A Beautiful Struggle (12 page)

I also came to learn that he used to be a
really chubby kid all the way through to his mid-teens. But when he started
kayaking, he dropped the extra kilograms. All of a sudden, he got attention
from girls and didn’t really know how to deal with it. So he learned how to
become indifferent to keep them at an arm’s length, only choosing to date a
handful of girls.

“You don’t even know how hot you are, do
you?” I asked him one day while we were out running.

“I know how hot you are,” he replied with a
devilish grin before changing the subject, “When are you going to let me take
you out?”

“Soon,” was all I gave him. “Hey, did you
know our mothers know each other?”

“I did.”

“You did?! Hmmm, it’s a small world isn’t
it?”

“Sure is.”

“Elliot?”

“Yes?”

“You didn’t tell your mother anything about
what’s going on with us did you?”

“What is going on with us Katrina?” he
asked seriously.

“Well, just that we’re hanging out –
training, you know, getting to know each other,” I replied, squirming a little
under his gaze.

“Yes, I have told her about you.”

“Oh, did she say if she spoke to my mum
about it? I only ask because I haven’t told my mum anything yet and well, she
gets a little… too involved, in my personal life sometimes.”

“No she hasn’t said that she spoke to your
mum, but she did tell me to be gentle with you and not to break your heart.”

“Ok…Why? Do you make it a habit to go
around breaking girl's hearts?”

“No, I don’t actually – I thought it might
have something to do with you, specifically.”

And then it dawned on me, “Oh god; she
has
been talking to my mother, and my mother has been telling her my
business!” I stopped running and flopped down dramatically on the grass next to
the path.

Elliot stood over me, blocking the
sunlight, “Is there something
you
want to tell me?”

“I really don’t want to talk about it to
anyone Elliot, but I think it’s best if you hear this all from me instead of
through the grapevine of our mothers.”

He came and sat down next to me, “I’m all
ears.”

I took a deep breath, “What your mother was
talking about – what my mother told her has to do with my scars. There’s a bit
more to the story than what I’ve already told you.” I sat up and hugged my
knees to my chest as Elliot sat quietly beside me listening. “I was in a pretty
serious relationship not all that long ago. His name was Christopher, and he
was a fair bit older than me. Things got serious pretty quickly and next thing
I knew we were living together. I knew I was too young, but I figured why wait.
My parents were very supportive – especially my mother; she absolutely adored
him.

“He had always had a bit of a problem with
my friendship with David, and I thought it was just a bit of jealousy and that
eventually, for my sake, they would learn to get along. I had hoped Christopher
would see that what David and I had was purely platonic.

“After we had been living together for a
month David and Christopher had an argument, after which, Christopher refused
to allow David back into our apartment. We fought about it and I told him that
David was my best friend, and that I wouldn’t be giving him up.

“Things started to go from bad to worse and
Christopher would go on rages whenever he saw me talking to another guy, which
was hard for me because I’ve always spent so much time around guys when I’m
training and racing.

“On the night I left him, David was over
watching a movie with me. Christopher was supposed to be at work, so we thought
it would all be safe, and I could spend some quality time with my friend. Well,
as you can probably guess, Christopher came home from work early and lost his
mind. He was a really big strong guy, and he walked straight over, punched
David in the face, picked him up like a rag doll and threw him out of the door
and into the hallway.

“He then turned his wrath on me, he told me
that I was nothing but a common gutter slut, and that I couldn’t be trusted. He
grabbed me by the back of my hair and ran with me, slamming me through the
glass sliding door, which is how I got all of my scars.

“Next, he started punching me and was
supposedly trying rape me – I don’t remember much past going through the glass
- but David managed to save me. He kicked a hole through the door to unlock it
and get back in, grabbed a frying pan from the kitchen and whacked Christopher
over the head with it, knocking him out cold.

“Like I said, I don’t really remember much
after going through the glass, just what David saw and the doctors told me
happened based on my injuries. I lost a lot of blood because the glass slit one
of my wrists, but David got me to the emergency room faster than any ambulance
could have come to get me, so I was ok in the end.

“I know I told you when you asked about my
scars that stupidity was the reason I went through the glass, and really it
was. It was stupid of me to move in with him and even more stupid for me to
stay when he started to get volatile. I should have gone back home instead of
fighting back. None of it would have happened if I wasn’t being so forthright
and stubborn.”

Elliot sat next to me in deathly silence. I
hadn’t looked at him the whole time I was relaying my story, and only now
chanced a look at his face. His brows were tightly knit, and his face was a
swirl of emotions. I wasn’t sure if he was going to cry in sorrow or explode
with anger.

“So let me get this straight,” Elliot spoke
through clenched teeth. “Some guy puts you into hospital, and you think it’s
your fault for provoking him?”

I shook my head, “No Elliot. I know it
wasn’t my fault. I just think that if I wasn’t so caught up in fighting with
him over my friendship with David  - or any other guy, for that matter; that it
all could have been avoided…I think I should have paid attention to the
situation and left… I think I never should have moved in with him in the first
place.”

“Did you at least press charges against the
guy?” he asked expectantly.

“No, I didn’t,” I said looking the other
way, everyone in my life was disappointed with me for not pressing charges. “I
don’t even know why I didn’t. I guess I just wanted it all to be over.

“No else knows this, but he came to visit
me at the hospital. He was so upset about what he had done that my heart kind
of broke for him. He told me he had started taking steroids because he saw me
joking with one of the body builders from the gym and thought I was flirting.
It was all ridiculous in the end. I told him that I wouldn’t press charges, as
long as he was out of the apartment when I went to collect my things, which he
was, so…” I shrugged my shoulders, not really having anything else to say.

Elliot turned to face me and took my arm in
his hands, turning it over to inspect my scars, touching each one tentatively
with his fingertips. My heart skittered across my chest as he lifted my hand
and pressed a soft kiss to the scar at my wrist. Sliding his hand up my arm, he
traced the scar on my shoulder before kissing me there too, sending waves of
longing throughout my body.

I became unable to resist him any longer
when, using his thumb, he caressed the scar on my face. I closed my eyes as an
intoxicating wave of desire flooded through me and leaned into his hand, not
caring where we were, ignoring that fact that we shouldn’t be touching like
this out in the open.

I let him kiss me, at first I didn’t fully respond,
but as he gently sucked my lip with his, I parted my lips and let out a soft
gasp, allowing him in. My body was on fire as his arms circled around me, and I
moved to sit on his lap, never breaking the kiss. Our tongues danced together
as they explored the crevices of each other’s mouths, replacing the pain I felt
from telling that story with something so much sweeter and more beautiful than
anything I had ever experienced.

My head tipped back as he rained kisses
down my neck and across my chest, leaving a tiny trail of fire in their wake.
Our breathing was getting heavy, and I could feel his arousal pressing against
my own, causing me to grind instinctively against him. He moaned and captured
my mouth in his again, hugging me tighter to him as his hands caressed the
exposed skin on my back.

A sudden beeping brought us crashing back
to reality along with the comprehension of where we were and what we were
doing. Panting, I sat back as he slowly released me so I could switch off my
alarm.

“I guess I had better get back,” I
breathed, laughing a little.

His eyes were dark as he reached his hands
up to my face and pulled me towards him kissing me deeply again. He gently brushed
the hair away from my face as he searched my eyes for the answers to questions
unasked. His eyes narrowed a touch before he said, “Now we can go.”

“You are going to be our undoing Elliot
Roberts.” 

His eyes sparkled as he laughed, “As far as
I can tell I’m already undone by you.”

Standing, he held out his hand to help me
up. I did a quick scan of the park, hoping no one had seen us here and chanced
one last brief kiss. “I’ll go ahead like I normally do ok?”

He nodded, “I might sit back down here and
while and ah… calm down a bit.” I looked down and noticed his erection tenting
his running shorts; I raised my eyebrows and couldn’t stop the grin from
curling the sides of my mouth.

“I think that might be a good idea,” I said
laughing as I started moving off.

“Katrina,” I stopped and turned to face
him, “you know I’d never hurt you right?”

“I do know Elliot. I wouldn’t be spending
time with you if I thought you would. Don’t go feeling sorry for me Elliot, I’m
fine.”  I called out as I ran ahead of him.

***

“So, how is tennis?” I asked my mother when
we got a quiet moment alone, it was after dinner on Wednesday night, and I was
helping her with the dishes while my brother and father had taken a trip up to
our local shops to get some ice cream for dessert.

She kept her focus on the dish she was
scrubbing as she spoke, “It’s fine, my game’s getting better, I think.”

“Have you been making friends with the
other women?” I probed.

“Well yes, I’ve met them all for coffee a
couple of times, and I went to that dinner a few weeks ago. They’re a really
nice group.” She glanced at me and gave me a quick smile.

I narrowed my eyes as she turned away, the
gentle approach wasn’t working. I would have to be more direct if I was going
to find out what she had been saying to Elliot’s mother.

“What about that lady you were telling me
about? The one with a son at my work - how do you get along with her?”

“Oh you mean Kathy? She’s great. We get
along really well.”

“Do you talk about your children?”

She shifted nervously and continued to talk
into the sink, “Of course we do Katrina. It's what mothers talk about most.”

“Any interesting topics?” I ventured.

She stopped and turned to face me, “I’m
guessing you’re aware that I know how you spend your lunch times at work – is that
what this is about?”

“Partly.”

“I have to be honest Katrina. I am a bit
hurt that you haven’t told me anything about Elliot yet. How long has it been?
A month? More?”

“We’re not together yet mum.”

“That’s not how his mother tells it; she
says you’re seeing each other.”

“I’m not really sure what we are to each
other right now, I’m just spending time with him.”

“Katrina, I’m really happy that you are
spending time with a boy, or a man in his case, but I am upset with you. Elliot
is what? 25? And he has told his mother about you. You are my
daughter
,
and you haven’t told me anything. You acted like you didn’t even know him.”

I had to admit it sounded pretty bad when
she put it like that, “I’m sorry mum. I just didn’t want to talk about it until
I knew it was something.”

Her mouth twitched at the corners,
threatening a smile, but she kept it under control and asked hopefully, “Are
you saying it’s something now?”

“I’m saying it’s something now.” Her face
changed from stern to excited in milliseconds. She let out a little girl squeal
and hugged me tightly.

“I’m so glad you are moving on! Tell me
about him, when do I get to meet him?”

“Mum, slow down ok. We’re not up to that
stage yet. He is really nice though, you would like him. Although I have to ask
mum, have you told Kathy about what happened to me with Christopher?” Her eyes
dropped immediately, I could tell by the look on her face that she had.

“I’m sorry, I told her before I knew that
you were seeing each other. She didn’t tell him did she?”

“No, she just warned him to be gentle with
me, so I thought it best that I told him myself.”

“How did he take it?”

I shrugged, “He was angry, and kind of sad
about it. I think he was worried that I might have thought he could be capable
of doing the same thing.”