Always (15 page)

The horse threw her head to the side and we shot out of the barn, not able to move fast enough to get me there.

My heart was pounding furiously in my chest when I knocked timidly on his door.
“It was wrong of me to have come to his house,”
I thought miserably,
“Edmund would be angry if he knew. I should have stayed home; should have stayed as far as I could from Marcus Letrell.”
What was I thinking to come here? What would he think of me?

The door swung open while I stood there berating myself; Marcus was there, his still wet hair slicked back from his face. Seeing more of him just made him that much more beautiful. “Hi,” I croaked.

“
Claudia.” His teeth flashed in a gentle smile. “What a surprise. Come in.” He held the door wider so I could step through.

“
I didn’t mean to come here uninvited.”

“
Not at all,” he waved away my apology. “You are always invited here; anytime you wish to come over.”

He led me down the narrow hallway to an elaborately decorated sitting room. “It’s beautiful,” I commented nervously.

“
This is all Sylvia’s doing,” he said by way of apology.

“
It’s beautiful.” Our eyes met briefly before I ducked my head with a chuckle.

“
Why did you come here, Claudia?”

“
Just…to talk.”

“
Then sit; let’s talk. Should I get tea? Is that proper?”

“
I’m,” I swallowed nervously, “no, I don’t want any tea.” I sat awkwardly on the edge of the offered seat while he lounged comfortably across from me.

“
Did you get into a lot of trouble, then?”

So much for small talk. “Aunt Dora was concerned.”

“
And Edmund?”

“
He was confused, but we’ve decided to proceed with the wedding as planned.” I caught my bottom lip between my teeth.

“
I’m…I’m glad for you.”

“
You are?” I raised my eyes to look at him, but lowered them again quickly.

“
Aren’t you?”

“
No,” I shook my head. “I mean, yes. Of course I should be.”

“
Edmund Harris is a wealthy man. He could give you everything you’ve ever wanted.”

I nodded with tears gathering in my eyes. “You are right. Almost everything I want.”

The silence stretched on. What was he thinking? Should I leave? What would he think if I got up and left without a word? I mean, what could I possibly say now? The tears that had been gathering began to trail down my face.

“
Why are you marrying him if it makes you unhappy?” He finally broke the torturous silence.

“
What choice do I have?” My own voice was strangled with emotion.

“
You have plenty of choices.”

“
Not really. It isn’t like I have men lined up at my door vying for my hand.”

“
You could go to London. Spend a season there and you’ll have your choice of husbands.”

“
I have no family in London, no family anywhere.”

“
Not even a long lost aunt?”

“
There’s no one, Marcus.”

“
Why do you have to marry at all?”

I finally looked up at him with my tear stained face. “If I don’t marry, what will become of me?”

He clamped his lips shut and shook his head. His eyebrows were drawn down close to his eyes. His tortured expression made my heart clench.

“
If I stay unmarried and stay here,” I shrugged helplessly, “then after my aunt and uncle are gone, I’ll be all alone with only the servants to keep me company.”

“
What do you have to look forward to if you marry Edmund? The same thing, only more servants.”

“
Perhaps Edmund and I will take kindly to each other, maybe I’ll make friends in London, or…I may have children one day.”

“
Is that what you want? A child?”

“
I just don’t want to be alone,” I sobbed. I couldn’t stop my tears from falling. Why couldn’t he see what I wanted? I stood up awkwardly. “I should go.” I wiped away my tears even though fresh ones quickly took their place.

“
Claudia…” He got up to tower over me. He reached his hands out to grab my shoulders, but I ducked away from him.

“
I know I seem upset now, but once this is all over and I’m settled…” I couldn’t even finish the lie.

“
Don’t go,” he pleaded.

“
I have to.”

“
You don’t have to.”

This time, when he reached out to me, I let myself sink into his chest. It was such a comforting thing to have his arms wrap tightly around me. Without intending to, I let Marcus hold me while I cried.

“
I shouldn’t have come here,” I sobbed against his chest.

“
Where else would you go?” he gently stroked the back of my hair.

“
I’ll be fine in just a moment,” I assured him.

I felt his slight chuckle, but I could only smile in response. “I won’t let you marry him,” he vowed.

“
Lucky for us both, I didn’t come here for your permission.”

“
Then, why did you come here, Claudia?”

So you could stop me; to tell you that I love you; for this. I raised my head so I could look up at his face. “I just…wanted someone to talk to.”

With the slowness of a contented sigh, he brought his face to mine and pressed his lips to my lips. It was a slow, gentle kiss that took my breath away.

“
You shouldn’t have come here,” he whispered.

“
I’m leaving.” My lips barely moved.

“
Good idea.” Neither of us moved.

His lips came down to meet mine again, this time with more purpose. I pressed myself closer to his chest until I could feel the rapid beats of his heart: everything else in the world that was outside of that moment disappeared.

When he pulled away from me, he didn’t let me stumble awkwardly to the door like I wanted to. Instead, he gathered me tight against him and guided me to sit with him on the short sofa.

“
I don’t know what you think you’re doing.” When he allowed me to pull away just enough to look at his face, I could see the worry there. He ran his finger lightly along my jaw, his eyes clouding with an emotion I couldn’t identify; passion and immense sadness.

“
I’ll go,” I whispered. Above all else, I wanted his sadness to be erased. “I’ll marry Edmund and never speak of this to anyone.”

“
No,” he almost growled his disapproval.

“
Then what do you want me to do?” I held my breath as I waited for his answer.

“
Well,” he shrugged slightly. “We could just get married.”

I tried to look scornful, but my heart was already soaring. “Is that your idea of a marriage proposal?”

He laughed, the sound thrilling my heart. “I would get down on one knee and propose correctly, but I have no intention of letting you go.”

“
Ever?”

“
Probably not.”

We both laughed. “I thought you were never getting married.”

“
I never thought I would, but you make me...,” he blushed an attractive color and looked down to where he was drawing tiny circles on my hand. “You have changed my way of thinking. I find that I want to protect you; to make you happy.”

I smiled wide. “Sorry.”

He pursed his lips and looked back at my face. “Ever since the first time I saw you, I have wanted to protect you. Why do you suppose that is?”

I shrugged my shoulders. “Because I’m small?”

He laughed and bent low to kiss my forehead. “Maybe so, my sweet Claudia, maybe so.”

Chapter
Seventeen

“
So, how does it feel being my wife?” Marcus asked with a boyish grin.

“
Oh,” I shrugged, “fine.” I covered my mouth to hide the laughter.

He pulled my hand away so he could replace it with his lips. “I never thought I’d see the day…” he shook his head with a chuckle.

We’d already been married an entire week and I still felt like it was all a dream. I just knew that if someone pinched me hard enough, I’d wake up in my old bedroom.

I wrapped my arms tight around his neck when he tried to get up from the bed. “Aren’t you lucky you have seen the day?” I teased.

He kissed the tip of my nose lightly. “Indeed,” he murmured huskily.

I raised my head so I could reach his lips again. It was a shame that we spent most of our time in the bedroom after Marcus had gone through all the trouble of securing us a home.

“
I am sorry that this place is so small,” he apologized again. His expression darkened momentarily, but when I laughed, he smiled again.

“
This place is perfect.” It was true that it was small, but I found it charming; it might have been my husband’s presence that lit it up.

My stomach rumbled loudly in the small space between. He pretended to be shocked. “What was that?” He leaned himself over the bed to look under.

“
Marcus!”

“
I’m sure there must be a wild animal here somewhere–you stay there, I’ll protect you,” he came up laughing.

“
Okay, okay,” I held up both hands. “Maybe I am a little hungry.”

The house was too small to need to employ servants, so Marcus had been doing most of the cooking for us. He didn’t seem surprised at all to learn that I had no experience cooking, but I was shocked to see that he knew his way around the kitchen quite well.

I recalled that first day when I had watched him prepare a chicken. “Are you sure you want to watch?” he had asked. He swung his arm slightly, bringing my attention to what he held: the chicken.

I grimaced and brought my hand to cover my mouth. “Did you kill it?” I asked with horror.

“
How else will we eat it?” he pointed out.

“
Right,” I agreed, nodding. I watched in amazement and slight repulsion as he deftly plucked the feathers from the dead animal. I wondered where he had learned to clean a dead chicken. He seemed so polished.

As he defeathered the chicken, his expression remained very serious, except when he looked up and caught me staring. Then he would flash me one of his devastating smiles or he would wink at me. After awhile, he broke the comfortable silence. “I used to be in the army,” he said suddenly.

“
What?” Would he always be able to take me completely by surprise?

He smiled at my reaction. “Yeah, I was in the army. We lived in pretty close quarters. I watched the cook do that,” he gestured towards the chicken lying on the counter top, “a hundred times.”

“
Wow.” I really didn’t know what to say. I tried to picture Marcus killing someone, but my imagination came up empty. “Have you ever killed anyone?” I blurted out.

He laughed shortly, without humor and without looking at me. “Yes I have,” he said simply.

Then he did look at me. For the briefest second, his eyes looked so different from normal. They were sad and ancient, as if he had lived a hundred years of heartache.

He looked away and muttered something to himself. I couldn’t be sure, but it sounded like, “You’re close.”

“
Hey,” his voice brought me back to the present. I was surprised to see him fully dressed and ready to leave the room.

“
Where are you going?” My face puckered with disappointment.

He clicked his tongue and came back to kiss my forehead. “I’m going to get you breakfast.”

“
Is it still morning?” I glanced at our still closed window.

He laughed loudly. “It doesn’t matter,” he chided. “Get dressed and meet me in the kitchen,” he ordered with mock severity.

“
Yes, sir,” I saluted as he ducked out the door with his laughter trailing behind him.