A Life Plan Without You. (3 page)

He was a man, not a boy he had pubs to be in and discos to go
to, he had a real life to live and I just fantasised I was in it.
He was all I looked forward too, dreaming about him was all I had,
so sad but so, so true. The thoughts of him even made my days seem
better catching the odd glimpse of him, here and there meant I had
something to look forward to… I’m sad and deluded and in a world of
my own again, shush, the long climb up the steps to the studio is
over, as I open the door I start to wonder what adventures tonight
would bring…

He’s here already... No I’m not dreaming this or am I? I’m
earlier than normal, way earlier because I’ve added a class of
nippers to my rota, one his bloody girlfriend Lana should have been
teaching, but Lana and kiddie classes are not a good mix. I often
wondered if that’s why she taught older kids, because she was
simply not a good kiddie person?

They tended to quit after a couple of weeks, most saying she
was nasty and mean. I always thought she had a hint of the child
catcher from the film, Chitty-chitty-bang-bang about her, well it
made me laugh when she chased the nippers around the room and they
ran away from her. So they were trying me with the nippers, I had
more patience and was eager to have my own classes.

I’m here early and he already had his dance shoes on and
tonight was sitting on one of the side chairs right by the dance
floor, but was really early and even Leggy isn’t here yet, so why
is he? Never mind why, he is so shush and let me watch. Go away
little voice go away, he just sits, smiles, watches and he waits.
The last one is not part of his usual routine at all! It felt so
strange seeing him for longer than the few minutes I had grown
accustomed to.

For me this night, however was about to get a whole lot of
strange thrown at it. Ellie and I, Ellie now back from her bad
sprain not broken ankle, had to teach the class on our own tonight.
Lee the head dance instructor had called in so couldn’t supervise
us.

“He is running a little late Michelle so take the lead there’s
a good pudding, just until he gets here, he says you’ll be fine.
It’s all this spring rain we’re having its killing him getting here
on his bike.” That was the Warren Ridgley owner and proprietor of
Ridgley’s Dance Studio.

My perfect piece of heaven and here in my Zen like calm space,
here no matter what sort of shitty week I’d had and they could be
crappy, what with mum and the Manning trolls. I always seemed to
have a problem following me, whether it was at home, school or
college. Here though in my garden state of peace and tranquillity,
here I was just Michelle Welles, dancer and teacher of the young
and the uncontrollable, here was my perfect place and on Fridays,
of late my place to see my very own dark and mysterious
angel.

That dark angel tonight though has thrown a spanner in my
ogling, he was ogling me back now and I wasn’t sure why the change
occurred why was he early tonight? I just knew something was
different he looked different. I watched and simply smiled back at
him, he had a killer smile every time he saw me, which was never
the problem, the fact that he never spoke was the only problem I
had, getting words from those lips instead of a smile, shit as well
as the smile, why not be greedy and have everything I could from
his lips, umm better still would be a kiss… I snapped out of my
ogling I had work to do. Bummer.

“Tell me about it I’m like a drowned rat.” I said, as I shook
my frizzy wet hair at Warren. I looked over in his direction and he
was laughing, as the drops of water went everywhere. I smiled at
him and shrugged my shoulders, giggling too.

“Oh Michelle dear, we have a package for you it’s here, you
did order your usual shoes didn’t you?” Cynthia’s voice carried
through from her small office, her hideous glasses peering over the
hatched window, smiling at me. She made me laugh because she looked
like Dame Edna Everage. Warren passed me the box and in it were my
much yearned for shoes. I’d invested a lot of my Gramp’s birthday
money into a new killer pair of white satin and diamante encrusted
strappy, four inch heeled beautiful pair of professional dance
shoes. They were my belated eighteenth birthday gift, to myself,
thank you Gramps!

I did it all before Mum had realised I had the extra cash, the
electricity bill needed paying, she knew Gramps had been planning
to send me my birthday money. She just didn’t know how much and
when it was coming and she had been saying she could do with
borrowing it, when it did arrive…

Please! What she meant was hand it over and shut up. On the
day my card arrived, she was at work, so I’d opened it and stashed
the cash, it was bad enough she had my wages most weeks, she wasn’t
getting her hands on my hundred pounds, the rest I had stashed here
in my locker. I ordered and paid for the shoes, because I was a
rebel without a care… Well only one care and that care was to get
me, my goddamned shoes.

Finally I was holding those wonderful shoes in my hands,
having had for far too many years, made do with a pair of clunky
gold sandals, from Aunty Elizabeth. I had craved these shoes for so
long and at last they were here and so too was Sam Todd. Could this
night get any better?

I ran to my locker throwing my cardigan in. I carefully undid
the box and I was then looking in at perfection, well in here
anyhow. Out there was sat total perfection. On they went, wow my
legs looked longer and heck they fit me like a glove and eek I
could dance and walk in them they were, oh so perfect, happy dance
and a laugh from the little girl watching her new teacher doing her
happy dance.

Now to class girl, if you’re lucky, you may get a few more,
snatched minutes. He was still here in the room result, but why he
was still here? Shush, he was and was now sat watching me teach my
class of nippers thank you God. He was watching me and I was
watching him, he smiles every time he sees me, well me? I blush and
giggle, shit so not a good look, me giggling like a little girl! I
will ignore him, dance with the nipper’s class, dancing on in my
new and beautiful shoes, pretending he was not there. So, for now
let the ignoring of that man commence.

Ellie had chosen to teach them the tango, my favourite dance,
she had chosen to dance female lead of course she had, they were
the easy steps, your being walked over and it’s your class
Michelle... I ended up lumbered with the male steps, a serious
amount of step through moves throughout this dance, the only good
thing I was facing him, a small result. This was and is the most
romantic of dances, something lost on these five to ten year olds.
Still it was a dance in their upcoming exams, so learn it they
must.

Gillian, my little laughing nipper was very shaky and not at
all sure of her next move, what if anything had Lana taught them?
Doing the next bit was the tricky part, the sharp turns and getting
the timings right is a crucial part of the dance, the heel rise and
the legs through the legs. Opps and that’s where it all went so
embarrassingly and disastrously wrong. I didn’t know how it
happened, it just did, it was as if I was watching from the side
and I was watching as it happened to someone else. I just couldn’t
stop myself from falling.

I was and I am about to hit the floor and as if things
couldn’t get any worse and oh God, yes they could, because not only
was I falling, but I also found myself heading straight at him, not
near him, no nothing in my life is that clear cut, but I am heading
straight at him, how had this gone so wrong? Think girl quickly I’d
had a wobble on my new heels, a miss placed foot movement on
Gillian’s part, judging by the look on her face. Easily done and
she’d sent me flying, bless her cotton socks and gold sandals, it’s
their fault.

I turn and look up and yes there I am and thank you, the gods
of the dance floor because now I’m plonked straight at his feet.
Please ground open up and swallow me whole and now! Then spit out
the pieces and bury them in the garden of remembrance, because this
was my last chance at romance… Please, my dream has unravelled and
I just look like a clumsy dork.

“Here, let me help you up, Michelle.” Oh my, he’s speaking he
was actually talking to me. (I had to wonder why I didn’t think of
this plan sooner.) I laugh inside, I then swoon as his eyes look
down into mine, and yes they are undeniably saying hello, with
their deep ebony sparkles and yes wow, they are nicer close
up.

“Thank you Samuel, I think I’m fine, really I’m so sorry.” He
helped me to my feet and I fell again, straight into his arms this
time. Ground open up and swallow me now please. Oh my God, he smelt
so fantastic, so nice, cotton fresh and a wonderful clean smell, he
was holding onto me and my head nestled in his chest.

There was an instant spark of electricity and it dashed
through both our bodies as his heart began beating quickly and for
what seemed like an eternity we stood, me drinking in his smell and
our shaking bodies touching with a strange yet nice
tension.

Damn, this ignoring him was a shit plan and it was going quite
spectacularly, if I do say so myself, to hell in a handcart. His
smile, his warm breath on my face as he nudged my chin up towards
those eyes, oh my, oh hell, oh yes… I was finally in Sam heaven… My
eyes at last met his.

“Hello Michelle, you do speak then?” Umm my heart was about to
explode, along with my face, erg yes I’m Michelle.

“Thanks, I think you can put me down now Samuel and talking’s
so underrated, when smiling works sooo much better. It’s a two way
street you know, this talking lark.” Right back at you with, I know
your name too, shit he knows, my name? Oh, was that too sarcastic,
it didn’t seem too witty either. Bummer have I messed this
up?

“He knows my name. Oh, that was still in my head wasn’t it?” I
blush. “And that Samuel is why I don’t speak. A bad case of foot in
mouth disease, with a broken brain to mouth filter, it’s in a
desperate need of a strip down and clean and pretty damn sharpish
too.” With a very sexy and mannish laugh, he helped me
up.

Let me explain, when I say mannish, most of the lads in our
group, their voices hadn’t quite broke yet, those that had were
funny. He was laughing, damn you floor where’s the opening, I just
want to jump in and die?

“Yes you did and yes Michelle Welles, I know who you are. You
went to school, with my little brother Jimmy and you’re in college
with him aren’t you?” No, I hadn’t a clue, how did he know that?
Yes I was in class with a Jimmy Todd, and this is his brother,
umm…

“Really, Jimmy’s your brother? Well, it’s a small world after
all.” He could be a little strange at times, Jimmy, not Sam. I’d
actually wondered several times over those years, if he had a crush
on me? At least I thought he did, but I hadn’t given much to the
idea of him and me. He was nice as a friend, as my cooking partner
and chief food tester as he had been all through school and in
college, he was also one of my idiots, (we did cooking for idiots
at college, to prep people for life in university, so they could
learn to cook and didn’t live on beans on toast, whilst
there.)

This hunky man stood grinning in front of me was his big
brother? Umm yes, big brother and he’s yes, even more gorgeous up
close and personal, I’m shouted at to ‘pay attention’, damn it
bitch I hugged him tighter, you frightened me, thank
you…

“He was in a few of my classes at school and he’s in a couple
at college. Well, thanks again Samuel, I’ve got to get on and back
to trying to teach this group the tango and though I’m good at the
girlie bits, the lads step troughs are harder for me.” Was he
laughing at me again?

“I had noticed, need a hand?” My lord, he was holding his hand
for me to take. He’d reached down and is now had hold of my hand.
He held on to it tightly shaking as he did and as he pulled me to
him, his thumb brushed over my knuckles, sheisk, tingles sent
through my whole body. “I can, if you want show you how it should
be done?” He was undeniably laughing at me again and I blushed as
he winked! He did wink or has he a squint in his beautiful ebony
sparkling eyes?

“No Samuel that’s not really necessary but thank you, I’m
pretty sure I can cope, I’m a pretty quick learner but thanks
anyway.” He smiled as he let go of my hand. He’s let go of my hand
no, no, put it back. At the same time, there was a, voice behind
me.

“It’s fine Michelle I am here I have arrived thanks Miss E,
just in the nick of time by the look of things. Nice shoes, by the
way, you looking kind of hot there, babes.” Lee was by my side a
kiss to my cheek and yet another smile and flash of his eyes at
Sam.

Lee is my teacher and has become such a good friend. He is
head dance instructor and gay, he was the first openly gay man I
had ever met and wouldn’t ever have given it a second thought,
until the one and only night dad had ever picked us up, he was
drunk and Aunty Liz was working at the hospital, so he came from
the pub to walk us home and he said as we went down the
stairs.

“Keep away from the poof, they like dancing.” What planet was
my drunken father on? Does he think you can catch the gay gene? He
was my good friend and like me, he liked men? Well we both liked
Sam anyhow! I laughed so too did Becky at just how stupid my dad’s
reasoning was. Lee was a nice fella and friend, who yes liked
dancing and men, so did I, I dreamed of them constantly. This being
the only thing dad had ever said, that came close to the birds and
the bees talk and forget mum doing the talk, she knew we’d be heard
it all in school, she’d, had the letter from them informing her, of
the upcoming lessons in year three, like she’d discuss anything
like that with me.