Backstage Disneyland: The Secret's Out: Disney characters are real and they live behind the scenes at Disneyland (8 page)

The guards push aside guests pressing in to take Indy’s perp walk photo, knocking cameras to the ground. Everyone on Buena Vista Street watches in stunned disbelief as the guards lead Indy backstage and out of sight.
 

The guards belittle Indy for his out-of-character outburst, but they ain’t seen nothing yet. Wait until tomorrow night during the Star Wars kickoff celebration. If they think the bubble has burst, what's next will feel like a cataclysmic explosion.

8

Common Foes

The Disneyland Jail is the unhappiest place on earth. While more a series of police interrogation rooms than a cluster of cells with bars, the Disneyland Jail is not the way you want to end your day at the park.

Indiana Jones sits at a table in the middle of the windowless interrogation room with a single light shining on him from above. A one-way mirror dominates the wall next to the door while a video camera tucked in an upper corner records all the proceedings. Opposite Indy, a Disney executive in a suit bears down on his suspect, fists firmly planted on the table.
 

“Have you lost your mind?” the suit screams. “Have you forgotten who you are?”

“I want to see my lawyer,” Indy demands.

A scowling Mickey Mouse bursts into the interrogation room, pushing aside a bumbling Disney security guard manning the door.

“I represent this rogue,” hollers Mickey, a cigar in his hand. “How dare you question him outside my presence.”

The executive is wary of the mad mouse, who carries a lot sway at Disneyland and in the Disney corporate offices. No matter how far up the senior executive ladder you’ve climbed, you don’t want to mess with the Mouse. Cigar smoke comes out of Mickey’s nostrils like a bull preparing to charge, filling the room with a leathery tobacco smell.

“What charges are you holding him on?” Mickey demands.

The suit rocks back a little on his heels but still swings like a prizefighter.

“Evading police, auto theft, assault with a deadly weapon,” says the suit, enumerating the counts on his fingers.

Mickey paces back and forth like a predator trapped in a cage with his prey, confident in the kill but savoring the anticipation.

“All part of the show,” Mickey says with a dismissive wave of his cigar.

“He’s broken a dozen laws,” the suit counters, his bravado cut in half.

Mickey comes nose to nose with the executive, the cigar clenched in the corner of his mouth. The two stare fiercely into each other's eyes. Mickey doesn’t blink. The suit does.

“Last I looked Disney doesn’t make laws,” Mickey growls. “We make believe.”

“He was out of character,” says the suit, refusing to back down.

For Disney, that’s the biggest crime of all. In the eyes of the company, the characters aren’t only real people, they’re intellectual property.

A fuming Mickey kicks an empty chair across the room and throws the table against the wall, leaving Indy sitting alone in the middle of the room like the sad winner of musical chairs. The crashing furniture sends the suit stumbling back in shock, his back pressed into a corner.

“If he’s free to go,” Mickey says, blowing a plume of smoke in the suit’s face, “my client is coming with me.”

Mickey grabs Indy by the collar of his brown leather jacket, throws open the door and together they march out of the interrogation room.
 

Walking down the hall, they spot Oswald the Lucky Rabbit through a one-way mirror in a nearby interrogation room. Oswald puts up a vigorous defense in the face of stiff questioning.
 

"Are we just going to leave Oswald in there?" Indy asks as they walk past.
 

"He doesn't want my help," Mickey says with a dismissive wave of his bittersweet-smelling cigar. "That punk has never gotten over Walt giving him up to Universal."

Emerging in a backstage area of Pixar World, the pair beat a quick escape before the Disney executive can change his mind.
 

"What did Woody say?" Mickey asks.
 

"He wants to meet at Tower of Terror," Indy says

The lofty haunted hotel dominates the skyline with riders’ screams echoing throughout the park. All the windows in the former luxury hotel are busted out except for the penthouse on the top floor.

"When?" Mickey asks.
 

"Right now," Indy says.
 

Mickey pulls his smartphone out of his pocket and checks the time.
 

"I've only got a few minutes," Mickey says. "We better hurry."

The pair dash along a tangle of narrow streets taking a circuitous backstage route buzzing with traffic. Cast members and characters warily greet the pair, clearly aware of Indy's escapades. An embarrassed Indy pulls his fedora down over his eyes.

"They don’t own us," says Mickey, still fuming about the interrogation room encounter. "They can’t tell us what to say or how to act."

Indy couldn't agree more. He's tired of being the archaeologist adventurer. He wants to be Han Solo, space pilot extraordinaire. But that's not the way the Disney universe works. You can't change the way you're written.
 

"We should be free to do what we want, when we want," Indy says, playing along with Mickey's angst.

In fact, Indy’s been playing along with Mickey’s scheme the whole time. Too often Mickey takes his anger too far. And his plan to sabotage the Star Wars Festival steps over the line. Somehow Indy needs to come up with a way to foil the plot. To save Disneyland. And become Han Solo. Deep in his heart of hearts, Indy knows he was born to play the space cowboy.

Entering a back door, Mickey and Indy take a passenger elevator to a secret penthouse suite at the top of the Twilight Zone Tower of Terror attraction. Woody and the Toys sit in high-backed leather chairs sipping cocktails in the musty gothic room.
 

The suite appears frozen in time. Faint jazz music plays in the background. An unfinished mahjong game sits on a table next to an extinguished fireplace. A sculpture of an attacking owl serves as the centerpiece of the room. Outside an arched window hangs the hotel marquee sign.

None of the hosts rise to greet their guests. The tension is palpable - like warring mafia families meeting to hammer out a truce. Uninvited to sit down, Mickey and Indy remain standing.

"What's he doing here?" says Woody, glaring at Indy. "I spent an hour getting grilled by Disney security because of that idiot."

"Doesn’t a sheriff outrank a rent-a-cop?" Mickey asks, his tone dripping with sarcasm.
 

"Watch your tongue, mouse," Jessie barks, jumping up and drawing her gun.
 

Indy pulls his own revolver. The standoff simmers, both threatening to shoot blanks at each other, until Woody waves Jessie back to her seat.
 

Clearly there's no love lost between Mickey and Woody. The two reign over their own domains, Mickey the more established and historic Disneyland and Woody the upstart and newly-remodeled Pixar World. A long time ago they both agreed to disagree. The hate is mutual.

"Where’s Buzz?" Mickey asks, clearly surprised at the space ranger’s absence.
 

"He only spends his nights here," says a spiteful Woody. "We don't really think of Buzz as one of the Toys anymore."

"That space cadet is nothing but a dirty old Disneylander," says Jessie, spitting tobacco in a floor spittoon that rings like a boxing round bell.

Mickey takes a deep breath, desperately trying not to bite at the dangling bait.
 

"For this sideshow to work, we need all the Toys to play a part," Mickey says, appealing to the Pixar characters' theatrical streak. "We can't do this without Buzz."

It's clear to everyone in the room that Mickey wants one of his own guys involved in the caper - for when the plan inevitably goes sideways.

"Buzz will just get in the way," Woody says, clearly no fan of the spaceman.

"Hold on, Woody," says Mr. Potatohead, butting in. "Buzz is the master of fouling things up."

"He might be just what we need," says Lotso, the Lots-O-Huggin teddy bear.

"Fine," says a resigned Woody.
 

"Who tied a knot in his pull string?" mutters Indy, far too loudly to be under his breath.
 

Woody leaps up from his leather wing chair and grabs Indy around the neck, throttling him like a rag doll. Mickey and Lotso pull the two apart, sending the combatants to opposite corners.

"We may disagree about everything," Lotso says, trying to restore order. "But there's one thing we all agree on: We have to stop Star Wars Land."

The conniving Lotso throws an arm around Woody's shoulders and another around Mickey's, leading them to a arched window framed by heavy red velour drapes. Down below sits an empty parking lot right behind Tower of Terror - the last unused parcel of land at either park.

"Or else Marveland is next," Lotso says.

The assembled characters fill the empty canvas with their own nightmare superhero scenarios. Like Lotso’s intentions, his faded strawberry scent smells foul and rotten.

"OK, so here's what we're going to do," says Mickey, trying to regain control of the room. "Tonight at the rehearsal..."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Woody says, uninterested in taking orders. "If we’re going to do this, we’re going to do it my way."

This time Mickey lunges at Woody, knocking the cowboy sheriff to the ground. Mickey repeatedly slams Woody's head into the Persian carpeted floor. Little Bo Peep slides her shepherd's crook around Mickey's neck and pulls the mouse off her man.

Indy squares off against Lotso and Mr. Potatohead, threatening to take them both on at once. Mickey throws haymaker punches, hitting no one but angering everyone. Finally, Bo Peep lowers her crook in the middle of the brawl, separating Mickey and Indy from the others.
 

"You boys better get out of here before we all kill each other," says Bo Peep, playing the peacemaker. "We'll see you at the rehearsal."

9

Peace, Love & Mickey

The familiar strains of conductor John Williams' "Theme from Star Wars" plays as the film franchise's iconic characters parade down Disneyland's Main Street USA. Disney and Pixar characters lining the parade route wave and dance with glee as they welcome Luke Skywalker, Princess Leia, R2D2, C3PO, Chewbacca and Han Solo along with a host of other characters from a galaxy far, far away. A menacing Darth Vader brings up the rear of the procession.
 

Metallic gold, silver and bronze confetti rains down from the night sky, illuminated by rows of colored stage lights atop Main Street's turn of the century gingerbread-style Victorian buildings. And to think this is only the dress rehearsal. Disney always puts on an over-the-top show and insists on controlling all the variables, leaving nothing to chance.

The triumphant arrival of all the players both big and small from the Star Wars universe is cheered by virtually every Disney and Pixar character - from princesses and pirates to heroes and villains. The canyon formed by the American small town street buzzes with the excitement and emotion of a homecoming parade.

Sheriff Woody and Buzz Lightyear cavort like best buds despite their backstage animosity for one another. But that division between on-stage personas and backstage personalities is about to fall.
 

Chewbacca unleashes a mighty roar. Like a polished politician, Han shakes hands, slaps backs and blows kisses to the cast members serving as audience stand-ins for the real crowd expected tomorrow night. Vying for his attention, the Disney princesses gush and coo over the rakishly handsome Han.
 

Han and Indy suddenly come face to face. It's like looking in a mirror. They could be twins separated at birth. The instant familiarity makes it hard for Indy to be envious.
 

At the park's central hub, Mickey Mouse stands on a stage brimming with lights and bunting dressed in a black-sequined tuxedo. With the park closed to visitors, a thousands-strong throng of cast members assembled just for the dress rehearsal burst into boisterous applause at all the key moments as they watch the proceedings with rapt attention.

"Welcome to the happiest place in the galaxy," Mickey reads from a teleprompter, his voice booming over the sound system.
 

A blast of fireworks light up the night sky as the characters and cast members let loose a collective cheer. The crowd filters into Tomorrowland under a banner proclaiming the kickoff of the Star Wars Festival.
 

When nobody is looking, Indy leads Woody and the Toys into the Buzz Lightyear Astro Blasters interactive dark ride. With the lights off, the ride queue takes on an eerie quality, with the maze-like line winding past eerie green aliens and menacing laser blasters painted on the walls. The real Buzz waits in the dark with his hands on his hips next an animatronic likeness of himself.

Following a flashlight-wielding Buzz, the saboteurs descend a set of darkened stairs and navigate a subterranean tunnel beneath Tomorrowland. In the dark, Buzz pushes a button and a pair of elevator doors open. After ascending several levels, the clandestine crew sneaks out onto a platform overlooking Tomorrowland.
 

The one-time PeopleMover station has been shuttered since the short-lived Rocket Rods bit the dust. The spinning Astro Orbitor ride that once graced the platform has since been moved to the entrance of Tomorrowland. An ill-conceived Observatron kinetic satellite sculpture that hasn't worked in years still scars the top of the old PeopleMover platform. Stretching for as far as the eye can see, the assembled crowd lines both sides of the main thoroughfare cutting through the middle of Tomorrowland.

The menacing tones of "The Imperial March" from Williams' film score echo throughout Tomorrowland as twin columns of stormtroopers march in formation from the entrance of the futuristic-themed land toward the secreted saboteurs. The clomp of soldiers boots hitting the pavement in unison sounds like the beat of a foreboding drum.