Cheap Shot (15 page)

“I encouraged Jax to fight for you. When I
saw him again, it was obvious he still had feelings for you.” Kiki sighed when
her sister remained silent. “I didn’t want to see you make a commitment to a
man you didn’t love just because you thought you couldn’t have the man you
really wanted.”

“How dare you assume you know what’s best
for me!” Sela sat up in bed, wondering where she could go to escape everyone’s
constant meddling. “I cared for Sheldon. We were very compatible.”

“Boooooring.”

“I know you may think relationships are all
about knock-down, drag-out fights followed by hot sex, but you’re about to get
a rude awakening, little sister. They’re not easy. They’re a lot of hard work.
They require compromise sometimes. We have to learn to accept other people’s
faults even when they’re hard to live with.”

“Then why can’t you accept the fact that
Jaxon isn’t perfect? He’s human. He made a mistake. Get over it and tell him
you love him already.”

“He lied to me. He manipulated me and tried
to control my life. Much like you and Mom and Dad did. I’m beginning to think
Sheldon was the only person who gave me credit for having a brain in my head.”

Kiki groaned. “Please don’t tell me you’re
thinking about going back to him just because you had it out with Jaxon.”

“I don’t do the rebound thing, Kik.” She
thought about how quickly she’d turned to Jaxon when Sheldon broke up with her.
But that was different. Jaxon would never be any woman’s rebound guy.

“Whatever you say.”

If Sela didn’t tell someone what Jaxon did,
she’d burst. “I’m still pissed at you for sticking your nose where it didn’t
belong—”

“You’ll get over it. You have no choice,
we’re family.”

Kiki was right. No matter what her kid
sister did, Sela would always love her. But did Jaxon deserve a pass as well?
“Jaxon proposed to me tonight.”

Kiki squealed so loudly, she’d probably
woken the people in the room next door to her. “Shut up! Ohmygod, ohmygod, why
didn’t you tell me this as soon as you picked up the phone?” She stopped to
take a breath. “Why the hell isn’t Jax with you now? Don’t tell me you were
stupid enough to turn him down! You’ve been in love with that guy ever since
you laid eyes on him. He’s the one, Sela. Don’t even try to tell me otherwise.”

Sela couldn’t argue with anything her
sister said. It was all true, which only made it more difficult. “Sometimes
love isn’t enough.”

“Oh God, where’d you hear that line?”

“It’s true,” Sela said, feeling defensive.
“If your man had broken your heart, cast you aside, then come back into your
life only to lie to you and manipulate you into doing what he wanted, tell me
you wouldn’t feel the same way I do.”

“Honestly? I don’t know how I’d feel. I’d
like to think I could forgive him,” she said quietly. “But I know that’s asking
a lot, maybe too much.”

“Thanks,” Sela said, feeling the hot burn
of tears once again. “I needed someone to tell me I wasn’t crazy.”

“You’re not crazy,” Kiki said. “But I don’t
want you to think being right is more important than being happy. Jaxon does
love you. He proved it by proposing to you. Don’t let what anyone else says or
thinks about him impact your decision. Mom and Dad will get used to the idea,
and if they don’t, who cares? It’s your life.”

“It’s not Mom and Dad’s opinion of Jaxon
I’m worried about. I don’t know if I can trust him, especially after this
latest stunt. He’s broken my heart twice now. I don’t think I’ll recover if he
does it again. I was just starting to believe I could have a life without him.
Now…”

“You’re not so sure?”

“That makes me sound weak and pathetic,
doesn’t it?”

Kiki laughed. “You, weak and pathetic?
You’re the smartest, strongest, bravest woman I know. When Mama and Daddy told
you to toe the line or else, you told them where to go. I was so proud of you,
I could have jumped up and down.”

Sela smiled. “They had no right to tell me
how to live my life. Then or now.”

“You’re right.”

“Jaxon doesn’t either,” Sela said quickly.
“He should trust me enough to make the right decisions without feeling like he
has to influence the outcome.”

“Right again,” Kiki said. “So tell him that.
But don’t just walk away from the best thing that’s ever happened to you.
You’re not a coward.”

At the moment, Sela wouldn’t swear to that
on a stack of Bibles. If someone handed her a one-way ticket to just about
anywhere, she’d gladly take it. “I’ll think about it, Kik. I promise.”

“That’s not all. I want to know what
happened with that son of a bitch, Riley.”

“Can we talk about that when you get home?”
Sela asked, suddenly exhausted. “Let’s just say I’m fine. Jaxon came to my
rescue.”

“Just like he always will. You can’t tell
me you don’t know that.”

Sela reached for her phone to scroll
through her pictures. She’d saved one she couldn’t bear to erase, a selfie of
her and Jaxon at the beach, looking sun-burned and happy. “I know that.”

“Isn’t it enough to know that he’d do
anything for you? That whatever stupid mistakes he made was because he loves
you so much and couldn’t stand to be apart from you any longer?”

Thinking about it that way made Sela wonder
whether she had been too harsh. “I don’t know anything anymore, sis. But I
guess I have to figure it out, don’t I?”

“Don’t waste too much time,” Kiki warned.
“You and Jaxon have already lost enough time.”

Jaxon couldn’t explain why he was
compelled to visit his mother the morning after Sela rejected him. Maybe it was
because he didn’t have anywhere else to go. He couldn’t bring himself to go to
work and face his friends’ questions, and he couldn’t stand being at home. So
he made the short drive to the nursing home with his windows open and music
blaring, trying to pretend everything was normal while inside he was falling
apart.

“Nice to see you again, Mr. Davis,” the
nurse at the reception desk said with a warm smile. “Your mother is having one
of her better days. She’ll be happy to see you.”

Jaxon doubted it, but he couldn’t say that.
“Good to hear.”

He wandered down the hall, feeling the
oppressive weight of death in the vacant eyes and deteriorating bodies around
him. But those people represented lives well lived. They probably had children
and grandchildren. They’d likely been married for decades to partners who’d
loved and trusted them. Their lives counted for something. What had he
accomplished? Sure, he had the status symbols, but he felt as though he had
little else to show for his life.

He opened the door to his mother’s room
slowly to avoid startling her. “Good morning.”

He spotted her in her favorite rocking
chair by the window. They’d set up bird feeders below, and she liked to watch
the birds move about their day, mainly because she felt they had a freedom
she’d never know again.

She turned toward him, her eyes brighter
than they’d been the last time he visited. “Hello.”

He breathed a sigh of relief. She knew who
he was today. “How are you?”

“Fine,” she said, nodding. “Just fine.”

That was an unusual response for her. She
normally had something to complain about. Whether it was the food, the care she
was receiving, or the other residents, something or someone was always making
her life miserable.

“That’s good.” He sat down at the foot of
the bed, glancing out at the mature trees just beyond the window. It reminded
him of something Sela had said about living in the country on a few acres with
big trees for a tree swing or a treehouse. She’d said that to him almost two
years ago, and he’d brushed her off, telling her he was a city boy and he
wouldn’t be caught dead living amongst the livestock. Now he’d live in a
cardboard box under a bridge if it made her happy.

“You don’t look so good. Something wrong?”
she asked.

“Everything’s wrong.” He hadn’t intended to
burden his mother with his problems. She had enough of her own, and they’d
never had
that
kind of relationship. Jaxon had always kept his problems
to himself and dealt with them on his own. That was the way it was supposed to
be.

“Wanna talk about it?”

He couldn’t believe she’d asked. He
considered opening up to her. “You remember Sela?”

She shook her head. Of course she wouldn’t
remember Sela. She barely remembered her own name most days. “She a girlfriend
of yours?”

“She was.” He thought of their last kiss.
One of the things that saddened him most was the thought of never tasting those
sweet lips again. “I wanted to make her my wife.”

“Oh.”

He’d expected more of a reaction, but he
couldn’t be sure his mother even remembered his lousy track record with women.
“I asked her, but she said no.”

“I’m sorry.”

He looked at her, surprised to see genuine
regret in her soft blue eyes. The whites of her eyes weren’t white anymore.
They were cloudy, murky, yet another outward sign she wasn’t really there.
Still, he talked to her as though she was. “Thanks, I am too. I really love
her.”

“That’s nice.” She leaned forward when a
blue jay landed on a perch. “I love those blue birds. So pretty.”

Jaxon realized she was more interested in
the birds than she was in him. But that was the way it had always been.
Something or someone had always been more important to her than her son.

“You ever wonder how things got screwed
up?” He was just talking, not expecting her to respond or even understand.

“All the time.”

Her response surprised him. Was she voicing
remorse over her actions or just ruminating about her own plight? “Really?”

“Sure. Doesn’t everyone?” She smiled when a
bird landed on her windowsill.

Jaxon couldn’t remember the last time he’d
seen her smile at anyone or anything. It was a welcome sign that maybe the
disease that had robbed her of her memory was also taking away her bitterness.
“I don’t know.”

He clasped his hands as his eyes fell on
the pictures on her nightstand. When she’d first been admitted, the doctors
suggested he bring in a few family pictures to trigger happy memories. He’d had
to search the old house high and low before he stumbled across a box in the
attic. It was like opening a vault with the best memories of his childhood.
He’d fallen back on his haunches and cried for the first time since his old man
died. He cried for the father who was lost to him, the childhood he’d never
had, and the mother he’d never know.

“Pretty pictures,” she said, watching him.
“Nice looking family.”

Jaxon didn’t bother to ask whether she
remembered who those people were. For all she knew, the picture came with the
frame. “Makes me wonder if those smiles were ever real.”

“What did you say?” she asked, frowning.
“You’ll have to speak up. The hearing’s not what it used to be.”

“Nothing’s the same as it used to be.” He
was in a melancholy mood. He didn’t know why he’d come there, expecting her to
make him feel better. She never had before. He got up and kissed her forehead.
“I have to go. Enjoy your day.”

“Nice of you to stop by,” she said, turning
her attention back to the window. “What did you say your name was again?”

Jaxon turned back to face her slowly, his
hand on the doorknob. “I didn’t.”

He couldn’t have said another word if his life
depended on it. He’d never get the chance to say all the things he should have
said to her. He’d never be able to ask her why she’d resented him or despised
his father. He’d never be able to ask whether his memories of fresh-baked
chocolate chip cookies after school were just a figment of his imagination.
Most importantly, he’d never be able to ask her why she’d had him or if she’d
ever loved him.

He was walking toward his car when an old
man called out, “Jaxon, over here.” Raising a gnarled hand, the old man
beckoned to him. “Come, join me.”

Jaxon thought about waving him off, but he
had nowhere else to be, no one else to talk to. “Hi,” he said, claiming the
seat next to the old man on the wooden bench.

“You’re Ruthie’s son.”

Jaxon nodded. “Yeah.”

“She’s a fine woman.”

Jaxon frowned, thinking he’d never heard
anyone describe his mother that way. Ornery, yes. Stubborn, definitely. He
swallowed his guilt when he wondered whether he would be the only one at her
funeral when that day came. “Thank you, that’s kind of you to say.”

“She used to talk about you a lot when she
first came to stay with us.”

“She did?” Jaxon asked, surprised by the
man’s claim. His mother had already been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s when she
was admitted to the home. He didn’t think she’d had many lucid days back then.

“She sure did. You own that chain of bars…”
He snapped his fingers. “What’s it called again?”

“High Rollers.” Ruth had indeed mentioned
him to her fellow residents.

“Yeah, that’s it. She was so proud of her
son, the big business mogul.” He chuckled. “Put all the rest of us to shame
when we told stories about our kids’ accomplishments.”

Jaxon found it tough to believe his mother
had ever bragged about him. She’d never told him she was proud of him.
“Really?”

“Don’t sound so surprised,” he said,
nudging Jaxon with his elbow. “I’ve seen you with your mother in the common
areas, the way you take care of her. You’re so kind to her. Any parent would be
proud to call you their son.”

Jaxon was grateful he’d slipped his
sunglasses back on before he’d stepped outside. He didn’t want the old man to
see him become emotional because of a simple compliment. “That’s nice of you to
say, sir.”

“Your mama told me you lost your father
when you were pretty young.”

“Yes, I did.” Jaxon watched an old couple
walk across the grass, one with a walker, the other with a cane. Her arm
slipped through his, supporting him. He ached with the knowledge that he may
never know a love like that since he’d ruined his chances with Sela.

“Hurts like hell to lose someone that close
to you, doesn’t it?”

“Sure does.” Jaxon tipped his head toward
the man. “I never did catch your name.”

“Fred, Fred Strong,” he said, offering his
hand.

“Nice to meet you.”

The old man smiled, revealing two missing
teeth. “You too.” He flexed his thin fingers around a hand-carved walking
stick. “I lost my boy not too long ago—line of duty. He was serving his
country, doing what he felt called to do.”

“You must have been proud of him. It takes
a lot of guts to put yourself out there like that, risk your life for something
you believe in.”

“I was proud of him every damn day.” His
green eyes watered, and he reached into his pocket and retrieved an old blue
bandana that looked as if it had dried a lot of tears. “You ever been willing
to risk your life for anything?”

Jaxon thought of Sela. “I can think of
someone
I’d risk my life for.”

The old man sniffled before chuckling. “I’m
willin’ to bet it’s a lady.”

“It is.” Jaxon tried to ignore the familiar
pang in his chest. It felt like a lifetime since he’d breathed normally, or
maybe just the last time he was in Sela’s arms.

“Yet you don’t seem too happy. Why is
that?”

Jaxon looked at the old timer. He was a
stranger, yet a kindred spirit. He’d lost his son, Jaxon had lost his father,
and they both needed someone to talk to. It was a conversation Jaxon had hoped
to have with his mother, but maybe talking to a stranger would be better. Fred
didn’t have any preconceived notions about Jaxon, just a wealth of wisdom borne
of a lifetime of experience. “I messed up. I lost her, and I’m beginning to
think I may never get her back.”

“You don’t seem like a quitter to me,” Fred
said, shoving the rag back in his pocket. “If you were, you never would’ve been
able to build a successful business.”

“This is different.” Jaxon watched a
daughter walk her ailing mother to a nearby bench. She was a pretty blonde with
warm brown eyes and a bright smile she bestowed on him as soon as their eyes
met. A different day, he might have been inclined to walk over there, but not when
the only woman he could think about was Sela. “Failing at High Rollers wasn’t
an option. It was the only way I could think to make a living.”

“Survival is as good a reason as any,” Fred
said, cupping his knee. “But there are all different kinds of survival. It’s
not just about keeping a roof over your head or food on the table. It’s about
filling that void in your heart. I suspect you know a thing or two about that.”
He smiled at Jaxon. “Probably grew up trying to fill that hole, didn’t you?”

“I guess I did.”

Fred nodded. “And you began to think it was
impossible, then you met
her
.”

“How did you know?” It was eerie that the
old man could read his mind.

“I’ve been there.” He cleared his throat.
“Believe it or not, I was a bad kid. Always getting into trouble, so my parents
had no choice but to kick me out of the house when I was fifteen. They said I
was a bad influence on my younger brother.” His eyes twinkled. “I reckon they
were right.”

“That must have been rough,” Jaxon said,
failing to find the humor in being put out on the street at such a young age.
“How’d you survive?”

He lifted a thin shoulder. “I worked odd
jobs pumping gas, cutting lawns, whatever I could do to survive. I rented a
room in this rooming house one summer…” He grinned. “My landlady’s niece came
to stay with her, you know, to help out. She was just about the prettiest thing
I ever did see.”

Jaxon grinned. “What happened?”

“We got real close, then she had to go off
to college. I was heartbroken. Never thought I’d get over her.”

“Did you?”

“Nope.” He laughed. “I chased after her.
Asked her to marry me. I didn’t have a damn thing to offer her, but she didn’t
seem to care. She said she loved me too, and in spite of her parents’
objections, we got married three months later.”

“That’s a great story.” Jaxon smiled at the
ladies on the bench, talking and laughing. “What happened to your wife?”

He pointed at the silver-haired lady
sitting beside her daughter. “We came here together. We said we were in it for
the long haul, and we meant it.”

“That’s your wife?” Jaxon asked.