A Song For Us (Fallen Tuesday Book Two) (A Brothers of Rock Novel) (7 page)

But face it; Gray was a big time
rockstar.

On the drive home from breakfast, Carina
didn’t feel as happy as she did go to breakfast. The reality of being and
feeling alone waited for her. She promised herself time and time again she
would take care of that feeling. There was no need to live in Liering, but
there was nowhere else to go.

Carina headed toward the building
when she heard someone whistle at her. She froze as the feeling of dread
started to go through her body. Trying to play it off, Carina opened the
building door and stepped inside.

“Wait, Carina!”

When she looked over her shoulder, she
saw Gray from Fallen Tuesday closing the door to his car. He waved and nodded,
offering a smile.

Carina wasn’t sure what to do. The
door shut and she pushed it back open, going outside again. Gray walked toward
her.

“Hey,” Gray said.

“Hello,” Carina said. “What are
you… well, your brother’s apartment, right?”

“Yeah,” Gray said. “I had to check
on things.”

“I just got back from breakfast
with a friend.” Carina felt stupid. “A girl. A woman, I mean. Angie. Her name
is Angie. That’s who I had breakfast with.”

Gray laughed. “Good to know. I had
breakfast with the rest of the band.”

“They left town?”

“Back to the studio,” Gray said.

“Without you?” Carina asked.

“Sadly, yes.”

Carina found herself running short
of words. It seemed impossible because for the first time in a long time she
actually felt comfortable near someone. That look in Gray’s eyes was the same as
before.

“You were already inside?” Carina
asked.

“Just left a minute ago,” Gray
said. “Your trick with the door worked perfect.”

“Good to know.”

Gray slipped his hands into his
pockets. “Listen, I’m going to throw something out there… hope you don’t take
it the wrong way.”

“Okay.”

“I should have gone back with the
band,” Gray said. “I didn’t. Partly because of my brother. Partly because of
the situation going on.”

“Is your brother okay?”

“Depends on what your definition of
okay is,” Gray said. “What I’m trying to say is… you don’t seem like the type
of person to live in a place like this. I’m not judging you at all, but I’m
just wondering if we could do something and talk.”

“Do something?”

“I’m not from around here,” Gray
said. “So if there’s a restaurant you like. Somewhere to go and talk.”

“Like a date?”

“Sure, a date,” Gray said. “I mean,
unless you don’t want it to be a date. Then it’s not a date.”

Carina smiled. She couldn’t believe
for a second this was actually happening. But it was. The guitarist from Fallen
Tuesday stood in front of her and had just asked her on a date.

“It can be whatever then,” Gray
said. “I’m sorry if I’m putting you on the spot here. If you have a boyfriend
or plans…”

“No, it’s okay,” Carina said.

She thought of Angie. She thought
of opportunity. She could go out with Gray for dinner. They could talk. Maybe
it would help. If Gray wanted to know why she was living in the rundown
apartment building, she would tell him. Her mind went to the keyboard in her
bedroom and the notebook with the songs.

“Are you sure?” Gray asked. “I
don’t want you to feel forced. I shouldn’t have said anything.”

“What time?”

“Later? I have to go check on my
brother.”

“Is he…”

“Still in the hospital,” Gray said.
“Don’t ask right now.”

“I won’t,” Carina said.

The star struck feeling had long
passed. Her face wasn’t burning anymore. In fact, she almost wanted to rush
right out with Gray right now. That’s when Carina realized she looked like
hell. Her hair was a mess. Her clothes were just old jeans and a sweatshirt.

“You have my number,” Gray said.
“You can call me. In case you change your mind.”

“I’m not going to change my mind,” Carina
said.

“Okay. Then I’ll see you later.”

“Okay.”

Gray smiled and walked to his car. When
he opened the door, she started to turn, until he called her name again.

“You look beautiful right now,”
Gray called out. “If I can say that to you.”

“You just did,” Carina said.

The color rushed back to her face.
Heat soared through her body as Gray smiled at her. For the first time in
longer than Carina cared to think or admit to herself, she had real plans for a
night. Not just regular plans with a friend… this was a date with a rockstar.

(8)

Gray’s mother’s words were still
embedded in his mind and he didn’t want to let her down. It wasn’t that he
didn’t want to check on Peter, it was more about not wanting to be in the same
situation with the same feelings. Gray hated the idea of not having news and
not having answers. Yet, if enough time passed, the big decision would be on
the table. Someone would have to decide to take Peter off the medical equipment
that was keeping him alive.

At the hospital, Gray stepped into
the room and stared at his brother. Everything looked the same. The machines
beeped and hummed. The television hooked to the wall had the local news on. The
blinds were slightly open, just enough to let some sunlight in the hospital
room. Peter was under the blankets, but his arms and hands were exposed. IV’s were
in both of his hands. His mouth was covered by his breathing tube. He looked
more like a science project from a horror movie than his little brother.

Gray looked at his brother’s eyes, and
wished they would just open.

“Peter, it’s Gray,” he said. “I
came by today to check up on you. Just wanted to let you know that Mom was
asking about you. She’s worried. She’s upset. So am I. I’m not even sure if you
can hear me right now, brother, and that scares me. I don’t know where you are
right now. I’m looking at you, Peter. I’m looking at your face, your body. I
see you, but I’m wondering if you’re really there. I know it’s a lot to ask
for, but can you move something? Wiggle a toe? Move a finger? Flutter your eyes
even.”

Gray licked his lips. His mouth was
dry. Being in such close proximity to something like death bothered him. Of
course it didn’t help that it was his little brother who had one foot already
firmly planted in his grave.

Touching the bedrail, Gray looked
up and down Peter’s body. He waited for something to happen. It could happen,
right? Sure, this wasn’t a television show or movie, but it could happen. Peter
needed to give a sign. A movement that Gray could give back to his mother and
give his heart some peace.

After waiting a few minutes,
nothing happened.

It was all the same.

Gray gripped the bedrail tight. He felt
like he could tear the rail off and throw it across the room. Instead, his
hands opened and he let out a shaky breath.

“It’s okay, Peter,” Gray said.
“It’s okay. I just hope, more than anything else, you can hear me. Just know
I’m still here in town. I don’t know for how long though. I have to get back to
the studio with the band. But I’m close enough to be here when you need me. If
it helps to know, I’m not really mad at you for what happened. I’m mad at the
situation. I’m mad that you had that road presented to you again. I’m mad that
you couldn’t stop from walking down that road. But at you, Peter, no. No, I’m
not mad. It’s a fight. It’s a struggle. If anything, I feel I should be mad at
myself for not realizing that and being there for you more. I hope that means
something to you, wherever you are right now.” Gray touched his brother’s
shoulder, his face. “I love you, Peter.”

Gray walked away from the bed. He
looked over his shoulder twice, hoping for a miracle. Nothing happened. For Peter,
the miracle now was that he still had a heartbeat.
For now.

Out in the hallway, Gray leaned
against the wall and hung his head. He wanted to cry but he couldn’t find the
tears or the emotion to do so. It made him angry. He wished he could find the
tears to cry for his brother.

“Hey, Gray?”

Gray looked up and saw Laura
walking down the hall. “Hey, Laura. How are you?”

“I’m going to venture and say
better than you.”

Gray shook his head. “I’m fine. I
did something stupid, that’s all.”

“Stupid?”

“Thought I could wake Peter up by
talking to him,” Gray said. “That’s okay though.”

Laura offered a smile. “I see
miracles every single day of my life. I see people wake up who shouldn’t. I
also see plenty of tragedies. It’s the give and take of life, Gray.”

“Can I ask you something?”

“Of course.”

“Is he really there?”

“Peter?”

“You know what I mean,” Gray said.
“His body is there. But is his…” Gray touched his head.

“That’s the hard part,” Laura said.
“We don’t know. We won’t know unless he wakes up.”

“Well, before I go, I have
something.” Gray reached into his pocket and took out a piece of paper. He
handed it to Laura. “As promised.”

Laura’s eyes lit up. “Is this…
really?”

“Fallen Tuesday,” Gray said. “All five
of us. For your daughter.”

“This is amazing,” Laura said.
“She’s going to go crazy.”

Gray laughed. “Crazy is good then.
I’ll take it. Make sure she realizes she has a good mother.”

Laura looked at Gray and blinked
fast. Her eyes were glossy. “You don’t know what this means to me.”

“You’re right, I don’t,” Gray said.
“I look at my sloppy handwriting and can’t figure out why someone would want
it. But if it makes you happy and it makes your daughter happy, then I would
sign a million autographs.”

“I want to hug you right now,
Gray.”

Gray opened his arms and the nurse
hugged him. It was a quick hug, but it gave Gray a chance to leave the hospital
feeling good about the night to come. He thought about Peter as he sat in the
parking lot of the hospital, unsure where to go.

When his cell phone rang with a
number he didn’t know, Gray answered it, knowing exactly who he wanted it to
be.

“Hello, Gray. This is Carina.”

“Carina, hey,” Gray said. His body
warmed over and the smile on his face almost hurt. “How are you doing?”

“I’m great,” Carina said. “I should
ask you that.”

“I’m perfectly fine,” Gray said.
“Are we okay for tonight maybe?”

There was a slight pause. “Yes. I
know a little restaurant we can meet at. It should be secretive enough. I mean,
you know, for you.”

“Is that so?” Gray asked. “You
worried about me being found out in town?”

“No, not like that,” Carina said.

Gray laughed. “I’m joking, Carina.
Tell you what, you tell me where you want to go. I don’t care if people see me.
I’m not worried about it.”

“Believe it or not, I work at a
restaurant that’s a nightclub too. They have a stage and there are usually
bands there. I can call there and arrange something for us.”

“I’d like that,” Gray said.
“Conversation. Music. My kind of night. I could use it.”

“Okay then,” Carina said. “Should
we meet there?”

“Carina, I don’t now where
there
actually is.” Gray laughed again. “Let me handle that part though. Can you
be ready in an hour?”

“Yes.”

“Great,” Gray said. “Then I’ll see
you in an hour.”

Gray hung up and drove to the
apartment complex he called home for now. He paid for a month’s rent at an
already furnished executive style apartment. It was too clean and too fake for
him to enjoy, but it was somewhere to go. It was just outside Liering and it
provided comfort and quietness. Gray could have probably stayed with his mother,
but he didn’t want to watch her face her demons day and night.

In the apartment, Gray made a phone
call for a private car and then waited. He sat with a guitar and strummed a few
songs, humming along, thinking of all that waited in front of him. The good and
bad were side by side, each threatening to steal his attention. The quiet was
welcomed, but too much brought on uneasy feelings. The black car finally showed
up and Gray left the apartment. He climbed into the backseat and gave the
general idea of where Carina lived.

The black car pulled up a short
while later. Gray left the car and went into the building. He rushed up the
steps and didn’t stop until he found Carina’s apartment. He marveled at his
memory, telling himself that there must have been a good reason for mentally
memorizing everything about the building and Carina’s apartment number.

He knocked, she answered, and Gray fought
to find words.

Carina looked beautiful. Her hair
was down, her eyes perfect and bright, and her smile was nervous yet satisfied.
As Gray looked at her lips he wondered what they were like to kiss. Just once…
okay, fine, more than once. Her shirt hugged the gentle curves of her body.
Gray knew he was looking at her in a way that was perhaps inappropriate, but he
couldn’t stop himself.

He was a rockstar. He could do this.

“You look beautiful,” Gray said.

“Stop saying that,” Carina said.

“That, I can’t and won’t do,” Gray
said.

He offered his hand and Carina took
it. He led the way down the hall and to the stairs. Gray held every door for
her and once they were outside, he pointed to the black car with the back door
open.

“That’s our ride,” Gray said.

“You’re not driving?” Carina asked.

“No. Why bother? This is easier. We
can have a drink or two and not have to worry about it.”

Carina paused and looked at Gray.
“This is too much. I mean, for what this is…”

“Carina, we don’t know what this
is,” Gray said. “You helped me open a door. I helped you carry stuff to your
apartment. If I can be honest, like I was before, you just don’t seem the type
to live in a place like this. There’s just something about being near you I
enjoy. I need it right now.”

“This is expensive,” Carina said.
“I don’t want you to…”

Carina stopped and turned her head.

“Tell me,” Gray said. “If I’m making
you uneasy, I’m sorry.”

“It’s not that,” Carina said. “I
just don’t want anything to be assumed. Between us.”

“Physically?” Gray asked with a
smile.

Carina’s face was now a deep shade
of red. “Well, yeah.”

Gray took Carina’s hand. “I would
never act like that. I know I’m a rockstar. I know there are stereotypes. If
you were a different woman, then, yes, I would have my own assumptions going
into tonight.”

“Is that a compliment?” Carina
asked as she took her hand away.

Gray was suddenly realizing he was
very close to watching Carina walk back into the apartment building. She was so
frail and worried. She seemed so innocent.

“I didn’t mean that to sound rude,”
Gray said. “I’m good with guitars, not with words. What I meant was that I want
to be with you tonight, Carina. I want to go wherever this place is. I want to
buy you something to drink, something to eat. I want to talk to you. I want to
ask you questions. I want to stare at you. Is that wrong?”

Carina swallowed and nodded.
“You’re wrong.”

“Wrong?”

Carina then smiled. “You’re good
with guitars
and
words.”

Before he could react, Carina moved
to her toes and planted a kiss on his cheek. “Let’s go.”

Gray did get to watch Carina walk
away, but she walked to the car and got into the backseat. Gray followed.

Carina gave the address and soon
they were pulling alongside a restaurant.

“I know this sounds strange,” Carina
said, “but should we go in through the back?”

Gray smiled. “That’s fine by me.”

The car stopped and when Carina
reached for the door, Gray put a hand over hers and moved it away. She looked
at him and Gray felt his heart pulsing. He wanted to kiss her. Right there.
Right then. Right in the backseat of the car.

“It’s taken care of,” Gray
whispered.

A second later the door opened.

“Ma’am,” the driver said.

The driver helped Carina from the
car. Gray slid out next and nodded to the driver. As much as he wanted to look
cool and calm in front of Carina, this was new and he was nervous.

Gray followed Carina into the back
of the club. The narrow hall had the smell of a concert venue. Gray saw the
left over skeletons of sound and stage equipment. He smiled. He really missed
the stage. He really missed playing for the fans. He really missed it all.

When Carina turned right at the end
of a hall, there were a few people standing around, all dressed alike. They
were employees, all saying hello to Carina. They saw Gray and it took them a
few seconds to realize just what was in front of them. By then it was too late and
Gray was moving along. Carina took Gray to the main part of the restaurant and
hurried him to a corner booth. It was a tall booth and curved, enough to seat
at least six people, but tonight it would only be used for two.

“Is this okay?” Carina asked.

Gray looked around. “It’s amazing
here.” In the distance at the opposite end of the restaurant, there was a small
stage. It had a drum kit set up, a keyboard, guitar stands, and some microphones.

“How often are there shows here?”
Gray asked.

“Sometimes every night,” Carina
said. “My friend plays in a band. She plays here sometimes.”

“And you?”

Carina just smiled. She ignored the
question and it sparked Gray’s interest.

A man came over to the table. He
looked at Gray and offered his hand. “It’s an honor.”

Gray shook the man’s hand and
looked at Carina.

“This is Chuck,” Carina said. “He’s
my boss.”

“Nice to meet you,” Gray said.

“I’ll keep everything quiet for
you,” Chuck said. “So you don’t get bothered.”

“It’s fine,” Gray said. “Don’t
worry about it.”

Chuck took their drink order and
walked away. Gray looked at Carina and raised an eyebrow.

“I called in a few favors myself,” Carina
said. “I sort of told him you would autograph a picture to hang up to brag that
you ate here.”

Gray smiled. “Well, aren’t you
sneaky?”

“I can be.”

“If it gets me some time alone with
you, it’s worth signing a picture,” Gray said.

“I guess that’s sweet.”

Gray and Carina settled in and had
a couple drinks and ate. A man took the stage with a guitar and played a few folk
songs. It caught Gray’s attention. He loved watching live music. It didn’t
matter if it was worth the time for radio or a record company. It was worth
listening to because it was something someone wrote. It was their message and
their music to share.