How to Give Her Absolute Pleasure (7 page)

the brain.

Romance and Court ly Behavi or

T he Two Rs

It has been my observation that the surest way to guarantee a man’s ability to turn on a woman and drive her mad with desire is through Most of us divide sex into two stages: foreplay followed by good old-fashioned courting. I am absolutely serious, and this does intercourse. As in most sports—tennis, for example—we usually not contradict all those voices in your head and hers saying that she spend some time warming up, and then we feel ready for “the real wants to be treated as your equal partner. No woman wants to give game.” I’d like to turn that particular formula on its head. First, in up that mutuality. However, women do want to feel special and order to have great, fabulous, mind-blowing sex, you’ve got to have singular, and the best way you can make them feel special is by great, fabulous, mind-blowing foreplay. This is especially true for being a gentleman and treating her like a lady. After all, it is a very women, who can barely enjoy intercourse without first having simple equation: Only a man can be a gentleman and treat a lady as a foreplay. So what exactly is foreplay? For women, foreplay has two lady, and since there are fewer and fewer real gentlemen out there, essential stages. The first stage works on her brain, and the second those of you who adopt this courting policy will have a genuine works on her body. In this chapter, I will show you how to seduce market advantage.

her mind. It’s actually quite simple: First you romance her and then In order to behave like a gentleman, you need to think like one.

you relax her.

Again, it comes down to your attitude. If a woman feels you’re being These two steps are simple in concept, but I cannot

solicitous and caring, taking her pleasure and comfort into overemphasize how crucial they are to successfully getting her in the consideration, chances are she will hand you carte blanche. This is, mood for sex so she can truly let go and let you bring her to the of course, assuming you’ve already passed her litmus test.

heights of pleasure. Relaxing and romancing combine two of the
Opening the car door
. Have you heard the joke about being able
S E C R E T F R O M L O U ’ S A R C H I V E S

to tell who the wife is by who has to climb the snow bank to get in A woman’s litmus test is whether or not she can see herself the car? Suffice it to say that if you let the woman in your life know underneath or on top of you.

from the get-go that you’d like to open the car door for her, nine times out of ten, she will love and appreciate the gesture. If this is an One of the primary ingredients of courtly behavior is having good entirely new ritual for you, it may take some time getting used to—

manners. Sadly, many parents no longer teach their young boys for both of you—but I believe it may be a pleasant and rewarding manners, and many men have just lost the habit even if they were courtly move to add to your growing repertoire. The mother of a taught early on in life. Yet manners, quite simply, are nothing other male friend of mine from Louisiana will not get in or out of the car than pleasant and respectful ways of interacting with others.

unless a man opens the door for her. This may be taking things to an What are good manners? Be polite, be courteous, and treat her as extreme, but I give her credit for standing by what she believes in. If you know she wishes to be treated. There are certain social niceties you have a low-slung car, you may want to offer your hand to help that only a gentleman can perform. Please know this is not an balance her as she gets in.

exhaustive list but merely an outline, so feel free to add or subtract as If the two of you are getting in or out of a cab, bus, or other you wish.

public conveyance, you might also consider offering your hand or Open a door for a lady. This particular gesture often receives a arm to help her alight.

bum rap, and yet for most women it is a lovely acknowledgment of
Stand when a lady enters or leaves a room
. Please note that this how you think of her. Having said that, I must admit that I have had move is appropriate for social situations, not business. When I was in men tell me unpleasant tales of women sneering at them when they private school, we were expected to stand whenever a teacher try this move. As a fully emancipated, independent woman, I find a entered or left the room. This was a very clear display of respect for woman’s rejection of this masculine attempt at being courteous just our elders. However, in social situations, standing for a woman, even plain sad. I love this social acknowledgment of my femininity and I simply raising yourself from a chair, can be a wonderful gesture of believe that, deep down, most women will admit they enjoy being consideration and civility. Men in the seminars have made comments treated like a lady as well. Many men have also told me that they get such as “When I do something so simple, it makes such an impact on pleasure from being courteous and wish only for a woman to smile her. I know she knows I care about her.”

or nod her head in appreciation.

Pull out her chair
. Like parallel parking, this move takes The historic rationale for a lady entering a room before a gentle awareness, several front and back moves, and finesse. If she is man was not so enchanting or courtly. Supposedly in less civilized, returning from the ladies’ room, you don’t need to jump to your feet.

war-torn times, men would “toss” a woman through an unknown Instead, gently pull out or slide her chair as she returns to the table.

entry in order to test for enemies. Considered less valuable than men, She will be doing the majority of the work, so you need not jump up women were quite literally sacrificial social lambs. This rationale behind her like a butler.

then changed to women leading the entry of a man in order to
Take her arm or place your hand on the small of her back
. Both introduce his wealth and status: The more beautiful and bejeweled of these moves can be used publicly and socially, and they are the the woman, the more important the man. In some social circles, this least objectionable PDAs (public displays of affection). Holding attitude may not have changed all that much.

hands and draping your arm around her shoulders is more informal and therefore not suggested for public events. Rather, these moves are best saved for the weekend stroll, sitting in the movie theater, or
Be the chef
. More men are capturing a woman’s heart with their at the table, where the intimacy is about the two of you.

culinary prowess. It happened to my identical twin sister. She felt
Carry items for her
. One woman related, “I remember my airlifted when she first realized that among his many talents, her boyfriend telling me when we first met that he would carry all my Greek husband is a wizard in the kitchen. Men who can cook are a packages when I went shopping. He didn’t want me to carry huge turn-on. In the same way that a man feels loved and cared for anything but my purse. It took me a while to realize this was one of when a woman cooks for him, a woman feels taken care of and oh so his unspoken ways to say ‘I love you’ and that he cares about me.”

appreciated when a man cooks for her.

Then again, if a woman wants to carry her own bags, let her; it’s
Breakfast in bed
. If you prefer sex in the morning, breakfast in her choice. But keep in mind that most women will welcome your bed is a sure way to have her and yourself start out smiling and you wanting to help haul their belongings. Although carrying her will be her Prince Charming for a day—or at least the morning. You shopping bags may be a broad-stroke example, choose another may want to avoid crunchy cereals such as granola. In this delicate gesture that shows you are there for her, such as helping her into the position, it’s better to err on the side of soft food, easily eaten with house with the groceries or offering to move something heavy for your fingers. Try pieces of fruit and soft Danishes or croissants that her.

can be pulled apart easily. Prepare her coffee or tea just as she likes
Have good table manners
. Few things are a bigger turnoff than it—in front of her. This entails putting a small creamer and sugar or poor table manners. On the contrary, knowing how to behave at a artificial-sweetener container on the tray. Let me suggest another tip: table is very impressive to a woman and makes her feel she is with a There are more interesting resting spots for that imported preserve man who knows what he’s doing.

than the English muffin she’s nibbling on.

The art of flowers
. Throughout the ages, gentlemen have presented flowers to their ladyloves as a sign of their feelings.

SECRET FROM LOU’S ARCHIVES

Flowers are always a true gentleman’s move, which make even more If the woman in your life likes strong fragrances, try tuberose, of an impact when you know her preferences. In other words, red Casablanca, or Rubrum lilies. If these powerful flowers need a bit roses are lovely and may be the first to come to mind, but often there of toning down, add a spray of freesia, which is soft and gentle.

is another flower that touches her heart more. One woman from a seminar shared this: “When my current boyfriend discovered I loved If you were never taught proper table manners, glance at an etiquette book in a book store.

SECRET FROM LOU’S ARCHIVES

Assuming you want the memory of you to last long, please send fresh-cut flowers. Preset arrangements and roses have the shortest Razzle-Dazzl e Her

life span of flowers. Arrangements are often the end buds of finishing flowers. And check the sepals of roses. These are the Beyond incorporating good manners into your courtly behavior, green “petals” at the base of the rosebud. If they are tight to the there are romantic ways to get her undivided attention. These bud, it is a fresh rose. Otherwise you are getting old flowers that suggestions are designed to take you and her one step closer to the droop and will die in a day or two. Fresh roses should last five to intimacy of the bedroom.

seven days.

lavender, he checked out all the flower stands on the Upper West they are doing just that. Unless the majority of those brain-juggling Side [of Manhattan] to find exactly what I liked. I didn’t find out events are quieted, she won’t be able to shift enough of her focus to until his sister told me that he had hunted for two hours for them.

the matters at hand. This is related to another one of those sex/gender You have to love a man who’ll do that!” Another man told me, “If a differences: Women tend to experience their world in terms of guy sends a woman a dozen red roses after the first date, he either relationships. Men tend to compartmentalize. In terms of sex, this had a world-class date or he is not aware of the message he is means men can go into the bedroom and turn off whatever happened sending. Red roses are not the casual thank-you flower.”

that day. Yet when women lie down, a steady stream of to-do lists can still be crossing the billboard of her mind. Therefore, gentlemen, you need to help her decompress and become still if you want to Relaxation Is Key

arouse her later. The connection is very concrete and very clear: Unless a woman is relaxed in her mind, her body will not follow suit.

There is no getting around one simple fact: A typical woman will not And if her body isn’t relaxed, it won’t get excited.

get turned on if she isn’t relaxed. That said, as a partner to this activity, you are being challenged to get her in the mood. How can
SECRET FROM LOU’S ARCHIVES

you help her relax? You’ll be happy (and perhaps relieved) to know Did you know the word “negligee” suggests that the woman that there are some tried-and-true ways to helping your partner wearing it should relax and refrain from housework? It comes loosen up so that she not only responds to you better but also enjoys from the Latin neglegere, “to neglect,” whose literal translation is herself more completely. As a forty-something physician told me, “I

“not to pick up.”

know I have to get my wife relaxed enough to get her turned on. If she can’t relax, I know nothing is going to happen. And that’s why I am king of foot massages.” Another seminar attendee, an architect
IT’S ELEMENTARY

from Madison, Wisconsin, said that he draws his partner a hot bath, There are four essential elements to help a woman relax. Consider

“with her favorite lavender salts. If she gets one whiff as she walks these in no particular order:

through the door, I know she’s all mine.”

But most men (and women) will agree that though the physical ¾

effects of your method are important, the key to relaxing her is your Make her
comfortable
, mentally and physically.

¾

attitude. Quite simply, if she feels like you have gone out of your Minimize
interruptions
.

¾

way to treat her as special, she will respond.

Make the
space and time
, even if it is only ten minutes.

¾ Let her know you like
her body
.

SECRET FROM LOU’S ARCHIVES

1. Making her comfortable mentally and physically is about Relaxing can start twenty-four hours ahead of the game—in your providing a good, safe, and enjoyable environment for a

head.

sexual encounter. For instance, if you are not married and do not live together, try to make your bedroom a place that is And why is relaxing so important for women? Because women’s inviting for her. Does she have a corner of the room, perhaps brains can juggle ten things at a time, and usually, out of necessity, a drawer or a dresser where she can leave her toiletries or some clothes? If you are married or live together, make sure two sleeps it will be Saturday,’ which was our escape day.

that you pay attention to the state of your bedroom as well, We both cracked up.”

participating in keeping it tidy, putting away your clothes, or 3. Make the space and time by planning. Just as you set aside simply making sure the bed is made. One woman in a