A Life Plan Without You. (11 page)

“Sam did you sleep down stairs Son, wake up little man?” I
smiled as I remember that I have a date with Michelle. Mum is
getting in happy from her night at the opera.

“I did Mum yes sorry, I had a good night and I’m going out
with my girlfriend later. Did you have a nice night and enjoy a
cooked breakfast?” She smiles down at me, she’s about to answer
when dad makes his way down the stairs and she goes into full on
panic mode again, rushing to make his breakfast. Getting up close
and in my face he smiles, I hate that fucking smile.

“Sam lad did you give me money last night, it’s just I don’t
think it’s going to be enough.” I refuse him more money. I gave him
a load last night. He disappears in the kitchen and mum whimpers. I
go to see what he’s doing to her.

“Sam lad did you give me any money last night?” Again I’m
angry and hate this man. I frown and look over at mum.

“No Dad it seems I didn’t give you enough.” He grabs the
money, I hand him and disappears out the front door. “Mum we have
to stop living like this, this isn’t normal, Mum please let’s move
away, we can now Jimmy is eighteen?” She has that lost look in her
eyes. Then suddenly a flicker of something in her eyes I haven’t
seen before, hope perhaps?

“Sam, bring your girl to see me please?” I smile, and have to
wonder if she’s up to meeting my mother, one day after I ask her
out? I’ve never brought anyone back to meet mum and this could be a
deal breaker. Mum is the most important person in my
life.

“Right I’ll bring her for a drink, when I pick her up this
evening Mum.” She smiles as I go back to bed. I grab a couple of
hours sleep I have a bath, as I sit in the hot water I think about
where I want this to go and wonder if she will do the same thing as
the other one?

No, I can’t think like that, but this time I take things damn
slowly, if I can reel it in that is! I have the feeling she is the
one, after last night more so, I know I haven’t been thinking
straight in a few weeks, but hell she has been on my mind all the
bloody time and now I have a reason to see her, bugger it I’m in
the mood for a sandwich… I change and go to see the reason for the
smile and the permanent damn hard on…

CHAPTER
2

Worked dragged, customers came and went, moaned at me, they
chatted to me, ignored me, I cooked, I cleaned and all I did was
smile all morning long. That wasn’t hard given that Sam was now my
man and he would be taking me out tonight. I was and am so lucky
because he was my soul reason for smiling, my face ached and the
thoughts of those kisses kept my cheeks rosy all morning, and yep
my man beacons were permanently erect and hard thinking about him
and those kisses. Without looking, up from my sandwich making, I
hear a gentle excuse me cough.

“Sorry Sir, I will be with you in just one little minute.”
Turning my head, to see to the customer with the cough... Oh my day
just got better, because Sam was in the shop. Debby had jumped from
the till and was looking at him.

“Yes Sir what can I get for you today?”

“I’m surprising my girlfriend, with lunch. What do you
recommend today?” I smile, as he smiles at me.

“Michelle can you please serve this customer? Sorry Sir, I’m
sure Michelle here, will be happy to help you. When you’ve finished
with this customer, take your break and if you can will you please
not stop in that break room mooning over your true romance
magazines, for more than the half an hour you’re allowed.” I don’t
need to dream anymore he’s here.

“Actually Debby, today I will be taking my break with my
boyfriend who swept me of my feet last night. When he promised to
dance me to heaven and back, but I’d be more than happy to help
this customer first.” Looking up, his face was staring straight at
me. He mouthed,
always
at me.

“Out for a bite with my boyfriend, right and I’m Olivier
Newton-John.” Off the sarcastic cow waddled and out to the back
door.

“What would Sir like today? Is there anything that takes Sirs
fancy? I can highly recommend the chicken salad, Sir.”

“Michelle, I would like a lot whole of you, but if that isn’t
on the menu? Then I’ll have a chicken salad and an egg mayo, bacon,
a sprinkling of lettuce and tomatoes all on brown, please. If
that’s not too much trouble?” Either he likes the same sandwich as
me or super stalker has seen me eating it?

“Certainly Sir, as to those other menu items they are for
special friends only. Which would unquestionably include you, is
that’s all Sir? Shit, tell me I didn’t actually say all that
aloud?” He was laughing at me again, nodding his head.

“Umm yes, it seems you did, I’m glad I’ve become a special
friend though, nice to hear. Brain to mouth filter broken again?”
My face is now burning as I laugh and nod. I shouted for Debby, she
came in from her ciggie break, washed her hands and smiled at
Sam.

“Debby will ring you up, please excuse me Sir.” I needed to
grab my cardigan and get rid of the pinny, the hat and stupid hair
net, shit what a state I must look?

“Your change and thanks for coming, hope to see you again
Sam?” Keep your eyes forward Debby, he’s mine and the kisses are
mine too, I would be getting more. Sooner rather than later, I
thought. Umm count on that one Sam; how did she know his name, I
wonder? I removed my apron, stupid hair net and hat putting them
away. Grabbing a couple of colas, I returned to his side just as he
finished paying. I linked his arm and walked off past Debby and her
mum.

“See you later Olivier.” I shouted as we past the pair of
skivers. He smiled at them and kissed my head. “So Sam, what part
of, I will see you at seven pm did you not understand, the seven or
the pm?”

“I tried to stay away, but you are it has to be said hard to
stay away from, now that I don’t have to. Where are we having
these?”

“Over there I think?” I pointed to the church garden opposite.
It was nice, now that the sun was out and there’s a shady, bench
there too. All of a sudden I was hot and getting hotter by the
minute.

“All your own work, these then?”

“Yes Sam and all made by these fair hands.” He grabbed my
right hand and pulled me in towards him. I couldn’t catch my
breath, as he was kissing the side of my neck. All in full view of
Debby and her mum, he grabbed my other hand and pulled me around to
face him, for the sweetest of kisses, my legs were going to buckle
that’s if they hadn’t already, I couldn’t really tell I was being
held so tightly.

“You’re my girl, Shelly.” Oh he didn’t just call me that
bloody name again?

“Michelle, if you really feel the need then Missy, please Sam
I liked the Mi cielo too.” I threw him a, don’t-do-it-again-look.
We sat on the backside high back wall, of the garden he gave me my
lunch and gently brushed my hand with his, that sent shivers,
racing on their merry way around my body again. I wanted him to
hold me, to kiss me and to run those strong hands down my back, yes
that was what I wanted, but would settle for my
sandwich.

Oh why wasn’t my favourite a plain cheese? This was going to
be messy and not the sort of food you eat in front of your hunky
new boyfriend. Not that brilliant in the smell department either,
here goes. I gently bit down on the end and I tried ever so hard to
be sophisticated. I thought I had managed it too, until he kissed
the side of my mouth.

“You missed a bit Mi cielo, ‘Eggs-Michelle’, nice.” Laughing,
he cupped my chin and kissed me with such a gentle touch I started
to feel weird again, what was he doing to me? I was a helpless,
quivering wreck at the smallest of his touches. This was just the
start of his romancing game and I was already putty in his hunky
hands. Oh, yes please I want to be in his hands.

“Michelle?” He had nudged me out of my dream world.

“Correct, that’s my name.” I laughed. “How did you know what
sandwich was my favourite, or is that a stupid
question?”

“Not really I’ve been in there a lot over the past few months,
its handy for uni, I never was a sandwich shop man, but now can’t
keep me away from this one. I’ve heard you tell loads of people
what you recommended. You’re not likely to recommend something you
don’t like.”

“Umm suppose, I watched Debby as she usually served you in the
bakery, right? She talked about you all the time and told her mum
to have a look at you, I wondered who she was talking about, yes
you were nice looking and I laughed when she said I didn’t stand a
chance and actually agreed with her too. You’ve been going in there
for the past couple of years; I have seen you loads of times too.
Debby has seen you out at the weekends and apparently you’re a
catch, is that why she knows your name?” He was laughing at me
again.

“I have been in there loads, whilst at college and uni, I was
really surprised to see you working there too, after you know the
Jimmy thing. So why didn’t you say you had noticed me in the shop
before? It could have been an opening line, do you come in here
often, or aren’t you the lad who comes in the bakery, you know at
dance classes? I stopped going out months ago, so that’s why she
was funny with me. I’m a catch then am I? Nice to know, but sorry
I’m spoken for; let her down gently Mi cello.” He pulled me off the
wall and into his arms. He kissed me again this was oh…. So wanted…
Needed… Tiny kisses and lots of them and as he moved again to my
neck and kissed there too, my heart stopped, I’d died. Oh but a
least I’d had these kisses…

“Sam when are you going to learn, I didn’t and don’t have the
confidence to do that? I thought you were with Leggy, and this is
so, not the right place for a make out session… Please don’t stop
though and damn right I will tell her hands off, your mine, you are
mine aren’t you?” He laughed and kissed me again, now there’s an
oxymoron, if ever there was one.

“Perhaps tonight, we’ll get to do it in private then? I’ll
walk you back Mi cielo. Damn right your mine, I don’t share or
cheat. I have issues baby, complicated issues and I hate cheating!”
Huh, umm yes right. A proper make out session tonight, I couldn’t
wait. He was right though why didn’t I just say something. I could
listen to him all day, even his voice was as sexy as hell, I am one
lucky girl, he sounded sexy he is body gorgeous and wow dreamy as
hell. What did he see in me? Please, don’t let this be Michael all
over again. That would be too cruel, just ask him straight out.
Feet first, here goes.

“So, when do your mates jump out and take the piss of me and
you whatever? Shouting I told you she was easy. I’m not, just to
let you know! You are really nice and way too good for me, why do
you want to see me Sam, there’s loads of more experienced girls out
there for you, why me?” Where the hell did all that come from, what
had I done?

“Really, you have to ask after last night? Michelle, I’m head
over heels in love with you, and have been from a far, for a fair
few weeks. It’s me that’s the lucky one, I don’t want another girl,
I want to see you and only you baby!”

“How can you love someone, you don’t even know? To be honest
you’re a really hunky fella, who is pretty damn good at this grown
up stuff. Sam it has been a manic few hours, yes hours and you’re
declaring your undying love for me. I have only ever kissed by one
other boy, besides you, who, I now find out may like me now after
all? You’re older than me and have more experience than me in these
things, I don’t want this, us, Just to be some sort of joke
Sam,

Michael, David and Jimmy hurt me. Jimmy told another lad,
Kieran one of the lads from our group, who fancied me, what I’d
done with Michael and that I was an easy screw and to just go for
it, you know after the kiss on the train? He and David told him I
was always with different lads and I was easy, Kieran was nice he
told me what they had said, as I let him down gently, he’d already
been out with Kelly so I wasn’t interested anymore.

I’m not a slut and I haven’t been with any lads I promise I’m
not like that at all. I can’t stand the thought of being used for
fun and then dumped! That’s what I thought Michael was going to do,
he laughed with them and said nothing, he didn’t stick up for me
and because I liked him a lot, I allowed him to kiss me. He was my
first kiss and my first heartbreak…” Michelle shut up. All you’re
doing is shouting at him.

“Oh, cheers Missy, does that mean, I’m a sloppy second choice?
Where are all these insecurities coming from? Why don’t you think
you deserve to have someone to love you? You’re not a joke, your my
girlfriend, one who will find out just how much I adore you, yes
adore you. Stupid as that sounds seeing as we only spoke for the
first time last night, but please Mi cielo don’t forget I have been
watching you for months, so yes my months out strip your seven
weeks. I’m damn sure I want more than to use you baby, I will kill
Jimmy if he upsets you again and a punch to the face will put him
straight if he says anything bad about you, I promise.

I want you to fall in love with me and experience some of the
things I feel when I see you, I am not using you in any sort of
game, I’m too old to play games! Who the hell has messed your head
into thinking all your worth is to be used baby, who this isn’t
just those idiot boys, who Missy please tell me? Please believe me
everything I said last night I meant.