A Life Plan Without You. (7 page)

My life had been rapidly spiralling out of control for over
three years, I did some things I wasn’t particularly proud of,
nothing illegal I might remind you, but doing those things made me
change into a person I never thought I would be, never in a million
years did I set out to be the heartless, mean bastard I’d become. I
didn’t know how to take back control of my life. The bad part of me
was stronger than the good person I wanted to be!
You made me stop and just think about being happy
instead of miserable all the time. I don’t know what changed me
watching you, but I did. My life changed that day, perhaps your
happiness was catching, who knows?

Seeing you that day was like…? Any explanation I give you now
will sound cheesy; you see I can’t explain what it was like seeing
you for the first time? It was like a light had gone on in a dark
room and I could finally see things clearer for the first time in
quite a while. I wanted to be like you relaxed and happy, I watched
you as you danced and cursed yourself and tried again and again
until you got it right, it was wonderful to see you dancing and
laughing, you were I thought either really funny or had a screw
lose!” I laughed, as I looked at him he smiled back!

“I didn’t think you were a nutter I just knew you looked like
you could be fun to be with and I thought we could perhaps have
some of that fun together. I was there watching and waiting for
Jimmy on the wrong day and headed to the path and saw you instead.
It was like we’re meant to meet and to be here like this now, I
don’t know why I fell so hard for you and I don’t know if it’s for
you, us I mean, you going out with me?” Err no your stuck with me
now I’m a Sam limpet, your my angel… I laugh because he is so sweet
and he’s so insecure, but why he’s absolutely gorgeous?

“I was and am fascinated by you, you have a very cute smile,
which is there for everyone you care about, all the people in your
life I have seen you with adore you and well in Jimmy’s case well
he… He loves you! You it seems bring out the best in me too. The
stupid things I did before I saw you that day, I’ve stopped doing,
I wanted a reason to stop and you became that reason baby. Then of
course, you look way too sexy in your little red games skirt! I
would be lying if I said watching that backside of yours wasn’t a
perk of the job. Your cute in the bakers uniform too, now that’s a
damn sexy uniform, it got a little interesting watching you in the
bakery, were you erm a little chilly sometimes
Michelle?”

“I was actually and wet, oh gheeze say it as it is Sam! So
you’ve seen my bum and perved over my stupid nipples! Anything else
you could possibly say or do to make my cheeks any redder spit it
out now!” He laughed and kissed me again! I blushed he’d seen me
before I started wearing tee shirts under my whites.
Bummer.

It was Sam watching me and that put a whole load more
confusion into the mix. He knew where I worked, despite me ‘hiding’
in the back watching him. Clever, the price of bread thing makes
sense now, him asking such a wacky question. Lord he’s good at this
stalking thing; I had seen him in the bakery, but just as a passing
glance, as a customer being served by Debby.

“I remember that day very well, Mum killed me because my white
expensive hockey socks had to be binned they didn’t come white
enough for her. I had a new dance that night and couldn’t do the
heel, kick, flick shuffle thing in my trainers, but that was just
before my exams last year in mid-November. Sam... How long have you
been watching me exactly?” His reply was not what I was expecting
to hear.

“Well for months, it’s hard to put dates on all this, as it
became a near full time job in the end, watching him. What with uni
and working, you were the one he watched, and I in turn, got to
watch you too and over time I fell deeper in lust for you. I swear,
I am not a perverted stalker, though I do sound like
one.”

“What you lusted after me? Oh and please rewind back up there
Sam, to the how long bit, you have been watching who for months,
me?” I was spooked a little.

“Lusted: as in converted, hungered, longed for or even
desired? No, I had been following Jimmy for months. I didn’t know
he was following you until just two months ago. I know this is
sounding weirder by the minute, and hell I need to explain things,
please Michelle don’t run away? Let me explain and if you still
want to go then well…” He held my hand tighter. “Hopefully it will
become clearer, please, don’t be scared. I’m not a pervert, I
promise.” Suddenly I’m feeling nervous.

“Sam I know what lusted means, I’m just shocked you have been
having the same lust filled thoughts… And I didn’t mean to say that
last bit either, damn it you got me, I did some lusting too okay?
But seriously, you’ve been watching me, whilst Jimmy watched me
too?” Now, I’m curious and fixing the damn filter because it’s
getting me in trouble! “Why were you watching Jimmy, watching me
Sam? And this better, be good because wow this is kind of creepy
and it isn’t doing a lot for me! When exactly did you start to have
those feelings for me?” Did I now want to know?

“I fell for you just simply watching you weird I know. Don’t
ask why, because I don’t have a reason why, well besides your
stunning beautiful sexy as hell and funny, so other than those
reasons, there’s just something pulling me to you, perhaps it’s
because you have started my healing process, but it seems to go
deeper than that.

I didn’t know you were the same girl Jimmy fancied, I just
fell for a girl who I spotted, whilst waiting for and looking out
for my brother. The being a stranger thing was stopping me doing
anything about it any sooner, Michelle! You didn’t know me and you
never seemed to be out at the weekend for me to talk to you! Well I
haven’t seen you out; do you even go out?”

“No I
don’t, but that’s a long story, really long! So continue with yours
please, we’ve plenty of time for my stories, its cold and I have to
be home soon!” I snuggled into his shoulder, just for warmth, he
insisted!

“I wanted to introduce myself before Christmas, I chickened
out and then I thought hell you need to do it for New Year, but
didn’t! Then I thought I’d do it on your birthday back in February!
The truth is I didn’t want you to say no.” He looked so
uncomfortable. “I'm a lot older than you and I’m a stranger, well I
still am that stranger and now you’ve heard all this, I’m an even
stranger, stranger. I’d laugh, but it does sound pretty awful from
where you’re sat I suppose? Hell, I couldn’t wait any longer, I
gave Jimmy enough time to ask you out and sort this shit out and
he’s still like me waiting to pluck up courage. Only I found my
inner lion tonight, I had to, and I’m glad I did it first too!” I
interrupted him, smiling. I wouldn’t have said no.

“Four years, isn’t a lot Sam, not in the grand scheme of
things, I suppose you’re not technically a stranger now, and I'm
glad you found the inner lion Sam, and as to beating Jimmy, he
would have been disappointed, he is just a friend and nothing more.
I didn’t like him that way, his brother though that’s a different
story, damn my filter...” He smiled back at me and having that
smile, on that body should be against the law; he is without one
shadow of a doubt too gorgeous for me. Kisses of relief given and
ummed into, yummy and warm. His lips feel soft and it feels so
right I could be sat with a murderer and I didn’t care… His soft
kisses and that dreamy voice had me hooked already and left me
wanting more…

“I wasn’t sure if I was able to just ask you out, as I said I
didn’t and haven’t seen you out. I wanted to just walk up and ask
you, now that would have been weird, I really wanted to, but I
waited. I thought… I would have more time to get to know you better
first… At dance class… You know make the move there… Well I suppose
I did…

Why the hell are you making me so nervous? I need to explain
this quickly before I go to pieces! Before all this happened
tonight and it had to be tonight, or I would have lost you to
someone else otherwise, and I wasn’t willing to lose you, not
without trying.” What lose me to someone else? He smiled and put
his arm around my shoulder.

“Six weeks ago I noticed you in dance class, that was a shock
too because I actually thought you were at the other dance studio.
Then you walked in and wow, I had a reason to smile you were there.
I thanked the lord that my lessons with Lana had changed days from
Tuesday and Thursday to Fridays. Her boyfriend had started a
weekend job, so she wanted those nights with him. I couldn’t say no
really, she’s been teaching me as a favour, old school friends and
all? I knew that she did this dancing stuff, so asked her to teach
me some basics, it actually ended up being good fun, it’s so good
at reducing stress and keeping me calmer and it’s something far
less dangerous to my health, than the last activity I got involved
in.” He winked, seven weeks actually Sam but who was
counting?

“So you were never her boyfriend then?” His arm gripped me
tighter around my waist. He laughed.

“Who Leggy? Hell no and I’m not that interested in the old
lady either, she’s just an old school friend. One, who was helping
me, put a plan together. Teaching me to dance. I hadn’t yet sussed
how I would get you interested in me. Then you walked in and I
waited to see if you noticed me and well you did, thank God you
did, you watched me and I watched you. My plan was to ask you out
to a works do I have coming up, and well then he was going to ask
you out, so I couldn’t risk losing you before I had this…” He
kissed me again, oh his kisses were nice and then he interrupted it
by speaking again. “Jimmy had it so bad for you, he became
infatuated with you, after you rescued him, the day he went through
the class window…”

“Oh God that was awful, his lip was cut by the glass and it
pierced a hole, right through his cheek. Not nice and the English
teacher, Miss Fisher panicked saw the blood and passed out cold,
her head took a bash, so I put her in recovery position and sorted
her out, I stopped Gary from taking it out or he would have bled to
death, they are dicks his friends, as is your little
brother.

It was like a scene from Benny Hill, funny looking back, but a
mess at the time and well he was in shock. He just sat there and
smiled at me as I cleaned it and I half expected him to kiss me,
the way he just stared at me and I think he was ogling my boobs
too, he asked me about my boyfriend and I talked about anything and
everything. I can’t remember what, but what with that and boob
watching it was keeping him occupied I suppose?

I stopped it bleeding by taking the glass shard out, I had too
it was so close to the back of his throat. I packed it with my
ripped towel, my finger in his mouth holding the towel in place and
putting on pressure, that was interesting it was like he enjoyed
it? Then my hand was on his cheek on the other side, he sat and
grinned like a moron and I sat with him and shouted orders to the
idiots who were laughing.

Talk about a comedy of errors hell he was an idiot. I’m sure I
didn’t do anything to warrant him stalking me I did nothing other
than rescue a classmate, who was bleeding to death. You Todd men
don’t do a lot of the actual talking thing then? I find it works,
it’s actually more effective than a smile, but you have killer
smiles the pair of you.” He smiled at me as he spoke.

“I thank you your smiles pretty cute too, fancy him ogling
your boobs, naughty and lucky James Robert. You had him hooked, you
gave him your time and stopped with him and you held his hand and
didn’t laugh as the others were doing. He fell for you hard, all he
talked about all that summer was Michelle this, Michelle that, I
must say we were all a bit fed of hearing that name, it has to be
said he was your one man cheer squad! I don’t suppose you are now,
being here with me instead of him.” He gripped my waist
tighter.

“I’m shocked he took it totally the wrong way, I was saving
him, not falling in love with him. I just felt sorry for him he was
being an idiot showing off in class, something he did in school a
lot too, arsed around! But that time it backfired he was bleeding
and really badly too, I wish I’d let the pervert bleed to death
now.” He smiled.

“But then he wouldn’t have followed you, I wouldn’t have
followed him and I wouldn’t have spotted you.” I blushed, fate and
her plans.

“I remember that day well too, my first aid training from the
Duke of Edinburgh course had paid off that day.”

“Impressive, you’re a first aid wiz too, is there any end to
your talents Miss Welles? Let me finish or we are going to be here
all night. Nice though that sounds, it’s too wet and cold. Since
the beginning of the October term, he had been coming home from
college, with ripped and dirty trousers and nearly every day too.
Mum bless her thought he was in trouble, being bullied by bigger
lads as he was in school, being he’s such a mouthy git, who could
blame them? I was forever looking after him at school too, I
thought he’d grow out of it at college, you know grow up and stick
up for himself? So I was asked to keep an eye on him and I couldn’t
say no to my mum, so my task of being a detective began yet again.”
He laughed and kissed my neck did I really want to know the truth?
This was so nice he was talking again.

“I waited for him at the college gates for a couple of weeks,
he couldn’t see me, but I had my eyes on him, he’d disappear into
the park and hide in the bushes, I couldn’t suss why, perhaps to
wait for the bigger lads to go? I never saw any looking for him,
but continued to watch. I caught him climbing a tree and wondered
what he was doing. It took a few weeks for me to actually work out
what he was actually doing. Given the amount of people who peel
through the gates at home time, it wasn’t an easy job, and given
you share it with your old school, it’s a busy alley. You though
were always there laughing joking and wow playing hockey.” He had
seen me playing hockey, dancing what else had he seen me
do?