Beautiful Lies (6 page)

“Yeah but I like watching you walk around in my t-shirt.”

“I’m not wearing your t-shirt,” I grumble.

“No,” he says, taking his off and throwing it my way, “but you will be.” He has that smirk on his face and I can’t help but smile. My eyes instantly scan his taut stomach and chest. His abs are tight and he looks hot.

“You just going to lie there and check me out?”

“Yes, I need some incentive to get up.”

“Incentive?” His eyes become playful again as he walks back toward me. He climbs into the bed next to me, never taking his eyes off me. He slips under the sheets with a huge smile on his face. I can’t help but mirror his expression. I gasp as the tips of his fingers trail up my bare stomach. He’s not smiling anymore and neither am I. He traces his fingers up the length of my stomach and I hold in a breath. I don’t take my eyes off his. His hand reaches my neck and then snakes around the back of my head. He slowly pulls my head toward his. I feel the warmth of his breath fanning my lips and my eyes close. My breathing speeds up and I clench my thighs. He lingers there for a moment and then whispers against my lips.

“Put the t-shirt on, Paige.”

In a flash he is up and heading toward the door.

“You did that on purpose,” I call after him in frustration. He laughs and then disappears out the door.

“Breakfast is getting cold,” he calls.

I roll my eyes and pull a face at him even though he can’t see me. I try to compose myself and pretend that I’m not feeling as frustrated as I do. I sit up on the edge of the bed and pull on the grey t-shirt that he took off. I stand up and pull my hair from the neck of the t-shirt before making my way down the stairs.

I walk into the kitchen and take a seat at the breakfast bar. I watch how easily he moves around, switching from one pan to the other. He stops for a moment and just watches me.

“I like you in my t-shirt,” he smirks before turning back to what he was originally doing.

“I thought you said it was getting cold?” I say, ignoring his comment.

“I may have exaggerated,” he chuckles.

“You’re lucky it didn’t burn while you were up there playing games.”

“Ahh, will you ever forgive me for committing such a treacherous act of treason, my queen?”

I roll my eyes and he laughs.

He lays out two plates and fills them with bacon, sausages, eggs, pancakes and syrup.

“Looks good,” I say.

“Worth being woken up for?”

“Yes, I guess,” I laugh.

“Good.”

I close my eyes for a second as I take the first few bites of food.

“This is good.”

“I’m glad you like it. So, I was thinking that we could go and see that new art gallery that just opened, since it’s your day off. What do you think?”

“I’d love to. I thought that it was by invite only for the first couple of weeks?”

“It is, you just need to know the right people,” he winks at me.

“Then I guess I know the right people.”

“Indeed you do.”

* * *

After breakfast, I run upstairs to get ready. I feel sick again and it only confirms my suspicions. I stand still and listen carefully to see if Taylor is still downstairs. He is. I quickly retrieve the box from my purse and head into the bathroom with my towel wrapped around me.

I take the box out and just stare at it. I’ve had it for over two weeks now but I’ve been too chicken to actually use it. I open it up and pull out the instructions.

One line...not pregnant.

Two lines...pregnant.

Ok, that’s straightforward enough. I pull out the stick and follow the instructions to the letter. When I’m done, I rest it on the side and wait the instructed time. I try to busy my mind with how I plan to tell Taylor if it turns out positive. Will he be happy or not? We’ve never even discussed children or anything like that. My stomach drops at the thought but I push it away and pick up the stick.

Two lines.

I gasp.

I check again.

Two lines.

I’m not seeing things. It’s real. I don’t know how I feel. The door opens just as I’m deciding.

“Hey, babe, I was wondering if we-”

He pauses mid sentence and just stares at my hand. I don’t speak, neither of us do. His eyes never leave my hand. We stand in a deafening silence before I cautiously hand him the stick. It feels like slow motion. I feel sick. He takes it carefully as though it could break at the slightest touch. I watch his eyes scan the stick over and over again. I see the questions arising in his head. He looks up at me in a daze.

“Does it mean...” I nod my head. “You’re...you’re...we’re having...”

“Yes,” I whisper.

Still no expression. He just stares, taking in the information. Then he starts laughing. If someone was watching they would most definitely think that he was crazy. He laughs more before his eyes finally find mine. He runs over to me and picks me up in the air. He spins me around, all the while laughing to himself. Then he suddenly looks at me as if I’m the most delicate creature in the world. “Sorry,” he says seriously. He slowly lowers me to the ground.

“It’s ok,” I smile at him.

“We’re having a baby?” He whispers, looking me in the eyes.

I bite my lip and nod my head. His lips smash into mine before I even get the chance to take a breath. “We’re having a baby,” he repeats excitedly after his lips leave mine. He starts laughing again and kissing me. I find myself laughing too. It’s contagious. When he finally calms down, I look at him seriously.

“So, this is ok?” I ask.

“Ok? This is perfect,” he strokes my face gently.

“Are you sure because I know that we never discussed this and-”

“I don’t care. It’s me and you, Paige. We’re forever, baby, this is just an addition to our forever. A beautiful addition,” he says placing his hand gently on my stomach and smiling. “I love you,” he whispers.

“I love you, too,” I smile. He takes my face in his hands and kisses me. This time it’s with a passion that I can’t even begin to describe. But I feel it. I understand it because nothing else in this world feels the same. He slowly drops to his knees so that his face is level with my stomach. His fingertips trace my belly slowly before he just rests his ear against it and closes his eyes. I watch him in silence as a smile creeps onto his face as he listens to the inside of my belly. He opens his eyes, turns his head and then plants a gentle kiss directly over my belly button.

“I already love you,” he whispers to my stomach. “So much,” he continues. I feel my heart do a strange flip and I suddenly realize that this is the man that I am going to spend the rest of my life with.

My eyes flutter open. My hands slide instantly down to my stomach. I let out a breath.
It wasn’t real. There’s nothing there.
I turn to face Rick. He is deep in sleep. He looks peaceful. I turn my body away from him and look at the clock...
5:55am.
I curl my body up in a ball and cry silently. I cry until there isn’t a single tear left and then I lie awake, afraid to ever fall asleep again.

CHAPTER FOUR

PAIGE’S STORY

I
stare at the woman in front of me. She’s extremely attractive. I watch as she flicks her head to the side, shifting her braids -- that trail down her back -- from left to right. She taps her pen on the notebook in her hand before she writes, and then looks up at me again.

Clarise.

I wasn’t too sure about this when Jen sent me her details, but after some of the dreams that I have been having lately, I need help. After the
pregnancy
dream I practically spent the day mourning the fact that I wasn’t really pregnant. It was ridiculous. I didn’t say anything to Rick, of course, but he could tell that something was wrong. I decided that at the point where I started mourning imaginary babies, I really did need a therapist. So, here I am, sat in her office, divulging the most intimate and mortifying details of my life.

“Ok, let’s go back to the first day that these dreams started?”

She stares at me awaiting an answer. I don’t want to do this but I know that I have to.

“It was a year ago. I was involved in an accident.” She looks at me expectantly. “A car hit me as I was crossing the road.”

I expect her to ask more about it but she doesn’t.

“What was your relationship with,” she looks down at her notebook, “Rick like before the accident?”

“Perfect.”

“So you were happy?”

“Yes...very.”

“Was he with you on the day of the accident?”

“Yes, he was in the car. It was our two year anniversary. We stopped to get a bottle of wine. He was going into the store but I told him that I would go instead.”

“And that’s when it happened?”

I nod.

“Do you blame Rick for your accident?”

I lift my head instantly. “No,” I say defensively.

“I’m just trying to get a picture of what is going on, Paige,” she says softly.

“No, I don’t blame him. It wasn’t his fault, I insisted on going instead of him,” I say gently.

“Ok, it is good that you are aware of that. This is not his fault and neither is it yours. What do you remember about the accident?”

“I remember everything up until the car hit me, then I only remember waking up in the hospital, a month later.”

“So you were unconscious for a whole month?”

“Yes, I was in a coma,” I say, hating the sound of it.

“And during your comatose state, you experienced your first dreams involving Taylor?”

“Yes. I must have dreamt of him everyday – like I do now. But it felt like more than a month...all the things we did and experienced,” I say sadly.

“How long did it feel like you spent with Taylor during that time?”

“At least three or four months.”

“Enough time for you to gain feelings for him?”

“Yes,” I admit in shame.

“Enough to fall in love with him?” I stare at her blankly. “Admitting the truth is the first step to figuring out the problem,” she assures me.

“Yes, I fell in love with him.”

“And how did you feel when you first woke up and discovered that it was
just
a dream.”

“Empty...guilty.”

“The guilt was because of Rick?”

“Yes, I felt like I had betrayed him. All the time that I spent with Taylor, I didn’t even remember that Rick existed. I felt terrible.”

“Is that what happens now? When you are dreaming?”

“Yes, every night; when I am dreaming that’s all that I know. I don’t know anything outside of what I am feeling for Taylor and my life with him. Then when I wake up, I see Rick and it all comes flooding back and then I feel guilty.”

“So, when you are with Taylor, you don’t remember Rick, but when you are with Rick...”

“All I can think about is Taylor,” I continue in the gap that she leaves for me to speak.

“I can understand why you would feel guilty, but you can’t control the dreams.”

“Subconsciously I
am
controlling them.”

“You say that you dream about Taylor every night. Are the dreams recurring?”

“No. They are consecutive. Every night my dreams just pick up where they left off,” I say in frustration.

“Mmm,” she says writing some more notes in her pad. I fiddle with my fingers nervously as I watch her.

She sits back and thinks for a few seconds.

“When a person is involved in a traumatic experience, they sometimes block out that event to protect their emotions, so to speak. I believe that is what you have done. The only difference is that you have created a safe haven. Your mind has designed a place where you feel happy, somewhere that blocks out the reality of that night.”

“Why?”

“I can’t answer that directly but people have different reasons. Certain events can change or alter the way that someone sees their life. It can make people become fearful of going out, doing normal activities or simply just living. Therefore, their mind chooses to block out that tragic memory. In your case, your mind appears to have replaced the memory. It has kept it busy creating this fantasy land so that your life won’t alter as an effect of what your mind really experienced that night.”

“So, it’s like my mind’s way of protecting me?”

“It would seem so. The fantasies are acting like a shield to avoid the trauma.”

“They’re not fantasies, they are dreams and they are still affecting my life.”

“Yes, in cases such as yours, these visions or
dreams
can go on for a very long time. And on the rare occasion, those that experience these types of dreams can sometimes become so attached that the emotions spill over and they begin affecting their reality.”