Backstage Disneyland: The Secret's Out: Disney characters are real and they live behind the scenes at Disneyland (9 page)

Stark spotlights gleam off the white helmets and armor of the invading army. Armed with blaster rifles, the terrifying shock troops represent hate, war and oppression - a far cry from the peace, love and Mickey embodied by Disneyland.
 

Woody assembles his own troops in the shadows of the PeopleMover platform high above the action on the street below. The vantage point offers the Toys a panoramic perspective of the playing field for their brazen sabotage plan.

"General," Woody commands in a tense but hushed voice. "Your men will handle pyro."

"Roger that, sir," says the Green Army general, snapping a salute.

Under the cover of darkness, the general rushes off toward the Tomorrowland entrance along the elevated PeopleMover track to scout out his mission. Woody unrolls and updates a hand-drawn war map under the light of the moon.

The furry and cuddly ewoks ride in the Astro Orbitor rockets, laughing and jabbering in high-pitched pidgin ewokese as they spin beneath a constellation of bronzed planets and moons. Woody points toward the Astro Orbitor and whispers in Lotso's ear. The pink teddy bear disappears into the night on his own reconnaissance expedition.
 

Indy pulls out his smart phone and scrolls through his social media accounts. His afternoon escapades have inspired a host of hashtags: #IndyGoneRogue, #TeamIndy and #Indyfensible.
 

Indiana Jones, Disneyland and Star Wars Festival are all trending topics. The Internet is exploding with partially true and outright false versions of Indy's rogue adventures. Fans are both up in arms and up for more.

An array of green lasers form a canopy over Tomorrowland, giving the land's retro-modern architecture an eerie alien glow.
 

"I'm putting you in charge of special effects, Potatohead," says Woody, pointing to the spotlights and lasers lining the Tomorrowland rooftops.
 

Potatohead pulls a notebook and pen from his rear compartment, jots down a few ideas and heads off to scout his assignment.
 

Down below, an army of Disney executives in matching suits keeps an eye out for trouble, forcing the saboteurs to frequently duck for cover.

“Bo, you’re on A/V,” Woody says.

Little Bo Peep points with her shepherd's crook at the audio-visual booth mapping digital images of bustling space ports from the Star Wars universe onto building exteriors. Woody writes "LBP: A/V" next to Space Mountain on the map. Indy pays close attention to the scouting mission, all the while concocting his own plan to sabotage the saboteurs.

Indy's phone vibrates in his pocket. It's a text from Tiana:
Look behind you
. Tiana and Ariel stand in the shadows of an old PeopleMover tunnel. Indy surreptitiously grabs Buzz and sneaks away from the saboteurs.
 

"Do you know how to drive?" Woody asks a little green alien.
 

Off in the distance, the darkened serpentine Autopia track sits silent and still. The three-eyed squeeze toy squeaks a note of utter confusion. There’s no way the squat, three-fingered martian could ever drive an Autopia car.

"Perfect," Woody says.
 

Out of sight in the shadows of the tunnel, Ariel stands on her tiptoes in a light blue gown to give Buzz a kiss. He sweeps her flowing red hair aside to look deep into her eyes. They're clearly in love - no matter how infrequently they see each other. Or how often she cheats on him.

"We can't let this happen," says Tiana, looking like a belle of the ball in her own signature green gown. “What are we going to do?”

"I’ve got a plan," Indy says.
 

On the Tomorrowland Terrace stage, Mickey symbolically crosses lightsabers with Darth in a show of solidarity and friendship. The cast-member audience enthusiastically presses against the stage in front of a riser platform that will hold the world’s media tomorrow night.

“Let me be the first to welcome our new Stars Wars pals to Disneyland,” Mickey says.
 

As Mickey departs, a bevy of dancers in skimpy space-age outfits join Darth on the TLT stage as a banner unfurls announcing the "Star Wars Dance-Off."

"What's a homecoming without a party," says Darth, his upbeat words betraying his utter lack of enthusiasm. "Come help us celebrate the Star Wars Festival as we dance the night away."

A pair of female dancers bump and grind on both sides of Darth to a thumping hip-hop beat as a breakdancing stormtrooper spins on his back. The music quickly cycles through a series of hits from “Can’t Touch This” to “Beat It” to “Gangnam Style.” It's clear Darth is not interested in any part of the embarrassing dance party imported from Disney's Hollywood Studios in Florida.
 

Tiana kisses Indy on the cheek: "You can count on the princesses to help."

"What's she doing here?" Mickey asks, emerging from the darkest shadows of the PeopleMover tunnel.
 

Indy freezes, convinced Mickey has discovered the double cross. Chastened, Tiana pulls Ariel from Buzz's arms and the princesses quickly disappear down the darkened tunnel.
 

Emerging onto the PeopleMover station platform, Mickey folds his arms and leans against a railing, more interested in absorbing the totality of the Star Wars Festival than a couple of late-night booty calls. Woody rolls up the war map and stands next to Mickey, the two rivals working as one on a shared objective.

"And to think we're doing all this because of a boy wizard," says Mickey, shaking his head in disgust.

Down below, a pair of executives spot the saboteurs and radio security. Their cover blown, Woody and Mickey take off running along the PeopleMover track with Indy and Buzz bringing up the rear.

"The pirates are in," Mickey yells ahead to Woody.

"Great," Woody shouts over his shoulder. "I've got just the job for them."

The cheering and dancing audience down below has no idea what chaos will befall Tomorrowland tomorrow night.

“And six of the seven dwarfs, too,” hollers a gleeful Mickey.

10

Operation Death Star

Just like last night, the Star Wars characters parade down Main Street USA between dancing Disney and Pixar characters amid cheering fans as the “Theme from Star Wars” fills the night air.

From his vantage point behind the parapet of Sleeping Beauty Castle, Sheriff Woody has a commanding view of Main Street and Tomorrowland. It turns out the most obvious place to hide in Disneyland is the last place anybody is looking right now. Disney security and executives in matching suits are spread throughout Tomorrowland watching for any signs of foul play during the Star Wars Festival kickoff event.

Referencing his hand-drawn war map, Woody dispatches his troops to locations throughout Tomorrowland for Operation Death Star. The plan is simple: Disrupt the opening ceremonies in hopes of derailing the Star Wars Land project.

At the park’s central hub, Mickey Mouse stands on a stage brimming with lights and festooned with bunting as the world’s media broadcasts the celebratory festivities around the globe.

"Welcome to the happiest place in the galaxy," says Mickey to thunderous cheers from the crowd.

“That’s a go with pyro,” Woody says into a military radio.

“Ten-four, sheriff,” the disembodied voice of the Green Army general squawks over the radio. “Fire in the hole!”

Rather than firing in a sequential display, the fireworks explode all at once behind the stage in a tremendous fireball that knocks Mickey off his feet. Stunned at first, the crowd roars its approval of the bombastic pyrotechnics display as the deafening sound reverberates off the Main Street USA buildings. Falling debris ignites the Star Wars Festival banner hanging over the Tomorrowland entrance as a sulfuric stench hangs in the air. Believing the enormous blast to be part of the show, fans flow into Tomorrowland at the urgent behest of Disney security.

When nobody is looking, Indy bends down and steals a spare military radio, clipping it to his belt. Heading down a stone spiral staircase, Indy emerges in the castle basement where the assembled princesses are waiting, all dressed in their signature gowns.

“Alright, everybody knows what to do,” Indy says.

“Come on ladies,” Tiana implores the princesses. “We can’t let them get away with this.”

Dressed in her traditional green gown, Tiana leads the charge of princesses up the spiral staircase and out of the castle with Indy trailing behind.

Outside in Tomorrowland, the menacing tones of "The Imperial March" echo off the retro-modern buildings as twin columns of stormtroopers march in formation.

An intermittent screeching scream joins the classical film score, adding a hip-hop beat to the familiar refrain. Up in the audio-visual booth, Little Bo Peep mans the controls with all the mad skills of a turntable-scratching DJ. A pair of Green Army Men flank Bo, one on a military radio and the other holding the A/V guy at gunpoint.
 

The stormtroopers march with a distinct skip in their step as the familiar strains of House of Pain’s "Jump Around" blends with "The Imperial March." When the lyrics begin, the stormtroopers interlock elbows and flawlessly perform can-can kicks while remaining in formation. The crowd responds wildly to the unexpected ad-libbed performance.
 

Amid the jubilant audience, Indy patiently stands on the Tomorrowland sidelines with the antsy princesses, who are anxious to pounce at the first sign of trouble.

"Wait for my signal," Indy says.
 

"I can't take anymore of this," says an agitated Tiana.

Tiana pushes one of the stormtroopers, knocking the chorus line of heavily-armored shock troops out of sync.
 

"Who are you?" demands Tiana, getting up in the face of a helmeted soldier. "I know you're not a stormtrooper."

The soldier shoves Tiana to the ground. Indy reaches down to help the furious Tiana, but she bats his assistance aside. Leaping to her feet, Tiana tries in vain to remove the offending stormtrooper's helmet. The menacing soldier restrains the struggling princess as the rest of the stormtroopers continue their Rockettes kickline processional. Indy grabs the stormtrooper’s blaster rifle.

“Ahoy there, matey,” says the stormtrooper, giving Indy a jab to the jaw. “Keep yer hands off me musket.”

Indy throws a punch that glances harmlessly off the buccaneer stormtrooper’s shiny white armor. A blow to the gut with the butt of a blaster rifle and another to the nose drops Indy to his knees. Buzz fires a laser from his arm band that blinds one stormtrooper and expands his retractable wings to knock down two others. The dust-up catches the attention of the audience, which is starting to realize something strange is afoot.

Indy struggles to his feet and grabs Tiana by the hand. Buzz does the same with Ariel. The two couples weave through rows of can-canning stormtroopers before their brethren realize what hit them.

“Cue the spotlights,” Woody says via the radio crackling on Indy’s hip.

The spotlights that had dutifully followed the progress of the stormtrooper procession suddenly strafe the crowd like a scene from a manic prison break. Up on the rooftops, Mr. Potatohead and a host of Toys commandeer the spotlights. Down below, the can-canning stormtroopers break into a choreographed flash mob dance routine as the high-energy chorus of “Jump Around” begins. Swept up in the moment, R2D2 and C3PO join the dancing stormtroopers.

“Lasers on my count,” Woody says on the radio. “Three, two, one.”

The green lasers that had formed a canopy over Tomorrowland flash like futuristic weapon fire, triggering explosions in flower planters and trash cans on the ground. Under Potatohead’s direction, another team of Toys wave their hands in front of the beams to create realistic-looking laser blasts. Ducking for cover, the crowd panics as the stormtrooper flash mob suddenly begins herding guests at gunpoint.
 

With weapons drawn, Luke, Leia, Chewy and Han stand in the middle of Tomorrowland with their backs to one another to ward off the approaching stormtroopers. To everyone’s surprise, Aurora, Jasmine and Rapunzel successfully lure a trio of advancing stormtroopers into the shadows with come-hither promises of promiscuity. The Star Wars quartet uses the diversion as an opportunity to escape.

“Sound the alarm,” Woody orders over the radio.

Bo Peep triggers an air-raid siren as all the stormtroopers simultaneously train their blaster rifles on the Astro Orbitor ride and open fire with a barrage of red laser blasts. Smoke billows from the spinning rockets as furry ewoks convulse from the blaster fire. Luke Skywalker tosses a grappling hook that snags an Orbitor support arm in a desperate attempt to rescue an ewok hanging by a paw from a flaming rocket. At the opposite end of Tomorrowland, Lotso jumps for joy atop the PeopleMover platform at the success of his special effects spectacle.

Outraged at the slaughter of helpless ewoks, Snow White, Cinderella and Belle take the fight to the heartless stormtroopers. Snow White jumps on the back of a stunned stormtrooper, Belle kicks the legs out from under another and Cinderella beats a third about his helmeted head with her glass slipper.

This isn’t a show anymore. It’s utter chaos. Guests run for their lives. A skirmish line of stormtroopers guarding the Tomorrowland entrance fence the fleeing fans inside the apocalyptic futuristic world. The riotous atmosphere is only reinforced by the digitally mapped flames burning on the facades of Space Mountain and Innoventions.
 

With the world watching via television broadcast and social media, Mickey Mouse tries to restore order by symbolically crossing lightsabers with Darth Vader on the Tomorrowland Terrace stage.

“Let me be the first to welcome our new Stars Wars pals to Disneyland,” Mickey says in his quintessential upbeat demeanor.

The distinctive revving of a Harley Davidson engine followed by the bump-and-grind guitar of Motley Crue’s “Girls, Girls, Girls” booms from the stage as a pair of scantily-clad dancers swing around bronze stripper poles. A trio of stormtroopers rip off their shiny white armor Chippendales-style, leaving them wearing only helmets and g-strings.