Confessions of a Backup Dancer (13 page)

“you're a good enough dancer to do this, kel. it's just your skin that needs to get thicker.”

ok so he sounds like a camp counselor but actually, that's exactly what I need right now.

his cellie rang. it was eileen. she said she wanted to talk to me. I go, hello?

“hey there k.k. how are you wow you guys looked so good today this is going to be the best tour ever and rashid told me he's really really happy with all your work and everything and I'm just really psyched but I guess I should have really been more clear about what darla expects from everyone and well I just want you to know that she's really got her eye on you I mean I think it's just because she really really likes you and she's really really counting on you and everything but I know sometimes that can be a lot of pressure but I guess what I'm saying is just hang in there and keep dancing so good because you totally saved us on this tour and this is such a great opportunity for you and no matter what I'm definitely going to get you another meeting with don dezer after the tour is over but in the meantime it's really important that you and darcy get along she really
talks about you all the time and considers you one of her closest friends, isn't that awesome to be best friends with a superstar, so anyway how are you? and besides if you get yourself fired I'll probably get fired too. is rashid still there I need to talk to him again.”

I didn't even get in a single word, I just handed the phone back to rashid, who winked at me and said to eileen “let me call you back e.w.” and hung up. he asked if I was gonna be cool and I said yeah then he gave me a huge hug, then he left. I locked the door behind him.

was that eileen's lame attempt at a peptalk? or was that some kind of apology? or was it a roundabout threat from darla, sent through eileen? or was it just eileen bugging out? I don't know. it's so hard to figure out what everything means around here.

evan just signed on. I don't have the energy to chat. i just really need to be alone right now.

SlipKnotRules933111:
Kel?

KellyKelSoCal321 has signed off.

FRIDAY JUNE 14

D-ZONE, 11:30
PM

Outfit:
pjs and a wifebeater.

Mood:
sleepy. hardly slept all night. went to the kitchen around 4
AM
for a diet coke. Walter was there too. we waved at each other but didn't speak.

To:
KellyKelSoCal321

From:
SlipKnotRules933111

Date:
Friday June 14

Time :
11:45
PM

Subject:
whatsup how come you just signed off on me?

I felt so bad when I read that. And now I have to tell him he can't come up this weekend. I can't deal with disappointing people, least of all him. that reminds me I need to set up an account to save money for his tuition at the martino school.

aaaaagh I am so stressing out right now. my brother hates me and I leave for my very first major world tour on Monday and darla barnes hates me and my mother's probably getting another divorce and my hair is getting more orange by the second (hello Shaundree) and my family is going to be broke if mom gets divorced. and not only that I have to dance my first major show ever in less than a week in front of 18,000 people. I mean if one dancer makes a mistake, it can throw everyone else
off and if jesus and armand and the rest of them have been chilly to me up till now, I can only imagine the ice storm that would await a screwup like that.

on that encouraging note, I'll go see what's for breakfast and prepare to dance my ass off.

MONDAY JUNE 17

PLANE TO ST. LOUIS, 2:54
PM

Outfit:
It's Darcy!! official tour jacket. just like all the other dancers on the plane. yep, we all have the same jacket on. nice huh. very broadway wannabe.

Hair:
darcy offered to let me have shaundree fix it when we get to St. Louis. yes, we're really going. it's happening.

Mood:
more dazed than confused, I think.

Fortune:
Aim high.

leave it to me to puke on takeoff. I can't believe it. I am so bad on planes. it's embarrassing. there's something about the smell of puke, too, that never seems to go away, everyone on the plane hates you when you puke. like I'm SORRY but believe me I didn't WANT to puke! it's not like I planned to puke and ruin everyone's morning. god I wanted a parachute.

I was sitting by Darce but after I hurled she moved to another seat. some best friend, huh. ha ha.

I swear it was the takeoff. I did NOT puke due to nerves.

Oh did I mention the news? everyone's been squawking about how the “Cherry Red Lips?” video went to #1 on TRL this weekend. Pashmina's “My Needs Come First” was #2. Walter even made a special Hawaiian pineapple cake last night to celebrate. I'm going to miss Walter.

MONDAY JUNE 17

GRAND HOTEL, ROOM 813

ST. LOUIS, 11:45
PM

Outfit:
same tour jacket as above.

Hair: I can't keep track anymore it changes so much.

I got my first taste of how weird this is really going to be when we were met at the airport today by like 5,000 screaming fans and at least fourteen TV cameras. there were like
thousands
of people there. ok maybe not but
hundreds
for sure. it was absolute MAYHEM.

Fans were
jammed
into the baggage area screaming “DARCY!! DARCY!!” and holding up signs like “Darcy Rules” and “Teamsters for Darcy” and “Thank U Darcy from St. Louis Virgin Alliance” and “Darcy I'm a Gigolo but I'll Do You for Free!” and stuff.

(what's a teamster, anyway?)

then there were these other signs at the back of the crowd: “Pashmina Is the Queen of St. Louis!” and “Just Say No to Lollipops!” and “Darcy Can't Sing” and stuff. (i could tell that the singing one got to her. she hates when people compare her voice to Pashmina's. let's face it, Pashmina is a much better singer. but Darcy's still a bigger star. guess singing doesn't really matter all that much, does it?)

we walked fast, all of us in sunglasses, surrounded by a team of men and women in black. Darcy and darla were
arm in arm, gazing downward. I was way back with the other dancers, bringing up the rear, trying to coast under the radar and soak it all in, and these random faces would pop out from the crowd and scream “DARCY!!” right in front of us. it was such a trip. people were FREAKING and SCREAMING in our faces. not to be gross, but Darcy Barnes fans seem to generate a lot of saliva. I guess that's what antibacterial wipes are for.

and then there were all these really weird, really strange, totally silent fans who just stood there in our path staring at darcy with their mouths open and their eyes really wide. it was like they were paralyzed. they looked like what I imagine a stalker looks like, and they scared the hell out of me.

Of course, I was freaking out. my inner voice was squealing oh my god finally. just when I thought this whole experience was going to be a big bore, we're hit with a wall of paparazzi and crazy psyched-up fans. this is just like I pictured it. this is sooo celebrities uncensored. this is So E! True Hollywood story! I am fabulous!

but there was this other voice in me saying ok, here I am on TV for the first time and I'm wearing the same outfit as everyone else. we look like cheerleaders. wait, we basically are cheerleaders. we look like a bunch of dorks! the tinas were really into it, and d-run was eating it up, but I could tell angelina and I felt the same way. she and I bowed our heads and covered our eyes for a moment, but through my fingers I could see darla looking at me. she must love watching us squirm.

and there was this other voice in me saying, good thing no one's commented on my “fitness level” in a while or this could be a serious fat moment.

and another one saying, don't look at me! freakin' paparazzi leave me alone!! nobody look at me!

and a last one saying, look at me. look at me! this was the loudest one, so I started smiling.

through my teeth I realized I was still nauseous. maybe it was all the flashbulbs going off in our faces. I realized darcy was right in front of me. she turned to me, teeth gritted and big, and goes, “move. now.” she grabbed my arm and we started power walking straight for the wall of flashbulbs. “we have to break through.”

another side of darcy: the charlie's angel.

anyway so as we were racing through the airport these reporters kept screaming questions like, “So what do you have to say about the controversy?” and “How do you justify your decision?” and “have you responded to the offer for your virginity?” and stuff like that. Darcy and Darla and everyone just kept looking at each other like, controversy? What controversy?

the reporters kept on, kind of like chasing us through the airport. “What prompted you to make the decision to start your world tour in Pashmina's hometown?” and “Pashmina says she's shocked that It's Darcy!! is kicking off in St. Louis. but she calls it typical and she welcomes you
to her hometown nonetheless. What's your response?” “Where's Jesse Nixon?” “Has your virginity status changed yet?” “Who are you wearing?”

So I guess Pashmina is from here. I wonder if Darcy even knows that. But then out of nowhere Eileen popped up and whispered something in Darcy's ear. She was obviously trying to do some damage control. Then Darcy stopped cold, and all of a sudden the entire room stumbles over itself, rights itself, and goes silent. she looks straight into the closest tv camera. all these random mikes appeared out of thin air, jammed in her face all at once like flies on a jar of honey.

she inhales, focuses, smiles big, and in a really loud, really clear voice with more twang in it than I'd heard before, goes, “Thank y'all so much for coming. Lordy what a great welcome! Thank you! We're looking forward to playing a sold-out concert for 18,000 of our fabulous St. Louis fans Friday night. We wish you could all be there, but the show just sold out so quick. I'm so sorry if you don't have tickets! Hopefully you'll learn to order early next time! Thank you again! My fans are just the greatest fans in the whole wide world! See you all Friday night!”

and then we left.

no one followed us after she finished speaking.

I was like wow, what a pro. she really knows what she's doing here.

KellyKelSoCal321:
DUDE!

SlipKnotRules933111:
what's going on I'm watching Cops this drunk guy is flipping off the camera.

KellyKelSoCal321:
I'm in St. Louis. my first show's on friday.

SlipKnotRules933111:
oh yeah. oh my god he just took a swing at the camera and his wife put her cigarette out on his car!