Diary of an Expat in Singapore (32 page)

Nothing says cool as eating something on holiday you would never eat in normal circumstances and then describing it afterwards. Farm rats, roasted grasshoppers, balut egg? Do I want salmonella? Not particularly. This is why I travel with Nutella.

Singapore Airlines

If there is one thing locals and expats can agree on, it’s how awesome Singapore Airlines is. The only problem is that all other airlines are forever ruined for you. And, all other airlines are cheaper.

Skiing in Japan

Expats love skiing trips to Japan. Cold, far, and very pricey – what’s not to love? If I sound bitter it’s probably because I don’t ski anymore. The lessons I took as a child were too traumatic. This was before I wore glasses and was therefore unaware that bread had holes in it. I can honestly say trying to ski without glasses rates high on my list of worst childhood experiences ever. Throw in tight-fitting ski boots, freezing fingers and long lines, and you’ve got yourself a party. I do like one thing about skiing holidays… it’s called drinking hot chocolate. Preferably next to a fireplace in a cosy chalet. Now that’s a sport I can embrace.

India

All expats rave about India. Well, that’s not entirely true. Indian expats don’t. They’re too busy applying for PR. I guess disenchantment with one’s own country is a fairly widespread phenomenon. I know that I have never met an Italian as enthusiastic about Italy as someone
not
Italian, whose image of Italy is usually one of a rustic farmhouse surrounded by an olive grove in Tuscany, or of villagers grape-stomping to make wine. Unfortunately, there is no Little Italy in Singapore, but there is a very vibrant and lively Little India. At least Indian expats can experience a taste of home. In fact, my Indian friends tell me it’s easier to maintain traditions, religious celebrations and customs in Singapore’s East Coast than back in New Delhi.

Barbecues

Expats love barbecues, especially here in Singapore. There is something about that unique combination of grilled meat, beer, and the opportunity of eating outside all year round which theoretically makes Singapore a barbecue heaven. I say theoretically because for some unfathomable reason in a country which boasts sudden monsoon-like rainstorms, condo barbecue pit areas are uncovered and vulnerable to the elements. Which is probably why planning a barbecue for your child’s birthday party always feels a bit like playing Russian roulette.

Discussing the humidity factor

Just like in Alaska, where Eskimos have a hundred different words to describe the snow, in Singapore there are many different ways to describe the humidity. All bad. My least favourite type of humidity is the kind that rises up from the asphalt after a huge rainstorm and envelopes you in one big clammy hug. I’m not sure there is an exact term for it but it feels like having your head jammed inside an active clothes dryer… set to permanent press.

Champagne brunches

Sunday is the maid’s day off. It is also the most popular day for expats to eat out. Coincidence? Restaurants and hotels shrewdly offer the exact same meal they offer every other day at twice the price. All they need to do is call it
brunch
.

Boot camps

Expats are attracted to boot camps. The closest I ever got to joining one was buying a cute exercise outfit. The truth is, I don’t engage in any official workout regime… unless dipping cookies in coffee qualifies.

Montessori schools

Before coming to Singapore, I had no idea the Montessori school method was considered the best in the world. And I was coming from Italy, where it was invented. After three months of Montessori, a few things were obvious: (1) Alexander could pour water from a jug; (2) he enjoyed being the one to serve apple slices; and (3) he could sew buttons. Granted the latter is a skill his mother has yet to master, still his lack of any reading ability was slightly alarming. But it is also true that his best qualities were nurtured in that caring environment and now I fully embrace the Montessori method… but that could be because I have been here awhile and have been totally brainwashed.

Chinese coffee tables

Some expats purchase a few pieces of Asian furniture while they are living here. Others purchase a lot. And then there are those whose houses look like an Asian furniture store. I have never seen a Singaporean’s house with even remotely this much Asian furniture. They generally prefer Italian. I guess nobody is more Asian than an expat in love with Asia. You have to wonder, though, what Asians actually think when they walk into one of these houses. I guess it would be like a Swede walking into a house in Mumbai completely furnished with Ikea.

Watching their kids eat with chopsticks