Backstage Disneyland: The Secret's Out: Disney characters are real and they live behind the scenes at Disneyland (6 page)

With more Green Army Men approaching, Indy swings into an open gondola but fails to close the car door before a soldier leaps inside. A swift kick to the chest sends the soldier soaring to an aquatic fate, but not before another soldier hops in the gondola. Boxed ears disorient the second soldier enough for Indy to similarly dispatch with him. A rabbit punch to the neck discharges a third soldier along the same arching flight path. Undaunted but outnumbered, Indy dives head first into the bay below.
 

Green Army Men splash down after Indy in full scuba gear - mask, snorkel, flippers and oxygen tank, all in drab green. Up above, the familiar strains of the William Tell Overture fill the still morning air as the Silly Symphony Swings whir into action. From the water, Indy tries once, twice, three times to no avail to snag the spinning seats of the swing carousel with his whip. Throwing his hands up in frustration, Indy suddenly rockets from the water as his whip snares a swing chair.
 

Indy soars wildly through the air like a child tugged by an out-of-control kite. Like Tarzan swinging on a vine, he gains speed with each subsequent rotation. Indy lets go as the tilting whirligig reaches its peak.
 

Madly propelling his arms, Indy crashes down atop a coaster train hurtling along the California Screamin' track. He hangs on for dear life as the coaster races over bunny hop hills, through banked turns and around a 360-degree helix. Indy falls from the train at the top of the inverted loop and miraculously lands like a cat on the roof of an attraction building.

Finally, he's made it: Toy Story Midway Mania. Now to find Woody.
 

Out of sight behind the massive attraction marquee, Indy takes what feels like his first breath in forever. From his panoramic perspective, the unopened Pixar World actually looks quite beautiful and peaceful - when a Green Army battalion isn't trying to kill you. Indy kicks a whirlybird turbine off an exhaust fan and drops through the hole onto the show floor of the dark ride.
 

Mercifully, Toy Story Midway Mania remains dark and quiet. The interactive dark ride vehicles sit idle along the track amid towering video game screens. Indy sneaks from vehicle to vehicle, taking cover to avoid detection.
 

Behind one of the screens sit the front doors of Buzz and Woody’s homes, hidden in plain sight if you know where to look. Woody lives in the Wild West sheriff’s station behind the saloon-style swinging doors. Buzz spends his nights next door in the jail, behind bars in the single prison cell. The on-stage buddies have been unfriendly neighbors ever since the interactive dark ride opened at Pixar World.
 

It was supposed to be a temporary set-up that’s lasted more than a decade now. Buzz still has a much nicer place over at Disneyland: The old Monsanto House of the Future, moved backstage in the late 1960s. But he never sleeps there. The Disneyland characters use the once-futuristic home as a retro bachelor pad for football games on the weekends and late-night hook-ups.

As Indy reaches out to knock on Woody’s door, a lasso drops around his torso and cinches tight. Before Indy knows it, he’s hogtied and laying on his stomach.

“What are you doing here, cowboy?” says Jessie the cowgirl, with a boot on Indy’s back.

7

Code R

The Inn Between buzzes with cast members grabbing a bite to eat during shift breaks. A cacophony of colorful cast member costumes from nearby Tomorrowland and Main Street USA fill nearly every seat in the covered outdoor patio of the backstage employee cafeteria. Snow White and a couple of dwarfs eat greasy fast food with some Space Mountain cast members as Cruella De Vil takes a drag on a long, green cigarette holder.

"Jessie said you stopped by last night," Buzz Lightyear says in between bites of a burrito.
 

"I was trying to set up a meeting with you know who about you know what," Indiana Jones mutters between clenched teeth.
 

The conversations at the nearby tables are all the same: Everybody is excited about tonight's dress rehearsal for the Star Wars Festival kickoff celebration. A poster on the wall reminds cast members that Disneyland will close early for the trial run.
 

"See," Buzz says, pointing his burrito at Indy. "I told you Darth would go for my idea if Mickey suggested it."

"Do you have any way of getting in touch with Woody?" asks Indy, a tinge of desperation in his voice.
 

Buzz pulls out his smart phone and checks to see if Woody is online. Characters are explicitly forbidden from using their phones onstage. Even a vibrating phone is cause for reprimand, so most characters self-impose a strict digital blackout while in the park. Whatever it takes to preserve the magic for the guests.

"Incommunicado," says Buzz, noticing the time on his phone. "And I've got to go dark, too."

Buzz powers down his phone, shoves the last bite of burrito in his mouth and rises to leave.
 

"But wait," Indy says in a panic. "What am I going to do?"

"I don't know," Buzz says with a dismissive shrug. "Talk to Darth."

Buzz knows as well as Indy that is impossible. Darth Vader is already on stage and Indy can't be seen outside of Adventureland while the park is open. He especially can't be seen in the park interacting with characters from other stories. It's simply forbidden. Cast members and characters take a sacred oath to keep the backstage and onstage worlds separate at any cost.

"You've got to talk to Darth," a manic Indy says, grabbing Buzz by his laser arm band.
 

"You know I can't do that," says Buzz, pulling free of Indy's grip as he turns to leave. “I can’t be seen talking to Darth onstage.”

Indy collapses back into his seat defeated. He can already hear Mickey now: “You can't count on Indy to do anything.” The last thing Indy wants to do is break one of the cardinal rules of Disneyland: Never let the Mouse down.

"I can help you talk to Darth," says Oswald the Lucky Rabbit in a conspiratorial tone, leaning over from the next table.
 

With long ears, white shorts and a devious streak, the jet black rabbit is part daredevil and part prankster. His motto: Nothing but trouble.
 

Oswald signals for Indy to follow him and the eager archaeologist leaps up too quickly, causing the rabbit to roll his eyes. Realizing his obviousness, Indy strikes a far too casual attitude as the pair head across backstage toward Space Mountain.
 

"After decades of being kept off stage," Oswald says with a mix of bitterness and mischievousness, "I've found a few ways to get around this place undetected."

Backstage Disneyland is surprisingly bare bones compared to the meticulously designed onstage areas of the park seen by guests. The labyrinthine backstage spaces have a stripped down look that resemble the workman-like warrens of a movie studio backlot. The simplistic architecture aesthetic of backstage serves as a stark mirror-opposite of the attention to detail found throughout the park’s themed lands.

Oswald opens a backstage door that leads downstairs. They navigate their way through a series of underground tunnels before entering a darkened room. Oswald hands Indy a short pipe with a single protrusion.
 

"When you see the light," Oswald says rather cryptically, "press the button."

The floor and ceiling rise simultaneously, lifting Indy from the dark into the light. The elevator riser comes to a halt on the Tomorrowland Terrace stage. A line of kids armed with lightsabers and wearing brown hooded robes wait to battle Darth Vader in the Jedi Training Academy.
 

"Welcome young padawan," Darth says, playing along with the surprise ripple in the script. "You're much taller than most of my students."

Indy presses a button and his lightsaber activates with a vibrating blue glow. The Jedi Training Academy draws guests to the stage for daily instructional demonstrations in front of a take-out restaurant. Tomorrowland looks strange by day filled with guests. Indy never leaves Adventureland when the park is open to the public.
 

Darth and Indy cross lightsabers with an electric jolt. Ecstatic audience members whip out their smart phones to record the unorthodox encounter. Indy’s in trouble for sure, now.

"I heard you got hogtied by Jessie," Darth says quietly enough so only Indy can hear.
 

"Doing your bidding," Indy whispers with a mix of embarrassment and resentment.

With his red lightsaber, Darth parries Indy’s thrusts and blows with ease. The two clash, coming lightsaber to lightsaber with a buzzing spark. The well-balanced lightsaber feels good in Indy's hands. He wields the weapon like an old pro. Darth shoves Indy, who stumbles backward.

"The Force is strong with this one," says Darth, loud enough for the audience to hear.
 

Indy sweeps at Darth's feet, who hops to miss the lightsaber. Cast members huddle at the edge of the stage clearly concerned about the cross-story contamination. The crowd enthusiastically eats it up.
 

"Why didn't you just call Woody?" Darth asks snidely under his breath.
 

"That would have been a lot easier," Indy says, realizing the obvious for the first time with a sudden flash of clarity.
 

"Come over to the dark side," Darth says, hamming it up for the audience.
 

Darth takes a swing at Indy's head, who ducks to avoid the lightsaber. Frantic cast members edge on stage trying to direct Indy to the wings, realizing footage of the off-script sword fight is already showing up on social media. Indy worries less about the trouble he’s in with each escalation of the battle.

"What do I do now?" Indy asks far too loudly.
 

"You better talk to Mickey," snarls Darth, growing weary of dealing with Indy.

Indy lunges with his lightsaber toward Darth, who steps out of the way. The decidedly unfuturistic archaeologist stumbles into the arms of a pair of waiting cast members who hustle him offstage.
 

"See, I told you," yells Indy, hoisting high his lightsaber as cast members cart him away. "I'd make a great Han Solo."

"Poor Indiana Jones is obviously confused," says Darth, ad-libbing for the audience. "Han Solo is not a Jedi Knight and would never use a lightsaber."

Down below the stage, Oswald takes Indy from the flabbergasted cast members and leads him back through the underground tunnels. Up at the surface again, Oswald commandeers an unattended golf cart and Indy hops aboard.
 

"Toontown," Indy orders. "We've got to talk to Mickey."

"That fraud," Oswald spats. "He hates that I'm the original."

Oswald weaves wildly through the narrow backstage streets. The hurtling golf cart rockets past disassembled ride vehicles and spare parts as they zip by startled cast members. Indy holds on for dear life as Oswald takes a corner on two wheels before pulling up behind Mickey's house. Indy bursts through a back door where Mickey is posing for photos with a family of four.
 

"Did you talk to Woody?" says Mickey as the surprised family exits.
 

"He's on stage," says an exasperated Indy.
 

The meet-and-greet room inside the Mouse’s house churns through guests wanting photos with the famous star whenever Mickey’s schedule allows. Silently fretting over what to do, the cast members push the next family back out the in door. Mickey carries a lot of sway in the park and always gets handled with VIP kid gloves. Nobody tells him what to do.
 

"I don't care where he is," Mickey says. "We're running out of time."

"It's not like I can run all over Pixar World looking for him," Indy says.

But of course that's exactly what Mickey wants Indy to do. You can’t let the Mouse down, no matter how ridiculous his demands. Pulling out his smart phone, Mickey scrolls through his jam-packed schedule of parades, shows and appearances.
 

"Now whatever you do, don't let Woody dictate the time or place," Mickey insists. "Tell him to meet me in 20 minutes at Walt's apartment."
 

A squawk crackles across one of the cast member's walkie-talkies: Code R. That's not good. Character gone rogue.
 

"I think we better go," Oswald says, tugging on Indy's elbow as the cast members inch closer.
 

Busting out the back door, Indy and Oswald jump into the golf cart just as Disney security rolls up.
 

Oswald weaves back and forth between the monorail supports in hopes of ditching their pursuers. Racing through a single-lane tunnel, Oswald floors the gas when another cart appears on the other side of the berm. The devil-may-care rabbit forces the opposing cart onto the curved corrugated wall of the tunnel as he races past.
 

Up ahead, a pair of carts block the intersection. Oswald swerves into the parade building, sending mechanics and electricians tending to the floats diving for cover. Looking less dazzling in the daytime, the unlit luminescent floats for the Paint the Night parade zip past in quick succession: A towering King Triton, Belle’s red rose and Peter Pan’s big drum. The detour successfully loses the law - for the moment. Emerging from the parade building, Oswald screeches to a halt behind Boardwalk Pizza & Pasta.
 

"Woody should be right through there," Oswald says with the sage wisdom of a veteran character. "You better hurry."

Indy runs through the Boardwalk Pizza & Pasta kitchen and restaurant brimming with the smells of pepperoni and tomato sauce before emerging onstage in Pixar World. Just as Oswald promised, Sheriff Woody is signing autographs with Jessie the cowgirl.

"Back for more?" says Jessie, swinging her lasso over her head to the delight of the crowd.
 

"Now hold on," Indy says, stopping in his tracks just outside her reach.
 

The California Screamin' coaster rumbles overhead with cries of joy coming from the passengers. Mickey’s Fun Wheel and the Silly Symphony Swings look decidedly different in the daytime when Green Army Men aren’t giving chase. A bolt of energy surges through the crowd of guests waiting for autographs at the sight of Woody and Indy onstage together.