A Life Plan Without You. (13 page)

“Oh… I’m so… Shit… Sorry… I don’t know what the hell I was
thinking? Well actually, I do… I’ve been here ages waiting… I
thought you had changed your mind... So I was just going to knock
on your door, when I saw a big woman knock on it and well, when you
passed I needed you… I wanted you baby, and I thought you didn’t
want me.” I grabbed his hand.

“Breathe Sam, please angel breathe, I do want you, all of you
Sam, breathe angel please!” He took a deep breath.

“I slipped in here and well then you passed, I grabbed you and
you know what came next and I’m so sorry.” We were both stunned and
still trembling.

“Why it’s ok? It was nice-ish and though it wasn’t actually on
my to-do-list yet, it’s absolutely made the list now Sam.” Change
the subject. “So, were we going then?” He looked really flushed and
uncomfortable, so I leant over and kissed him, he smiled and kissed
me back.

“Well, if you don’t mind giving the pictures a miss, I
promised someone they could meet you!” I feigned a hurt
look.

“So Sam there’s to be no making out on the back row then?” I
laughed.

“Damn it no, didn’t think this one through, but sorry I’ve
told Mum you were coming for a drink and a bite to eat, she
insisted Michelle. Is that going to be all right?” Shit, yesterday
I was just the frizzy haired kid he was stalking. Now he was taking
me home to see his mum?

This wasn’t happening, what was this all leading to and why
was this so weird? Hell, without the freaky stuff though he
wouldn’t be here. Oh and here he is and he’s looking at me with
concern. He really is quite beautiful and I still think it’s all a
dream, a crazy arsed dream. My dark haired angel is here with me
and bringing out my needs and my inner most thoughts.

“I’m fine, but what if she doesn’t like me? I haven’t met
potential, you know in-laws before.” Shit, that sounded like I was
into this more seriously than him, is it too late to
backtrack?

“Don’t worry baby I have never brought a girl home to meet the
future Mother-In-Law either.” He laughed and held me
tightly.

I hope to God that settles her a little, and I make a joke
about her Freudian slip.

“Jim Bob’s out, he’s gone to the pictures if that’s what’s
worrying you? Our Andy’s out and Dad… Well I don’t know which pub
he’s in tonight.” Nope Sam not worrying about him, actually I’m
fantasising about what we have just done and wow, it’s as if we
supposed to be together and damn he is so hot.

“See we have something in common, my dad’s always drunk and
always has an excuse for being out, and he always has empty
pockets.” He picked up my hand.

“Let’s go, if you still want too, that is?” I gave him a quick
nod of my head. “Are, you ready then?”

“I always am Sam. Though, a heads up next time hornie Sam is
going to make an appearance please? That, I wasn’t ready for but
phew Samuel it was quite nice though.” That made him smile, he had
relaxed a lot, and I couldn’t help sneaking a peek, though I don’t
know what I was hoping to see? His jeans were, however really tight
and his bum was so grab worthy and well from what I had near my
bits and against my hand, he wasn’t missing any major man
parts.

The only boy bits I‘d seen were my brothers, and he was only a
baby! Then of course that damn stupid sex education model and of
course pictures in Webster’s World Dictionary. Everyone has at some
point done just that, flicked to the rude bits in dictionaries,
even the word made me giggle and that wasn’t in my head, whoops.
Get back in my head stupid voices. Help me, my inner voices had
fainted and those who weren’t calling me a whore and were in need
of a great deal of calming down.

“So are we safe to travel these streets without fear of being
caught holding hands.” He said, with a sly grin on that beautiful
face.

“With what you’ve just done, I’d think hands are a safe bet
don’t you? Besides Samuel, Mrs Donnelly will be getting her Irish
snake stick out if she catches us at it again.” I grabbed his
crouch and gave it a squeeze. “She’d have smacked yours for sure.”
We both burst into a fit of laughter as he placed his hand around
my waist and into the back of my jeans.

“Hey you careful were those mitts go.” He raised his eyebrows
at me.

“Ditto with what you grab down there, no upsetting the
soldier.” He bent down and kissed me again this time just a soft
touch to my lips but wow, there was that static, again. All these
new feelings I had and I’m being exposed to are getting more and
more intense, bits of my body are waking and reacting in ways they
never have before, my boobs are weird and the nipple thing shocked
me, but the strange feelings between my legs are the killer, the
unknown happenings, the whole feeling is strange yet pleasing, is
the woman in me coming out?

“What did you just call your snake, your soldier? Well beats a
winkle, which is my baby brother, calls his I suppose?” He laughed
at me, holding me close for another kiss. He really didn’t live
that far from me at all. He had moved his hand out of my jeans, and
held my hand. He led me to his front door, as he did he looked down
at me.

“Will you be all right with this?”

I put in my key and look at her she has taken a deep breath
and I smile and show her into my humble home, how I wish it was the
one I had already bought for us to move into later, but it needs
doing up and is a fixer upper, I still have to complete the
complicated sale as it’s an estate house, Aunty Jane hasn’t signed
the paperwork and well we don’t need it until October so plenty of
time, now shit I’m getting lost in my daydreams again.

Mum comes in from the kitchen, where she has been busy making
tea, I only hope she has finished it properly, normally she forgets
what she is doing half way through and sits down leaving everything
part done or cooked, meaning we finish the tea and dad complains
she has ruined it, we are not great cooks we Todd boys! Fuck I’m
drifting off when this moment is important! Mum grips her with a
killer hug and smiles, the look in her eyes is pleasant and
unusual, and then the world stops as mum drops a bomb and big
style…

I nodded as he ushered me into their neat, front room. His mum
came from the other room and she shocked me as pulled me to her,
and gave me a hug to bust your ribs. I’m wondering does this over
the top touchy feely stuff go on in everyone’s homes? It certainly
doesn’t happen in mine. You couldn’t count mums shoe throwing as
touchy feely, though it touched my head quite often especially when
dad had put her in a mood, but when wasn’t she ever not in in a
mood with dad?

She
looked deep into my eyes and smiled, wow she was troubled and the
girl at her side was smiling, shit not here not tonight please go
away. Sam was behind me with his strong arm around me and as he
held me the girl smiled and disappeared, wow the others were here,
why?

“Sit yourself down, Karen.” She didn’t just say that? Perhaps
because I’m going to commit murder, that’s why the others are
here?

Why did she do that she knows she is called Michelle she
didn’t stop saying her name all afternoon and smiling, shit
Michelle looks damned annoyed, crap…

“Mum, this is Michelle?” She looked puzzled.

“Sorry, I could have sworn you said you were bringing your
girl to tea Sam?” What did she just call me?

“Mum and I have Michelle, my girlfriend is called Michelle and
remember Mum I told you her name this morning?” He was so
embarrassed and visibly upset at her calling me Karen, no anything,
anyone but her. He could see the rage in my eyes, had they done it
already? Had sex? Had she been here too? Had they been together? An
item? Please God no, what was happening? What was going on? My head
swimming with questions, and I needed them answering.

“I’m so sorry, really I am.” He looked like a Roe Deer caught
in the headlights and he looked so very confused. This was getting
stranger and stranger by the minute. I thought he was going to cry.
Nope, that would be my next step.

“I’m so
sorry, really I am. Sit here I will help Mum with tea, please sit I
will explain everything later, I promise!”

I go to get the tea things, or is it supper? I’m clunking the
plates and things on the tray!

“Mum why did you call her Karen? I told you she was called
Michelle!”

“James said on his way out you were bringing Karen instead of
Michelle and you have a few girls on the go and not to mess their
names up!”

“No Mum I am just with Michelle only her and not to worry
James is the one who got it wrong, never mind, this looks lovely,
you even made sausage rolls, great Mum you haven’t done those in
ages!”

“I remembered you liked them, she looks pretty have you seen
her eyes Sam aren’t they sparkley and blue?”

“They are Mum and yes she is pretty and shy too!” We go back
in and Michelle looks a little lost and upset!

“Thank you Mrs Todd.” She smiled at me.

“Oh call me Emma dear.” Then she shot Sam a look.

“Karen…? That was the name Jimmy mentioned as your date for
tonight, that was the name, I’m sure it was Karen? Yes it was
Jimmy, he said you were called Karen, and you’re not, your called
Michelle, Sam told me that, silly James I will put him over my
knee, he’s never too big for a smacked bottom!”

“Mrs Todd, err sorry Emma, she’s a friend of ours from dance
class, I’m sure that’s perhaps how Jimmy got our names so confused,
sorry but James Robert, isn’t the sharpest pencil in the box when
it comes to remembering girls names, he doesn’t listen and is in
dream land most of the time, well he was at school, so don’t you
let it worry you, this looks nice, shall I play mother? You look a
little tired you needn’t have gone to all this trouble the cup of
tea would have been enough...” I hoped that it was nothing more.
Jimmy’s stupid game, it wasn’t just hurting me anymore, what’s he
up to? I didn’t know if to laugh or cry, but the stress had drained
from Sam's beautiful face and he let out a cute laugh.

“Good job you’re not the jealous type Michelle, please yes can
you poor, my wrist is hurting a little!” She’s relaxed a little;
she really is a sweet woman, so obvious where he gets his
impeccable manners from, I need to put her in a better state of
mind, she’s drifting and pancaking. Why will Sam shout at her, has
he shouted? The girl is back and is smiling as she shakes her head.
No and off she goes! I bite into the sausage roll and
wow…

“Really it’s fine and no I’m not the jealous type at all! I am
very jealous of these sausage rolls, oh Emma they really are good!
Wow did you make them yourself? Sheisk is that why you hurt your
wrist, because mine kill when I do it in college too? Puff pastry
this good must have taken you hours. Oh wow can I be greedy and
have another? I haven’t got anything to be jealous of besides this
pastry! Oh boy Sam get one before I eat the lot!” Nevertheless I
was a very jealous cow now I had Sam, and now was thinking of a
suitable punishment for when I see Jimmy on Monday. A flipping knee
to his mid-wicket area. If that is, Sam hadn’t done it before then?
Drinks drank and sandwiches eaten, she rifled information out of
me, all about my family and friends.

She smiled all the way through our chat; it was as though we
had a sort of weird connection? Like I knew her, the others had
been here too, helping me, oh heck this seems impossible I know,
but it was there was a strong bond between us, I don’t know why,
but I had the strangest feelings about her, have we met before?
Impossible because her sweetness I would have remembered, and the
girl to her side I have never met before at a meeting, sheisk why
does this feel like it’s a fate thing? Impossible that it’s
happening to me this time, they don’t come to help me they come to
help others? There’s that word again flipping heck I know that
everything about Sam and I being together was strange, and meeting
his mother was like it was meant to be?

She and I have that strange something going on thing, the only
time I had this feeling before of this closeness was when I first
saw my first ‘other’ come and talk to me, that was when my Great
Grandma Lilly died and I sat and spoke to a man I had never seen
before. Uncle Joe sat and listened as I chatted to the man, me
thinking he could see him too. The other man it seems was my Great
Grandad David and he had come to fetch my Aunty Lilly Beth’s mum,
who was sleeping in the bed I was sat on.

He told
me too she would be so very sad for a very long time but me and my
sister would help her, as would my brother! I laughed at him
because I didn’t have a brother just Becky and she was just my
stupid crying little sister, silly man. He patted Aunty Lilly on
her shoulder and she woke from her sleep, he kissed Aunty Lilly’s
head, then he smiled as he reached for Great Grandma Lilly’s hand
and said to me as they smiled, her time was now and she had to
leave her and I was to tell her, thank you she was a wonderful
daughter and that I was to use my gift wisely to help others, he
also said I was a very beautiful and special.

I was her
first Great Granddaughter and because I was, I was considered
special, my gift was given to me to hold by my Great Grandmother
Lilly, she had given it to me as she passed over, as one day I
would also do the same, a day way in the future I would be like
this and I too would give it to my great granddaughter my gift to
hold, when I passed! I laughed and said he was silly, I was only
five did he not know that I wasn’t as old as my Great Grandma
Lilly?