Duality: Vol 1, Melancholia (A New Adult Paranormal Romance) (31 page)

“What are you going to show me?” he asked, his voice going soft and smooth as he stared into my eyes.  His were green and flecked with gold.

“I’m not going to show you anything.  You’re going to feel it.”

The right side of his mouth went up in a charming half-grin.  “Am I going to like it?  It’s not a wet willy is it?”

“No,” I said, grinning a little too.  He was pretty cute when he was relaxed.  “It’s definitely not a wet willy.”  I swallowed hard, feeling guilty already.  “Put your hands behind your back and keep them there.  Promise you won’t move them.”

He did as he was told, smiling bigger now.  “Ooo, this is getting interesting.  Maybe you should tie me up.”

“Good idea,” I said, yanking my purse over my head.  “Turn around.”

He didn’t hesitate.

I tied his wrists together with my thin purse strap, knotting the leather as best I could.  I didn’t have the strength to make them as tight as I wanted to.  “Turn back around.”

He did as he was told, his breathing rate slightly elevated, either in anticipation of what was to come or because of the fact that he was standing so close to me.

“Close your eyes.”

His lids dropped and so did his smile.  He stood there waiting for something he didn’t even know was coming, but he didn’t care.  At this point he would have let me do anything.

“You’re happy to be standing here in front of me with your hands tied, aren’t you?”

“Yes.”  He said it simply, with no emotion.

“Before you said I was conceited.”

“I didn’t mean it.  I think you’re amazing.  You’re not conceited, you’re perfect.  Beautiful in every way.”

“You think that because you’re close to me.  Not because it’s real.”

“It’s real.  It’s totally real.  I can feel it.  I can see it.”

“No, it’s not real.  You just think it is.”  I desperately wanted him to understand.

“Whatever you say.  All I know is, I’m a good looking guy and you’re a cute girl.  That’s it.  That’s just chemistry, baby.  No need to fight it.”

“I’m going to kiss you.”

A grin spread quickly.  “Awesome.  Let’s do it.”  He puckered up his lips and leaned forward.

“You think you’ll be able to handle it?”

He snorted, the pucker disappearing.  “Please. I’ve kissed a hundred girls.  Lay it on me.  It’s no big deal.”

I closed the space between us.  “Bend down a little.”

He leaned over until his lips were just inches from mine.

“Here goes nothing,” I said, placing my lips against his, pressing in just a little as I gave him a kiss.

He instantly moved forward, trying to deepen our connection.  I wasn’t expecting such a quick reaction, so he succeeded in getting more of me than I’d intended.  Our lips smashed together, and then his parted.  His tongue came out and licked my lips slightly before he moved his mouth over mine again.  I leaned back to get away, but he leaned forward more, keeping our faces together.

He moaned, breaking free of the purse strings with little effort and wrapping his arms around me, dipping his head down to deepen our kiss and pressing his body into me tightly.

“Oh, Rae,” he gasped, shoving his tongue into my mouth.

I jerked my head back and to the side to get away, pushing on his chest with both hands.  “No, Kootch, no!  You promised you wouldn’t move your hands!”  Panic swelled my heart and made it feel like it was going to explode.   “Get off!”

“Please, just kiss me, Rae, we’re so good together!”  He kept leaning and leaning, straining his lips towards mine.  Eventually his weight was too much for me to hold up anymore, and he pushed us both over until I fell back into the armchair.

He fell too, landing on top of me, and his face ended up near my chest.  He started kissing it, at first trying to get back to my lips but then changing his mind, going for my left breast instead.

I screamed, struggling to get out from under him, hitting him on the head.  He was going to keep going and going and going until he raped me.  And he’d never even realize he was doing it, too.  That’s how it is with Rainbows; they were always oblivious to the things they did to themselves and me.

Kootch yelled in surprised anger when a giant pillow came down and brained him, knocking his mouth from the nipple he’d been trying to grab through my shirt and bra.  His grip around my back slackened.

I wanted to kick him off, but at the same time I didn’t want to hurt him.  He hadn’t been at fault here.  I was the one who’d agreed to this stupid idea.  The humiliation was complete when I heard Malcolm’s angry, disgusted voice above me.

“What the hell, Kootch?!” yelled Malcolm, pulling him off me.

A cool rush of air washed over my body once Kootch’s hot chest was no longer smothering it.  I felt naked.  Ashamed.

“You’re such a dick!  What the hell is wrong with you?!”  Malcolm pulled his fist back and punched Kootch in the face, slamming him onto his back on the floor.

Kootch banged into the coffee table on the way down and cried out with pain as the corner of the wood jabbed him in the ribs.  He laid on the floor writhing around, yelling in pain.  “Gah!  What the hell, man!”

“Hey!  Time out!  No fighting in the living room!” yelled Jasmine, standing in the middle of everything with the pillow under her arm, gesturing like a referee.  I wouldn’t have been surprised to see her bust out a whistle.

“He was forcing himself on her!” yelled Malcolm, not yet ready to let Kootch up off the floor.  He stood over him with his legs spread and fist cocked.

“I don’t know what happened!” yelled Kootch, sounding like he wanted to cry, ducking away from Malcolm’s threat.  “I was just sitting there, and then all of a sudden she was under me.  It’s not my fault!  She put a spell on me or something!”  He lifted his head and glared at me.  “What’d you do?  What are you, a witch or something?”  He sat up partway and crawled backwards, trying to get away from me or Malcolm, it was hard to tell which.  Maybe both of us.

It made my heart ache with regret.  Why couldn’t I have just left it alone?  Why did I tell them anything?  Why did I agree to something I knew would be a disaster?  I looked at the front door.  I had to leave.  I had to get out of here and disappear.

“Don’t even think about it,” said Jasmine, looking down at me.  “You aren’t leaving, and neither are you, Kootch.”  She turned her attention to him.  “Get up and sit on the couch and shut up.”

“You’re not the boss of me, Butts.”  He glared at her once before getting onto his hands and knees and crawling over to the couch.  He climbed up into a sitting position and sat there, gingerly touching his cheekbone where Malcolm had hit him, moving his jaw around in several directions as if he was trying to see if it still worked properly.

“Malcolm, sit,” ordered Jasmine.  “Here across from Kootch.  I don’t want you getting too close to him.”

Malcolm sat down.  “Why?” he asked.

“You know why.  Don’t play games,” she said.  She sounded like an adult admonishing a child.

Malcolm looked down at his hands in his lap but didn’t respond.  It’s possible he looked guilty, but I wasn’t sure.  Maybe I was just reflecting my own emotions onto him to try and make myself feel better about what I’d done.

“Okay, people.”  Jasmine stood at the end of the coffee table.  “My experiment was successful.  Maybe a little too successful.”

“Your experiment was a
trick
,” said Kootch.  “Somebody roofied me.”

“Don’t be a baby.  That was no trick and no one roofied you,  cheese doodle.  You claimed to have no interest in Rae and said you could resist her, but as soon as we left the room, you were all over her like white on rice.  Of course now you regret it since Malcolm is back and punching you in the face over it, but that doesn’t change anything that happened.  Just call a spade a spade and admit it.  She mind-fucked you.”

“I’ve got nothing to feel guilty about,” said Kootch, not sounding like he believed it much.

“No, you don’t,” I said, really feeling sorry for him.  “I put you in that position, it’s my fault.”

He just frowned at me.

“I think to make this clearer, we need to hear from Malcolm.  Then we’ll have all the pieces and we can put this puzzle together.”  Jasmine was actually smiling.  She looked so proud of herself, like she was the only one in the room who knew what the heck was going on.

I turned my head to look at Malcolm.  He was sitting there staring at his feet, leaning over partway in his chair with his forearms resting on his thighs near his knees.

“You ready for this?” Jasmine asked him.

He sighed heavily and sat back, a defeated look on his face.  His arms rested limply in his lap.  “No, not really.”

“Good.  Tell us anyway,” she said, taking her seat on the couch next to Kootch.  “Nutshell version.  Go.”

Malcolm looked once at me and then at the ceiling before he began reciting his story.

“It all started when I was really young.  Before my own memories even began, really.  First it was my mom…”

Chapter Twenty-Nine: Malcolm

I TRAVELED DOWN MEMORY LANE, trying to picture my mom’s face.  It wouldn’t come to me now, just like always.  I’m not sure if I ever had a picture of her in my mind or if I’d just made one up.  Dark brown hair like mine.  Brown eyes.  Pale skin.

“I was only two when she died.  When she killed herself, actually.  Dead by suicide, they said.  She cut her wrists in the bathtub.  My dad found me crying in my bedroom and her dead, floating in the water.  Maybe I saw her too, I don’t know.  I don’t remember the details.”

“That’s awful,” said Rae, her voice so sad and raw with emotion, I was tempted to look at her.  But I didn’t.  I couldn’t.

I shrugged, acting like it didn’t bother me too much.  “Like I said, I don’t remember it.  This is just stuff in my records.  My father was an alcoholic.  I don’t know if he drank before my mom died, but he sure did after.  I only lived with him another two years before he left.  I don’t know if he’s still alive or not.  A neighbor found me eating out of her garbage can when I was four, and that was the beginning of my life as number 55548323142.”

“You’re a prisoner?” asked Kootch.

I laughed without really finding anything funny.  “Kind of.  It’s my number in the foster system.  They mean something, I don’t know what.  I don’t care.” I shrugged, as if it was no big deal to be a number on a piece of paper, one of thousands of other kids just like me but at the same time, not like me at all.

“So you live with a foster family?” asked Jasmine.

“I have lived with
many
foster families,” I corrected.  “See, I have a problem too.”  I finally looked over at Rae, wondering how she was going to take the news.  Hearing her story had pretty much blown me away.  I stayed calm on the outside, but inside I was running around in circles and getting dizzy, yelling, shouting out crazy nonsense.  It was all too much to comprehend.  How could I get so close to something and then have it yanked away?  What kind of cruel world is this?  What had I ever done to deserve this level of horrible karma?

All this time I’d been thinking she’s like me, when it turns out she’s the exact opposite.  I’d come so close to finding someone I could be around, and then … she was gone.  She never existed though, not really - not like I’d imagined her to be.  It was stupid to be upset about something that never existed.  But my heart wasn’t ready to let her go yet, the fantasy I’d cooked up where she and I could be together without me killing her was struggling to stay alive; so I was going to pretend for just a little while longer that I wasn’t going to disappear tonight and never look back.

“What’s your problem?  You a Rainbow freak too?” asked Kootch, his arms folded over his chest.

Jasmine put up her hands in a T-sign.  “Time out.”  She sat forward on the couch and twisted her upper body to face Kootch, her back to Rae.  “Okay, Kootch.  You’ve got two seconds to get your head out of your colon before I twist your scrotum off and make earrings out of your beanbags.” She leaned in closer to him.  “Do you feel me, dog?”

He uncrossed his arms and cupped his hands over his crotch.  “I definitely feel you, Butts.  I feel you too much, in fact.  If you could just slide over a little, away from my jewels, that would be great.”

“Try not to be a dicklick for ten minutes, and I’ll give you a Scooby snack, okay?”

He held up a finger, leaving one hand still over his crotch.  “First of all, I never have nor will I ever, lick a dick.  I’m all about the tacos, know what I’m sayin’?  And second, I’m just expressing my opinion that this is all a bunch of hooey, but if you want to give me a Ho-Ho or a Ding Dong, then I’ll shut up for ten minutes.”

Jasmine snorted, turning around to face Malcolm.  “And he says he doesn’t lick dicks.”

“Hey!” protested Kootch.  “Licking a Ding Dong is not the same as licking a dick!”

“If you say so.  ‘Course, you haven’t actually seen yourself go to town on a Ding Dong like I have, so maybe you should withhold judgment on that.”

He pushed his lips together and shook his head a few times back and forth.  “One of these days, Butts … I swear to God…”  He wrinkled his mouth all up and acted like he was barely holding back his anger.  I could tell it was all an act, though.  I was pretty sure Jasmine could stab a pen through his hand right now and he’d just ask her what the hell she was doing.  At some point in their next-door-neighbor relationship, he’d given her a free pass to abuse him however she saw fit, and she was taking full advantage of it.  It made me being a freak seem a little less awful for some reason.

“What?”  She looked at him again.  “You threatenin’ me?  You gonna throw a rock at my face? Pssshhhh.  Been there, done that.”  She turned to me again.  “Please continue.  Kootch will do anything for a Ding Dong, including shutting his pie hole for an entire ten minutes.”

I was smiling at Jasmine and Kootch as they argued, even though my story was worse than depressing and something that should have been bringing me to tears. 
So this is what it’s like to have friends. 
I was going to be sad to say goodbye to them.  I would never forget them either.  Our time together might have been short - really only part of a day - but it didn’t matter.  When you’re like me, you take these small things that mean a lot and you give them the importance in your memory that they deserve.  Everything counts in large amounts, especially when you’re an agent of darkness.