Conflicted (12 page)

Me: What do you think?

Blake: I think you need to find them after the show and tell them that we would love to talk to them about opening for us! Jake agrees.

Me: I’ll see what I can do. Maybe Charlie will let me backstage…

Blake: As un-crazy as I am about that idea, it might be for the best. Just be careful. You know how us rock stars are.

One minute
, they were starting to break into a song, and the next thing I knew the music stopped and the spotlight was trained on me.

“Are we boring you?” Mr. Sin asked, staring at me. I shook my head no. “Mind telling me what’s so important that you’re interrupting our set?”

“I’ll explain after the show,” I winked and a wicked grin took over his face.

I was in so much trouble with this one.

An hour later, I parted ways from my little group and said a quick goodbye to Jackie before going to find Charlie. I explained to him that I needed to talk to the band for Blake. He agreed without a problem and let me backstage. He even went as far as introducing me when we got back there.

The small room was filled with electronic equipment and instruments. The walls were a dingy yellow, probably from when people used to smoke back here years ago. A couple of
beat up sofas sat off to the one side of the room and there were bathrooms and a dressing room off to the other side. Three of the members were sitting on the one couch, but two of them were missing. One of them being Mr. Sin.

“Joss, this is Austin Hughes, Mason Lane, and Joel O’Neal. I’m not sure where the other two knuckleheads are.
If you need anything let me know and you boys be good to her or I’ll throw you out and make sure you don’t play another show around here. Ever,” Charlie said sternly.

“Nice to meet you, Joss,” Joel, the drummer, said.

“Hi guys, I would love to talk to you, but I’d like to wait until the whole group is here, if that’s okay?”

“Fine by me,” Austin said. The other two just nodded and gawked at me.

I felt someone come and stand behind me. “If it isn’t the texter,” he whispered in my ear, sending shivers up my spine.

“You got me,” I said playfully. “There was a
valid reason behind it. I swear.”

He moved to stand in front of me, causing me to have to look up at him. Christ almighty, he
truly was fucking gorgeous.

“My brother is the bassist for Battlescars
and they lost their opening act for a benefit show they’re doing next week. I thought you guys sounded so good and I wanted him to hear you. Both he and Jake agreed; they would love for you to take the other band’s place. If you’re interested, of course,” I said in a rush, suddenly feeling lightheaded by his proximity.

“You mean to tell me that you’re Blake Potter’s little sister?”
he asked, cocking an eyebrow suspiciously.

“That’s exactly what I’m telling you.
If you don’t believe me you can ask Charlie. He’s the one that let me back here. I’ve known him for years. Battlescars used to play here before they got signed.”

“Your name?”

“Joss. Joss Potter.” I reached in my bag and proceeded to pull out my license. I shoved it in his face to show him. He took my hand and pulled it away so he could look and handed it back to me.

“I’m Zach Bailey. It’s a pleasure to meet you, Joss.” He leaned into me, his face only inches from mine. Acting on pure instinct, I leaned in closer to him. It was as if he were a magnet pulling me to him. “I’m starving. Would you care to accompany me to dinner so we can discuss details?”
he asked, pulling back and playing formal. He held his hand out for mine in invitation.

I couldn’t form a coherent sentence, so I just put my hand out for his. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so instantly attracted to someone in my entire life. Following him out to the side door, we passed more security and made our way across the street to the V Hotel, where they were probably staying for the night. Once inside
, he led me over to the elevator and pushed the lift button.

I was
completely mesmerized by his pools of green and I had to tell myself to stop staring. In the elevator, he pushed up behind me. I tried to suppress the tingle that went up my spine all the way to the roots of my hair and down to my tippy toes.

I was so fucked.

Something about him was different
, though. I didn’t want to put out. Actually, that’s a lie. I did. I
really
fucking did, but Zach was different. I wanted to keep him guessing, to give him something to keep coming back for. Looks like it’d be a date with me and BOB when I got home. When we were at the fifth floor, the elevator dinged and Zach took my hand and led me to his room.

“I would love to take you out, but there
’s so many groupies that we’d get harassed all night. I’d really like the opportunity to get to know Ms. Texter better.”

“It’s
fine. I know all about the groupies. Blake’s married and we still get random middle of the night phone calls from his stalkers… I mean groupies.” I laughed.

“We can order room service
, if that’s okay with you?”

I nodded meekly as he slid the key card in and opened the door. It was just a regular room with a queen sized bed. There were clothes hanging out of a suitcase and some empty beer bottles sitting on the dresser. Somehow the room smelled like him though.

There was a chair over in the corner that I went and sat in. At least it would give me some space from his proximity. Zach grabbed the menu off the dresser and handed it to me.

“Just don’t go ordering filet mignon or anything. Broke musician here.” He laughed
, pointing at himself.

“In that case, I think I’ll have six and the most expensive bottle of champagne,” I teased, making him laugh and show off his perfect smile. “I’ll just have a cheeseburger then.
Seriously,
you don’t have to buy me dinner.” I felt guilty knowing that Blake and the guys ate Cup-O-Noodles for like six months straight when they moved to LA.

“Yes, I do, and not just because you’re Blake Potter’s sister.” He smiled and went to call it in. After he was
finished, he took a seat on the bed across from me. The sexual tension was simmering, ready to boil over at any moment, and we were just staring at each other.

“Where are you from?”
I asked, wanting to know more about him.

“I’m originally from New England, but my dad took a job in Dallas when I was ten
and I’ve lived there ever since. We built up a devoted following there, but it was time for a change so we ended up here in Phoenix. This humble abode has been my casa for the past two, make that three, weeks.”

“You’re living here?” I asked, confused.

“We’ve been apartment hunting, but so far nothing great and, not to sound like an asshole, but I don’t want to live in a ghetto. We’re not sure if we’re going to end up here for the long haul anyway. We’re working on trying to get signed, so we’ll see where that takes us. Are you from around here?”

“Born and bred. It’s all right. It has its
good and bad just like any other city.”

“How old are you, Joss?”

“Twenty. Almost twenty-one.”

“
Phew. At least you’re not jailbait. I guess I should have taken a better look at your ID, but your pretty face had me distracted. I’m twenty-four, so not that much of an age gap.” He laughed, giving me a perfect dimpled grin.

Talking with Zach was easy. By the time our food arrived
, it was almost like we were old friends.

“So you met Austin, Mason, and Joel. Our other guitarist usually takes off after shows are done because he’s
completely pussy-whipped. I’m assuming neither of the guys you were with tonight were your boyfriend?”

“Um, hell no. They were friends of my friend Jackie’s boyfriend. They were just trying to cop a feel, but I wasn’t about to let that happen.” I cringed.

“Can’t blame them for trying, can you?” He winked and finished his burger. “Can I see you again? Like maybe tomorrow?” The hopeful look on his face had me giddy like a stupid high schooler.

“I’d like that
.” I wrote my number down on a piece of paper and left it on the dresser. I walked over and leaned down to give him a hug goodbye, but he stood.

“There’s no way I’m letting you walk to your car by yoursel
f at this time of night. There are all sorts of crazies out here.” He pulled me into his sinewy arms and held me close for a minute before taking my hand.

The door closed loudly behind us and I explained to him where I’d parked. The hotel was on the complete opposite side of the parking garage, so I was relieved that he offered to walk me. We continued chatting easily as we walked the two blocks.

Dying to kiss him, I made the first move. Pushing him back, I stood on my tippy toes, grabbing hold of his shaggy hair and melding our lips together. His tongue met mine with a slow caress. As he pulled away, he bit down gently on my lip making me so turned on I wanted to cry.

“Thanks for dinner,” I told him as we reached my little white VW.

“It was my pleasure. I’ll see you tomorrow,” he said as he leaned in and kissed my cheek, shutting the door safely behind me. I called out after him and offered him a ride. He declined saying he needed the fresh air. I knew exactly how he felt. I needed a cold shower and three rounds with BOB before I would feel better. Even then it probably still wouldn’t be enough.

CHAPTER ELEVEN

FOR YOU AND YOUR DENIAL

DEREK

After double and triple checking that everything was packed, we were on our way to the airfield. Piper was staying with Aubrey while we were gone
, since it was too much to bring all the kids and their things along. Plus, they were still newborns and Blake was turning into a neurotic germaphobe. Which meant that Jake and Blake were going to be an extra pleasure to be around. Luckily I had Britt tagging along.

The day before
, Blake had called to give me a heads up that Joss had a new love interest named Zach. He also happened to be the lead singer of the band that was opening up for us at the benefit show. Blake wanted to make sure that I was okay with it. Surprisingly I was, but it wouldn’t matter even if I weren’t. I had Britt, even though we had both decided that neither of us was ready for any kind of relationship. We were taking things day by day and seeing where they ended up, if anywhere.

We
piled into Jake’s Escalade and made our way to the airfield. It was just one of the many perks of having a lead singer who was married to the owner of a private air fleet. Once situated inside the plane, I pulled my iPad out and started playing one of the many addictive games to pass the time away. I was anxious about seeing my dad for the first time in over 10 years. I still wasn’t sure how either of us was going to react. Was he going to want to see me? There were too many variables in the situation and it made me uneasy. I wasn’t even sure what I was going to say to him yet.

Britt noticed my apprehension and placed her small hand in mine, rubbing her thumb over the top. She looked at me sadly
. I knew she understood what was running though my head without me speaking.

On top of that, I was also a little worried about Joss and Brittany meeting. More than likely, Zach
was just a momentary distraction. Since Joss and I have a lot of history, mostly bad history, but history nonetheless, I knew it would make things awkward while we were there. Throw a huge benefit show into the mix and it was overload.

Regardless of the drama surrounding the trip, the band
’s needs trumped it all. They were my family.

The flight was long and uneventful. Jake was busy working on new material and Blake was catching up on his beauty sleep since he wasn’t getting much at home.
When the plane touched down, Brett, who was Jake’s regular security detail, came onto the plane to give a briefing. After getting the all clear, I took the steps down to the tarmac and over to the waiting car. The dry warm air was foreign, yet familiar. I helped Britt load her suitcase into the back and got settled in for the ride.

The moment
Britt and I walked hand in hand into Blake’s parents’ house, I saw Joss standing next to a tall, good-looking guy whom I assumed was Zach. She was grinning from ear to ear, laughing at something he’d just said. I’d be lying if I said that it didn’t make me feel a little jealous. She happened to turn to look at me before I could get my mask firmly back in place. She excused herself and made her way over to where I was standing.

“Hey,” she said softly in a sweet voice, wrapping her arms around my waist and squeezing lightly, causing Brittany’s grip to tighten on my hand.
I didn’t know if Joss was doing it to be friendly, or to cause tension.

Using my free hand, I gestured an introduction
, pointing from one to the other. “Hey, Joss. This is Brittany. Britt, meet Joss.”

“Hi, Brittany, it’s so nice to meet you,”
Joss gushed. “Can we talk for a minute, Derek? It will only take a sec.” I looked at Brittany who let go of my hand and made her way over to where the guys were all standing. I followed Joss over to where Dennis’ office was and she shut the door behind her.

“Are you okay?” Sincerity leaked out of every syllable
and it almost made me want to break down.

“I’ll be fine.”
I don’t know who I was trying to convince more - her or me.

“You’re right
. You
will be
. I plan on going with you when you go to talk to your dad, and I’m not taking no for an answer. No matter what happens, we’re still friends. That will
never
change.”

“You’ll forget all about me soon
; you have Mr. Sex God now,” I said, rolling my eyes.

“It’s hard to forget someone who gave you so much to remember. Besides,
Zach and I are not having sex yet and you have Brittany now,” she said, touching my cheek and walking over to the desk. Picking up a manila envelope, she handed it to me.

“
Before I forget, I found something I thought you might be interested in.”

I opened it up and looked inside. Uncertainty coursed through me. “You actually tracked her down?” I asked, hesitant.

“It wasn’t easy, but yeah I did.” She beamed proudly.

There in bold print was
Kennedy Scott.

“Thanks, Joss.”

I leaned in and kissed her cheek softly, taking one last deep inhale of her hair before stuffing the envelope in my back pocket. I hurried back into the living room before everyone started talking and jumping to conclusions about what was or wasn’t happening behind the closed door. I could now add another
huge
thing to my plate while I was here. I needed to get Kennedy to agree to give me something I’d been wanting for the last eight years. It wasn’t going to be easy either.

Zach was already schmoozing with Jake and Blake. Kevin was talking to Blake’s mom about one of the vegan recipes she
’d made. Joss grabbed me and led me over to where they were standing and introduced me to Zach. I stood there and made pleasantries for a little while before excusing myself. I pulled Britt off to the side with me. I really needed to be alone right now. Stepping out onto the front porch, I did something I normally didn’t. I lit up a cigarette and inhaled deeply.

“I have something that I need to do
and I need to do it alone. I feel terrible leaving you here alone, but Joss found something that I’ve been trying to hunt down for years. I’d bring you with me, but there’s no telling how it’s going to end and I don’t want to drag you into the middle of it.” I was trying to be as honest and indirect as possible.

“It’s
fine. They all seem quite friendly. I think Joss and I can play nice until you get back,” she said, wrapping her arms around my neck.

“You’re amazing. You know that?” I said.

Standing on her tippy toes, her lips grazed mine. “You’re pretty great yourself. Hurry back to me, okay?”

Holding her close, I kissed her nose. “I’ll be right back.”

Looking at the address on the envelope, I saw that it was only about an hour away from here. I could be there and back before dinnertime no problem. 

Opening the front door, I yelled.
“Joss, can I borrow the princess mobile?”

She didn’t reply.
Instead, she tossed me her keys and winked.

As soon as I turned the key, music
came blaring through the speakers; it was probably Guilty Tendencies. I hit eject; sure enough, I was right. I tossed the CD onto the floor and backed out of the driveway, heading in the direction I needed to go. I hoped for the best.

The
streets looked the same, but things had obviously changed since the last time I was here. It was bittersweet being back. I decided to make a quick detour and drove past my old house. It still looked almost identical to the way it looked when I was forced to leave it fifteen years ago. As I drove away, I made a mental note to stop and get flowers and go to the cemetery before we headed back to Ohio. I hated going there. It was torture. Pure. Fucking. Torture.

An hour and fifteen minutes later, I pulled up to a beige stucco house and parked in the driveway
behind a dated blue Toyota Corolla. Cutting the engine, I took a deep calming breath, wishing I had a shot of anything to quell my already frayed nerves. This visit was way overdue and the last time we saw each other it didn’t end so well. I didn’t have high hopes for this visit either.

Knocking on the door, I stood off to the side
, waiting for it to open.

As soon as she saw me
, her jaw dropped. “Hi, Kennedy,” I said, apprehensively. It was like poking a sleeping bear.

She still looked exactly the same as she
had the last time I’d seen her. Long brown hair, tanned skin, big brown eyes. She was only a little shorter than I was and still slender.

“What are you doing here?”
she demanded, blocking me from seeing inside.

“Same thing I was trying to do the last time. I’m d
one playing these fucking games with you. You’re going to sign off on the papers. There’s no option B this time.”

“I already told you the answer is no,” she spat. “You need to leave
, Derek.”

I wedged my foot in the door so she couldn’t
completely close it and leave me on my ass with no resolution in sight again. “I’m not going anywhere,” I said fiercely.

Then
it
happened. The breath was knocked right out from my lungs as I felt the rug being pulled out from under me. My head started spinning, my heart was in overdrive, and I couldn’t take a breath if my life depended on it. It felt like I was being tossed and turned in a vortex. As I peered over her shoulder, I saw a little boy sitting at the table. As he turned to look at me, it was clear why Kennedy was avoiding all this time.

“Not now, Derek,” Kennedy said, trying to make me move.

“What the fuck? I swear if this is what I think it is, I’m going to fucking snap. How could you?”

She started crying and
, although I’d never hit a woman, I wanted to fucking strangle her.

“ANSWER ME!” I yelled.

“He’s yours,” she sobbed.

Clenching my shaky hand at my side, so I didn’t do something I wouldn’t be able to live with, I
finally managed to breathe. “Fucking-A, Kennedy. I mean what the fuck were you thinking? Seriously, you didn’t think that I should know about this? I’ve missed nine years! Nine fucking years!”

Squaring her shoulders, she looked me right in the eye. “
You promised me forever and less than two months later told me you wanted a divorce. I hated you. I take that back. I still hate you.”

“That’s
downright fucking selfish of you. I could have helped. I had no clue he even existed. I don’t even know his fucking name!”

“Skylar Scott Meyers. See? I
did give you a little something,” she sneered, stabbing me with her index finger.

“He has your maiden name. We’re fucking married. Fuck, Kennedy! Why?” She didn’t respond. “So this is why it’s been nearly impossible for me to hunt you down?” She nodded. “You weren’t even that far away,” I mumbled to myself more than her.

Stabbing her finger into my chest, she started getting louder. “I get paid in cash and I rent from a friend, so there’s no lease. I don’t have credit cards or car loans. I live on a cash existence; therefore it’s harder to find me. Though frankly, knowing you, I’m surprised you didn’t show up earlier no matter how hard I tried to hide.”

“Trust me
, it wasn’t for lack of trying.”

This crazy bitch had been giving me the runaround for the past 10 years. We
’d gotten married right after we turned eighteen; she was my first real girlfriend. We weren’t together for long before I realized what a monumental mistake it was to get married at eighteen, for me at least. I wanted out and she refused and took off. Her home life wasn’t much better than mine. She was raised by her grandma, who died when she was a sophomore in high school. She had no other family willing to take her in, which left her just another victim of the system being bounced from place to place.

Repeatedly smacking at my chest, she continued to sob. I was
having a serious “fuck my life” moment. My mom and my brother were dead. My dad was in prison. The girl I cared about was too immature to settle down and had ripped the rug out from under me, the girl I used to love hid a kid from me for the last nine years… Then there was Britt; there was no way in hell she was going to stick around now.

What’s next - a crater falling from the sky or being abducted by aliens?

I wanted to leave. I wanted to stay. I didn’t know what the fuck to do.

Not having a clue what else to do, I wrapped my arms around her.
“Does he even know who I am?” I asked, though I’m pretty sure I already knew my answer.

“No,” she whimpered, pulling at my heartstrings.

I was acting like a resident asshole. Closing my eyes, I tried to remember that it was probably just as much my fault as it was hers. We were both to blame and unfortunately, Skylar was the one suffering because of it.

“Can I meet him?” I asked hesitantly.

She looked just as hesitant. “I don’t know. I wasn’t expecting you to show up like this. I don’t know if it’s a smart idea or not.”

I needed to meet him, or at the
very least look at him. I had a fucking kid! “Please,” I begged. I’d get on my knees and grovel if I had to.