Always (11 page)

“
I guess you’re right,” I smiled.

I pushed ahead of him in my eagerness. I hadn’t wanted to go home, but now that we were almost there, I was excited to be back to something familiar.

I felt Marcus behind me as we got closer to home.

Chapter
Twelve

The house was just within reach when he stopped. “Aren’t you coming with me?” I asked.

“
I think you can make it alone from here.” He smiled sadly.

“
I want you to come with me.”

“
I can’t.”

“
Why?”

“
Claudia…”

“
I’m getting married tomorrow.”

“
Which is exactly why you need to go alone.”

I pressed my lips together, fighting the urge to say the things that would only embarrass me further. “Will I see you again?”

“
We’ll be staying in Hamel for a while, so I’m sure we’ll see each other from time to time.”

I was already shaking my head, though. “Edmund is taking me to Bath for a few weeks after the wedding and then we’ll be in London.”

“
You’ll come back here, though.”

“
It won’t be the same,” I denied. “We won’t be able to be alone.”

He ran his hand roughly through his hair. It fell haphazardly back on his forehead, but he left it where it lay. “I don’t know what to say,” he admitted.

“
You don’t have to say anything.” I bit the inside of my cheek. “Just…will you kiss me?” I couldn’t believe that I said the words, but once they were out, I realized that was what I wanted most of all–a kiss.

“
You’re getting married.”

“
Tomorrow.”

“
I don’t think…it would be a good idea.”

His dark blue eyes filled with indecision. “Please?”

“
I’ll never marry.”

“
You already told me that.” He stepped closer to me.

“
So get that out of your head right now.”

“
I didn’t ask you to marry me. I only asked for a kiss.” He came closer, making it hard to swallow.

“
You might regret it one day.”

“
I won’t,” I whispered.

He was standing so close I could feel his warm breath on my face. I closed my eyes and leaned into him, breathless with anticipation.

Everything around me was quiet and still; too still. I opened my eyes slowly, but I already knew what I would see. Marcus was gone.

I sucked in a quick breath and wrapped my arms tightly around my chest to hold my heart in place. He hadn’t even said goodbye. I may never see him again and he didn’t even say goodbye. I sank to my knees in the damp grass.

Why had I asked him to kiss me? What a brazen thing to do. Now the last thing he would think of me was that I was a loose woman; the first young, single man to come around these parts since Edmund Harris, and I threw myself at him.

I ground my fists into my eyes to stop the tears before they started. The sound of rustling leaves got me back on my feet. Marcus had said that Ryan was long gone, but I couldn’t be so sure.

I peered around me into the darkness. I wasn’t in the woods anymore, so it was easier to see the shadows. I didn’t see anyone around me, but the trees weren’t far behind me. In the distance, a dog barked, sending me scurrying into motion.

I looked back over my shoulder several times as I hurried across the field to my house. It was nice being so close to the familiar door, and yet there was an aching in my chest.

What was wrong with me? I knew he would never marry, never fall in love with anyone, but that had not stopped me. I loved Marcus Letrell, I admitted to myself as I inched open our front door.

I loved him, but he could never love me back.

Just before I closed the door on the night, I looked back one last time to the place where Marcus had disappeared. My heart nearly exploded out of my chest when I saw him standing there again–waiting for me to go inside.

He raised one hand in a farewell gesture. I knew I had to resist the urge to run back to him. He didn’t want me; he had made that painfully clear.

My eyes darted on their own accord to where everything had started just the night before. Hunter, the poor thing: I wondered if his body was still there. I couldn’t see it from where I stood, but he might be there still.

Was Ryan still out there somewhere? Would he be watching me through my window–waiting for a time when Marcus wasn’t there to protect me?

The wind picked up suddenly, setting my teeth chattering. I needed to go inside and get to my room before someone woke up and found me like this and yet I hesitated to shut the door and leave Marcus out there all alone.

Would he go after Ryan now that he knew I was safely at home? Marcus was still watching me, but there was no putting it off any longer. I waved once and then softly shut the door.

I leaned heavily against the wood of the door, gasping great gulps of air. I needed to get a hold of myself before I woke the whole house.

I looked around and took stock of the familiar surroundings. It was everything I had known since I was a young girl and yet all so strange and uninviting.

I put my hand on my chest, trying to quiet the fluttering of my heart. Everyone was sure to wake up when they heard it.

The thought of Uncle Philip coming down the stairs and finding me in such disarray made my feet start working again. I quickly peeled my boots off and set them neatly next to the door. They were still covered in mud, but I couldn’t help that. Maybe I would be able to clean them tomorrow before anyone noticed.

I turned quickly to go up the stairs and smashed my elbow against the door handle. I was careful not to make a racket as I hopped around rubbing the offended elbow.

I realized with a frown that I still had Marcus’s jacket on. I pushed the fabric up to my face and inhaled deeply. I could still smell him even over the dirt and filth. Would I dare to return the jacket tomorrow? Then I would be able to see him at least one more time.

A small noise coming from the servant’s room had me scurrying for the steps. I tiptoed up, cringing when it squeaked halfway up.

I paused on my way past my aunt and uncle’s room. Now that I wasn’t with Marcus anymore, guilt started to creep in. They must have been so worried about me when they woke up that morning and I wasn’t there.

I shook my head silently in the darkened hall. I should not have stayed away so long. I should have insisted that Marcus brought me home immediately. I didn’t know who Ryan was, but I should have never let him chase me from my home. They must have thought the worst things; especially if they found Hunter.

I let my shoulders droop; they suddenly felt too heavy to hold up. There was nothing I could do about it now, though; apologies would have to begin in the morning.

With one last look at the closed door, I started again to my own room. I opened the door, but hesitated to go inside. Was there anyone lurking in the shadows? With my heart in my throat, I ducked inside the comfort of my bedroom.

I was relieved to see that there was a fire blazing warmly in the fireplace. They must have known I would return. The only thing hidden in the shadows were the shadows themselves. I dropped to my hands and knees and searched under the bed then opened the bureau to make sure no one was there either. When I was satisfied that the room was empty, I allowed myself a small smile. I was finally home.

I chewed nervously on my bottom lip. I needed to wash up, but I couldn’t call for Becky–she would wake the whole house up. Was it safe to go to the pump for water?

Well, I could at least change my nightgown, I decided. I crossed the room to the vanity table and opened the drawer where I kept an extra gown. When I stood back up, I caught a glimpse of my reflection in the looking glass.

The sight was gruesome. My hair was a complete mess, plastered to my head in some places and sticking straight out in others. My mouth fell open. At least my face was mostly clean. I removed Marcus’s jacket so I could get a look at the scratches along my shoulder.

Three long skinny welts ran down my arm and up to reach just below my neck. I grimaced at the memory of receiving those injuries. My neck and arm were splattered with mud and what may or may not have been blood. I really needed a bath.

I threw the new nightgown and the dirty jacket on my bed and went to stand close to the fire. Maybe If I just stayed awake, I could slip out before everyone else woke up and bathe in the small stream that ran behind our barn. I couldn’t go out now, but at first light…

I yawned wide, letting my thoughts fade away. Would I be able to stay awake so long? I turned my face towards the window in desperation. It was then that I noticed something I hadn’t seen before.

Hidden there in the shadows of the corner was a large tin basin. Upon inspection, I found that the basin was more than halfway filled with warm water.

Who could have done this? My mind spun with discarded possibilities. It couldn’t have been Becky or anyone else in the house. They were already all in bed. Although the basin was close to the fire, it wasn’t close enough to keep the water heated for long. It couldn’t have been Marcus–he had been with me. Then who?

My need for a bath won over the curiosity of how it had gotten into my room. I slipped out of my ruined nightgown and threw the shredded material into the fire. I couldn’t risk Aunt Dora finding it.

There was a fresh burst of light as the flames eagerly consumed what was left of the gown. I discarded my under clothes into the corner and stepped gratefully into the still warm water.

I sank deeper into the basin and let the heat seep deep into my body. I sighed contentedly. The bath had been a wonderful gift. I groaned out loud when I realized that I had forgotten my soap on my vanity.

I reluctantly got out of the water to hurry and collect the things I needed, then slip sided back to the warmth. I made quick work of my hair and cleaned the rest of me just as quickly. As nice as the bath was, I needed to get into my bed before anyone came to check on me.

What if Ryan was watching now, as I bathed? My eyes widened in horror. Had it been him who had put the basin in my room? It had been pulled close to the window.

My eyes searched frantically for my clean nightgown, but it was all the way over on my bed; and I had already burned the old one along with my robe.

I puffed my cheeks out and let the air out slowly. I couldn’t stay in here all night. I chewed the inside of my lip, but I knew there wasn’t much I could do.

I heaved myself up over the side of the tub and sprawled out on the floor as fast as I could. “Ow,” I muttered into the floor. I crawled to the bed and pulled my nightgown onto the floor with me.

It was awkward trying to pull my clothes over my head while I was lying on the floor, but no way was I standing up without it on. I stood up slowly, allowing my nightgown to flow down and cover the rest of me.

I wasn’t sure what to do with Marcus’s jacket. It was filthy, but I couldn’t ask any of the servants to wash it. Should I return it to him dirty? That didn’t seem proper though. I sighed deeply. There was nothing to do but wash it myself.

I did my best at the unfamiliar task of washing a man’s jacket in my bath water. I draped it over a chair and pulled it close to the fire to dry, satisfied with my attempt.

After a quick brush through my curls, I crawled wearily into my bed. My body sank into the softness, bringing a smile to my lips. As wonderful as it had been to spend the night out in the woods with Marcus, I was glad to be back in my own bed.

Worry tried to worm its way into my exhausted mind, but sleep came before I could think much about what they would say in the morning.

Chapter
Thirteen

I awoke to the familiar sounds of home. The early morning sun was just enough to chase away the dark shadows. I stayed curled up on my side, trying to go back to sleep. I wasn’t yet ready to face the day. I still wasn’t even sure what I was going to tell everyone. Where had I been?

I had been with the most amazing man I had ever known; the most amazing man I would
ever
know. There was no way that Edmund could possibly measure up to him. Not only was Marcus the most handsome man I had ever seen, but there was something so sincere about him.