BOMAW Vol. 10-12 (134 page)

Problems. Stress. Drama. It would seem, none ending.

He knew more deeply than anyone, that Sylvia had wanted to avoid men, HIM - in order to keep free of those very things, and yet - being with him, he knew he was causing her more. Now this - now this. His stomach hurt, he struggled not to cry again. The worry too that he often faced came at him along with the rest, it seemed impossible for him because of the way he was, to make a woman happy. More than anyone, this woman - happy. He thought about Derrick, and what she said about him. While his reaction had been strong, a bit put off, the truth was, there had been many times in his life, that he wished, he could be more like Derrick. Even with his minor problem, which had been easy to fix - he was the kind of man, that made women happy in the long run. After all, look how long he'd been married to Meribel. There marriage was rock solid, able to withstand any trials - because of the way Derrick was. Unlike himself, who could draw women yes indeed he could, but he could of yet, keep one. Even Jake, with the way he acted, could keep a woman, more than one, better than he could. Again, Shawn fought back tears facing the fact that he was his own enemy, and couldn't grasp why, long enough to change it.

Mama JoJo must have been paying more attention to him than he realized. Because all of sudden, she had his hand in hers, leading him from the kitchen to her living-room, where she sat on the sofa and pulled him down beside her, saying something that made the damn within him burst wide open, "Lord, the bigger and stronger they are, the harder they fall. Come on baby, Mama JoJo understand, get it out."

Shawn hated it, that she could do this so easily, he sat next to her, his face hidden in his hands, fingers digging into his eyes. "I keep, screwing up - like this - Mama JoJo - she's - she's going to get fed up - and leave me - I just know it."

"Leave you for what, for this?" She asked, robbing his back to calm him, sooth him.

"Not just this, there's more - it keeps adding up, she'll have enough one day - you know what they say about the straw, on the camel's back." He sniffed, wiping at his eyes, looking to Mama JoJo, a sad smile despite his red eyes.

"I don't believe that; I thank she love you, but either way, you know Mama JoJo here for you, always been here, from d'day, my Jesse James bring you in'the doah'. Ain't I been."

Shawn nodded, blowing out to calm himself, wiping at his face. He felt like a little boy afraid to go home and face his punishment. As he sat trying to pull himself together, he had a nagging feeling, that there was something seriously wrong with him. Something trapped deep in the core of him, that kept making him want to weep - but he was a man, there should be no such feelings from deep within. He sucked it up, wiped his face and smiled brighter at Mama JoJo, reaching over, he hugged her, "What would I do if I didn't have you?"

"Whatever you have to t'make it, like any otha' man."

Shawn held her for a spell more, not so sure about that, she was the only remaining blood link to Jesse James, he wasn't sure he could handle it if Mama JoJo wasn't there for him. That's why he was determined, to bring her into his home, as soon as possible.

*

Having only slept a few hours - Sylvia was up with the sun. She woke Mundo and Ben because they wanted to go with her.

At exactly 07:00am - she was at Deidre's door. They were shown into the smaller library downstairs, right away to wait for her. Sylvia was mostly quiet, trying to sort out all the things on her mind. Once she passed the hurt of realization concerning Shawn, the more urgent priority floated to the surface within her. She knew her husband, there was no way he could live with leaving his daughter behind, not now - no not now. Therefore, she was not only there for Angela, but for the very soul survival of her father. She could not stand idly by and just let this happen. Had no plans on doing so anyway, she'd looked into that little girls eyes and made a promise to her. Between the two of them, Sylvia knew that regardless of what Shawn did the night before, this matter had to be resolved and only one way - there was no other way - meaning; leaving Angela Rae McPherson behind. With the fix of his dilemma weighing heavy on her mind, she never heard Deidre's butler bring in freshly baked, croissants, Danish, fruit filled muffins, juice, milk and coffee for them while they waited.

Needing no spurring, the hungry Mundo and Ben were right on the large platter placed on the side board. Because Sylvia stood at one of the windows, preoccupied, Ben grabbed one of the small silver cake plates with the lace paper doily liner and placed a large buttery croissant on it, pouring her a glass of juice, he took it to her. "Here, we didn't have breakfast, gotta see about my little brother." He simpered.

Sylvia turned to him, stunned to see him standing there, then down at what he offered her, it took a moment for his his words to sink in; smiling she took them, "Thank you."

"Everything is going to be all right you know?" He assured her.

"It has to be Ben, because we can't leave here without her."

"And we won't. We'll put our heads together and figure something out. I know we can."

Sylvia stood looking into his eyes, so much like his father's eyes. For just a brief moment, she wished her daughter had met him first. She loved her grandsons, had come to care a great deal about Victor - but in truth, he might not be what she needed. With things as they were, she knew it was silly and immature to wish for things that at this moment, could not be.

"My husband hasn't a clue of how lucky he is, to now have you." She complimented him.

"Nor how lucky to have you." He countered.

"Thank you. No hard feelings about the other night?"

"Of course not." He assured her.

Mundo walked to them with a look of heavenly bliss on his face, carrying an extra blueberry muffin. "Mama, ah man, ah man, you gotta try one of these bad mugs here! This the real deal here, I ain't even tryin' to play wit'cha. We need to fin'out where she get these, tha's straight up!"

Sylvia softly chuckled at him, "I'm bettin' she has a cook that rolls them out for her first thing."

"Can we have one mama, huh, can we?"

Ben and Sylvia laughed.

"For real man, closest we can get to stuff like this be a doggone Twinkie! Reduce priced at that! Naw naw naw - from now on, this here Negro want fresh baked - early in the morning, sun come up. Gimme my muffin! I'on wanna hear the news! I'on wanna know what day it is! What time it is, just pass me the muffins and talk to me in a minute!"

Sylvia laughed even more, "Boy you need to stop being so crazy!"

"Crazy? Naw naw, taste this muffin, here - take a bite of that, tell me I'm crazy!"

Needing the distraction, Sylvia took a bite out of the muffin her son held for her to try. "Now tell me I'm lyin'? Tell me I'm lyin'? Sorry mama, I'fix'in'ta cuss! Brace yo'self, that's the shit right there! Ain't it, aaah yeah, see, see - ain't no other word for it. They got, they got cranber-r-ry - blueberr-ry - an', an' some, dark cherry. We gone take all them! Oh yeah, we is! Come on ya'll fin' a bag or somethin', some paper, wrap them mugs up - we get tossed out, they goin' wit' us!"

Ben exploded laughing.

"Mundo why you got to always act like you ain't been no where!" Sylvia fussed fighting not to laugh as Ben was.

"Come on mama, he'p me get these muffins man! They'ah bake her some'mo! Tha's okay, ya'll get to talkin' keep'em distracted, I'ah get them muffins out'ah here for later!"

"No Mundo!" Sylvia grinned.

"Mama come on now! Look, you just forget we ever had this discussion, I'ah take care of everything."

"On the way home, we'll stop at the store, buy you some muffins."

"I'on want them muffins! I want these muffins! Mama you can't be trusted to buy no muffins, you be over there in the mark down, out of date muffin rack, talkin' 'bout, these just as good!" He mimicked her, bringing Ben to tears just watching him.

"They are just as good, just put some butter on'em and stick'em in the microwave a minute, same thing!"

Mundo straightened up, sobering, he looked at Ben to say, 'See? I rest my case!' "Okay man? You hear'ha right? Let that right there be your lesson on they thinking. You give a black, po'mama from the ghetto a hunnid'dolla's for food for the week, she gone come back wit'enough food for two weeks, and seb'ny'five dollas in her pocket. Problem is, all the food got to be ate by tomarr'!"

"You need to stop! Besides, put it in the freeza' that make it last longer!" She fussed.

"See!" Mundo shot to Ben, who was wiping his eyes.

"You aughta' be ashamed of yourself Mundo, you wasn't hungry was you?"

"After seein' what you brought home to eat, mama, wudn't nobody hungry!"

Sylvia had to look away not to laugh out, shaking her head. "Don't nobody appreciate what a mother has to do."

Grinning Mundo grabbed her, hugged her, "I'm just playin', you know you my black queen. The woman I bring home one day, gone be just like you, that ain't no lie." He kissed her cheek.

Ben watched them and couldn't help thinking about his own mother, yes - after this, it was time to go home.

The door opened once more for Deidre, Charlie and Jeremiah to enter. Right away, Deidre searched the room and spotted Sylvia. She put on a smile, awkward at best due to the confrontation at hand and greeted them. "Good morning, well you guys are up and out early."

With the matter at hand, Sylvia, Mundo and Ben sobered facing them; Ben and Mundo stood behind Sylvia as she dived right in. "I haven't slept much - neither could I wait any longer."

"No Shawn? Has he-..."

"No, when we left - he still wasn't home."

"Sylvia, I am so sorry, I never meant to cause you problems with him."

"Well, don't worry about that - let's focus on that little girl upstairs."

"You do understand that I had no choice? That all was done, to protect her."

"Deidre, let's not start this with you being condescending okay? I have no struggles in understanding when in the midst of adult communications, okay?"

"Oh-h-h don't do this Sylvia!"

"No - don't you do this! You cut out, two important parts to making this decision! My husband first and then me, second. Neither he, nor I, lack in understanding that when it comes to her initial life, you completed the cycle that gave her that. However - he - Shawn Everett McPherson is a major corner stone, stabilizer, for that little girls peace of mind and wellbeing, have you forgotten that?"

"I am her mother!"

"I didn't ask you that! See, there you go again - over looking the most crucial parts here. Before either of you," She stopped to look at Jeremiah and Charlie, "Yes, you and you - before scaring her, and then encouraging her to make this decision, one of you should have had the collective commonsense to include the other important people in her daughter's life. Her father and then, myself!"

"Sylvia, this was not done with the intention of cutting you, or your husband out of it." Jeremiah pointed out.

"Well you'll have to excuse the hell out of me then, because that's exactly what you did! No matter how noble your intentions, you all went about this all wrong! And if I'm not mistaken, are you three not college educated with degrees? That frightens me; is that to be interpreted as, because of that, you know best?!"

"For her life, and her safety? Yes, we do." Charlie cut in.

Deidre did not want this escalating, turning to Jeremiah and Charlie, "Stay out of it, please?"

They both nodded accepting her wishes, understanding why.

She turned back to Sylvia, "Please, I don't want this kind of contention between us."

"Neither do I Deidre, but I do not understand why you didn't include us in on this."

"Because ..." She had to pause as the reality struck hard and true. She gripped the bridge of her nose hating the way her skin flushed red.

"Because - you want her back, don't you? This entire matter, gave you what you needed, to get her back, is that right?" Sylvia asked as she also realized that might be what motivated it.

Deidre's eyes filled with tears, "She's my daughter ... she should be - with me!"

Sylvia stood a moment as her own eyes welled.

Deidre sniffed and squared her shoulders, "And right now - she's safer with me, than with Shawn. I mean, come on Sylvia, do you really want to risk your family, for my daughter?"

Sylvia stood facing her, thinking, a bit afraid - because in the end, in truth, Deidre had what it took, to get her, and keep her. Saying a bit of a silent prayer, she had to reach deep to find what she felt needed to be said, understood, "Deidre, your daughter - is - a part of my family. This may be hard for you to conceive, or believe, but she is just as much a part of me now, as my son behind me, as my daughter at home, as this child within me, and - as Ben is, here. Each and every one of them, Angela included, makes our home, a full and happy one - with her there, it is - complete."

"What about my home Sylvia? Does my home not matter?"

"Deidre, I hate that it has come to this and I'm sorry that you don't get it." Sylvia hated that she was starting to feel emotional. She was tired, a bit hurt due to Shawn; and feeling sensations of light-headedness coming on. But this was too important to her family to just give in without a fight. Even while realizing this woman before her, was fighting for her own child, as every mother should - that too made it difficult, because she empathized with her, she hurt for her - but in the end, it was about two things as far as Sylvia was concerned.

Angela and Shawn.

She was there to fight for them - unfortunately, she couldn't fight for everyone, that left Deidre out. Thus, she could not let Deidre win, because then, they all would lose.

Sylvia reached up with both hands to clear the tension building at her temples, and dry the glistening in her eyes, and to beg God to please be on her side because in her heart, she felt this was right.

"How can you say, that I don't get it? You stand there acting as if I'm not supposed to love and protect my own daughter?"

"Deidre of course I don't believe that. But the fact is - and I pray to God you listen to what I'm saying here - but like you Deidre, I come from - a broken family. This aside, you and I - we are so much alike - with the results of our lives, manifesting itself in different ways because of wealth and our cultures. I'm gonna tell you something, and whether you will agree or not, you'll know it's true. Your soul Deidre, like my own, has been broken. I'll tell you what broke mine, because you already know what broke yours." Sylvia paused because her tears were starting and she didn't want to cry. But this was something that she had never said to anyone, not her children, not Sheila, not Vivian, nor Shawn.