Beautiful Lies (9 page)

I open it slowly and see Jen standing in the doorway, looking frustrated.

“At last! My gosh, it’s a good job someone wasn’t trying to murder me out here, do you know how long I’ve been knocking for? And why do you look like that?” She says, staring at me in shock. I step aside and allow room for her to walk inside the apartment.

“I just woke up,” I mumble as I walk toward the living room. I hear her follow behind me. I slump down on the chair and let my head fall back against it before letting out a frustrated breath. I hear Jen sit in the chair opposite me but she doesn’t speak straight away. She just stares at me. When my eyes finally meet hers, she is looking at me sympathetically.

“Did something happen?” She asks cautiously.

“Rick left.”

“What? I don’t understand...”

“He’s had enough, Jen. What more is there to understand?”

“Maybe he just needed to cool off. I’m sure he’ll be back soon.”

“No, he packed his suitcase and left to stay in a hotel, then he’s going to spend some time at his brother’s place.”

“I’m so sorry, Paige.”

“Yeah, me too.”

“I don’t know what to say. I know that you’re going to think that this is your fault but it’s not.”

“It doesn’t seem that way right now.” I lean forward and rest my head in my hands. “I’ve screwed up everything. He’s never coming back. I just lost my relationship because of an imaginary person,” I feel myself getting angry.

“Paige...”

“What? It’s going to be ok? Everything’s going to get better? This isn’t your fault? I’ve heard it all before, Jen. It
is
my fault and everything’s
not
going to be ok. He’s gone and that’s it. It’s over. I mean...how could I ever expect him to stay...like this? I’m leading a double life, it’s disgusting.” She stares at me, clearly at a loss for words. I feel the tears roll down my cheeks. I’m so tired. “What do I do, Jen? How do I fix it? How do I stop the pain in my heart?” I genuinely search her eyes for the answers.

She stands up and walks over to where I am sat. Taking a seat next to me, she wraps her arm around my shoulders. “Time, sweetie, it just takes time.”

“What if I can never stop the dreams? I’ll never be able to have a normal life. I’ll never be able to be happy.”

“You will.”

“In the dreams, with Taylor...I’m pregnant. That’s why Rick left. It’s crazy...in the dreams I’m so happy and excited. I’m making plans for the future, but it’s not real. Now I have to wake up every day and face the fact that there’s no Taylor, no baby and...no Rick.” My tears have slowed down but my heart hurts.

“Did Clarise help?”

“Yeah, but it’s pointless now that Rick’s gone.”

“That’s not true. Maybe with him gone, you won’t be so distracted or have to pretend so much. You can just be free. Maybe your mind needs that to help you to remember.”

“Maybe.”

“Well, I’m not leaving you, so we’ll work this out together, ok?”

“Thanks, Jen,” I say, smiling up at her.

“No thanks necessary. Now, I came round to see if you wanted to come out tonight and something tells me that you need a good night out more than ever right now.”

“I don’t know. I don’t think I can.”

“Paige, you need this. Just give yourself one night, ok? Forget about Taylor and Rick, and just have fun. When’s the last time that you actually did that?”

I think about it for a moment. The idea of forgetting everything sounds so good right now, even if it will all come flooding back in the morning.

“Ok.”

“Yes! We’re going to have a great night. It’s about time you let your hair down. I’ll pick you up in a cab around eight.”

“Ok.”

“Paige, it’ll be fun, I promise. I know that your heart hurts now but tonight it’ll all be...forgotten.” She looks off into space and I know that she is talking more about herself than me but I don’t say a word. “Right, I’ve got to go and help my sister with a few things, so I will see you later.”

“Ok, how is she by the way?”

“Who, Emma? She’s fine. She’s the annoying little sister that she’s always been,” she chuckles. “She should be out tonight so you might see her. You should tell Liv to come along as well; it’ll be the ultimate girls night.” She beams.

The funeral. I forgot.

“She’s at her friend’s funeral today so I’m not sure that she’ll be up to it.”

“Oh, that’s a shame, maybe next time then?”

“Yeah.”

“Ok, see you later. And Paige?”

“Yes?”

“For the love of mankind, go and brush your teeth.”

We both burst out laughing before she saunters out of the house with a huge smile on her face. It feels good to laugh. I’m left standing in the living room with a smile on my face, too. Tonight probably is exactly what I need. I can’t remember the last time that I just had fun.

I go back into my room, pick up my phone and write Liv a text.

Thinking of you xxx

I’m not expecting a reply, but I know that she’ll look at it. Then I head to the bathroom to get ready for the day ahead. I start by brushing my teeth.

* * *

Jen doesn’t get to mine at eight, in fact she doesn’t arrive until half nine. We get to the club at ten and the party is in full swing. Jen looks at me excitedly and pulls me straight to the bar. She leans in to the bartender and says something.

“Ok, tonight is about having fun and forgetting all the crap in our lives, right?”

“Right,” I agree reluctantly. “Does it actually work?”

“What?”

“This,” I say waving my hand around the club. “Do you ever really forget your problems?”

She stares at me sadly, as if I’ve brought up a memory that she was trying to suppress. “No, but it takes the edge off,” she answers dejectedly. She looks relieved when the bartender returns with our drinks. I stare down with wide eyes as I see four shot glasses and two large glasses. I look at Jen disapprovingly.

“Oh, come on, Paige. You said that you want to forget, right?”

“Yeah,” I admit.

“Then forget,” she says as she pushes two shot glasses in my direction and smiles. She picks up one of hers and gestures that I do the same. I pick up the small glass and hold it up to her. She counts to three and we both swallow the clear liquid.
Vodka.
I feel the burn in my throat instantly and my entire body feels warm. “Come on, we’re not done yet!” She giggles. I pick up the second glass and throw it back even faster. I grab my big glass and drink about half of the liquid to dim down the taste of the shot. “Slow down, Paige!” She giggles.

“What is it?” I ask feeling my head start to spin.

“Gin and Tonic on the rocks, baby! Let’s dance,” she says dragging me to the very middle of the dance floor. I try to steady my hand before I spill my drink. I don’t know whether it’s just me or if the music has actually gotten louder. She grabs my spare hand and starts dancing with me. I laugh at her and pull a face as we keep dancing our problems away. The more I dance, the more I let go. Every time I slow down, I feel my head spinning and so I dance faster.

Two hours later and Jen has filled us up with three more shots and two more drinks that I can’t even remember the names of. In fact, I’m not even sure that I can remember my own name. I turn to scream at Jen in excitement as I hear a song that I like, when I see Nate through the crowd.

“Nate!” I scream excitedly, pointing in his direction. Jen mouths “what?” in confusion. I point at Nate again.

“It’s Nate,” I say excitedly.

I see the moment that he sees me; he doesn’t look impressed at all. He stalks over to me angrily.

“Ah, brother!” I squeal when he is standing in front of me. I hear some guys next to me, laughing, and I wave at them excitedly.

“Put your hand down,” Nate warns as he grabs my arm and lowers it. “How much have you had to drink?” He asks angrily.

“Two, five...ten...I lost count,” I say as I try to figure out the numbers on my fingers. I see Jen laughing at me with some guy. I look at the guy a little closer and realize that it’s Tyson.

“Tyson!!! What are you doing here?” I say running and putting my arms around him. I hear him chuckling at me as he shakes his head.

“Hey, Paigey,” he says winking.
He still calls me Paigey...he’s so cute.

“Cut it out, Paige,” Nate says as he peels my hands off Tyson.

“Your sister is wasted, man,” Tyson says, much to Jen’s amusement. She is behaving slightly better than me. I put my hand over Nate’s ear and whisper. “Your best friend is hot, Nate! I forgot how hot he was.”

I turn to see Jen and Tyson laughing loudly. I cover my mouth and widen my eyes. “Can you hear me?” I ask. Tyson nods. “Whoops. I think he heard me, Nate,” I try to whisper.

“Just stop talking. What the hell is wrong with you?”

“I’m just having fun! Gosh, you are not my dad, Nate! I’m allowed to have fun you know.”

“Yeah, because not being able to walk and chatting crap is real fun isn’t it?”

“Compared to the day I’ve had...yes it is!” I say angrily. “Come on, Jen, let’s go get a drink!”I shout.

“Like hell you are. You’re going home,” Nate growls.

“No, I am not!”

“Yes, you really are,” he says, grabbing my arm. The truth is, my head is spinning, and going home to my bed does sound pretty good right now, so I don’t put up much of a fight.

“I can’t leave Jen, Nate.”

“It’s ok, Emma is in here with her friend somewhere,” Jen says.

“Ok, if you’re sure.”

“Ty, make sure she finds her sister, I’m going to take Paige home,” I hear Nate say. I don’t hear Tyson’s response.

When we step outside the air hits me, and my head starts to clear up a little, but I can still feel the vibration of the music in my body.

“What’s going on with you, Paige?” Nate asks as we walk somewhere.

“Nothing.”

“It sure as hell doesn’t look like nothing. This isn’t you, going out and drinking recklessly. You’re more responsible than that.”

“Well maybe I don’t want to be responsible today, maybe I just don’t want to give a damn for once,” I say angrily.

“Maybe you should pick better friends to hang around.”

“You don’t know Jen, so just drop it. She has stuff going on that you wouldn’t understand, she’s a good person.”

“Well maybe she should face that ‘stuff’ rather than drinking herself half to death and encouraging my sister to do the same.”

“We could all face our problems but most of us run away, don’t we?” I say, trying to keep eye contact with him. I would be able to if my head wasn’t spinning. “And I’m not a little kid anymore; I’m twenty three years of age in case you had forgotten.” He stays silent for a moment.

“Our taxi is here, come on,” he says, pulling me gently toward the car.

I stumble inside; he puts my seatbelt around me and closes the door. I mumble an incoherent
thanks,
before closing my eyes.

“You ok?” I hear him whisper as the taxi starts to drive.

“Yeah,” I say as I rest my head against his shoulder.

“Sleep, I’ll wake you up when we get to your apartment.”

* * *

I feel a gentle tap on my shoulder before Nate helps me out of the car. I didn’t even realize that I had fallen asleep. I just about make it inside of my apartment before I run to the bathroom, throw my head over the toilet and throw up.

“This is going to be a long night,” Nate says, kneeling down next to me and holding my hair out of my face.

“Thanks,” I whisper before I start throwing up again. The more I throw up, the more sober I become, and the stupider I feel. Why I thought that drinking would ever erase my problems is beyond me. It’s never worked for Jen and we both know that, so why would it be any better for me?

When I finally feel like there is nothing left in my stomach, Nate helps me into my room. I crawl into my bed like a lost child before he switches off the light.

“Night, Sis. I’m just down the hall if you need me.”

“Thanks, Nate.”

I close my eyes and try to forget about how sick I feel. I know that I am going to regret everything in the morning but for now I just welcome a much needed sleep.

CHAPTER SEVEN

PAIGE’S STORY

M
y eyes flutter open, and I feel the same depressing feeling that I get after every dream that I have about Taylor only this time my brain also feels like it is about to pop out of my head. I squint my eyes from the sunlight that is coming in through the blinds at my window. Last night was a bad idea.

I hear movement in the kitchen and suddenly I am alert.
Rick.
Did he see me like this last night? Did somebody call him? I cringe at the thought. I don’t want him to think that I was a mess because he was gone. I do not want him seeing me like this but at the same time, I am silently thankful that he is back. Him being gone has made me realize just how much I do love him.