Fantasy Attraction (Hidden Secrets) (4 page)

“I had a gambling issue before.  He was my bookie.  When I got into trouble and dad almost found out, I stopped.  It was hard, but I did and straightened out.  It helped fighting and the better
I got, the better I felt and the less I felt the urge to gamble.  Then Alex approached me about throwing one of my important fights.  He told me I wouldn’t like the consequences for letting him down and I did anyway and now…”

“It isn’t your fault Curry.”

My eyes flew open and there stood Kayla.  She walked over and knelt down next to me and hugged me.  The sadness I felt had me wanting to bawl my eyes out as I sat there in her arms.  I was no baby or sissy boy, but my family was everything to me and my sister was hurt in the process of my shit and it killed me.  Kayla held me tighter.

“It wasn’t your fault
, then or any of it now.  He was the sick bastard that chose to do that.  Plus remember he didn’t work alone.  You didn’t offer me up as exchange so it has nothing to do with you.  Honestly, I would have kicked your ass for going along with him even if I knew this would have happened if you didn’t.  It was you who told me, we can’t let him win.  Don’t let him win Curry.  Please.”

“I’
m so sorry, Kay.”  I looked up at my brother.  “I’m sorry about earlier.”

We all sat there and talked and I got a lot off my chest.  Was it going to help with the rage an
d the guilt I felt…I don’t know. But I do know that I felt better telling them my past secret struggle.  I pulled myself up off the floor of my gym and made my way to the showers. 

As I stood under the running water, my thoughts turned to the sexy as sin voice from last night.  I know damn well I heard her today.  If I only knew what she looked like, it might have been easier to have scanned that room.  All I knew was her height.  A follow-up call was in order, I thought when I glanced down at my hard-on just thinking about her.

CHAPTER THREE

~COLLEEN~

I know I heard him.
 

All night last night, I thought about his voice.  I thought about the way he described himself.  But more importantly, I thought about our fantasy.  It was insane.  In all the years of being a phone sex operator, I have never had an attraction to any of the people calling in.  This guy…I don’t know what it is about him, but he not only got my attention but he held it.

Continuing to look around the room, I saw where the voice was coming from.  Just as I spotted him, he was walking away, leaving his laughter trailing its way over to me and filling my ears.  It was a sound I would never forget. For some odd reason, it turned me on just as much as his voice. 

What the hell was this guy, some kind of voodoo doctor?

I focused back on the fund raiser.  It was the first of four that I would be doing with Kayla Williams.  I was hoping to add a fifth one to it if I could ever get up the courage to ask her about it.

“Colleen?”  I turned to see Kayla approaching me.

“Hello again Kayla, is everything okay?”  I tentatively asked.

“Oh yes, everything’s terrific.  I was just making sure that you were holding up okay.  My brothers can be major handfuls.”  She laughed.

“I actually haven’t talked to any of your brothers.  I’ve been making sure everything takes off okay and runs smoothly.”  I opened my mouth to ask her about my idea, but stopped myself.

“I don’t know how I could ever thank you for what you are helping me do here.”  Kayla stared off for a minute with a sad smile.

“It’s not a problem at all.  Please you should still be recovering…”  I trailed off as Kayla began to laugh.

“Now you are starting to sound like my fiancé.” She laughed.

“Are you talking about me again?”  A handsome man wrapped his arms around Kayla and kissed her neck.  He then looked up at me and smiled.  “I’m Jason Gold.”

“Colleen
Austin, nice to meet you.”  I responded in kind.  “If you’ll excuse me.”

They were so cute together
, so happy.  At one point in my life, I thought that that would be me.  Deliriously happy and nothing could touch me.  Not the case anymore.  I’m smarter now.  Wiser even.  I knew now that just because the possibility was there doesn’t mean that it was possible for all people.  My mom ruined that for me.  She ruined everything for me.  A mother was supposed to protect their child.  Not my mother, no my mother killed me.  Not literally of course, but some days I wish she would have.

Being around everyone was becoming too hard.  I made my way outside and stood near the fence that led to the dog park.  Nothing was really registering with me. I wanted so bad to find a section in my life where my mom didn’t ruin it, but that hasn’t happened so far. Every
time I turned around something reminded me of what I lost and what that loss cost me.  The thing is that my loss wasn’t even because of me.  It was forced on me because of my mother.  How is it that the person who gave me life has also taken it away from me?

God! I hate her!  I truly HATE her!  If she wasn’t already gone…

Shaking my head, I hope to also shake out the ill mood that thoughts of her bring.  Harriet Spring was not a woman that brought about a warm feeling.  Whenever she came around I knew that something bad would be brought with it.  When my dad told me that they were splitting and he wanted me to go with him, I didn’t hesitate.  It wasn’t just because I was a daddy’s girl, but because I wasn’t stupid.  I knew my mother was bad news, but I didn’t realize how bad until we ran and she found us the first time.  I shuddered.

“I know that shudder,” a voice from behind me spoke.

I turned to find Kayla, standing there with a small smile on her face.  There was another look that I knew all too well.  It was sadness, but for the first time I don’t think it was for me.  I think it was more for herself or maybe that we had common ground?  I wasn’t sure.

“I’m sorry.  I just needed a moment.”

“Don’t worry about it.  You have done an amazing job.  Take as long as you need.  Would you like some company?”

“Uh, sure.” 

Something told me that there was more to her wanting to keep me company; call it a gut feeling if you must.  It was just a matter of waiting her out.

“Colleen
, can I ask you something?”

And there we have it.  It didn’t take as long as I thought it would.

“Sure.”

“How close to my story is yours?”

“Not your extent and different things, but…”

“I see,” she nodded her head slowly up and down.  “I’m not going to push you to talk to me about anything, but please know that I am here if you want to talk.”

“Talking only makes things worse.” I mumbled.

“It does at first, but then there is that moment after that makes you realize that even though it was getting tougher and you were the reason so many are suffering, it was all worth it.”  Kayla shrugged.

“Forgive me, Kayla.  I just don’t talk about it.  I prefer to try and get away from it and bury it.  But thank you for the offer.”

“Well then how about a friend,” she asked.

“A friend?”

I haven’t had a friend in a long time.  Everyone seemed to know my story, even though they didn’t know the full story, and judged me for what they
thought
happened.  My mother left me with such a mess, but that was just like her.  Mess up the bed, but depend on others to make it.  Never since she had started Hunting us out, have I had a friend.  Maybe it was something I needed.  A moment with someone who had no idea my past and would help me focus on a future.

“Yeah, I’d like that.”  I smiled at her.

“Great!  As my first official duty as your friend, I want you to ask me about the benefit you want me to help with over lunch.  What do you say?”

I stood there staring at her for a moment.  How could she possibly have known I wanted to do a benefit? It has only been a thought in my head and I wasn’t even sure I was going to say anything at all.  Yet here she is opening a door to me
, for something that could potentially save or help a lot of people.  Even though this topic still had to be raw and painful for her, she was willing to do it.

“How did you know?”
I stammered.

“
Hun, you are all about helping people—both two and four legged—so I knew that all those times you started to say something, but stopped was something to do with that.  I’m not offended.  If I can help someone else, well then it would be worth opening up those wounds that haven’t fully healed.”

All I could do was smile at her. If I had her strength
, then maybe I wouldn’t be in this position now.  I might be able to stand my ground and push aside all that was brought to me and show everyone it wasn’t me it was the evil woman I was unfortunate enough to call mother.

Kayla and I walked out of the fundraiser
, leaving Jason in charge and walked to a nearby café for lunch.  We made idle chat about little things while we waited for our food to arrive.  I had ordered a salad and water.  Kayla ordered a roast beef sub with lettuce, tomatoes, cheese, pickles, cucumbers, mayo, a bag of chips and some oatmeal raisin cookies.  I wish I could eat like her and look as good as she does.

We sat at a small table by the windows.  The café was actually pretty small for the amount of business they were doing.  Each table had four chairs around them, but the table was really only big enough for two people, but even that was pushing it.
  For such a small space, there seemed to be too many tables. Even though the size of the café was something to be desired, it still felt like sitting at home.

“So, what did you have in mind for a benefit?”

“Um, well, I had thought about starting a foundation in your name and use the money to fund shelters, treatment centers, hotlines and the like.  It would give people options for getting out of their situations.  Statistically, many do not speak out because they have no safe place to go.  By starting the foundation and opening the shelter, it would allow them that option.  It wouldn’t just be for rape victims, but any kinds of abuse.  The shelters would be a safe haven both as an escape or living arrangements so they can get away from the beatings, yellings, cuttings…”  I trailed off as a moment in my life began to play before me.

“Daddy, no you can’t leave.  I can’t be left with her.  Can’t I go with you?”

“Flower, I can’t take you to work with me tonight.  They frown on eight year olds being in a bar.”

My dad owned and ran a successful chain of ‘Austin’s Bar and Grill’.  Tanner Austin was known by everyone in the alcohol business.  He was friendly and treated his employees fairly.  My dad was amazing
, even if our home life was not even close to amazing.

“I will stay out of the way
, in my secret place.  Please don’t leave me with her.”  I cried.

He stared at me with his loving
, soft blue eyes.  He knew what would happen to me when he left and she came home.  It happened every single day.

“I promise flower we will both get away from here.  I have to go to work though honey.  Remember what we talked about doing?”

“Hide in my closet or under my bed and try to stay away from her at all costs.”

He nodded
, kissed my cheek and left the house.  I hated him for leaving me, but loved him for everything he has done for me.  He has saved me only to be hurt himself.

I turned around, ran to the kitchen
, grabbed some food and ran to my room.  In my closet was a little hidden wall that kept me from view of the trouble that would be walking through the door soon. I had some toys in here and a pillow and blanket with a battery lamp. It was small and cramped, but it was better than being in my room exposed.

Ten minutes later, I hear my name being called.  I ignore it.  I just want to be left alone tonight.

“Colleen Shay Austin! Get your fucking ass down here now!”

When I heard my full name I knew I needed to go down and face the music. Once I was out of my room
, there were about fourteen steps to reach the hall downstairs.  There were about twelve more steps to reach the sitting room and ten more to reach the bar where I would meet my nightmare.  I have counted these steps time and time again.  Each time, each step was harder and harder to take. 

I swallowed hard.  “Yes, mother.”  I whispered.

SMACK!

“How many times have I told you NOT to call me that?”

I held my cheek as tears welled up in my eyes. “Harriet.” I said softly.  I felt like I was doing something wrong every time I called her by her name and not mom.  All the kids at school made fun of me because of it.

She poured herself another drink in a small glass and drank it all in one gulp.  I never understood why she didn’t just use a bigger glass so she could get more than one drink out of it.  She smiled at me then.  I knew then what was coming.  Turning my head, I saw the guy in the corner on the couch.  I gave him a disgusted look.

SMACK!

“Don’t look at Danny that way.”  She smiled over at him and he moved over to my mother.

Normally the guy starts to kiss my mom and they get busy and I’m usually left alone until the guy leaves. This wasn’t normal times.  This was not normal times.  He walked to my mom and kissed her then turned to me and reached for me.  I did the only thing I could do.  I head-butted him in the spot I saw mom hit my daddy all the time. He screamed in pain. My mom backhanded me hard.  I fell backward into a stool at the bar.

“What the hell do you think you are doing?” Harriet screamed.

“He tried to…”

I didn’t get a chance to finish before she hit me again. I
lay on the floor just staring up at her tears falling from my eyes fast.  Each and every time she hit me, I was still surprised.  My surprise at her, hitting me was like hitting my punching bop bag and being shocked when it popped back up; yet here I was still shocked that I lay here on the floor from her beating.

She kicked me a couple of times before the guy grabbed her and kissed her again.  Gagging
, I ran from the room and up to my room.  Their noises filled the house.  I didn’t know what they were doing, but mom screamed a lot and the guy made a lot of grunting noises.  Maybe he was beating her like she beats me?  The thought made me smile.

I was curled up on my bed when my door opened and my mom walked in again.  Even though, I tried to tell myself that it was over and I’d be left alone the rest of the night, I knew in my heart that that would never be the case.

Without a word, she walked to my bed and punched me in the face.  I screamed.

“Colleen?”  Kayla said
, breaking into my past torments.

“Sorry, what were you saying?”
My heart still pounding from reliving those moments.

We talked back and forth about what we could do and how to get the ball rolling.  To my surprise, Kayla was actually eager to do this.  I knew some of her story from what was said during her trial and she filled in the rest when I asked.
It wasn’t meant to be nosey I wondered about it and then said the words before I thought about what I was saying.