BOMAW Vol. 10-12 (127 page)

"We got things to see about - close up here. Any more calls come, got no means tonight, don't schedule, but for tomorrow."

"Yes sir Mr. Martin."

They made it to the police station and were directed from the front desk to have a seat until they were called. They sat quiet, holding hands, both of them fearful and dreading what was about to take place. Lydia took comfort from Lucas's strong hand in hers, squeezing it from time to time. As she sat, an urge to cry swept over her. Instead of her making the best of the good life he tried to offer her, she felt she ruined their marriage, and thus, their children's lives. Having to face all of that, now she sat getting ready to look at the faces of young men who were called, John Does - because no one knew who they were, where they came from, and what family to call. She felt heartache and humiliation wash over her, because she couldn't get it out of her mind, that her family should be close, together, as one. Yet, one didn't know where the other was. Lucas Jr. seemed to resent if not hate them both. Sylvia had suffered abuse and mistreatment that she now wished she'd saved her and her children from suffering. And her middle child, son, David was missing. It came down so heavy on her, that she had to rub her stomach to ease the ache, it did little good, it only grew more intense as the moments ticked by with them waiting.

Lucas looked over at her to see her eyes welled up with tears. He reached over palming her cheek, pulling her close to him, "Don't cry, he ain't gone be in them books." He tried to reassure her. Shaking her head, "I'm so sorry for what - I done to us - so sorry for what I done. Somethin' done happen to David, I just know it - I feel it here."

"Come on now, we don't know that fo'sure."

"I know it - I know it, oh Lucas, I don't understan' why I had to be that way, it hurt so bad right now, it hurt so bad."

Lucas pulled her close to him and kissed her brow, laying his against hers. "You can't carry this by yo'self, I didn't have to stay away like I did. I'm just as much to blame, hush now, we can't go back, just gotta go from here - take what we got comin' to us, but we don't have to take it alone. You heah?"

Lydia nodded, Lucas wiped at the tears that escaped to fall. An officer standing at the end of the hall called their names. Taking a deep breath they stood and followed him into a room two floors down. On the way the officer asked them a few questions. "How long has your son been missing?"

"Over two years now, gettin' close to three." Lydia answered.

"Where was he working at the time he went missing?"

"Don't think he was working."

"He have any priors?"

"Any what?"

"Record? Anything he may have been arrested for?"

"Nooo, don't think he ever been arrested for nothing."

"Was he into any illegal drugs at the time he went missing?"

Lydia hesitated but then, had to nod and realizing he couldn't see behind him, spoke up softly, "Yeah, he did drugs."

They were passing him through the door as he held it open for them. "Down this way, second room on the left." he directed them walking behind and asked, "Your son have any enemies that you know of?" They entered the room, before Lydia could answer he directed them to the chairs on the opposite side of the long square wood table, "Have a seat over there."

They sat, with Lydia responding to his question, "I don't know if he did or not." she returned finally.

"Was he in any gangs?"

"I don't think so, but I can't be sure."

"Did he do the drugs, or did he deal the drugs?"

"Well, he ain't never have no money, couldn't keep a job, he was lookin' pretty rough, by the time he come up missing."

"More than likely he was just doing them then." The officer sat before them making notes. "Can you tell me about any associates of his, his friends?"

Lydia sat holding her head in her hand thinking, trying to remember if he did. "I can't say, he never bring nobody by the house."

"How old was he?"

"He'a be 40 in September this year."

"So that would make him 36, 37 at the time he went missing?"

"Yeah, something like that."

"Okay, I'll get the albums, you'll have about three to look through one for each of the past years he's been missing. Be right back."

They sat in silence once more, Lydia had the picture of him she brought on the table, Lucas lifted it, staring at it. The picture was the latest that Lydia had of him, he was holding up a drink in his hand, grinning at the camera, behind him there was a man leaning over what appeared to be his daughter, Sylvia, she was sitting down, with the man leaning over her saying something. Only part of her face could be seen, she was looking towards the floor.

"Who is this, in this picture behind him?" Lucas asked.

Lydia leaned over checking it, "Armundo, Sylvia's first husband. He was at their basement apartment when they lived on Justine. I don't know who snapped the picture, but it was in with some of his stuff when he came home the last time. He left it in the back bedroom, I found it there. He said he was going to Sylvia's - but you could never be sure what he was gone do from one moment to the next. Many o'time he say he gone be somewhere, and he end up some place else. That's why I never thought anything of it, because he'd gone off and be gone for 6 months sometimes and then just show up."

Lucas couldn't take his eyes off of his daughter, while he could only see half of her face, what he could see was that she was leaning away from that Armundo, looking as though he was telling her off for something, and she wouldn't look up, wasn't looking at him. The sight of the picture disturbed him.

The officer walked in with three hefty large albums and sat them down before them. "I'd start with this one, it's the one from three years ago and work your way to the most recent. Take your time, look them over carefully, and I warn you, some of the pictures are very graphic, disturbing - they are mostly of men laying on a coroners slab. One picture is of where they were found in whatever clothing they were wearing and the other is on the slab. So - take a deep breath, steady your nerves, some are really harsh."

Lydia turned away, "I can't do this - I can't look in them books."

"You got to Lydia - I can't - I hadn't seen him in years." Lucas felt his face burn from shame. "Only you can do this Lydia."

"Ma'am, if you need more time to get yourself prepared for it, you can come back another time and day."

Lydia couldn't answer, she didn't want to leave, but she didn't want to look at pictures of dead black men that no one had stepped forward to claim. Lucas was rubbing her arms, massaging her shoulders, "Come on, let's get this over with."

She couldn't do it. "I can't - I can't look in that book for my son, I just can't."

"Is there anyone else who knew your son, friends of the family, who may have seen him last?"

"Dennis! Sheila's husband Dennis - he seen him around the time that he come home, I think he the one that took that picture." She remembered. Looking up at the officer, "I'm sorry fo' wasting your time, but I can't look in there, I can't have stuff like that in my head."

"No need to apologize ma'am."

"I'll call my daughter's friends, tell them what's going on, see if one of them will come down and look through'em."

"No problem ma'am, he can call us, set it up and we'll let him look through them. If he's not in these books, then we'll file the missing persons claim."

Lydia stood, wanting to leave the station right away. Lucas stood beside her, nodding at the officer and they made their way out. Outside, Lydia stopped and took a long deep breath of fresh air, what bits of it could be found in the downtown Chicago area.

"We gone go home and call Dennis?" Lucas asked.

Lydia nodded, "Please, 'cause I can't do that Lucas." She apologized.

"That's okay, you can't you can't - I'll ask him."

She nodded thankfully, holding hands they made their way back to the parking ramp to leave downtown.

*

Paul couldn't believe that Friday was just a day away and he knew that night, he would be on the road with his father. Therefore, he worked tirelessly to get all that he set out to do, done. His lack of sleep from the previous night would not keep him from his goals. He wanted her home in tip top shape for this coming winter, every night they lay cozy and warm, he wanted her to remember him doing it. Also on their minds was the closing of their relationship, and due to that, immediately upon his arrival, they went to bed and spent more hours there, knowing they were now on borrowed time. That day, she didn't have to pick up her kids from summer school because their father's mother would be keeping them until Sunday. With that in mind relaxed them both, they fell asleep wrapped in each other's arms to wake up two hours later, made love again, and fell back to sleep for another hour. Paul was the first to wake the last time knowing he only had a couple of hours to work before he would leave to pick up Vivian. Even so, he would drop her off and ask to come back, he was certain she would give her permission.

While he buckled down to get things done, Jackie rose, took a shower, dressed and started helping him. They worked well together, feeling really comfortable with one another. Everything big was done, all there was left were little extras Paul wanted to get done, like redoing her kitchen and painting for her. Helping her clear out junk she'd been planning to get rid of for ages. He loaded the truck with it, she jumped in and off they went dropping off the refuse. He took her by his favorite spot for picking up materials and chance to find someone getting rid of really nice kitchen cabinets they were replacing. They couldn't believe it. There was nothing wrong with them other than the home owner wishing to replace them. Paul looked at Jackie, her eyes were big as she nodded yes, she definitely wanted them. Right away he approached the men about to dump them. They were more than willing to transfer them from their truck to Paul's.

They went right back to the house and unloaded them. Taking a break on her back porch steps, Paul bit out of his sandwich she made them, took a sip from his Lemonade and said soon as his mouth was clear, "I'm gonna miss you." and added, even though he knew what her answer would be, "Let me come back to see you."

She turned on the lower step to look up at him, he was such a good person, so easy to be with, easy to work with. He was respectful, tender and eager to please her in bed. But - she wasn't a free woman to be with him, besides that, he was so young. "Please?" He asked again, as her eyes stared into his.

"I can't Paul, this has to be it, after tomorrow. Your being here now, I can explain to my kids - but if you came back - that - I couldn't."

He sat a moment more thinking about it. "It's a natural thing for a woman like you, to have a man in your life, and they like me. Well, Ronnie does." He grinned, "Stephanie looks at me as if I'm going to steel her Raggedy Ann doll." They both chuckled about it and went back to eating, Paul could see she was thinking. "Don't you want a man in your life Jackie? I know I'm young, but I'd treat you good, always be respectful. I can do things, all kinds of things for you. I'll be in school, going for a degree in engineering I think, but I would always be here for you, I could get a summer job to help-..."

"I'm still married Paul." She looked up at him after cutting him off to blurt it out before she lost her nerves. "My husband is in prison, doing time. He has a little over 18 months left to serve before they release him." She finally confessed.

He could only stare at her. "A husband, in prison?" He repeated, stunned.

"Yes."

"Wh - what'd he do?"

"He was part of a car thieving ring. Someone else would steel them, bring them to him, he'd strip them down, get rid of the vin number, pant them a different color and then resale it."

"Did you know about it?"

"No, I thought he was a bona fide auto-body specialist - he was special all right. I found out the truth when the police came breaking in our door first thing in the morning. They scared my kids to death, scared the hell out of me. Stephanie was screaming terrified, and of course, the cops were all white. They treated us like the scum of the earth, didn't care about how bad they were frightening my children. He'd had weapons hidden as well that I didn't know were stashed in the basement. I almost lost my kids over it - it took a lot of doing to keep my home, my job, my kids. That first year, I didn't know how we would survive - we went from having a surplus of money from both of us working, him illegally, to just my income and not much of that due to loss of work and time off spent in court, at social services, legal aid and begging for food assistance because it got so bad. He got five years, he's done two and a half years, and I found out yesterday, that he'll get out earlier for good behavior, which means he'll be out-..."

"In eighteen months." He completed the sentence for her.

"Yep." She finished simply.

He sat digesting that, imagining what she went through, and feeling awful about it. He thought of Stephanie, who looked at him with wary eyes, never getting too close to him, would barely speak to him. Because he was white, like those cops that busted in and scared her so that she was put off by his color. He sighed. "When he gets out, you taking him back?"

"No, I'm not. I can't forgive him for what he did to my children. I can't forgive him for putting them through that, and lying to me all that time, knowing that he was breaking the law, guns in my basement. That could have gotten us all killed. Every time a car would back fire, or they hear loud yelling, they would run screaming to me, especially Stephanie. No, I don't need a man like that in my life."

"And me, why me? I'm white like those cops."

"Paul, you are nothing like them, nothing like. Besides, a woman ... gets lonely sometimes. Sometimes, you just - need someone to hold you, even if, for a little while. I do the best I can with what I can. I don't break any laws, I work hard and I keep to myself. What you've done here, is the first hand out I've taken in some time." She stopped, feeling emotional and choked up, because she would miss him too, but she couldn't let it go on. She looked up at him smiling, "I will never forget you."