, and Carmen and Andrew know about it – so does half the
office now, after witnessing us outside Pontoon; but we can play that off as
drunken stupidity, I guess...” I let my words hang in the air as I focused on
boats rowing past us and turned to watch their coach cycle past.

He let out a heavy sigh, “I’m just worried
about you. I mean, how much do you really know about this guy?"

“I know that we get along really well, and
that we’re attracted to each other... I just… I don’t know; I feel connected to
him. Which is strange for me because I didn’t think I’d want anyone for a long
time, especially after Christopher.”

“Well that’s what I’m worried about”

“What that he’s like Christopher?”

“Yes, and that if you go out with him in
secret, then I’m not going to know where you are to get you out this time.” He
looked at me intently, and I could see the pain from the memories of that night
in his eyes. “I don’t know what I’d do if something like that happened to you
again,” he took my hand and turned it in his lap tracing his fingers over my
scars, speaking to me softly. “What if something like this happens? What if
you’re not so lucky next time?... I’m happy that you’ve found someone Trina,
but this secrecy thing doesn’t sit right with me and seeing you with him last
night, well – it just all felt wrong to me.”

I took my arm back and squeezed his arm as
I stood up, “I’ll tell you what, every time I go somewhere with him I will text
you so you know where I am. Is that fair?”

“What if I asked you not to see him?”

“You’d really ask that of me? It’s been six
months since I even looked at a guy, maybe that’s too soon. I don’t know - but
I can’t help how I feel right now. He's nothing like Christopher was.”

He stood up and picked up his bike,
“Alright, fine Katina, do whatever you want. But I’m not going to be the third
wheel in your relationship this time ok? I’m not going to fight some guy so I
can spend time with my best friend, I’m done with that.” I looked at him and
nodded imperceptibly, feeling a little stung by his words.

He faced his bike in the opposite direction
to mine, and I frowned in question, “I’m going to ride home, are you ok on your
own?”

“I’ll be fine David, are you ok though? Are
we ok?”

“I and we are fine Trina, I just worry is
all. I’ll see you later,” he said sounding annoyed despite his words. He pushed
off and headed home, not bothering to wave or to even look at me.

I watched him until I couldn’t see him
anymore. I understood that he was worried for me - the night he took me away
from Christopher must have scared the shit out of him. I didn’t remember much
beyond the glass smashing and flashes of David carrying me and driving me to
the hospital, but he remembers it all, and from what I could tell, it still haunted
him that he couldn’t do anything to stop it. Short of never dating again, I
didn’t know what would make him feel better.

***

Back at home I showered and had a late
breakfast. My mum and dad had gone out shopping together, their favourite
Saturday activity and my brother was once again with his new girlfriend – so I
had the place to myself.

I hate to admit this, but I had my mobile
phone sitting on the counter next to me waiting for it to ring. I sent a text
to David to make sure it was working.
Thx 4 coming 2day, u got a date 2nite?

A few seconds later I got a reply.
It’s
a secret.
I huffed out my breath and shook my head, he’d get over it all
soon enough. I knew I was doing the right thing about Elliot, it’s better to
test the waters slowly and quietly before making a big deal out of everything.
For now, I was just happy spending time with him.

I was getting antsy waiting on the phone,
so I did a load of washing, cleaned my room, vacuumed the house and then hung
the washing out. When I came back inside I noticed my phone was flashing at me,
I rushed over to it like an excited school girl and looked at the missed call –
Evan – about five minutes ago. No voicemail.

I took a deep breath and called him back.
He picked up almost immediately, “Hey beautiful, I thought you’d have your
phone on you.”

“I was just outside being the dutiful
daughter. What are you up to today?” from there it turned into one of those
early relationship conversations where everything is interesting as long as you
are connected somehow. We talked for almost an hour and when we disconnected, I
couldn’t wipe the goofy grin from my face.

On Monday morning, when I arrived at work,
I noticed Bianca sitting behind the reception desk eyeing me off smugly as I
passed her by. I chose to take the high road for a change and smiled brightly
wishing her a good morning. Although, every fibre of my being wanted me to
shoot lasers at her from my eyes.

The moment I reached the library, Kayley
raced over and followed me to my desk saying, “Oh my god, oh my god! I can’t
believe you kissed Elliot on Friday night! You my dear friend, are my new hero…
Although I have to say you did upset my cousin by rushing off like that, but I
will forgive you if you give me all the details.” She grabbed one of the
library chairs and wheeled it over to sit next to my desk looking at me
expectantly.

I wasn’t really sure what to tell her. I
thought I could trust her, but I didn’t know her well enough yet to give her
information that could cost both myself and Elliot our jobs. So I decided on,
“Kayley, I was pretty drunk on Friday, I don’t actually remember much.”

“What?!" she scrunched up and her face
and sat back in her chair. “Are you telling me that you get the glorious Elliot
Roberts to lock lips with you after only being here a week, and that’s all you
have to say about it? That’s bullshit you don’t remember - tell me it was hot,
it was, wasn’t it? I promise not to breathe a word!” she vowed with her hand on
her heart and a solemn expression on her face.

I sighed, looking around to make sure no
one was within earshot before I conceded. “Ok Kayley, it
was
hot, more
than hot it was positively sizzling.” That small admittance caused her to
squeal and bounce on her chair happily.

“Please tell me you are dating him now,
someone in this place has to and I would just love to have seen the look on
Beth’s face when Bianca told her.”

“Sorry but no - I’m not dating him; it was
a mistake Kayley and it can’t happen again.”

Kayley raised her eyebrows and nodded
thoughtfully as she got up to move her chair back in place, “I don’t believe
you by the way.”

“What do you mean?”

“That wasn’t a mistake Katrina, look at
you; you're beautiful, tall and into sports – same as him. The way I see it -
it was bound to happen.” She turned and walked out the door going back to her
desk.

I was so busy watching Kayley that I didn’t
notice Priya come in after her. “Katrina, can I see you in my office please?”
she asked me, looking unimpressed.

Anxiousness filled my head and buzzed in my
ears. I nodded at her and looked out the window towards Kayley, who pulled her
lip to the side in a grimace as she looked from Priya to me.

I immediately got up and followed Priya
out, trying to walk tall and confidant despite feeling much like a head of
cattle being led to slaughter. When we arrived at her office, Elliot was
already sitting there with his legs crossed ankle to knee, his elbows on the
chair arms and his fingers steepled.

I thought I saw a flicker of a smile pass
his lips when he saw me, although he set his face to impassive as he watched us
walk in and take the other two seats in the room. Seeing him there, I knew that
Bianca had ratted us out.

Priya took her seat and leaned forward with
her elbows on the desk to begin. “I got an interesting email this morning that
said a few of your colleagues witnessed a rather public display of affection
between you two.” She eyed us both closely, “Is this true?”

Elliot and I looked at each other then
turned back to her and shook our heads saying ‘no’.

“So you’re saying that if I ask around the
office no one will have seen anything?”

“You could ask," said Elliot quickly,
before I had managed to come up with an answer, “but who could really know what
they saw. I admit I was seen kissing a woman on the wharf on Friday night, but
no one could say for sure that it was Katrina. The woman I was with ran off
embarrassed when a few of the staff from here called out to us from at least 50
metres away. So you see, they couldn’t have really seen her properly – not from
that distance.”

“Is this true Katrina?” she asked looking
at me suspiciously. I simply nodded in agreement not trusting myself to speak.

“I admit that I am friends with Katrina, we
have similar sporting interests, and I admit to going running with her and to
the gym. However, from what she tells me, she is already seeing someone called
Evan, and that’s not me is it Priya?”

“Evan huh?” she directed towards me; I
nodded again, and she narrowed her eyes. “Alright then, I guess this meeting is
over. I can’t do anything without proof and there’s no policy against you being
friends so you’re both free to go. But just let me remind you that if you are
caught dating within the office one or both of you will lose your positions
here.”

“We understand. Thank you Priya for
reminding us,” said Elliot as he stood to leave.

“Yes, thank you Priya,” I echoed as we both
left and returned separately to our respective desks.

For the second-time today Kayley came
rushing in for some gossip from me, “What did she want? Was Elliot in there
with you?”

I didn’t bother lying to her, “I think
Bianca dobbed us in for Friday night.”

“Oh no, are you in trouble?”

“No, we denied everything. Elliot said that
whoever saw us was mistaken, and that he was kissing someone else. So she just
reminded us of the policy and let us go.”

“You’ll have to be more careful then in the
future.”

I caught myself before I nodded and said,
“There won’t be an 'in future' Kayley. We’re friends. That's all.”

She pouted at me and scuffed her feet
dramatically all the way out of the library and back to her desk.

My phone beeped in my bag, the screen told
me that I had a new text from ‘Evan’,
Meet me for drinks after work?

I smiled and typed back,
Not tonight,
have training. How about Wed?

The reply was almost immediate,
OK, will
let u know where

I placed my phone inside my top drawer and
tried to focus on my work. Instead images from that erotic dream kept flashing
through my mind.

***

When I arrived at work on Wednesday
morning, I couldn’t help but smirk when I saw Bianca’s surprised face. She
probably expected that I would have been fired for what happened with Elliot on
Friday night.

I had kept to myself on Monday after
leaving Priya’s office, preferring to take my morning tea break at my desk, so
I could avoid any questions. I missed them all again at lunch as I met up with
David again. He was still behaving a bit off so I kept the conversation steered
away from Elliot.

Tuesday was spent studying with David, as
our uni exams were coming up soon. Spending time together was really helping to
ease the tension between us; that was until Elliot called me at lunch time. I
took the call in another room and kept the conversation brief, but David’s
demeanour had changed when I returned, and the study session ended very soon
after.

I had hoped that by Wednesday, the interest
at work in Elliot’s and my relationship status had died down enough not to
cause me any drama. I was about to find out as I ventured out of the library to
take the new law magazine, and some sorted microfiche to Elliot.