Darkest Before Dawn (A Guardian's Diary Book 1) (22 page)

“I can’t do this with you, not today. Not right now, after everything that’s happened.”

“Fine, but this thing between us isn’t finished. As I said, I’m not done making you scream for me, and the thing between me and Astrid? She killed that a long time ago.”

“Jaeden, right now I only need to be held, not fucked. I lost friends today, ones who depended on me to keep my head, and protect them. You’re a distraction I just can’t afford.”

“Emma, I’ll hold you. Come,” he said as he moved over and held his hand out to me. I crumpled against his wide chest and let the tears loose that I’d been trying so hard to hold at bay, and even though he remained silent, his arms and hands gave comfort and his silent support.

The moment my eyes closed, I had nightmares about his past life, and in the middle of the night, I had to ask him to leave. It was too much, too soon. He wasn’t free of evil doings and right now, I needed time to think of what I’d seen, and how to get past seeing it.

He had done some pretty horrible things, and yet he hadn’t done anything that wasn’t understandable or forgivable considering what he had seen and experienced in his life. I didn’t know the context of why or how he’d been doing those things in the memories, only that he had. I needed to consider my next step, and concentrate on securing the shelter and protecting the people in it.

I wasn’t me when I was around him, and right now, I needed to be the prepper girl everyone made fun of. She was tough, and never wavered from responsibility. I had to be that girl again. That meant I was going to have to let Jaeden go.

Chapter 25

Days turned to weeks and then an entire month had gone by in the search for who had betrayed us. Time was never ending, and every day I thought of Jaeden. It didn’t help that he would show up once a day and leave a present for me, along with a card that had the exact number of hours and minutes of how long we’d been apart written on it. I missed him terribly and the ache was pulling and nagging at me to go to him, despite what my rational mind told me. I was still working through it as best as I could, and while I may have needed him, the time apart was getting me back to what was important.

I’d become accustomed to Lachlan being beside me in everything I did. It was as if he’d become my strength.  Although I was itching to ask him every silly werewolf and vampire question inspired by books and movies that spun around in my fertile imagination, I held back for now and observed. I wasn’t sure if it was because I was afraid of offending him, or if I was secretly afraid of the truth. Eventually I would have to ask. As it was, we had five people who I no longer trusted, but we couldn’t just come right out and accuse them, since they’d just deny it. Torture wasn’t an option either, since that would create panic—or worse—with the remaining occupants of the shelter.

We’d started watching them, but it hadn’t gone unnoticed.  Time would tell who’d betrayed us, but we were up against both it, and winter. I stopped going out for supplies, and I’d started depending on others to pull their weight, and the residents had rallied beautifully, pulling in a steady stream of food that we would need despite the temperatures dropping. I felt bad as the thought of not having to feed the few who had died, slipped to the back of my mind.

“Addy, have you seen Grayson? I can’t find him and he’s not in his room,” I asked as I passed her in the hall. She’d been hanging out with Liam, who she seemed to have a thing for again. Or he had come sniffing back.

“He was with Cat and Sarah about an hour ago,” she said before giving her full attention to Liam who was whispering in her ear.

I left them to make a list of things we’d need to add to our winter stores, when things went really bad.

I saw the door to my father’s room had been opened a sliver, and light coming through it. I approached carefully and pushed it open. The moment I did, my heart dropped, and I was trembling. Pictures had been removed from the wall, and across my own picture in red marker was the word
liar
in Grayson’s handwriting. “No,” I whispered as I turned to the bed where the tapes were scattered on the blanket along with the recorder.

I left the room in a huff only to plow right into Lachlan who placed his hands on my shoulders to steady me. “What’s wrong, Lass?”

“Grayson, help me find Grayson!” I shouted as everyone around us stopped what they’d been doing and looked at me.

“He left, Emma,” Cat said quietly. “He and Jimmy left a little while ago. They wanted to see if there were any good comic books left in town.”

“You just let him walk out!” I shouted with enough anger to make poor Cat cringe. “He’s only a child; did you miss the memo where we were fucking attacked?”

“Emma, that isnae helping,” Lachlan said as he placed a calming hand on my shoulder.

I felt sick. Jimmy had been on our top five list, and I’d been leaning towards him as the guilty party. “Lachlan, could you send your men out to track him but tell them to keep their distance? The rest of you, suit up. Lachlan?” I asked after he’d shouted out orders and his men had left to track Grayson’s scent.

“Emma?” his voice was a rough growl as he sniffed Grayson’s sweatshirt to get his scent.

“Have you ever heard of the Sentinels?”

His eyes narrowed on me. “What kind?”

I blinked, and stammered. “Uh, I don’t know. The name came up and I didn’t know that there were different kinds. I sorta assumed that they were like you guys.”

He shook his head thoughtfully. “Nae, should I have?”

“I guess not,” I said as I pulled on my gear and slipped the knives and guns in the waiting pouches and holsters. “I’m going for Jaeden, he can cover more ground than we can.”

“Ye sure he wants to see ye? Ye did ask him tae leave and ye never once responded tae him, lass.”

“I know, but I at least have to try. It’s Grayson. I’d do anything for him.” Jaeden might be upset, but he knew why I was holding back and he
had
been here every day. I hoped that was worth something.

I rode the Ducati to the property line of the estate and covered the rest of the ground on foot. I ignored the surprised looks from the vampires as I made a beeline for Jaeden who was near the front of the manor with several other vampires including Shamus and Raphael. They were lounging on the benches near the entry and a female was submissively at Jaeden’s knees. She wasn’t touching him, but I could tell he was doing his best to ignore her presence. Astrid was standing a few feet away from them, watching him closely.

I was almost to him when she saw me and cut off my path. “Oh I don’t think so,” she sneered.

“Get out of my way,” I said with urgency.

“He doesn’t want you, I told you, it was a game we play and he has been very
aggressive
with me since he finished with you,” she taunted suggestively.

It had been only a month since I’d been in his bed, but then again, he was a hot-blooded male and while I considered it a possibility, if he had gone back to her, then fuck him. Somehow seeing some of his memories, I seriously doubted he’d gone back to that well. I met his eyes and watched as Shamus stood up to intervene but Jaeden stopped him.

“You know what Barbie? Screw off. I don’t care if you’re together. I just need his help to find my brother,” I growled with meaning, knowing he’d hear me.

Shamus smiled wickedly at Jaeden and took a few steps towards us. Astrid placed her hand on my shoulder and dug her perfectly manicured fingernails into my exposed flesh and I yelped, right before I whirled around and punched her, sending her flying across the wide expanse of lawn. I looked down at my hand and then back up to where she was sprawled with her ass in the air and struggled for a moment to sit up.

Jaeden got to his feet, ignoring Astrid’s angry huff of breath as he did so; his eyes were hard on her as he approached us. Shamus looked surprised at the outcome of the scuffle, but Jaeden looked as if he’d known how it would end before it began. He was walking towards me when she stood up to try again.

“Enough, Astrid, go to your master. You should stop telling lies to poor Emma.”

“Honestly, Jaeden, just fuck them both. They’re willing to fight over your cock, why not use it in bed?” Raphael said smoothly, as if this was normal behavior.

Had no one else noticed that I’d just hurled a vampire across the lawn? No, just me? She moved with inhuman speed, but it was as if I predicted it, and it seemed as if it all happened in slow motion. I watched as she approached me, her body contorted as if she was running towards me, but again, in slow motion. The moment she reached me, I side stepped and she flew full tilt into a pile of debris that had been behind me.

The entire yard exploded back into real time as she screeched her anger and hatred at me. I blinked to where she stood back up and moved to attack again, but Shamus blocked her way. “Did you see that?” I asked, confused at how I’d managed to best her. This was like the night with the rogue wolves all over again.

“See what, Emma?” Jaeden asked, narrowing his eyes at me. “You tossing Astrid on her ass? Yes, we saw it.”

“No. The whole world just slowed to a halt?” Hadn’t it?

“No it didn’t,” he said as tried to draw me away from Shamus and Astrid. He was looking way too sexy for his own good. He wore a leather jacket with a V-neck shirt beneath it. His pants were held up with a studded belt that matched his leather boots. He looked as if he’d been through hell since I’d last seen him. “What happened to your brother?” he asked carefully.

“I need help,” I pleaded, not giving a crap who thought I was pathetic; this was my brother who I’d raised. “He’s in danger.”

“Why me, why don’t you just ask your wolf?” he asked coldly. His eyes remained hard, but for a brief second, I caught sight of pain in their blue-green depths.

“You know what? Lachlan was right. I’ll find him without your help. You can go right to hell, Jaeden,” I said as I gave him my back only to come face to face with Shamus. “I’m leaving.”

“Are you? I’m curious about you, and very willing to help you for a price,” Shamus said with a light Irish accent. “I’d like to know more about you, sweet Emma.”

“I’m not interested at this time,” I said politely.  This guy scared the shit out of me, and I didn’t want to piss him off or offend him.

“At this time?” he asked as his eerie purple eyes watched me.

“I’m leaving,” I said as I looked over my shoulder to find a very angry Jaeden glaring at me.

I made it to my bike before he grabbed my arm and spun me around. “Why did you come here when you have an entire pack of wolves at your beck and call?” he growled.

I ripped my arm from his hold. “Go back to your life; I can find him alone,” I snapped with enough anger to turn him to ash. I’d just wasted my time when I could have been searching for Grayson. The cool crisp air was doing little to cool my temper.

“I’m not with her, nor will I ever be again. You can’t walk into my camp and demand I help you after a month of you acting like what we did didn’t happen. I have been brutally honest about who and what I am. I’ve been to your shelter once a day since you threw me out; did the wolf tell you that?”

“I needed time, Jaeden, I told you that. I didn’t come here for you. I came here for help. You told me to let you help and I’m asking you for it now. He’s my brother and he’s with someone who allowed people inside the shelter to kill them. You told me to trust you, so here I am, and what do you do? You let your friggin’ Barbie doll attack me. That doesn’t make me want to trust you. I knew you came each day, but if you can’t handle me taking a little time to come to grips with all of this and get my priorities straight, then maybe it’s for the best we just part ways.”

“You didn’t even acknowledge I was there. All I got was Lachlan telling me to get lost with your scent all over him. So tell me, Emma, just how close did you and Lachlan become in the last month while you pretended I didn’t exist, because according to him, you guys were pretty fucking close.”

“I’ve been with one man in my entire life if that’s what you’re asking, Vampire. It was you, in case I was so forgettable.”

“I’ve thought of nothing else.” He surprised me by saying that with a delicious grin on his lips. “I was made to believe you’d gone to him and accepted him in my place.”

“Uh, because I’m such an easy catch, right? Or because I’m just so fucking easy, Jaeden?”

He laughed but his eyes drank me in as if I was the most exquisite thing he’d ever seen before. “I should’ve known you wouldn’t choose a dog over me. Not after the way you screamed my name.”

“I don’t have time for this, Jaeden. I have to find my brother,” I said as I shifted the bike and kicked the stand up. “You can either help me because you want to, or don’t. Personally I don’t give a shit because you already know I’d give you anything for him.”

“I was pissed at the idea of you and the wolf, and before you accuse me of it, I knew you’d win against Astrid. You have something inside of you that’s scratching its way to the surface. You’re as dark as me, and it’s fucking sexy as hell, probably because you can’t even see it yet.”

“Jaeden, I need to find my brother and then you can be sexy and all dark and shit. First things first; focus.”

“Promise?” he asked.

“One night, that’s all I’m going to promise at this time and that’s only if we find him, because nothing in this world is more important than finding him.”

“Then let’s go find your brother. Cayla has him in her sights at the clearing over at Priest River,” he said as he pulled the bike out of my grasp and straddled it as if he owned it.

“Cayla?” I asked, confused as I climbed on the bike behind him and wrapped my arms around his waist.

“She’s been watching the shelter all month, just like I said she would. She told me he’d left, and who he’d left with, but I thought nothing of it. She decided to follow them when she thought something was off about one of them, other than how bad he smelled.”