Conflicted (2 page)

I signaled onto the highway, stepped on the gas, and started the forty-five minute ride to the airport.

After circling the parking lot six times, I finally found a suitable spot and prayed to all that was holy that I wouldn’t have a dent by the time I came back out.

I wondered if I would recognize Joss when she came to baggage claim. Walking through the automatic door, I found an empty seat and pulled out my phone. There was another text from the unwanted number. I debated texting back, but decided it was best to erase it since nothing
good could come out of it. They were becoming more frequent recently. I wasn’t sure how I felt about the situation yet. It made me question everything that I’ve known my whole life.

After hitting delete, I opted to play Bingo instead. At least it would keep my mind busy while waiting.
A couple passersby looked my way, most likely wondering if I was whom they thought I was. It was much easier to be inconspicuous here than in LA, where it was next to impossible. The paparazzi didn’t care who you were; if you were even remotely famous, they wanted to know your every move, just waiting until you did something newsworthy so they could sell it to the highest bidder.

Tuning everything out, I did my best to blend in hoping Joss’ flight would be on time.

I was too busy playing on my phone that I didn’t notice her standing there until she kicked my boot with her foot.

I looked up at her face.

“Derek Scott, what the hell?” She laughed.

Fucking-A, she got hot! Really hot!

Wearing a form fitting red and white polka dot dress that ended way above the knee, and a brown belt wrapped around her slim waist that sat on her soft curves, she smiled at me. It was a genuine Joss smile. One that I wasn’t sure I would be greeted.

“Hey, Joss. Sorry, I didn’t see you,” I apologized, scrambling to my feet and trying to stop from gawking at her face, so I looked at her legs as I stood.
Shit!

Long. Tan. Go for miles… boner. Maybe I wasn’t broken after all. Her once short blonde hair was now lighter, longer
, and had black streaks that complemented her sky blue eyes. She had that natural Arizona tan going on too.

“Thanks for coming to collect me. I can’t wait to see my niece,” she cooed, bouncing playfully on her feet.

What was it about women and babies that made them go ga-ga? I mean sure, some of them are cute and all, but I guess I’m just not that guy.

“No problem,” I said, reaching to take her carryon bag.

After double-checking that the “lady-killer” was under control, we walked over to the turnstile and grabbed her other three giant suitcases.

Damn, was she planning on moving in?
I never, and will never, understand why girls feel the need to pack so much shit. They go through all the trouble of picking out the perfect stuff only to get there and have the nerve to complain that they have nothing to wear.

With one
bag on my shoulder, I wheeled the other two, leaving Joss to take the smallest of them. I was sincerely hoping that they all fit in my trunk. Good thing I’m a Tetris pro. Leading the way out to the parking lot, I tried not to think about the uncomfortable silence between us.

“It’s been a while.
How’ve you been?” Joss asked, looking over at me.

Fucking-A, she got gorgeous. Sure, she was always pretty, but now she was a heartbreakingly beautiful young woman. The sun was shining on her blonde hair, making her
orbs of blue twinkle. She stopped and dug a pair of oversized sunglasses out of her purse, obstructing my view. It was probably for the best since I was feeling hypnotized.

“Things have been
good. It was insanely busy while we were on tour, but it’s good to be back. It’s nice here, much more low key. You’ll probably like it.” I shrugged.

After loading the suitcases in the trunk and sitting on it to get it closed, I climbed into the driver’s seat.
Joss was struggling to get the seatbelt on, causing me to have to lean across and help her, which in turn caused my “lady-killer” to stir again. My dick needed to realize that Joss was off limits; that was not a road we needed to be on right now. Putting the car in gear, I took off back toward the hospital. Joss kept stealing glances my way and I offered her a small, polite smile in return. It was not a smart idea even for me to look her way, since if Blake ever found out he would want to kill me for sure. She also didn’t deserve for me to be a complete dick to her, either.

Merging onto the highway, I stepped on the gas hoping to get to the hospital and finish up my duty, so I could get the hell out of dodge with my manhood still intact. I felt like such a fuck up sometimes. It was hard not to when I had to carry around everything that I did up until now, especially what happened two months ago. I couldn’t help but speculate if the guys were still going to be supportive once I told them what happened. We were like brothers and to do anything to damage our friendship, or the band, would be a fate worse than death in my opinion.

“Don’t think too much. You’ll create a problem that wasn’t there in the first place,” Joss said, breaking me from my racing mind.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I replied coolly, gripping the wheel tighter and hoping she’d drop it.

What the hell was with everyone being so fucking perceptive all the sudden?

“Whatever. I can see something’s eating you, Gilbert Grape. If you don’t want to talk about it, fine. I was just stating a fact that whatever you’re thinking about is just going to create a problem that wasn’t even there to begin with. Hell, what do I know? I’m just a kid,” she spat and turned to look out the window, effectively ignoring me for the rest of the ride.

Finally, after what felt like the longest car ride in history, I maneuvered into the parking lot of the hospital, finding a spot near Blake’s car, so we could do a suitcase transfer and I could go home. Joss climbed out of the car, slamming the door behind her and stalking off toward the automatic doors. She was clearly mad, but did she really need to take it out on my poor car?

Aggravated, I followed closely behind her until we reached the maternity floor. In an effort to avoid the awkwardness that occurred th
at morning, I opted to stay in the hallway until Blake came out. As soon as Joss entered the room, the cooing began. I stood with my back against the wall and feeling utterly alone.

CHAPTER TWO

WHAT THE WATER GAVE ME

Joss

Derek was the last person I expected to pick me up from the airport. To be honest, he always intimidated me a bit. He was always brooding,
though it was sexy as hell to watch. I personally thought he was the best looking out of the group. Then again, I had a soft spot for drummers. Especially him.

He was blatantly checking me out, so I decided to do it in return. He still looked almost exactly the same, but better. His face had lost some of the boyish roundness it
’d had before, showing off his square jaw with a light dusting of a five o’clock shadow. His icy blue eyes penetrated mine, meeting my gaze. His shaggy, brown hair was in neat disarray, to the point where it was hard to tell if it was intentional or laziness. Either way, it was hot.

Derek was broader th
an the rest of the guys. His inked arms were completely ripped from constantly playing the drums. Right now, his muscular thighs were tight against the denim of his jeans and I couldn’t help but notice the prominent bulge in his crotch. He smirked at me, probably noticing my reaction, making me feel tingly between my thighs. Derek held his hand out to take my bags and I quickly handed them over before I said or did something incredibly stupid.

The car ride back was uncomfortable. I don’t think either of us knew what to say. Thanks to Blake’s overprotective nature, I was left out of all things Battlescars. Even when he came to visit or stopped by on tour, it was always just him, and never the rest of the guys. However, I did have a secret that I’d take to my grave for one of them.

After things went south with Tom, which also happened to be the same day that Piper left, Blake went looking for him and let his fists do the talking. Tom ended up dropping out of school shortly after that and I haven’t seen him since. I started going to an outpatient program for which Blake was footing the bill. I didn’t think I had a problem, but he wasn’t taking no for an answer, so I went. It was probably for the best anyway.

After seeing Blake so miserable after Piper left, it made me happy that they were finally at a good place in their relationship again. My parents were a little miffed that we missed their wedding, but I understood why they didn’t want to wait. Life’s too short; you never know what tomorrow’s going to bring. My mom wasn’t as understanding and spent two weeks crying that she missed her baby boy getting married. They promised they
’d do another small ceremony that everyone could attend somewhere down the line. That got her to stop with the waterworks, for now.

We were all
very excited to meet my new niece. My parents were coming out to visit sometime next week, so we didn’t bombard Blake and Piper all at once. I was willing to bet money that my mom wouldn’t last the whole week before showing up on their doorstep.

Derek
ignored me; something was
definitely
wrong with him. As soon as he put the car in park, I hightailed it out of there. I felt him following closely behind me. After checking in and getting directions where I needed to go, I was off to see my niece, leaving him in the dust.

Walking into the full room, I couldn’t help but smile. Jake and Aubrey sat in the corner holding Ella in a rocking chair. Piper and Blake sat on the bed holding Waverly. I immediately went over to get a
closer look at her, but before I could, Blake pulled me into a bone-crushing hug. Piper held Waverly up so I could see her in person.

“She’s absolutely perfect,” I whispered
to my brother. “She looks a lot like you when you were a baby, except I think she has Piper’s nose and lips.”

“Thank God for that,” he laughed. “Where’s your things?”

“Um, it’s all still in the car,” I mumbled, not wishing to delve into specifics.

“Where’s Derek?” Piper asked, looking behind me and not seeing him anywhere in sight.

“I don’t know. He was right behind me on the way up.” I shrugged, feigning indifference.

“Poor fucker’s scared to death of seeing boobs again. He’s probably hiding in the hallway. Come on.” Blake took my hand and led me back to the hallway where, sure enough, Derek was standing off to the side.

“You doing okay, buddy?” Blake asked Derek.

Derek looked extremely uncomfortable. “Yeah, man. I’m
good.”

Blake gave a nod and handed me his keys. “Be a
good girl and put your stuff in the trunk so Derek can get on his way. Did you use your manners and say please and thank you?”

I wanted to tell him to stop treating me like a child, but instead I gave him the finger and followed Derek to the elevator
, pushing the button with much more force than necessary.

Stepping inside, his nearness was intoxicating. He smelled beyond mouthwatering
; it was woodsy and definitely all man. I wanted to ask why he was ignoring me. If I did something, I should at least have the right to know what. I stepped in the elevator and moved in front of the buttons, wanting him to stand nearer. He leaned over me and pressed the button for the lobby, causing him to push up against my back. I stifled a shiver.

“I’m sorry, Joss,”
Derek apologized, whispering in my ear. “I don’t mean to act like a dick.”

I turned around to look at him, but when I did
, he was standing right behind me, bent down so that we were at eye level. He leaned slightly forward, so our mouths met. Lips crashed together and I wrapped my arms around his neck, trying to pull him closer to me. He quickly broke the kiss and stepped back.

“We can’t, Joss.”

I pouted and gave him a slight nod. I understood, but I didn’t like it. His lips felt soft and firm on mine and I wanted more. Lifting my fingers, I ran them over where his lips just were. When the elevator dinged and the doors opened, I stepped out first, needing to get away from his proximity. Walking out the doors, I headed back to his car and popped the trunk of Blake’s car. As soon as the trunk was open, I started yanking my luggage out in a hurry. Derek’s large hand came out and stopped me.

“Let me get my stuff,” I spat, annoyed at him trying to hinder my escape. 

“Joss, stop acting like a child,” he rebuked.

“Me?” I wanted to cry. “Are you kidding me, Derek? Mr. Mixed Signals! First, you give me the silent treatment, then you kiss me. What. The. Fuck?”

“It’s not like that and you know it. First off, you don’t know the first thing about me anymore, Joss. I’m no good for someone like you. I’m no good for anyone. Trust me, you’d be worth every ass kicking your brother threw my way, but it can’t happen. I can’t drag you into my fucked up world. Especially right now.”

The pain on his face was evident
and I could see the struggle brewing behind his blue eyes. In that moment, I wanted to make everything better for him. For whatever reason, he brought a nurturing instinct to the forefront in me.

“Do I get a say? What if I want to be part of your fucked up world for once, huh?”

“No, Joss you don’t,” he replied showing no emotion whatsoever.

Without another word, he picked up my suitcases and put them in Blake’s trunk. He got in his car and drove away, leaving me standing there watching his tail lights fade. There was no way I could deny the feelings that his kiss brought to the surface, fighting to break free. I blame female hormones. Hot tears started to fill my eyes
, as I quickly tried to compose myself before I made my way back inside. If Blake saw me like this, he would automatically assume the worst and it wouldn’t end well for anyone. Especially Derek.

Derek

Speeding home to an empty house wasn’t ideal, but it would have to do since I wasn’t in the mood for dealing with the public at the moment. I knew that I couldn’t put myself in a predicament where I stood to lose the only family I had. Joss was like a vortex that sucked me in. She made me feel things that I didn’t want to feel. She also had the power to rip the rug right out from under me and take everything away in the blink of an eye, just like my dad did. I’m not so sure I could bounce back from something like that again.

Part of me wanted nothing more than to make her scream my name. To show her what I was made of. To prove to everyone that I wasn’t just a fuck up, but I couldn’t trust myself, or my thoughts. My phone started blaring and I hit the answer button without thinking.

“It’s about time you answered,” Tyler said nonchalantly.

Fucking-A.
This was exactly what I didn’t need right now.

“
Now’s not really a good time,” I said with my finger hovering over the end call button.

“It’s
never a good time for you, except for when you want it to be.” There was double meaning dripping from those words.

“You know what? I don’t need this shit right now. I told you it was a mistake, Tyler. Why can’t you just let it go?”

“Why do you keep saying it was a mistake? You never return my calls, or my texts and definitely not my emails. I just don’t get it. If you would just let me explain…”

I couldn’t listen anymore.
Disconnecting the call, I pressed the code into the gate and watched as it swung open. It closed securely behind me, leaving the real world locked outside. I parked in front of the guesthouse and headed inside. The familiar and comforting smell of lemongrass lingered in the air. That was Blake’s thing, but it had grown on me. Kicking my shoes off on the mat next to the door, I couldn’t decide if I wanted dinner, or if I should skip it and have liquid dinner and go to bed instead. After a whole thirty seconds of deliberation, I opted for the bottle of whiskey and bed. After consuming half the bottle, I felt myself start to doze off.

“Hey, handsome,” a pretty blonde said. “I’m Kelsey.”

“Derek,” I said taking her in. On a scale of 1-10, she was a 12, easy. She had perfect everything, from tits to toes.

“You’re the drummer for Battlescars, right?” Her voice was raspy. Seductive.

Reluctantly, I nodded and finished sipping my drink. For once I wanted to be just another person in the world. Yet here I was, sitting alone in the MGM hotel in Las Vegas. Blake and Piper had just tied the knot and Jake went caveman style on Aubrey and took her back to their hotel suite to have his wicked way with her. Kevin and Bryn went to dinner like civilized people, leaving me to my own devices. I was already in the bag and should have probably stopped three drinks ago, but if I was going to Hell, I was going in a hand basket dammit.

“I’m drunk,” I mumbled.

“I can see that, Tiger.” She motioned to a tall, built guy, covered in tattoos, who started making his way over. “Derek, this is Tyler, my boyfriend.”

“Nice to meet you, Derek,” he said
, shaking my hand.

“Ditto,” I slurred as the room started spinning.

“Are you okay? Why don’t you come up to our room, so we can talk with less people around? You probably shouldn’t be alone right now anyway,” Kelsey said, reaching for my hand.

When I stood up, the room started spinning like I was on a Tilt-A-Whirl.
I probably would have fallen over if Tyler didn’t put his arm out to catch me. Wrapping his arm around my back, he helped me make my way to their room. As soon as the door was closed, Kelsey helped me sit on the edge of the bed.

“Aren’t you guys on tour now?”
she asked. Unable to do anything else, I nodded. “That’s so awesome. It must be the most incredible feeling to be out on a stage in front of thousands of people like that.”

It was a
great feeling, humbling even, but on the other hand, it was also a crazy, demanding life to lead. There were constant rehearsals, meet and greets, networking, not to mention trying to maintain some sense of normalcy. My head was swimming when Tyler stood in front of me holding a bottle of water. He removed the lid and handed it to me. Chugging the whole thing down, I suddenly felt dehydrated as fuck. Why I do this to myself time and time again, I’ll never know.

Theory of a Deadman’s “Bad Girlfriend”
came from the alarm clock radio on the nightstand. Kelsey got up and untied the corner of her dress, slipping it off, standing inches in front of me wearing just a pair of pale, pink panties. No bra. Christ, her tits were fucking perfect. I instantly felt more sober, and seriously fucking aroused.

“You like what you see?” She taunted
me, running a finger over her nipple, making it perk up with her touch. I was pretty sure that I was drooling. She moved her panties to the side to reveal a perfect, freshly waxed, pink pussy. I wanted to dive in and go to town on her. She wagged a finger in front of me, telling me to hold up.

“See, since Tyler and I are together, you can’t have me unless he’s in on it too.”

“Huh?” I asked, confused. Taking in the blonde vixen in front of me, I knew there was no way I was going to be able to say no. I had to fucking have her.

“You’ll see. It will be something along the lines of, you do me, he does you, he does me, you do him. Or you can both
do me, and so on…”

In my drunken stupor, all that I could think about was fucking her into next week. I gave a weak nod
and she proceeded to kneel in front of me and unbutton my jeans, sliding them down my legs and licking her way back up.