Face the Music (60 page)

I shook my head.
  Nerdy wasn’t my idea of sexy.

“When we were together, I
would ask
myself every day, what does she see in me?
”  He shifted uncomfortably and ran a hand over his slick head.
 
After several long seconds he whispered,
“
I ne
ver even graduated high school
.
”

The words didn’t immediately register.  I heard them, I just couldn’t believe it
.  “How is that possible?
” I finally asked.
 
“
You’re so,
”
what was the word?  “So articulate.  So
capable
.”

He l
aughed a bit and then l
eaned back
against the bench
.  “
I
wasn’t stupid.”

“
No.  Of course not!”

He went on,
“School
bored
me. 
Nothing
was challenging.  What took my peers an hour
to do I could finish in
minutes
.
  Eventually I just stopped caring.
”

I remembered
reading somewhere
that a
significant
proportion of high school drop-outs were gifted and talented.
  All across the country
,
teachers
were forced to
cater to lower
ability
students,
to bring them up to grade level
for the sake of funding
,
while those who
were
most capable got left behind.  It seemed a huge injustice to me.

He continued,
“
I started hanging out with a rough crowd, got into things I had no business getting involved with.”

“Your rough patch?”

He nodded, his eyes fixed on the wall in front of us. 
“I was seventeen when I quit school.  Started smoking pot,
stealing cars.  Nothing I’m proud of. 
I wasted three whole years of my life.”

I swallowed
hard
.  “What
made you
decide to
stop?”

His jaw was tense. 
“
My buddies were
boosting this GTO one night.  It turned out to be a setup.  The cop
s showed, they all got busted.  The only reason I wasn’t there was because
I
h
ad a gig with my band
.  If not for that
,
I would have
gotten
time
.  I could be in prison
right now
.
”  He was
reflective
as he spoke,
his expression distant. 
“
I got clean after that. 
The music saved my life.”
  His voice trailed off, and I knew he was miles away, reliving his past.

My head was spinning with all this new information. 
“
I don’t know what to say
,
even.”

He snapped back to the present and looked at me.  His eyes were soft, searching. 
“It’s not really something I like to talk about, especially now, you know?  I’m finally doi
ng something real with my life. 
I’d hate for a
bad
reputation to get in the way of that.”

The enormity of what he was telling me sunk in.  He could lose everything if the wrong person found out
about his past.  I understood now why he
wouldn’t talk about it before
. 

“
Did you learn anything?  F
rom that
experience, I mean
?”

He laughed, hard.  “Only you would ask me that.”

“Well?  Did you?”

He
ran
a finger across his bottom lip.  I didn’t realize how much I missed
watching him do
that. 
“I learned
to not take things for granted.  I love my parents, a lot, but they gave me everything as a kid.  I didn’t
learn to
value things.  What was lost could
always
be replaced.  But after watching my friends go to prison, I learned that wasn’t always the case.  Life, freedom, people.  You can’t replace those things.”

My heart swelle
d.  It was a huge lesson.  One that he paid a heavy price for. 

“
I
t wasn’t a
total
waste
of three years
,
then, was it?
” I asked, putting my hand on top of his.
 
“
We all screw up.  We’re human.  The important thing is that we learn and keep moving forward.
  It sounds like you learned a really big lesson
during that time
.
”
 

He looked at me, his dark eyes thoughtful. 

“Let me ask you this,
” I said.  “W
hat
kind of a person would you be now
if you hadn’t gone through that?”

He seemed to relax beside me.  “
I don’t know.  I’ve never thought about it that way
.  I u
nderstand
what you’re getting at
, though
, and I appreciate it
.
”  He pulled his hand out from under mine and reached up to touch my hair.  “But m
y point still stands,
d
on’t ever think you’re not good enough.
”

“Okay,” I whispered.

We sat in silence for awhile,
each lost in our own thoughts
.
  I couldn’t wrap my head around the irony of it all.  His insecurities of his past.  Mine of the future.
 

“You know,
” he said, turning to look at me, “i
t was here
that I first realized how strongly I felt about you
.  You
opened
yourself to me that day.  I felt like you enjoyed spending time
with me. The real me, not the superstar
me.  When we were together
,
I felt like more than a musician.  I felt like I mattered.”  He touched a finger to my jaw.  “I love you.  I’ve never stopped.”

I bit my lower lip to keep the tears at bay. 
“But you said you’d moved on.
  Told me to do the same.”

“
I was hurt
ing
.  I had no right to say the things I did that night.  You’d be surprised by how many people called this week to tell me that.”

“Really?  Who?”

He ran a hand over his head
.  “Let’s see.  Jake was the first.”

“Jake?”  I said a little too loudly.  “Why would
he
…
?
”

“Because he cares for you.  He didn’t want you to leave, so he called and told me what was going on.  Emily called a few days later.  Last night it was Lauren.”

I snickered, remembering Lauren’s threat to call.

“She was probably the most persuasive.”

“She has a way, doesn’t she?”  I thought back to our girls’ night, when she and Emily had tag-teamed me into admitting my feelings.

He turned so that he was facing me and took my hands.  “I’m sorry it took me so long, but I finally came to my senses and realized that I had to come back and stop you.  I don’t want you leaving your home, your life, because of me.”

My mind was whirling.  Was it possible?  After that night on the balcony
,
I never let myself believe, never allowed myself to hope
,
that this could happen.  I couldn’t wrap my head around what I was hearing.

He watched as his words sunk in.  “Allie, you were my inspiration.  The feelings that came through in my performances were all because of you.  All throughout the compe
tition, I chose songs for you.  D
idn’t you see it?  I owe you everything.  You are my passion.”  He pulled out his wallet and handed me a strip of paper.  “Here.” 

The one you love is within reach.

“I knew it then, and I kno
w it now.  I love you
.”  He leaned across the bench and kissed me.  I was too shocked to kiss him back, and he soon pulled away and looked at me, a line of concern creasing his brow.

I shook my head, convinced that I was having a dream.  They were always like this, Chris and I together and happy. 

But waking up was excruciating.  I was waiting to wake up. 

Chris frowned as he watched me.  He sucked in a deep breath and rested his
elbows
on his knees.  I closed my eyes and let my head fall forward.

After a minute, he spoke.  “I have something for you.”  He took my wrist and tinkered with my bracelet.

An iridescent blue-green butterfly charm dangled from the chain.  I was so exasperated that it took a minute before I could speak.  “Oh my gosh!”  I hadn’t had a new charm since Mom was alive.  “It’s beautiful.”

He leaned back against the bench, his stare intense on my face.

I squeezed my eyes shut and shook my head.  “I must be dreaming.”

“No, you’re not.”  He stood up, still holding my hands.  “Let me take you home?”

“Home?”  I laughed.  “There’s nothing there.  All my things are on a truck headed to Canada.”

He raised an eyebrow
and looked over my head.  “Oh yeah, that’s right.”

“How did you know to find me here?” I asked, suddenly curious.

“I flew in this morning.  My flight was late getting in, so I rushed straight from the airport to your apartment.  Emily was there, nearly hysterical.  You should have seen the look on her face when she opened the door and saw me,” he laughed.  “She didn’t know whether to hit me or hug me.  I went to your room, hoping to find you, but all I found were bare walls.  I thought I’d missed you, thought I’d have to go all the way to Canada to get you.  “Emily told me your flight didn’t leave until three
,
but you left early.  She said you wer
e going to say goodbye to your m
om
,
but had no idea what that meant.  You should probably call her.  And you should call the moving company and tell them to turn that truck around.”