A Life Plan Without You. (12 page)

You had me hooked ages ago, but when you fell at my feet and I
looked down into these beautiful blue eyes looking into mine, they
shine and sparkle when they look at me, when I looked into them and
saw those sparkles I was blown away with you!” I’d screwed it up,
my bloody mouth and me.

“Oh shit no, your way more than that and you know it Sam. You
are without a shadow of doubt, in my mind worth keeping, unless I
find you lie, cheat or you harm me. Those would mean the end, any
of the above and sorry you’re gone. Look I’ve got to get back to
work and I’ll meet you later at seven! That is if my insane
childish ramblings, haven’t given you the need to run for them
there hills and if, as you say you love me with all this passion,
we’re in for a fun and interesting time! Sorry I have been hurt
before Sam, and your eyes are damn nice to look into too! I think
if you can put up with a few of my insecurities for the time being,
we will be fine, you’re my first boyfriend Sam and I may need some
coaching and bringing out of my stupid self, are you up for the
challenge Sam, please say you are?” He’s catching flies. Had I
pushed him away? “Sam are you all right, have I ruined it
all?”

“Well, there’s plenty of food for thought there Missy, I’m
really your first boyfriend? I find that hard to believe your
wonderful and damn it Michelle yes I’m absolutely up for the
challenge baby. You’re mine and not a joke; I love you and those
lips!” When did I actually let, strong voice out? It had, it seems,
been hidden for far too long and having been stepped on by friends
and family alike, it had never made an appearance before, me now
worrying if perhaps it had ruined it all in that brief mad
outburst. “We will have to see about your insecurity issues later.
Dr Sam will have you on his couch later, to discuss these any other
issues you need to talk about, first boyfriend really?”

“Yes you’re my first boyfriend, unfortunately you didn’t claim
the first kiss, sorry! So does that mean I will see you at seven
then?” Fingers crossed.

“Yes Mi cielo in answer to the question, I will pick up my
girlfriend at seven, as before, nothing’s changed apart from the
venue.” He grabbed my hand and kissed me, I didn’t know if it was
relief that I hadn’t screwed everything up, but the tears started…
Shit what a stupid girl thing to do. He hugged me tight and
everything seemed fine with the world again.

“Stop the tears because you have to be getting back to work,
and I may not have had the first kiss, but the kisses you get from
now on all belong only to me, I like the kisses my girlfriend gives
me, I like kissing these lips and the words that come out of them
baby, stop worrying I love you.” He wiped them away kissed my neck,
and turned to leave. We had an audience. Debby was
watching.

“Actually Sam, I’ve thought about it and I’m looking forward
to playing Doctor and patient with you. See you later boyfriend of
mine!” I grabbed a quick feel of his bum, as he turned to walk
away. He looked back over his shoulder, he turned around, he walked
back grinning and he kissed my neck, again.

“What I’d let him do to me phew.” I sighed as his kiss
lingered on my tingling lips.

“We’ll see about that one later, and please don’t clean the
filter, I love what it lets through.”

“Shit, I said that aloud, bloody hell.” He laughs at me again,
damn it. He was absolutely the one. This man was going to be my
first. I was certainly sure about that one thing. He would be my
first and my only.

I nod yes she’s the one, my last girlfriend my only fiancé
and my only wife and I will be her first and only. Thank you for
answering my prayers Lord. I may go to church to light a candle
more often, it seems he did listen to my prayers that night I
stumbled into the church a little worse for wear? I opened up my
heart and he’d answered my stupid drunken ramblings about needing
his help to save the soul of a drunken messed up sexoholic idiot,
begging that he had to find me someone to help before it was too
late for me and my family and he sent her and for that I thanked
him very much.

“Here you are Mum, a cheese pie and a cream cake, Has nobody
fed you again?”

“James has put some soup on and has gone out, but I can eat
them all!”

“Here let me put the fire on its chilly, sit there I will do
you a tray, put the light on behind you, your eyes need the light
Mum.”

“Stop fussing, is your girlfriend coming, Sam?”

“She is. I’m going for her at seven and fetching her here! Is
he back?”

“No he will be though, he was seen by Andrew earlier and was
worse for wear, so he will stumble in and fall asleep, with any
luck.” I get her tray ready and a cup of tea, she would sit and
read that book all day and forget to eat, James should be in, never
mind I’m here now.

“Here you are, give me the book and sit up.”

“Have you had something, share this with me Son?”

“I had dinner with Michelle. She works in a bakery, not the
one I got these from they’re from your favourite place!”

“Michelle? She’s really called Michelle? I like that name it
has a heavenly ora about it, just perfect, is she nice
Sam?”

“She is very nice and I am going for a lie down are you going
to be alright or would you prefer I sleep here in the
chair?”

“Here please, I don’t know…”

“It’s fine Mum I can sleep anywhere, if you need me shout
out, I have to have a bath and stuff, so wake me in time Mum, I’m
knackered.” I sleep and as I drift off I hear her sigh, she mutters
Michelle over and over and mentions angels and daughters, she’s got
us married already, nice thought but two days is a little too soon
mum. I sleep…

“Just in time, you cut that fine lady.” I curtsied and grabbed
my stuff. This now seemed like the longest shift in history. Debby
quizzed me on Sam and dropped hints he had lots of ex’s around town
and was on everybody’s watch list! Wow I had landed a looker, who
girls were clamouring for a chance at. Damn, I figure I am going to
have to be on my toes keeping girls at bay!

“Where did you meet him, in Heaven?” I always laugh at that
Sam always says he’s taking me to Heaven soon so he can dance with
an angel!

“No, he
met me at the dance studio I go to and we fell in love
there!”

“Love?
Sam Todd doesn’t do love Michelle be careful!”

“Umm, a much changed Sam Todd apparently, besides I know what
I’m doing and what he wants from me! Thanks for the warning Debby,
I think we will be more than fine, He is good looking though and I
figured there would be girls lining up to try and take him from me,
Lord help them if they try, I will kill them!” She laughed and went
home early, perks of mummy running the shop! I worked damn hard
doing her job as well as my own, but happily, because I was in love
and wow it felt right! I’d had loads of people ask me were had I
had my hair done too, I was on waitressing for the afternoon and my
hair net was abandoned! The curls danced as my happy head smiled as
people said my perm was nice!

“Mother Nature’s” I’d said to a few.

“Oh, will have to give that one a try.”

“Good luck with her I have had a long wait… She’s damn slow.”
New comb bought and stuff for the hair, a first for me and proper
hair products for proper hair at last. It looks lethal, an afro
comb, it’s the only one to use the woman in Boots had said, it made
for a nice head scratcher! I headed home armed with sweet smelling
soaps, and a new lip gloss, an apple lip gloss! A bag full of
makeup and stuff, girl stuff. Christ, I had never used makeup
before and as I placed the stuff in the basket I smiled because I’d
hooked him without all this crap, perhaps I didn’t need it? I got
it anyway and I headed home.

Now which friend was I going out with? Maybe, I should just
tell her about Sam now and get it finished with? We aren’t going to
the pictures, so where are we going and why the change in plans? I
have a hot bath with a soapy and nice soft sponge, I’m feeling nice
and relaxed as I washed my lady bits, and perhaps a sponge won’t be
the only thing touching me there in future? Now there’s
wishing.

Wash the hair, rinse the hair, leave the hair to dry, adding
hair products and combing them into it, it has to be said I had a
great looking loose perm. Woowho, nothing for such a long time and
this came along. I put on a tiny bit of makeup, nothing too much
and my tightest jeans, baggiest hippy top and picked up my jacket,
check for money, mother wasn’t in when I got back so my wages were
intact and I head of out the door, Now to make my escape, the clock
was about to hit five to seven.

“Right Mum, I’m off now and don’t worry were going to have
supper at Kelly’s afterwards her brother will walk me through the
side path is that ok?” Fingers crossed, I’d lied!

“Right Michelle, stay safe and see you when you get back, no
later than eleven.” Let negotiations begin.

“God Mum what about twelve? I’m a big girl and will be dropped
off by Kelly’s brother and Dad’s on that fishing trip so won’t be
back till early morning. Please I won’t be any later. This over
protecting things got to stop I’m bloody eighteen, not eight.” She
was taken aback I’d answered her back, shit had I blown
it?

“Well, see you’re not or I will be out with Tilly, if you’re
not back twelve.” Tilly was barking at the hall door. He had come
to the bloody door, panicking I ran to answer it.

“See you later, going Mum.” It was just Mandy’s mum, ‘Fat
Pat’.

“Oh, I thought you were someone else, Mum it’s Pat.” I smiled.
“Bye sees you later.” Phew, I was nearly out the door.

“Where you off to in such a hurry?” Great, I’m now bloody
late, cheers Patricia.

“Pictures, Pat.” She was keeping me from my Sam.

“Oh you may see Mandy. She’s gone with her new lad and he’s
quite a catch, from all accounts.” I just smiled at her
again.

“I believe so, I’m late Pat, but sorry I’ve got to go.” She
moved because two of us wouldn’t be able to pass through the door
at the same time.

“Won’t be long Michelle and you’ll be courting.”

“Yes, see you Pat.” I am already, I wanted to shout at her,
and he’s not the local thug either...

“What’s she done with her hair, have you been spending your
money on a perm?” Mum hadn’t noticed as she had long stopped
bothering about my hair and its will to do nothing that I asked of
it. “Sue, you need to be getting her a bra, that girl needs a bra.”
Shit shout a bit louder Pat why don’t you? I’m sure the neighbours
haven’t quite heard that. I looked up towards the side path. He
wasn’t there, my heart stopped. He wasn’t there, shit… I had scared
him off with my earlier childish rants. He wasn’t there, bugger and
blast it what’s the problem where was he? Shit, this isn’t
happening. I started the thirty or so steps to the path… What the
hell…? My heart was already beating so fast, and now someone was
pulling me into the side street…

“What the bloody hell…?” It was Sam and he was pulling me into
his arms, he’d wrapped them through the back of my jacket. He was
pulling me in tighter and into his fast beating chest. It was like
he was a man possessed, what had brought all this on? Whatever it
was had made him manic, he was pulling me into his mouth, our
tongues going deeper, he was frantic in his actions, he’d turned me
and pushed me gently against the wall, would he ever stop? Did I
really want him too?

He moved himself, so that he had his leg tight against my sex.
He started to rub it. I didn’t know what was happening, nor did I
have a clue why he was doing it? I just went with the flow of his
frantic kisses. I had all new sensations running throughout my
body. His lips are on mine, his tongue still in my mouth dancing
with mine. The all new sensations taking over my body, alien and
exciting, he whispered my name as he’s now kissing my
neck.

I felt his hardness against my leg and wow, he was all man and
large, it was getting harder as he rubbed that hardness up against
my leg and the bulge, it was now growing, not helped by my now
wayward hand, because it too was helping it along. It felt so
wrong, but oh so right, these sheer lusting for him, precious,
lightheaded and wonderful Sam filled moments, of being in his arms
this close to him and enjoying him, feeling him beneath my hand, no
longer a dream, but actually happening, yes...

My arm is wrapped tightly around his neck holding on for dear
life. I was returning the kisses, my legs feeling like they were
actually wobbling as though filled with jelly. Shit, this was way
too much and way too soon. I started to feel lightheaded, the
groans coming from his mouth, were deep and sexy his smell, the
hard thing beneath my hand, all doing strange things to me, the
bulge seemed to have a life of its own. What was it we were doing?
I loved it, whatever it was? It was like nothing I’d ever
experienced before and lord it was wonderful.

I groaned as his hands slipped under my top and worked his way
to my breasts. He began to massage one, lord it felt so nice and
his kisses were so fierce and needy. I knew this was wrong, but I
didn’t want him to stop this felt so great, then as he began
kissing down my neck, I don’t know why, but then reality set in we
that weren’t going to stop. No not that, not here, not in a back
alley at the side of my house, shit who was watching, was anyone
watching? I didn’t have to say anything he’d pulled back and damn
quickly. I don’t actually know what had happened to make him act
that way. This was not in my field of experience.