An Ever Fixéd Mark (2 page)

“Not one of those either,” he lifted a half
empty glass from the table and swirled the liquid.

“Are you still in love with Sara?” Heidi
didn’t hesitate.

Lizzie watched Ben set the glass back on the
table slowly. “If you dance, you must prove it,” Lizzie made the
determination standing beside him.

*****

Lizzie stepped quickly into the room as Ben
held the door open. She looked at the furnishings and decided to
set her coat and purse on a chair in front of the desk.
Instinctively, Lizzie cast her shoes under the chair. She felt
Ben’s eyes and turned to face him. “I hate wearing shoes. I didn’t
want to put them back on when we left,” she said hastily to hide
her nervousness. She was pretty sure his offer to come up to his
room was more than an interest in small talk.

“By all means,” he smiled as he took off his
jacket. “Make yourself comfortable.” Lizzie noticed the contours of
his shoulders. He removed his jacket downstairs while they were
dancing, but in the crowd and duller light of the ballroom, she
really didn’t pay attention to how athletic he was. He probably
wasn’t really that impressed with her half marathon.

“It’s a nice room,” he went across the suite
towards the counter.

“It is,” Lizzie agreed awkwardly, starting
to regret those extra twenty pounds.

“Do you want something to drink? I think
this room includes a bottle of wine,” he found the bottle on top of
the counter, beside two wine glasses.

“Sure,” Lizzie shook her head, resigned to
the fact that she wasn’t driving any time soon. She managed to
dance off most of her earlier drinks and needed something to quiet
the unnecessary thoughts in her mind. “That’s a nice perk.”

“Yeah,” he finagled with the corkscrew. “I
didn’t expect such a nice location. Who knew this area attracted
tourists?”

“Leaf peepers and skiers, no doubt.”

“Huh?” he looked at her curiously as he
pulled out the cork.

“I worked for a couple museums, so I got to
know the New England tourist industry pretty well.”

“Why did you stop working in museums?” Ben
poured one glass.

“It didn’t pay enough to make a living.
Although, I still work a couple weekends giving tours at an
historic house in Cambridge.”

“
Which house?” he poured
the second glass of wine.

“The Fulton House. The history is mostly
circa the War of 1812 – the one no one cares about. But it’s kind
of interesting because the Fultons were loyal to the English and
protested the war. It’s not as sexy as Lexington and Concord. Or…
well, it’s mostly about furniture and wallpaper anyway,” Lizzie
stopped herself, feeling foolish for prattling on about history she
figured he didn’t care about. “Not many people have heard of
it.”

“I have,” Ben startled her.

“Have you been there?”

He locked eyes with her suddenly. Lizzie
felt her cheeks flush as the green in his eyes caught the glare of
the lights over the bed. He was looking at her, no doubt wondering
what to say to stop her prattling. She caught a deep breath and
forced a smile at his serious stare. “A long time ago,” he
whispered.

“You should come by some Saturday,” Lizzie
persisted her smile. “I’ll give you a tour and tell you all the
things we’re not supposed to say.”

“That sounds intriguing,” he offered his own
smile as he handed her the glass of wine.

Lizzie flushed again and didn’t register the
thought to delay her next sentence. “So, seriously, do you still
have a thing for Sara?”

“No,” he answered pretty quickly as he took
up the second glass and sat on the sofa.

Lizzie took a large sip and decided to sit
beside him. There was silence for a few seconds, which seemed too
long to her. “Did some girl at MIT steal your heart?”

“No,” Ben tipped his glass towards him,
staring at the red liquid for a few seconds before shifting his
gray green eyes back to Lizzie. She remembered a similar glance
when he would look up from his homework in the library. She never
thought much of his eyes then, hidden under his shaggy reddish
bangs. She never thought much of many boys, least of all the ones
who liked Sara.

“Someone broke yours recently?” his stare
offered an element of sympathy.

Lizzie felt her cheeks burn again,
remembering her honest answer to Heidi a few hours prior.
“Something like that. I think… I know that I felt much more than he
did. Even so, I let myself fancy marriage for a little while. But
all it was… really… was a transient flirtation. I have a weakness
for musicians.”

“Do you play?”

“Ha, no, hardly,” Lizzie laughed
uncomfortably. “I just know a lot of people who do.”

“Do you still talk to Jack?”

“He’s my cousin,” Lizzie looked at his green
eyes.

“That’s right,” he laughed at himself.

“
And he is a good friend.
He still has a band. I see them once a month or every other month
depending how often I get out to Coldbrook.”

“I’m surprised he didn’t come tonight.”

“He hated high school,” Lizzie repeated the
answer she heard at Thanksgiving dinner. “I was surprised that you
came, actually. You weren’t at the tenth.”

Ben’s lips curled a little as he set his
glass on the table beside him. The stare of his green gray eyes
unnerved her. Was it admiration? Or lust? Or alcohol? Or Sara
treating him so badly? With that thought, Lizzie looked down into
the wine in her hand. She took another swallow. “So you’re not
still pining for Sara?”

“Tonight was the first time I saw her since…
well probably about ten years. I didn’t see Sara much after
graduation. She went off to New York. I went to Cambridge…”

“Then she found Jesus,” Lizzie stopped
herself with another sip. “I lost touch with Sara, too. We really
don’t have much in common any more… other than the fact we come
from the same small town. She invited me to her wedding, which was
weird. All growing up we talked about being one another’s
bridesmaids. Then when I went, I was a guest… and didn’t know
anyone… and everyone was so young. I could never have gotten
married that young. I’m glad I didn’t.”

“Was there someone you wanted to marry
then?”

Lizzie laughed. “No,” she shook her head and
took one more sip that warmed and tingled her senses.

“I’m glad,” he moved back the hair that
cascaded over her shoulder.

Lizzie shook her head, uncertain if that was
a compliment. She looked up and met his eyes again, feeling a
strong urge to lean toward him… but it was still very strange and
odd. The reality of her teenage years wasn’t melting too easily
into her adult world. Ben took her empty glass and went back to the
counter to fill it.

Lizzie bounced her knee nervously, trying to
think of what to say. She was unable to relax and appreciate the
moment. “How’s your brother?”

Ben set down the wine bottle and paused for
what seemed a lengthy moment, “Oliver is well.” The wine was
slowing Lizzie’s perception.

“Did he go to his reunion?”

“I don’t believe so.”

“What is he doing? Is he a lawyer or
something? I remember arguing with him on the debate team. He was
really good at that sort of thing.”

Ben sat back on the sofa and handed the
glass back to Lizzie. “He’s a professor of biology at a small
college in California.”

“Wow. You’ve both done your parents proud.
Are they still in the area?” she swallowed more wine to wash down
her awkward questions.

“No. They passed away.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry,” Lizzie was suddenly
sobered by her foolish oblivion. “Then… if Oliver is across the
country… where do you spend holidays and… family occasions?”

“It was pretty quiet fifteen years ago. I’m
used to being on my own.”

“Oh. I just assume everyone has a big family
like me. Not that I don’t know it’s different… did you have turkey
all by yourself on Thursday?”

“I didn’t have turkey.”

“Are you a vegetarian?”

“Something like that.”

“Oh,” Lizzie pouted and allowed herself
another sip from her glass.

“I’m not complaining.”

“No,” Lizzie breathed in uncertainly. She
felt as though her conversation was becoming lame. Maybe it was
just her concentration fading from multiple glasses of wine. Or
maybe it was her incessant need to talk when she was nervous.

She didn’t know why she was so nervous. She
had become much more comfortable in her body in recent months.
Especially when there was wine in her system. It was almost as if
she was back in high school… and yet this was Ben Cottingham. Ben.
The boy who was a puppy dog to Sara for all those years. She took
pity on him. She never feared him. Why did he make her hairs stand
on end now?

She looked back and saw his smile and the
freckles that went across his cheekbones. He moved her hair back
from her shoulder again and took the wine glass from her hands. She
didn’t notice him set it down, only aware of the kiss that came so
silently, suddenly, and hungrily towards her. She lost herself in
the movement of his lips, slowly opening her mouth and relaxing
into the sensation that spread down her spine. She wrapped her arms
around his neck and pulled herself closer into his kiss, leaving it
only to catch her breath and go back again. She leaned towards him,
pushing him against the sofa and forgetting all the foolish
thoughts of her conversation.

In the next breath, he slid his hand up the
inside of her dress. He left her lips and kissed along her neck and
shoulder as his hand found the top of her stockings. “Elizabeth,”
he breathed against her neck. She felt her heartbeat speed up with
the articulation of her full name. She found his lips and kissed
him as she reached behind to unzip her dress. Maybe it was the
wine. Maybe it was the fact she saw herself differently that
allowed her to see him differently. Maybe it was only one night.
But she didn’t care. Not in that moment. For that moment, one night
was just enough.

*****

Lizzie stared at the ceiling lit by the sun
aggressively peaking through the curtains. Her limbs itched with an
exhilaration that seemed to contradict the few hours of actual
sleep she had, coupled with the multiple glasses of wine she
consumed. A smile curved across her chin as she breathed in the
memory of the hours before sleeping. She never thought that
Benjamin Cottingham, a boy from Coldbrook, would delight her so
very much. Her cheeks burned beyond pink as she thought about his
touches and kisses and unspoken awareness of what made her feel so…
alive.

It didn’t bother her that the pillow beside
her was empty. There was some relief in the lack of an awkward
morning and reality. She didn’t know if her conversation would have
flowed as readily without so many glasses of wine… or if she wanted
to face the uncertainty of the next step. She was perfectly content
with his wordless exit and her solitude in the morning. She closed
her eyes and let a few more memories resonate throughout her
senses. The evening was a success. It went much better than she
hoped. She pursed her lips to curve her grin more wickedly as she
rolled over and breathed in his scent off the empty pillow. It was
the sort of fun that she hadn’t thought the evening would lead to.
Ben was pretty good company. His conversation was interesting and
humored her after Sara’s annoying questions. He made the whole
evening worthwhile.

Lizzie wondered why she had never really
seen him in high school. She knew he was there… always there,
following Sara around with those gray green eyes. Did he ever look
at Sara with that hunger she felt against her lips? Lizzie was
oblivious to such things in high school. Probably. Sara was always
the porcelain beauty with her ebony hair and blue eyes. And her
perfectly proportionate hourglass. The only boy who never gave her
a second glance was Dan Stewart.

Lizzie laughed to herself about that. She
took Delany’s phone number and the promise to find each other on
Facebook to continue their conversation at a later date. Dan even
bellowed something about having Lizzie over for dinner after the
holidays. How ironic that her best friend from Springs Regional
didn’t even say goodbye. She wondered if Ben would try to contact
her and continue their conversation or start a new one. Lizzie
shook her head, deciding she wasn’t going to open that door just
yet. Her heart wasn’t ready to fasten itself on any new affection.
The one night was perfect enough.

She took a quick shower and got dressed in
the jeans and sweater she packed in her bag. She didn’t really
remember bringing her bag from the car… but maybe she had. There
was so much wine and a delirium of a wickedly good evening
filtering out the other details. She paused in front of the mirror
as she brushed out her wet hair and saw the healthy flush of her
cheeks. She saw the twenty pounds that dissatisfied her before the
start of her evening, lingering at her waist and on her hips. Yes,
she was glad he wasn’t there in the morning light to see those
apparent truths.

She twisted her damp hair into a braid and
noticed a blemish at the base of her neck. Had she gone the whole
evening with the pink spot so glaringly obvious against her pasty
skin? Lizzie furrowed her brow at her reflection, noticing a twin
blemish by its side. They weren’t irritating… except with their
obviousness. Two giant blotches on the curve of her neck. She shook
her head, forcing her self doubt out of her mind. It obviously
didn’t matter to Ben.

She grabbed her dress off the floor and
packed her other belongings into her bag. She felt compelled to
make the room look respectable when she left – even though she knew
it would be cleaned not long after she closed the door. Her
tidiness compulsion prompted her to put the wine glasses back on
the counter by the bottle, still half full. Ben’s glass looked as
though he hardly took a sip. Lizzie still let herself smile. It
hadn’t just been the wine.