Confessions of a Backup Dancer (15 page)

24 one-liter bottles fresh spring water (NO bubbles)

1 quart-size Nantucket Nectars cranraspberry

1 case cans Coke.

4 bottles POWERade NOT grape

12 cans Red Bull

hot/cold water tank

3 tins General Foods International Coffees, Suisse mocha

4 boxes Xtra antioxidant green tea

fresh fruit platter

fresh veggie platter

cold bucket of KFC extra crispy. No potato salad or biscuits.

homemade banana bread from promoter. (Darcy's doing a search for the bestest in the country.)

two boxes Honey Nut Cheerios

large box of Jolly Ranchers, watermelon

1 extra-large bottle of Tums, assorted

appropriate napkins, glasses, utensils, etc.

Item 12

Catering for Band and Dancers Room (16 people)

1 small fruit tray, canned fruits

6 small bottles of spring water

6 small juices

4 cans soda (assorted)

1 small bag of corn chips

instant coffee

I was like wait, darla gets her own room, with a bed? but all sixteen dancers and band members share one couch and one small bag of corn chips?

what's a body-lengthening mirror and why does Eileen have to approve it?

but I didn't say anything like that.

she goes, “omigod don't think you're going to have to be in the dancers and band room. it sucks in there! no way, you're totally hanging with me in the Darcy hangout room. I need my best friend there for all the press walk-throughs. it'll be fun we'll totally play video games! so anyway do you want me to add anything to this list? like do you have a kind of instant coffee you really like? and can I borrow that Insane Clown Posse t-shirt you're wearing?

and all I could think was

1. Great, it's not like the dancers don't hate me enough as it is. now I have to hang out with darcy instead of them.
   
2. Damn, now I'm never going to get a second to myself to try and relax before the show.
   
3. Oh God does this mean Darla's going to be on my case even harder?
   
4. Am I insane? Darcy Barnes wants me to share her hangout room! Like I would ever say no?!
   
5. Yeah, I'd like to add a few things to that list. like a plane ticket home.
   
6. No, you can't borrow evan's ICP tee.
   

luckily she got a page and was like OOH gotta go! before I could cave in and say anything like “sure you can borrow my t-shirt anytime you want.”

KellyKelSoCal321:
hey dude I'm wearing your ICP t-shirt.

SlipKnotRules933111:
you took that?

KellyKelSoCal321:
yeah oops sorry but I really like it.

SlipKnotRules933111:
good luck tomorrow night.

SlipKnotRules933111:
hello?

KellyKelSoCal321:
thanks for remembering evan. I love you.

now I know I'll be able to sleep all right. evan does that. one more day till opening night. one more day …

FRIDAY JUNE 21

FIRST SHOW, DARCY HANGOUT ROOM BACKSTAGE

ST. LOUIS, 7:45
PM

Outfit:
the first outfit for the opening song, “Love You Like a Lollipop.” it's like a gas station attendant coverall, which unzips and pulls off. underneath, asymmetrical tech bodysuit with red white and blue sequins.

Hair:
orange extensions. they glued them onto me.

Mood:
psyched. anxious, terrified, pumped, etc. etc. etc. there's not really a word for it.

Fortune:
In horse racing, the starting line and the finish line are the same line. (HUH?)

To:
kaykay4real

From:
Tito_T

Date:
Friday June 20

Time:
3:14
PM

Subject:
You ROCK

Good luck tonight babycakes. You are.totally going to rock. Just let it rip, bring Kelly, and everyone will love you. I'll be watching MTV news later to see how it went.

Teets

I love tito. ok, ok, ok, ok. ok. ok. no problem. ok. um, one hour until the show.

OK!!

I'm totally freaking out. ok no problem.

everyone's yelling. ok. here's what's up.

darcy and i just went to a preshow meet ‘n' greet with her fans. darcy made me go with her cause she said people like to see her with her dancers. it's a publicity thing, she explained, so that everyone thinks everyone on the tour is like best friends. then she goes, “but don't worry you and I really ARE best friends.” how about that.

she had to sit behind a desk for 45 minutes shaking hands and signing autographs and smiling at everyone. it was jammed with fans aged 9-14, moms, random guys probably looking to score, disposable cameras. JAMMED with people. they were sort of forming a line around the edge of the room up to our little desk to meet darcy.

she made me sit next to her. the whole time.

which meant that everyone asked me for my autograph, too. I just figured they were all caught up in the moment or something and bugging OUT that they were meeting her because who the hell would want my autograph?

I signed it different each time, mostly because I've never really settled on a signature before. I never really had an “autograph” to give.

while she was signing some kid's cast, I asked darcy, “why do they want my autograph?” she goes, “dude, don't ask me. I guess they think you're famous now.”

I was like wow. I'm like “Almost Famous.”

the average age was like 10, 11 years old. most of them were with their moms. most of them had won some kind of contest at some local radio station. they had to call in 1,000 times or something to win “VIP” access to Darcy. half of these girls were crying hysterically. half of them were like lit up, like they'd eaten too many pop-tarts. it's so weird. was I ever like that?

I don't have much time to consider that because I don't have much time left to live. well ok that's a little dramatic but I'm seriously a half-hour from going onstage and I'm not sure I'm going to make it through.

I can do this. I can do this. darcy's in her dressing room and I'm alone in her hangout room, which is a huge change from five minutes ago when this place was CRAWLING with like even more contest winners and entertainment tonight cameras and everyone. oh and also this whole crew of Pashmina fans who snuck in all these “This Is Pashmina's Palace!” and “At Least Pashmina Can
SING
” signs and everything. but when they realized darcy wasn't in here they all bailed on this room. guess I'm not THAT famous yet ha ha.

cool with me. I'll take any second alone I can get.

everyone's screaming and running around like wild just outside the door, not in a bad way just in that way that I guess I always pictured from backstage with the backstreet boys specials and stuff. everything seems so
urgent
and stuff. chaotic. but it's like here it is the big
debut and I should be enjoying it but what if I totally mess up my dive roll or something again? I mean, it happened yesterday. why wouldn't it happen today?

ok. I'm going to be fine. darla gave us all a peptalk: “ok everyone here we go, let's all have a great show, everyone looked great out there at dress rehearsal …” then she stared directly at me and said, “but we'll need as much luck as we can get, no matter how smooth everything is going. so let's pray for that. remember, no room for screwups. ever.”

then she made us pray. which is cool and all, I mean, I understand the whole praying thing. I just hate it when someone else makes me do it. but whatever. thanks a lot darla. and by the way, fuck off!

ok, ok. ok, um, it's gonna be awesome. I'm gonna kill it out there. I've gotta kill it out there. I can step up. just like dad. Good in a crisis. Remember? ok. um, ok.

Nice 'n Easy just hit the stage. that means we have 20 minutes.

FRIDAY JUNE 21

GRAND HOTEL

ST. LOUIS, 11:25
PM

What can I say? we KILLED IT.

first of all, I have never seen that many people all in the same place at the same time before. well maybe I have but it was really scary. our dressing room had a window out into the parking lot, and there was seriously a traffic jam as far as you could see, winding away from the stadium. the parking lot was filling up section by section and streams of people were forming these thick lines leading out from the stadium deep into the lot.

anyway, it was 10 minutes to eight before I knew it. I could hear what's-her-name from Nice 'n Easy going into her mike, “Thank you so much! Thank you! Remember girls, be Nice! Be Easy! Be Nice 'n Easy!” and the crowd kind of clapped and “woo-hoooed” a little bit.

fifteen minutes later, we all took our places offstage for the big open.

here's how it works. the stage is pretty much bare except for a set of stairs leading up to a platform. there's a curtain, like gauzy and white, covering the platform, which is dark. us girl backup dancers are offstage to one end, the guys are on the other end. darcy's behind the curtain in
the middle of the stage but no one can see her. this really deep voice like darth vader or whoever that guy is who goes “This is CNN” comes over the loudspeaker: “ladies and gentlemen, prepare yourself for a journey to a special place, to a world where a boy can be a boy and a girl can be a girl. a place where music is the true language of love. ladies and gentlemen …” how idiotic is THAT? ha I kinda love it. anyway as he's saying that, this light comes up behind darcy and projects her shadow against the curtain making her look like 40 feet tall. she's got this pimp fedora hat on and a suit with a really big lapel and huge shoulder pads. it's kinda like Michael Jackson meets Carmen Electra only it's a 40-foot-tall shadow. anyway right then the voice goes, “ladies and gentlemen …” again, and darcy leans into a standing mike that is also a 40-foot-tall shadow and whispers, “It's Darcy.” and all of a sudden this mad crazy mix of “Love You Like a Lollipop” comes on and she tosses her hat off and her hair starts flying and the crowd starts screaming almost like they're in a panic and we all come rushing out and start serving it up down in front of the stairway. (I also have to say that little “It's Darcy” bit is one of the only things that actually comes out of her mouth for most of the show. ok that's an exaggeration but not much. but to be fair, she's copped to it already. she's said publicly she sings every note except on songs where she's dancing around. guess what, there's only like one song where she's not dancing around. but I'm getting off track.)

so for the next 78 minutes we hit it HARD pretty much nonstop, no intermission. from “Love You Like a Lollipop”
straight through “Keep It Poppin'” and “Carpe Diem (Seize Me)” and on and on.

There are five costume changes.

1. “Japanese Schoolgirl on Ecstasy.” Thigh-high tights, teeny minikilts in electric-pink-and-blue plaid, white panties with hello kitty faces, knit hoodie boleros in gold, pigtails, chunky sneakers.
   
2. “Motorcycle.” jeans, leather chaps, faux tattoo sleeves that make your arms look all tattooed, wifebeaters, heavy boots, slicked-back hair.
   
3. “Good Girl Gone Bad.” 50s knee-length pencil skirts, tight cardigans, bobbed wigs, stilettos. We tear off our sweaters and wigs midway through “Whenever”—you know, that part where the beat goes up. Then we're in our heels, skirts, and bras.
   
4. “Midnight at the Oasis.” gauzy Arabian pants, sandals, jewels in our navels, hair flying, veils. we looked like belly dancers. this was my favorite look for sure. it covered my ass ha ha plus you don't have to smile all the time when you've got that veil on. what a relief.
   
5. “Really Real.” matching-but-not hip-hop gear. baggy denims, baseball caps, team jerseys (we usually wear jerseys for whatever baseball or basketball team plays for the city we're in. never football. wonder why …).