An Ever Fixéd Mark (4 page)

“I was just curious. I guess I was looking
too long at her portrait,” Lizzie sighed and went towards the
headboard.

“Well I don’t think you could fit much more
info on the tour anyway,” Paula shrugged. “Considering you have to
talk about the bed and the chair in this room.”

“I don’t have to talk about the chair.”

“Yes, you do, Lizzie. It’s a valuable
piece.”

“Tell that to the mice,” Lizzie laughed, but
saw that Paula wasn’t amused. “Hey – are you going to Andrew’s
Christmas party next week?”

“I…” Paula glanced over her glasses. “I’m
not really into parties.”

“Andrew and Davis throw a nice celebration.
You should come.”

“I’ll think about it,” Paula looked back at
the portrait.

“I’ll need a buffer from all of Davis’
friends,” Lizzie entreated, though not able to articulate the name
of the one she hoped wouldn’t be there with his wife.

“We should probably head downstairs, before
the tour comes through the bedrooms,” Paula suggested and met
Lizzie’s eye with a knowing glance. Paula had been a good sport
listening to her crooning about Will and had the graciousness to
drop the subject when Lizzie no longer believed the fairy tale.

“Yeah,” Lizzie made one last swipe down the
bedpost and glanced back at the portrait. She got a brief chill
across her shoulders and realized she was standing in the draft
from the window. Perhaps it was just the shine of the paint.

*****

Lizzie turned the lock on the gift shop door
and went back to the reception desk. Andrew counted the last of his
pennies and added it to the tally of the day’s take. Lizzie waited
in silence for him to figure his math. “Not bad for such a slow
day,” Andrew shrugged looking up at her.

“We had some Christmas shoppers when you
were on your tour,” Lizzie explained.

“Ah,” Andrew nodded and shut the register.
“Well, let’s close this joint.”

“Paula is still in her office,” Lizzie
reached for her coat on the hook behind the desk.

“She should be down soon,” Andrew wrapped
his scarf around his neck. “Do you have a hot date tonight,
Lizzie?”

“Hardly,” she laughed. “You?”

“Davis and I are going to the movies. That
French film that’s got all the buzz,” Andrew buttoned up his coat.
“Are you seriously doing nothing, Lizzie? I can’t believe that with
all the new attention you seem to be getting.”

Lizzie bit on her lip, letting her cheeks
flush. “I’m just hanging out with Meg and Nora tonight,” she said
cautiously.

“What about that doctor?”

Lizzie lifted her shoulders and looked
helpless towards an offer of information. “We aren’t dating.”

“We’ll have to find you someone at the party
next week.”

“Oh God, please don’t,” Lizzie rolled her
eyes.

“You spent all that time and effort to make
yourself look this good and yet you still hide yourself away like a
nun,” Andrew shook his head.

“Not exactly,” Lizzie’s cheeks burned,
thinking of the previous weekend and Ben Cottingham. That certainly
wasn’t nun-like behavior.

“So there is someone?”

“There isn’t some ONE,” Lizzie emphasized.
“I’m enjoying a few non-committal partnerships.”

“Aha, that’s more like it,” Andrew chuckled
as Paula came into the gift shop.

“Everything all set down here?”

“I closed out the register,” Andrew nodded.
“Lizzie closed the house.”

“All right,” Paula went behind the desk to
look over the paperwork and put a sheet of paper on the desk.
“Lizzie, I went through the files. That’s a copy of a letter
written by Harriet.”

“What?” Lizzie edged back towards the
desk.

“The only thing we have from her. It’s not
much… but maybe it could give you a little more insight to her
glassy stare,” Paula smiled at her.

Lizzie picked up the letter and read it,
with Andrew glancing over her shoulder.

“My dearest Lotty,

I am sorry that you had to leave and return
to New York so suddenly. It was a dear pleasure to have you with us
in Cambridge this season. Mother regrets your absence at the dinner
table. Your conversation was a lively distraction from Father and
Peter’s debates.

Please send my regards to Mr. Chester. I
hope that he shall return to Boston when his leisure suits him.

Fondly,

Harriet”

“Who is Mr. Chester?” Andrew asked.

“I don’t know. Never heard of anyone by that
name before,” Paula looked at Lizzie.

“An unrequited love?” Lizzie offered.

“No,” Paula cautioned. “There isn’t anything
that you can add to the tour from that, you know.”

“Who is Lotty?” Andrew asked the other
obvious question.

“I don’t know that either,” Paula reached
for her coat. “I think it’s time to head home. What do you
think?”

“Lizzie has a hot date with her gal pals,”
Andrew sniveled. “We don’t want to keep her.”

“
No,” Lizzie turned to
Andrew. “We don’t want to keep Davis waiting. He will hate us all
if we make you late for your French film.”

*****

Nora and Meg were already drinking martinis
in the living room when Lizzie climbed the stairs. She hung up her
coat and noticed the swatches Nora spread out on the coffee table.
“So these are the colors,” Nora explained after they exchanged a
quick hello and Meg left to get Lizzie a drink. “What do you
think?”

“We each have a different one?” Lizzie
picked up one of the red squares.

“Same design, but you all will have a
different shade,” Nora explained with a look for approval in her
amber eyes.

“What is Becca wearing?” Lizzie fingered
another square.

“She likes this one,” Nora picked up a
swatch that was redder than the burgundy color Lizzie had across
her palm. “We were thinking a gold waistband or something.”

“Fitting for the maid of honor,” Lizzie
showed her approval with a smile. “I like this one.”

“Just like wine,” Meg handed her a glass. “I
figured you’d go for that one.”

“Which design did you pick?” Lizzie sipped
from her martini.

“Knee length and strapless. It should be
comfortable for June. And Lizzie, you will look fabulous,” Nora
smiled.

“Well, thank you,” Lizzie took the
compliment, even as she was still bemused by Andrew’s references
earlier. “I think the same will be true for Meg and your
sister.”

“I’m not getting up to go running at six in
the morning,” Meg rolled her eyes.

“You started running again?”

“Just since Monday,” Lizzie answered. “Doing
penance for Thanksgiving.”

“Good girl,” Nora approved. “You’ll look
better than me in June.”

“I doubt it,” Lizzie scowled. “No one in the
wedding party will outshine the bride.”

“Speaking of the wedding party,” Nora heaved
a sigh. “One of Mark’s groomsmen had to drop out.”

“Oh no,” Meg took another sip.

“Yeah, Patrick is moving to Japan,” Nora
looked down. “So, he’s asked Aaron to take over.”

Lizzie darted her eyes to Meg. Years before,
when Nora still lived with them, Meg had one of her passionate
albeit short-lived affairs with Mark’s cousin, Aaron. It didn’t end
well and added to the tension between Meg and Mark. “Well,” Meg
breathed out carefully.

“We’ll pair him with Lizzie, of course,”
Nora looked hopefully at Lizzie.

“That’s okay,” Meg shrugged off her concern.
Lizzie realized that she wasn’t drinking her first martini of the
evening. Nora probably noticed that, too. “Besides, I’m bringing
Alec.”

Nora looked directly at Lizzie, who smiled
awkwardly. “He has been helping Meg with her thesis.”

“I’ll bet he has,” Nora set her jaw. “He
sucks the life out of you, Meghan.”

Nora picked up the swatches and, in spite of
her irritation, still arranged them neatly in her box. Lizzie took
a sip from her martini, uncertain if there was a deliberate play on
words in Nora’s comment. Meg was writing another master’s thesis on
vampires in literature, something Nora could never comprehend. But
she had managed to sum up Alec’s effect on Meg quite appropriately
with that sentence. Lizzie knew Meg was delaying her reaction
because she couldn’t argue against the truth.

“Lizzie rekindled an old flame last
weekend,” Meg made Lizzie’s cheek match the color of her favorite
swatch.

“What?” Nora shifted to Lizzie. “You aren’t
obsessing about Will again, are you?”

“NO!” Lizzie choked on her next sip. “I
just… I went to my reunion.”

“
That’s right,” Nora
sighed out. “What happened?”

Lizzie glanced impatiently at Meg but
accepted responsibility to divert the conversation. “I just… it was
nothing, really.”

“She said it was great sex,” Meg drank from
her glass to stop Lizzie’s protest.

“Who was it?” Nora asked.

“Ben Cottingham,” Lizzie forced a smile. “He
had a crush on my friend Sara for years.”

“So you slept with him to prove
something?”

“I slept with him because I had a lot of
wine.”

“Are you friends?”

“On Facebook,” Lizzie laughed. “Nora, it was
a one time thing. Don’t start imagining him as my escort to your
wedding.”

Nora closed the lid on her box of swatches.
“Don’t you think it’s time, Lizzie?”

“Time for what?”

“To find someone… who isn’t just a one time
thing.”

Lizzie looked at Meg for help, irritated
that she opened up that can of worms to avoid her own reprimand
from Nora. “I never wanted that, Nora,” Lizzie sighed out.

“You did with Will.”

“Not really,” Lizzie set her glass down and
walked over to the mantelpiece to get away from the direct line of
Nora’s eyes.

“But you used to say…”

“I said a lot of crap about Will. I never
really believed it, not deep down. I mean… I always knew I was
never what he wanted,” Lizzie looked at her fingers, feeling
uncomfortable with a conversation about a guy she hadn’t seen in
over a year.

“Is that why you’re not calling this guy?”
Meg asked suddenly.

“What?” Lizzie turned quickly.

“Are you afraid of a Will encore?” Meg
continued softly.

“I just said I never really wanted… I don’t
want a relationship right now, okay?” Lizzie breathed out
hastily.

“
Oh, Lizzie. They aren’t
all like Will,” Nora sighed.

“I don’t know that the ones like Ben are any
better. He didn’t say goodbye,” Lizzie snarled.

Meg and Nora looked away from her. Lizzie
told herself that part of the morning after hadn’t bothered her. It
hadn’t… until she spoke it to her friends and realized there was a
part of her that did feel slighted. Because it was Ben Cottingham.
Because she saw the look in his eye for Sara with which she used to
follow Will. Because she bothered to feel sorry for him… and he
didn’t even say goodbye.

“Are we getting pizza?” Lizzie broke the
silence. “Or Chinese food?”

“Chinese food, are you kidding?” Meg said.
“Alec hates that stuff.”

Nora rolled her eyes at Lizzie, providing
the comfort that Meg was not off the hook.

Lizzie could not sleep. It was already 3:30
by the time Nora left. The sleepy buzz of martinis wore off while
she awaited Nora’s sobriety. Within a half hour she changed and
readied herself for the sleep that would not come. Too many
thoughts trickled into her brain. She wished Meg hadn’t brought Ben
up in front of Nora, prompting a discussion of details she resisted
acknowledging even to herself. Nora politely avoided the subject,
even as the evening hours started to wane into morning. She was
easily distracted by wedding details and did not return to the
subject of Lizzie’s flings.

Ben wasn’t the only transient lover she had.
She had a surge of confidence in her sexuality as she approached
the last two months before the marathon. That was aided
significantly by Eric, a surgical intern, whom she met in the
cafeteria after a lunchtime run. He asked to join her next run,
which led to a drink, and then to his apartment. She gave him her
phone number, which he didn’t hesitate to use in the following
weeks.

Lizzie liked Eric. Maybe because that’s
really all it was with him. Sometimes running… but usually just a
drink and then his apartment. No awkward mornings. No hope for
anything else. He was attractive. He was young – younger than her,
but definitely more accomplished. He was on the career path, no
doubt hoping to be a chief surgeon someday. But she couldn’t
imagine herself having a conversation with him every day, much less
every day for twenty years. She didn’t expect anything from him and
didn’t always answer his calls.

She couldn’t understand why Ben Cottingham
hit a nerve. And why… a week later… she let herself admit it. She
didn’t like him in high school. She liked Adam Jackson… and that
was like Will… a silly crush she never believed could be a reality
in spite of her public wishes it would be. She didn’t like Ben. She
didn’t bother to think of him. Not that it would have made any
difference if he was following Sara around all the time. And wasn’t
he still just following Sara by choosing her?

Lizzie shut her eyes in annoyance. High
school was long ago – almost four times the number of years she
actually spent in it. And that many years since she sat across from
Ben Cottingham in the library… when she was a very different person
herself. How could she not let the idea that he changed enter her
mind?

He may no longer like Sara… but he didn’t
like her enough to stay until the morning.

Lizzie tossed onto her side, annoyed that
the thoughts were keeping her awake. She didn’t want to do this to
herself again. She was too old for ill-fated affections. She
managed to survive the majority of her 33 years without a serious
relationship. She once blamed her appearance for that singularity.
But she knew it was a choice to remove herself from the dating
game. She still had no real desire to enter it. She certainly had
no desire to let her heart fall for someone who didn’t want her for
more than flirting.