Doubting Our Hearts (15 page)

Chapter 16

Brendan

I think this is the longest I've ever gone without sex since I lost my virginity. Well, maybe that's not entirely accurate. High school was a bit longer, college wasn't hard at all, and...okay, okay, I've gone longer than fourteen days before. I think what's making the past eight days seem like the longest in my life is the fact the last time I was with a woman, not sexually mind you, that woman was all long, blonde hair, feisty attitude, soft curves, and was screaming for me to claim her on the side of a restaurant building.

Any other day I could be around Addison and control reactions to her, but for some reason, eight days ago I was hanging by a severely thin thread. I have every reason to “just say no” to the temptation and block her out of my mind, but for the life of me, it's impossible to move in that direction now.

She's given me so much to think about the last week. I don't believe Addy has ever looked at me like she looked at me outside that pizza place. I affected her. Her pulse was racing, and her chest was rising and falling like she'd just finished running a marathon. Despite my inner turmoil surrounding Addy, I remained the gentleman and quickly put her in a cab for her friend's apartment.

I have been able to keep my distance from her since, but it shredded earlier this morning when I asked her to come have dinner at my place. I've texted and she's called a few times, and I dove head first into projects this week. After work, I've spent my nights in bars or clubs to hopefully spot a warm body for the night; however, I always went home alone, thinking of soft blonde streaked hair, intense blue eyes, and lips so perfect...you get the picture. Of course, I released the pressure myself, but it was always Addison that fueled my fantasy.

I've been contemplating asking Addison over for the past few days. I always thought it was wrong to have my brother's fiancée alone in my apartment having a meal, and then I reasoned that I'm not going to do anything to her. I can't risk going out and possibly having Brayden see us even though I know he's spending his time with Lillian, but I'm taking precautions here.

So, with my decision made, I texted Addy to have dinner with me. She accepted, and here I am running through my apartment to get ready. My place stays pretty clean considering, but it's not the cleanliness of the space that has my stomach doing flips. I'm downright nervous having her here. The woman whose scent seeps into my pores, whose mouth is utterly delicious, and whose body can bring a grown man to his knees has me on high alert.

Damn. She should be here any minute. I need to get the blood back to my brain instead of my dick. I run back into the bathroom to relieve the pressure so I can focus on dinner instead of ravaging her little mouth.

Five minutes later, I hear her knock at the door, and thank the heavens I got myself under control. I do a once over in the mirror to ensure I don't scream
I just got off thinking of you in my bathroom
then go to open the front door.

"Hey, I brought the wine as promised," She says as she holds up two bottles of sake for dinner, one in one hand and one in the other.

Oh sweet to all that's holy
. She looks stunning. My eyes travel from her strappy red heels over her perfectly tanned legs up the black one arm dress lingering on her flawless c-cup breasts to her glowing face with her blonde waves floating around her shoulders. She's stole my ability to produce words. I must have been crazy to invite her here.

"Can I come in?" she asks, and I quickly shake off thoughts of her laid across my bed bound so I could enjoy her writhing under my every touch.

Never gonna happen.

"Yeah. Sorry. You look great." I gain my equilibrium and escort her inside with a wave of my hand. She walks through the threshold, and I can't deny myself the pleasure of running my eyes over her backside too. My eyes landing on her beautiful light-colored hair. It's the same, but yet so not like Addison. "What did you do to your hair?" I ask stunned that she would change her signature look.

She turns from putting the sake on the counter and runs strands through her small fingers. "You don't like it?" She responds shyly.

Her naturally lower back length golden blonde hair that's either wavy, in curls, or lays bone straight to her face is now sporting streaks of pink and purple. It's unlike Addy to do anything that messes with her normal. Some professionals have tried to ask her to dye it, but she always refuses.

"It's awesome. You look amazing," I say almost awestruck.

Her eyes flutter and look toward the ground as a warm blush spreads across her face. She mutters a polite
thanks
before turning toward my living area. She doesn't move. And if I'm not mistaken, she just let out a laugh.

"What's so funny?"

"You have a table," She states plainly.

"Yeah, most people do."

"You never had one before."

It's no surprise. Addy knows my apartment. She's been here before with Brayden many times. We've hung out and had dinner either at the breakfast bar or on the sectional. I never needed a dining room table before. I picked it up earlier today. Subconsciously, I might have been trying to tell myself I wanted this to be more than a casual dinner, a date perhaps.

Date.
Ha. I don't do dates. Ever.

"It's just something small," I say as I shrug my shoulders acting like it's nothing. "I thought you might want to have dinner at a table."

"Sure. I'm gonna go to the bathroom. Would you serve us up?"

"Go on. It'll be ready when you get back."

She walks around the table and down the hall to the bathroom, but doesn't go in. Instead, for some reason, she makes an about face and jiggles the handle of my third bedroom. Thankfully, it's locked and has been for the past two weeks.

Shit. She can't go in there much less fathom what could be hidden behind the door. She doesn’t need to be corrupted even if my fantasy is to do just that.

"What's in here?"

What do I say? Should I scare her with the truth?
Yeah that's just a room where I tie women up and have my wicked way with them. Don't worry though, the anal plugs, spreader bars, and nipple clamps are all for pleasure...more mine than yours, but yours too if you're into that sorta thing.

Yeah, I'm definitely going to lie through my teeth here.

"Security."

I didn't lie completely. When I tie a woman up, she is definitely secure. Alright, I'm bending the meaning here. So what?

Her curious look makes me think she doesn't believe me, but hell if I care. She cannot under any circumstances go in that room. Ever. If she goes in, I might not bring myself to let her out. I can already picture her hands bound above her head to each post at the foot of the bed, nipples clamped rosy and ready for my tongue, feet in the bar secured wide waiting for my hand to-

And there's my hard on again.

Luckily, Addy's safely in the bathroom where I can now adjust myself in a comfortable position. However, all too soon she reappears and walks up to me at the bar.

"What have you been doing?"

"Getting our food ready." She's looking around, but my lie has definitely registered.

"And where is our food?" She replies with a sexy smirk.

"Fridge."

She laughs then heads to the stainless steel top of the line refrigerator to remove the sushi I picked up on my way home.

"Please sit. I can do this," I say with a nod toward the dark wood table for four.

I'm the one who asked her over. I can surely dish out some sushi and make the soy sauce and wasabi mixture how she likes it.

"It's fine," She responds grabbing the tokkuri, or flask, matching ceramic bowl used to heat the alcohol to the right temperature, and two ochoko handle-free cups from the sake set Addy gave me last Christmas after she came back from a trip to Japan. The set is white ceramic with small Japanese writing in blue on each piece. I love it not just because I love sushi but because she gave it to me.

I grasp her wrist before she puts the two cups on the concrete countertop next to the other two items. She shifts her gaze to me and her blue eyes start to penetrate my control once more. "I'll fix the drinks. You can plate the food."

"Okay," She says shakily, but I could swear her eyes dropped down to my lips right before I let go of her. She turned to the opposite side of the kitchen to grab two plates to serve the food, and I go back to my task.

She picked a Honjozo-Shu, which is a sake that is better served at room temperature. I go to add the water in the ceramic bowl, pour some sake into the tokkuri, and set the flask into the bowl to warm. As I gather the warming alcohol, two cups, and the rest of the bottle, I can see Addy plating the sushi from the container onto a serving plate in rows. She knows I like it this way. Why? I have no idea, but I do. I suppose it's a simple meal served a simple way.

I lay the contents in my hands on the middle of my new table and position them so the bottle doesn't impede my view of Addison. I turn back to mix the soy sauce/wasabi ingredients in two small saucers. She likes hers with a little less wasabi than mine. When I'm done, I bring the finished product to the table and set hers on the side of her plate and mine in the same spot on my own.

"Don't forget the chopsticks," She reminds me.

"You know I would never eat sushi without them."

I grab what I need then place one set of chopsticks next to her empty plate.

"So, what are we having tonight?" She asks curious as to what types of sushi I picked up for us. I try to get a new variety, but I know she's eying the California roll and Salmon and Avocado roll. She adores them both, so I get it every time I order even if she's not around.

"Well, you obviously know what these are," pointing with my chopsticks to the two types she loves so much. "This is a Natto roll. It has cucumber, wasabi, sesame, and some spicy mayonnaise." Gesturing to the next few pieces, "These are Rattlesnake rolls. Shrimp tempura on the inside with avocado and tuna on top." Moving to the last piece, "Finally, this one's Inari. Basically, it's a sweet tofu pouch with rice and sesame seeds. Kind of plain, but we've never had it yet."

I have a feeling she's going to hoard most of her favorite pieces. I almost never get to eat any of those. I doubt she'll have much of the Natto, since she doesn't like things too spicy. I'll see how adventurous she is tonight.

"So, have you got the dates of your next trip planned?" I ask as I test the sake for its temperature. I pick it up, and Addy holds her cup with two hands for me to pour her drink.

"Actually, they postponed it. Looks like I get a bit of a vacation, which is nice because I haven't had this amount of downtime in a while."

"Sounds like you need it," I say with a smile as she takes the tokkuri and pours my cup as both my hands hold my cup.

I learned the host is never supposed to pour his own cup of sake. It's the guest's job to keep the host's cup filled.

"I do. I miss it here when I'm gone, but it's nice to be able to experience new places." Addy starts to plate a few of her favorite rolls and snags a few of the new ones before beginning again. "You could join me if you want," then stutters to add, "I mean since you've never been out of the country."

I didn't realize I'm hovering a piece of sushi with my chopsticks right in front of my open mouth. Did I hear her correctly? Did she just offer me to travel with her? I should refuse. That’s dangerous territory right there. Alone with Addison on an island while she's in shorts and a shirt or worse a bikini. But like the sucker I am, I'm a glutton for punishment.

"That sounds like fun. The trip's still to Puerto Rico and the islands?"

Her eyes come to focus on me instead of the food, and she looks surprised I remembered her trip details. As much as I know I shouldn't, I remember way more about Addison and our time together then I openly admit.

"Yeah. They moved it back until the 5th of August. Right now that gives me about two weeks off. I might have some small gigs in between, but still two weeks at Teenie's place is going to be nice."

"I bet she's going to like having you around," I say as the warm sake slips past my lips and down my throat.

Addy laughs either at my comment or her own private joke, but I could care less. Her laugh is contagious, and I love to hear it.

"Yeah. I think she's going to really
love
annoying me and pulling me to every club in town."

"I know clubs. Have you guys been to The Venue recently? Saturdays are much better than Fridays, but it's much more crowded too."

"We were going to go tonight, but instead, you invited me to dinner."

"Sorry to ruin your plans."

But I'm so glad you came.

"No. I love sushi. And I like hanging out with you."

Something in my chest clenched at her words. I knew Addy and I got along fine, but never did I think she actually enjoyed spending time with me. Maybe it's just a friend-like. That would make complete sense in comparison to the other option.

We talked about some of her life when she was younger doing beauty pageants. She told me that her parents always loved her blonde hair, but the new streaks made her feel confident. A feeling of happiness washed over me knowing she was taking an active role in controlling her life.