How to Give Her Absolute Pleasure (8 page)

time for your workout at the gym, a golf game, or a car tune-seminar shared this story: “I had just begun dating a man and up, you need to set aside time for romance and relaxation. A we were getting serious. We’d already slept together, but woman from a seminar said that “the one thing that keeps me never at his home. He was a very successful investment

falling in love with my husband again and again is his ability banker, who was always well groomed and wore nice

to romance me. It can be something as simple as taking me clothes. But when I went to his apartment for the first time, I into another room away from the kids and giving me my

nearly died. It was filthy. The drapes were dirty, the shower favorite ice cream bar. He can somehow create a quiet, just-curtain was moldy. I was disgusted and felt totally turned for-the-two-of-us space and do something sweet. Often we off. I made up some excuse that night and went home. A few have to wait until later, but when he has already lit my pilot days later I told him, in a nice way, that he needed to do light, we have had quickies in the bathroom, running the something about his apartment. He had the money, after all. I shower, with the kids on the other side, and he’s doing me think he just didn’t know any better.” Cleanliness is next to from behind and we’re watching in the mirror.” You never godliness in most women’s eyes.

know when those opportunities may present themselves to

2. By minimizing interruptions, you keep the environment a give her your undivided attention, which is so key to

haven for intimacy. This is why there are answering

relaxing her and getting her in the mood for sex.

machines, locks on the doors, and for those of you who are 4. Make her comfortable. A woman will not relax and let parents, baby monitors. One woman explained, “We have a

herself be open to getting turned on if she feels self—

four-year-old and a nine-month-old. We both work and are conscious or bad about her body. Women blossom under

typically exhausted at the end of the day. We plan an escape attention and positive body comments. Most women, even

day away every month. We hire an overnight sitter and take those with model bodies, question their attractiveness and off to a corporate suite or a friend’s place who is away. This often have negative feelings around their body image. I’m way we get to reconnect alone and rekindle what our

assuming since you’re with her that you find her attractive romancing days were like when we were single. Then the

and want to be with her. Let her know what you like about problem was our crazy travel schedules, and we had to

her and what you’d like to do to her. She wants and needs to coordinate months in advance to see one another. When we hear that you are attracted to her. A few chosen words from got married and the kids came, I initially felt guilty about her man have been known to get one woman “so wet,

leaving the kids. But the effect on our marriage has been sometimes he does it to me when I am at the office over the miraculous! Two months ago our nine-month-old was sick

phone. He’s so bad!” Another woman says she goes

and colicky, the four-year-old had just clogged the washing absolutely wild when her partner says, “I want my mouth

machine by pouring cat litter into it, and the gardener had where it was last Friday night.”

flooded the storage area in the garage. We looked at one another amidst this chaos and both said at the same time, ‘In Openmirrors.com

I wasn’t gonna let that one get away. And to this day he
SECRET FROM LOU’S ARCHIVES

loves to wash my hair.” The seduction you are offering here The two biggest robbers of intimacy are being tired and having no is in the fact that you have been thinking of her even before time. Early in relationships, you make intimacy a priority, but she arrives home. Every woman in the world wants to know later, you may let it slide—especially if there are children in the in her heart of hearts that he can and will take care of her picture. Plainly and simply, you and your partner need to make physically and emotionally, and every woman wants to feel attending to your intimate relationship a priority.

special and appreciated.

¾ Once out of the bath, ask her if she’d like you to give her a Have you recently told her about the part of her body you find the pedicure, or towel her off, or offer to rub moisturizing lotion biggest turn-on? In a couples seminar a couple who had been married on her. Analogous to the real estate mantra “location,

five years with two children shocked each other with their responses.

location, location,” women want “attention, attention,

“I love the way the hair curls at the back of her neck and the little attention”—in whatever form you can imagine.

dimples above her buttocks.” His wife could only say, “You’re kidding . . I hate those,” and he said, “I know I love ‘em.” And then she jerked back and said, “No wonder you like doggy style so Engage Her l ive Senses

much!” In full-throated, blushing laughter he said, “Busted!” For her, his hands were her major turn-on⎯“‘cause you’re big and strong and By enticing her five senses—sight, smell, taste, hearing, and touch—

I love to look at them and remember how they feel on my body.”

you bring her one step closer to the second element of foreplay, Once she knows how you feel about a part of her beautiful anatomy, awakening her body. Consider engaging her senses to be the crucial remind her, often and regularly.

link or bridge that connects her mind to her body. Now that you have romanced her, relaxed her mind, it’s time to begin awakening her
TIPS TO HELP HER RELAX

body. As a CPA from Chicago said, “I want to touch as many of her ¾ Create a space that makes her relax. A woman responds senses as I can—all of them.” Elicit and engage her senses, and she keenly to her environment. Create an oasis for her—whether will become putty in your delighted hands.

it’s the bedroom, the living room, the outside porch, or the bathroom. Use lighting, scent, or other sensory stimulation to
SIGHT

declare that the workday has ended, and now it’s time to Humans are essentially visual creatures. As such, sight is one of our relax.

most powerful senses because it is the one we rely on most. Men ¾ Before she walks in the door, draw her a bath. Light candles have shared again and again that they like and respond to the way a or incense, help her undress, and sit beside her (on the woman creates a home or an environment that is inviting. So why not throne, obviously not using it) so you can share this wind capitalize on what you know works and do the same for her? By down time with her. Help bathe her or rub her back with a creating a special, intimate space, you are sure to score points with loofah. Perhaps you want to give her a glass of wine or a her.

cool glass of water. One woman, a children’s book illustrator The visual appeal of your love nest can have a wondrous effect on from New Jersey, recalled, “I knew I was marrying my

her, so it’s to your advantage if you keep your room, apartment, or husband the first time he drew a bath for me and bathed me.

house neat and tidy. Please do not ask a lady to sleep in an unmade or already slept-in bed. And clothes strewn about on the floor, bed, or lamp shade are not going to be considered art—believe me. Yuck!

On the other hand, men sweat more than women, and as such, She’ll think of you as stuck in college. In order to make a woman they need to be very aware of their hygiene when it involves a lady.

feel special, invite her into a place that shows you care about The sweat in the apocrine glands, which are the specialized sweat yourself.

glands in the armpit and groin, secrete a more viscous and pungent sweat. When this sweat comes into contact with regular body
HELPFUL TIPS

bacteria, the result is body odor. The best way to avoid offending ¾ Dim lighting is flattering—to both of you.

your partner is to shower frequently and use deodorant. Some ladies ¾ If you really want to seduce her, put a discreet bud vase will be turned on by your natural body scent, but don’t confuse this holding one flower either by the bed or in a place that’s with BO.

visible from the bed. This can be one of your “tonight”

signals.

¾

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For single men, if you have any photos in your room, make sure they are not of exes—this could be a turnoff.

There are some men that by virtue of their smell alone are irresistible to the women they attract. One woman put it this way:
SMELL

“I loved what my pillows smelled like after he’d slept over. And When it comes to eliciting her “scentual” responses, you can use when he wasn’t there I’d have to sleep with one of his old smell, either to engage her or to repel her, so be sure you pay sweaters. It was a major turn-on and soothing.”

attention here. Smell is one of our most primitive senses, said by some to have the longest recall power. Chances are you have been Since most women respond strongly to scent, a powerful way to with a woman who wore a particular scent that to this day you engage her is through the practice of aromatherapy. A term coined experience a rush of emotion when you smell it. You may have by a nineteenth-century chemist, R. N. Gattefosse, aromatherapy forgotten her face or name, but remember her perfume. Keep in signifies “the therapeutic use of odiferous substances obtained from mind, gentlemen, that your own body chemistry may be your flowers, plants and aromatic shrubs, through inhalation and greatest asset. You have your own particular scent, which will application to the skin.” These natural scents come in the form of explain why some people find you irresistible. For some ladies, how essential oils for direct application on the skin, as bath salts, or you smell is the ultimate pheromone. One woman said, “Oh God, I candles. Each scent works on a different area of the body or loved how he smelled. It wasn’t his cologne; it was what emanated sensibility.

from his neck. One whiff and I wanted him all over me.”

When used in the sexual arena, these scents can help relax her and heighten her sexual pleasure. According to Valerie Ann
SECRET FROM LOU’S ARCHIVES

Worwood in her book Scents and Scentuality, essential oils act A woman’s sense of smell is much more sensitive than a man’s, directly on the brain’s olfactory (smell) receptors, which act and you may not be aware of what scent may be lingering around.

immediately on the brain’s emotional centers, unlike chemical A solution is to bathe regularly and use soap in important spots.

tranquilizers, which act indirectly and must pass through the digestive system or blood before acting on the nervous system.

Figs—Select fresh, plump figs, whose soft, downy surface may remind her of your testicles. Who knows, you may want to start showing up for dates with some figs instead of a bottle of wine.

These scented oils can be used in several ways.

Grapes—These delicate little fruits are truly a fun food. Hold one in your mouth and ask her to bite it out.

¾ Placed on an unscented column candle

Plums—They taste best during summer, and these luscious sweet ¾ Dropped into her bath

fruits cleanse any palate.

¾ Blended into massage oil

Chocolate—dark, milk, white, in whatever combination you desire.

¾ Placed in an infuser

This bit of sweetness can be used as a transitional item, moving ¾ Carefully placed in drops on a lightbulb

you from before sex to sex, as it contains phenylethylamine, the same chemical the brain produces when people fall in love.

Olives—if stuffed with pimiento or an almond, consider having her ¾ Check in with her about your aftershave or cologne. Women suck the filling out while you hold the olive in your mouth.

will be either turned on or turned off by certain scents.

Oysters—in the raw, of course, as they are quite erotic and resemble ¾ Are your linens clean? You may not be aware of your own female genitalia. They also contain a lot of zinc, an important scent, and though she may like it, it’s best always to use mineral that increases male potency.

fresh sheets.

Nuts—almonds, Brazil nuts, cashews.

¾ Check your laundry detergent. Some of the name brands Cheese—some prefer a hard cheese like Jarlsberg, others a smooth-carry a very distinctive, not altogether pleasant odor. You bodied Brie or Camembert.

may want to consider using a detergent that is scent-free.

Beverages—wine (FYI, red wine goes very well with chocolate), ¾ Check your deodorant. Does it work? Is its scent too

champagne, juice, cool water (flat or bubbly).

overpowering or just right?

¾ When using essential oils in any form, make sure never to apply them to her or your genitals.

SECRET FROM LOU’S ARCHIVES

In Chaucerian England, the word “mussel” was a naughty

synonym for vulva.

How we taste and what tastes we like are completely individualistic.

HELPFUL TIPS

Yet arousing our taste buds can literally whet the appetite of her and ¾

your desire. Have you ever tried feeding her? In bed? Or have her Cleanliness of the mouth and body is a given for all

involved.

feed you? Grapes can be tons of fun, and if you drop them, it’s no ¾

big deal. The following foods are widely considered to be some of Don’t introduce
too
many tastes; otherwise you will overwhelm your taste buds. A sampling of a few items

the best (i.e., most seductive).

works best—remember, this is an appeteaser.

¾

Strawberries—whole, dipped in chocolate or dipped in a mixture of Remember the basic rule when choosing a beverage: Don’t

let it overpower or mask the food.

sour cream and brown sugar—they’re amazing!

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