Holding a Tender Heart (31 page)

Ida and Debbie helped by filling glasses of apple cider to go with the popcorn. Their married brothers, Wayne and Reuben, were here, along with their
fraus
and young children. They'd arrived soon after the morning church service and meal had ended. Lois was outside with their children to make sure they stayed in the yard.

Neither of the brothers had mentioned why they'd driven over from their homes a district away, but Verna was certain the trip didn't involve a friendly family visit. Word must have reached them about her troubles with Joe. And perhaps worse—about her stubborn refusal to end the relationship. The family honor was at stake, and if she knew Wayne and Reuben, they would wish to say their piece.

Mamm
hovered around the room, now and then shooting off random comments…“Your bowl is empty, Reuben.

“Oh how your children are growing—for both of you.

“It's so
gut
to see everyone.

“Shouldn't you eat more? You look so skinny. Men are supposed to gain weight when they're married.”

When Reuben's
frau
, Esther, looked up in surprise at this implied insult of her cooking skills,
Mamm
laughed and waved her hand about. “I'm sorry, Esther. I didn't mean anything by that remark. Reuben's always been such a light eater. I often thought he'd wither and blow away as he was growing up.”

“Please,
Mamm
,” Reuben interrupted. He reached up to take his mother by the arm. “Sit down. You'll wear yourself out with all this pacing about.”

Mamm
allowed herself to be seated in her rocker, where she fanned herself with a section of
The Budget
snatched from the floor. “I do declare it's hot in here. Summers always are. Shall I open more windows?”

“We're fine,” Bishop Beiler said. “Do control yourself, Saloma. Worrying isn't going to make anything easier.”

Verna fled to the kitchen. She didn't blame them if they discussed her openly. It was the Amish way, but still it made her uncomfortable to listen. Never before had her actions so affected the family.

“You look pale,” Ida whispered, her hands full of glasses with cider. “Here, take some nourishment.”

Verna shook her head but took a moment to pull in her emotions. She grabbed glasses of cider in each hand and followed Ida back into the living room.

Wayne regarded her with a baleful stare as she handed him his cider. He'd always been decent in his younger years and acted his part as the eldest child of the family. No doubt Wayne expected her to follow his example and, as the eldest of the three sisters, do the right thing. In her case, stop seeing Joe.

“Sit down, girls. Sit down.”
Mamm
waved her hands around.

“We still haven't served everyone,” Ida protested.

“
Ach
…
yah
…I'm all
ferhoodled
.”
Mamm
appeared close to tears. “But do hurry. We can't keep the children outside much longer.”

Verna felt icy stabs of fear run up her arms at this reminder from
Mamm
.

“We'll hurry,” Ida said, rushing toward the kitchen with Debbie close behind. Verna forced herself to follow, keeping her gaze lowered as the three of them managed to serve the rest of the cider in two trips. Each girl kept one for herself and found seats among the family in the living room.

Silence fell after
Daett
cleared his throat. “It pains me greatly that things have come to this state of affairs. I do wish to say I did not call for Wayne and Reuben to come over this afternoon. They came on their own accord, but I do give them credit for their concern. This shows a tender heart toward their sister Verna. They have taken the afternoon off and traveled here with their families. So perhaps we will let them have their say first.”

Wayne nodded. “I do wish to express my sympathy for what Verna and the rest of the family are going through. This must be worse with all of you living right in the district. We hear things, of course, but it's not quite the same.” He shifted on his chair. “I hoped I'd come here today and be able to express my full support for Verna. But from what I've heard, this may not be the case. I hope to hear from Verna herself on what's going on. I wish to have explained why she can't see clearly what's happening with Joe. The man has apparently led quite a secret life, it seems, during his
rumspringa
time. This was a thing Joe has kept well hidden, even managing to join the church without it being found out. We await Verna's explanation before saying more.” Wayne folded his hands and stopped though he looked even more troubled than when he'd arrived.

Verna wanted to burst out and say that what they'd heard wasn't true. That Joe had told her everything. But no one would believe her, and she had best remain silent for now. There would be time to speak later.

Daett
glanced toward Reuben.

Reuben grimaced. “I don't know if I can add anything to what
Wayne said. It expresses pretty much how I feel. Disappointed first of all that Verna has let things come to this state. There's no reason her relationship with Joe shouldn't be history by now, and perhaps Joe should even be excommunicated for the things he's done. People might understand a mistake in judgment on Verna's part when she first dated Joe. We all make those. But this continued stubbornness in the face of the obvious truth is hard for me to understand.”

Reuben was being nasty, Verna thought. His words of rebuke cut deep. A tear trickled down her cheek.

Daett
looked at her, apparently wanting her to speak. She opened her mouth but no words came. With great effort she finally began. “I wish…I had hoped…well, perhaps…that you would all be understanding of Joe and me and not rush to judgment like everyone in the community seems to be doing. Shouldn't I be the one who understands Joe the best? I'm the person closest to him other than his own family. But even then doesn't a man's
frau
touch the deepest part of his heart?”

“But you're not his
frau
!”
Daett
exclaimed.

“I know, but I will be someday. Already my heart touches his. I don't see why you can't understand that.”

“Because you haven't said the wedding vows yet!” Wayne burst out. “There's still time to save yourself from this man.”

“And what if I had said the vows?” Verna looked at him. “Wouldn't I stand with him regardless? Why should I do any less now?”

“But you're not even promised to him, Verna!”
Mamm
exclaimed. “Are you?”

“
Nee
, I'm not,” Verna admitted. “And yet I love him.”

“I see it's useless talking with her,” Reuben said. “I had hoped for better things.”

“So had I,” Wayne added.

“We all hoped for better things,”
Daett
said. “But this matter is out of our hands anyway. The ministry has decided this morning that Joe's membership will be placed on probation until this matter
is settled. And Verna is being strongly encouraged to stay away from him until his situation is resolved. All of us, especially the two ministers and Deacon Mast, hope she will take the counsel given to her.”

Verna felt the blood rush from her face. She gripped the side of the chair as a cry leaped from her lips. “
Nee
! You cannot do this! Joe is innocent!”

Daett
's voice was firm. “Then time will prove it to be so, Verna. And no harm will be done. Joe understands, I'm sure. In fact, if I have to remind you, Joe agreed with me that your relationship with him was over. You shouldn't be the one to pursue the matter. Accept our counsel this afternoon and let this thing lie.”

“I can't,” Verna whispered, her whole body now cold. She couldn't even feel her hands that were clinging to the side of the chair.

“Then this is a sad day in the life of this family.”
Daett
was extremely serious. “I had hoped you would listen to your elders, Verna. You're a young woman, and like Eve in the garden, subject to error. Please reconsider.”

Verna met everyone's gaze as she looked around the room, but her hands shook. “And if I do and Joe is later found innocent, how will that look to him? And not only him, but to me as well. I would have to live the rest of my life with the knowledge that I didn't stand by Joe in his darkest hour.
Nee
, I-I won't…do that to Joe or myself.”

Reuben looked ready to say something, but he didn't.

Mamm
was crying, as was Ida.

Verna's heart hurt to see them weeping on her account, but what else could she do? She couldn't leave Joe to walk this road alone.

“Then I hope Joe will soon be proven innocent,”
Daett
finally said. “You have either great courage, Verna, or you're very stubborn. I'm not sure which at the moment. But know that if Joe is found guilty, you will be held accountable for not following the ministry's counsel.”

“Stubborn, that's what she is!” Reuben accused.

You don't know anything about me!
Verna wanted to fire back. But she pressed her lips together and held the words inside instead.

Mamm
had risen to her feet and walked over to give Verna a hug.

Verna wrapped her arms around her
mamm
's shoulders and allowed her own tears to flow freely. Great sobs came from the depth of her being. She mustn't be totally rejected by the family if
Mamm
still hugged her. Perhaps deep down they admired her loyalty. It was the Amish way, was it not? One stood by her husband…except she was doing so before Joe and she married.

If she were proven wrong, there would be horrible repercussions. But she would welcome the pains, Verna decided. The community would welcome her back into the fold after she humbled herself. That option was better than if she were wrong about Joe. And if Joe really was guilty, she wouldn't care what the community did to her.

“Okay, can we dry our tears now?”
Mamm
felt her way back to her rocker. “What's done is done, and I don't think anyone is undoing it. So let's not mourn over spilled milk. The family is together tonight like it hasn't been in a long time. My heart is glad even with this sorrow. Open the front door, Ida, and let the children come in. They've been peeking in the window for the past half hour.”

The mood soon lightened as Ida followed
Mamm
's direction and all four of Wayne's children and Reuben's two raced in.
Mamm
took the smallest ones on her lap. She cooed in their ears. The oldest ones looked around a few times, clearly curious about what had gone on. There was nothing for the children to see except the red, tear-stained faces of the women and the stern faces of the men.

Soon the two eldest children dashed outside again.

Lois went over and tapped Verna on the shoulder. “What was decided?” she whispered. “I have to know.”

Verna got up and led Lois into the kitchen. Debbie felt a bit uncomfortable being present with such intimate family troubles being discussed. She excused herself to go upstairs.

“You don't really want to know,” Verna told Lois when they were
alone in the kitchen. “Everyone thinks I should cut off my relationship with Joe.”

Lois huffed. “I already knew that. What happens if you
don't
?”

Verna looked down. “Honestly, I don't know.
Daett
said the ministers and Deacon Mast had discussed it. If I don't heed their counsel and Joe is found guilty, I must undergo church discipline.”

Lois appeared indignant. “What if they're wrong about Joe?”

Verna winced. “You know how it works. The ministry will be given credit for being vigilant, which I guess is understandable. If they supported Joe and were wrong, that's what would set tongues wagging.”

Lois's face was all sympathetic. “I hope you're not in for a big disappointment.”

Verna frowned. “You don't believe Joe's innocent either?”

Lois raised her hands in the air as she said, “I don't know, Verna! Don't attack me. I'm just saying how it looks.”

“I'm sorry,” Verna murmured. “You're right. And I know how it looks.”

Lois wrapped Verna in a tight hug. “You're so brave. I hope I find such a worthy love someday.”

“Thank you!” Verna whispered.

Lois held her at arm's length. “Is he really worth this much?”

Verna nodded. “Every last bit of it. Joe has a heart of gold.”

Twenty-Nine