Always (14 page)

My heart beat wildly in my chest. What if Edmund demanded an explanation? What could I tell him? I couldn’t understand why I was so hesitant to tell him the truth. I had done nothing wrong and yet… I couldn’t tell him I had spent the day with Marcus.

Yesterday was a memory I was keeping only for myself.

He hadn’t been gone very long, so I wondered what agreement they had come to. He probably just went along with whatever his mother said.

“
Claudia,” he nodded my way when I entered the parlor. After I was seated, he almost immediately began pacing the floor in a nervous pattern.

“
I have spoken with my mother,” he began in a grave voice.

I clasped my hands together in my lap, trying not to look nervous. I probably wasn’t doing well, but he didn’t pause in his steps across the floor of Aunt Dora’s parlor.

“
We have both come to the same agreement.” He turned to make sure I was still paying attention to him. I kept my eyes on him.

“
You disappoint me, Claudia.” I felt myself shrink under his intense stare. “I expected to be getting a respectable young woman for a wife. I had hoped,” he continued without allowing me to speak, “to mold you into a wife I could be proud of.”

“
This is my wish as well,” I said in a soft voice.

“
Now this will never be.”

“
I have learned my lesson, Edmund.”

“
I hope you have, but it doesn’t change what has already happened.”

“
It will never happen again,” I promised weakly.

“
Still, every time I look at you now, I will be reminded of your indiscretion.” I sighed and looked down at my lap. “You have used poor judgment,” he scolded, “and caused me to lose my temper.”

My bottom lip began to tremble, so I pressed it firmly between my teeth. “I know.”

“
I hardly ever lose my temper the way I did this morning when you refused to tell me where you had been.” He turned his back to me and looked out the window.

I decided it was best for me not to say anything.

“
So,” he turned back around to face me again, “here we are at a crossroad. Which way should we turn?” He raised one eyebrow almost to his hairline. It wasn’t nearly as attractive as when Marcus did it.

“
Stop it,”
I scolded myself severely,
“you are not allowed to think of him anymore.”

I repositioned myself on the chair so I could pay more attention to what Edmund was saying. “I feel I must tell you, Claudia, that mother was also extremely disappointed and her approval is much more difficult to gain again once it is lost.”

My expression remained the same throughout his rant.

“
Do you have anything else to say for yourself before I reveal what has been decided?”

“
Um,” I straightened in my seat, “I would just like to say again, Edmund, how sorry I am for bringing any amount of shame to your name.”

He sucked in a small breath and let it out quickly again. “I admire your sincerity, Claudia,” he smiled tightly. “I am willing to put this entire nastiness behind us.”

“
You are?”

“
I am. We can proceed as planned for this afternoon and pretend as if this whole thing never happened. Can you agree to these terms?”

I was confused as to what terms he meant. Did he mean only that he didn’t want me to speak of this again; because I had no intention of ever telling anyone the things that had happened in the woods.

For a brief moment, I wondered what would happen if Ryan came back for another late night visit, but quickly pushed such notions from my head. We wouldn’t even be in this area for much longer. Edmund had said we would leave for Bath shortly after we were wed.

“
We will meet at the church this afternoon as planned,” he said with a nod. He didn’t smile, but he seemed less angry.

“
Yes, Edmund, I am very happy for that.” I didn’t give myself time to wonder if I really meant that.

“
We’ll leave Hamel within the fort night.”

“
So long?” My eyes widened at the prospect of staying for so long when I’d already resigned myself to leave right away.

“
Mother will want to be sure you are dressed properly.”

“
Oh.”

“
Might I assume that you have no proper dresses?”

“
I…um…”

“
No matter,” he waved his hand dismissively, “there is a woman coming from London to make gowns for you.”

“
From London?” My eyes lit up. I had often dreamt of having dresses from London.

“
Yes,” he appeared less than impressed.

“
Edmund, may I ask you something?”

“
Yes.”

“
When we…when we are in London, may we go to see a show?” It was the most I had ever asked of him and I held my breath as I waited for his answer.

“
What do you know of the shows?” His eyes narrowed suspiciously.

“
Nothing. I have only heard of them and would like to see one for myself.”

He shook his head before I had finished talking. “Mother doesn’t like to visit the shows. She says they are too noisy and there are too many bodies pressed together.”

My shoulders fell in disappointment, but I only nodded. “Oh.”

“
You will have plenty to do to keep yourself occupied while you are my wife.”

“
Like what?”

He seemed shocked that I had even asked, making me wish I could take back the words.

“
I do not know what women do all day,” he exclaimed. “How would I know of such things?”

“
I am sure that I will learn quickly what is expected of a lady living in London.”

“
You need not worry yourself, Claudia. Mother will be there to help you every step of the way.”

My smile froze in its place. “That’s wonderful,” I replied sweetly.

“
I am sure that the two of you will get along beautifully. You are both such respectable women.” His eyes lit up momentarily. “I must be off now.” He stood up abruptly, surprising me.

“
So soon?”

He smiled, wider than I had seen. “We will have the rest of our lives to spend together after today,” he reminded me. “I am sure you can manage one more afternoon on your own.”

“
I am sure you are correct, Edmund. I will find some way to keep myself busy.”

“
You could pack your things,” he suggested.

He was right; I still needed to do that. I had planned to do it yesterday, but…

I quickly moved my thoughts back to Edmund. “That is a good idea.”

“
Don’t pack much,” he warned again. “Mother is looking forward to dressing you up.”

“
Alright.” I tucked my hair behind my ears and glanced down at the floor.

“
Then I will leave you until the church.” He was halfway to the door when he turned back to me.

He hesitated and then in jerky movements, he leaned down to kiss my cheek. His lips were cold and made me want to pull away from him. I dutifully stayed rooted to the spot. He left without looking at me again.

“
Well,” I whispered when I was safely alone, “that was awkward.”

I was only alone for a few moments before Aunt Dora came in to join me. “Did everything go well?” she asked with a hopeful raise in her voice.

“
We’re still getting married.” I would leave it up to her to decide if that qualified as well or not.

“
That’s…wonderful news.” She picked up her needlepoint and began threading her needle.

“
Yeah.” I reached into my own basket to retrieve my red thread. Maybe I could finish my rose this afternoon before we had to go to the church.

“
We sure will miss you around here,” Aunt Dora commented quietly after a long stretch of silent sewing.

“
I’ll miss you as well,” I didn’t look up.

“
That old horse of yours will miss her rides.”

Clover. I sighed softly. “You know, I think I’ll go out and see Clover.”

“
Mmm,” Aunt Dora didn’t look up when I left the room.

Chapter
Sixteen

I brushed my hand along the old mare’s nose. Clover was my favorite horse; I’d had her since I was a little girl. She was born the year after we’d come here to live and Uncle Philip hadn’t hesitated to give her to me.

I had been amazed then at how her little legs shook, but she was still able to stand so soon after being born. “Uncle Philip,” I had squealed, “won’t she fall down?”

“
Even if she does, she’ll just get right back up.” And he had been right.

“
Hey, Clover,” I cooed softly. Her ears twitched at the sound of my voice.

“
We can’t ride today old girl.” I pressed my forehead against hers. “Edmund says he’ll still marry me,” I tried to sound excited. “Can you believe how lucky I am?” I continued my one sided conversation. “He says we can put this whole unpleasant business behind us and pretend like the whole thing never happened.”

Clover snorted in her stall.

“
Clover,” I gasped. “You shouldn’t behave in such a fashion. I am very fortunate that he’ll even still have me.”

Clover stomped her foot impatiently.

“
But he doesn’t love me, Clover.” She wagged her head up and down.

“
Marcus said he didn’t love me.” I regarded her curiously, “Well, he didn’t say those exact words, but he did say he would never marry me.” I fell silent as my heart raced. “I could never just go and visit him; I mean what would he say? What would I say?”

Clover snorted again and dropped her head to munch on some hay. She must have grown tired of waiting for me. “It wouldn’t be proper, Clover. I won’t do it.”

Even as I spoke the words, I was reaching for Clover’s saddle. The horse danced excitedly in her stall at the prospect of a ride. I hadn’t expected to ride her again for quite a while.

Even if I knew it was a very bad idea, I didn’t stop to give myself time to change my mind. I was going to go see Marcus Letrell.

Whatever the consequences would be, I was going to see him one last time before I married Edmund.

I didn’t want to tell anyone that I was going riding, but after my recent disappearance, I knew I couldn’t go running off again without any explanation.

I dashed back into the house as fast as my legs would carry me. Now that I had decided to go see Marcus, there was urgency to my mission. I only had a few hours until my wedding. It was now or never.

“
Aunt Dora,” I called loudly from the doorway.

“
In the parlor,” she called back.

“
Ugh,” I muttered under my breath, completely impatient to be on my way. “Aunt Dora,” I thundered into the room.

She looked up, startled by my tone. “What is it, Claudia?”

“
I’m going riding.”

She blinked rapidly. “Now?”

“
Yes, now, Aunt Dora.”

“
Where are you going?”

“
There’s,” I took a deep breath so I wouldn’t be harsh with my beloved aunt. “There’s just something I need to do.”

“
But…”

“
Now, before the wedding.” I stared at her, panting.

Her face cleared of all worry. “All right, dear. You go on and do what you need to do.”

“
I’ll be right back, before the wedding!” I turned to go, but then turned back. “Aunt Dora?”

“
Yes?”

“
If Edmund should ask…”

“
I won’t say a thing.”

“
Thanks!” I rushed forward to kiss her cheek and then raced back to the barn where Clover was also impatient.

“
Come on, girl,” I called. “Let’s go see him. Just remember, this was all your idea.”