How to Give Her Absolute Pleasure (11 page)

together at the center of the bottom of the foot and, using an outward stroking motion with both thumbs, firmly stroke across the ball of the foot. Use that same stroke all the way down the foot, top and bottom. Next use the heel of your hand on her heel in a circular motion and then switch to your thumb or your index and middle fingers, bent like little knees, for more intense pressure. And of course there is the sucking on her toes and/or any other oral play.

According to Valerie Ann Worwood, author of
Scents and
Scentuality
, the foot contains a number of erotic trigger points, which, when pressed, will create sensation in a woman’s genitals.

¾ Massage the big toes with thumb and fingers.

¾ Massage three inches along either side of the bone running from the back of the heel up toward the calf of the leg.

¾ Use a circular massage technique to connect the three points that run in a line from the end of the heel to the sole of the foot to the crease by the middle toe. You can also connect the fourth point on the sole, just inside the bridge.

finger or hold the entire breast? Does she pull them up toward her Some women love to be touched here and others don’t. One woman face or cup them together?

in my seminar really doesn’t like having her breasts massaged. “I’d If she enjoys intense nipple pressure once she is stimulated, you rather take a cold bath,” she says. For her, it’s just not pleasurable.

might try using nipple clips with adjustable tension. If none are But other women love it! They love to have their breasts cradled, available, bobby pins and clothespins are excellent substitutes.

sucked, and played with. One male surgeon who attended a seminar said the woman he dated wanted her nipples bitten, and while doing
THE SWIRL AND SENSUAL MASSAGE

her bidding, he thought he was going to bite them off. Someone’s Now that you have been introduced to the body’s erogenous zones,
ouch
may be another’s
mmmmm
.

here are two ways to put all that information together. The first It is best to start from underneath and gently move toward the method is called the Swirl, which is a light touch enveloping her nipples. Like just about everything else, women need you to build entire body. The second method is what I call the Sensual Massage, toward the center of interest, and that includes nipples. The straight-which is the same movement with more pressure and using both your to-the-nipples approach doesn’t allow a woman time to relax into the hands at the same time.

sensation. And FYI, the majority of ladies do not enjoy intense pinching of their nipples. It is “like rubbing a cat the wrong way—

and you are likely to get the same result—pissing her off.” Also, the A woman’s skin is her largest sexual organ—despite what you grab and squeeze technique is best left in the greengrocer’s. Breasts may have heard to the contrary. As a result, anywhere that she has may be shaped like oranges, but they rarely appreciate the squeeze skin can become an erogenous zone, depending on how you touch, test.

caress, and pamper her. Think of it this way: If you’re in a boardroom sitting next to a woman you find attractive, and your elbows happen to touch, chances are you remember it, right? In my
SECRET FROM LOU’S ARCHIVES

seminars, I suggest that men first see how this move feels on A physician told me that women who come in for mammograms themselves. So, using the front of your thigh as the practice field regularly say it was their boyfriends or husbands who found the (you can do this with or without vêtements), scratch in a straight line lump or odd-feeling tissue. Here is a very good opportunity to from your knee to the groin. Do the stroke first with nails, and then help women’s health by paying close attention to a woman’s with just your fingertips, to see the difference. Then do it again, breasts. It’s best, however, to choose the same time of the month varying the pressure. Immediately cover the same field using a wavy, to do the exam, as any changes caused by the monthly hormonal undulating stroke. See the difference? The reason it feels so different cycle will be the same.

is that the little nerves “know” they are getting sensation with the straight line, whereas with the wavy stroke the little nerves are Again, it’s up to you to experiment and discover how she likes to anticipating and hoping they’re next. As many men and women have be touched. You may want to ask her to guide your hands by putting noted, you can do this anywhere on the body with just a simple hand hers over the top of yours and showing you how she wants you to do motion.

things. You may also consider watching her masturbate, assuming You can also use the Swirl as a transitional move to the action she is comfortable with that. Does she flick her own nipple with a spots. Let your fingers make her moan for you. Another important feature of the Swirl is that it can be done in many public places this one. After all, isn’t our goal here to give her and you absolute without embarrassing her or you by getting you overly excited.

pleasure?! The power of teasing is in the mysterious interplay of her mind and body. Here are some reported teasing delights.

There is an entire world of sensual massage and many books ¾ Compose a fantasy scenario together. You write one

devoted strictly to the subject. I’m going to provide you with some of line/paragraph and she writes the next one.

the highlights. These techniques do not require much preparation or ¾ Share one of your fantasies in which she is featured. If learning, and they all rely on one simple premise: that you get into it.

you’re afraid you may shock her with your fantasy’s

Using both hands, gently but steadily apply pressure to the frankness, you might edit it lightly, while you feel her out different parts of her body. I think it’s always best to start at the top and see how she reacts.

(her head) and work down (to her feet). Don’t include her breasts or ¾ Call her on the phone from work and tell her what you want her groin area—the so-called action spots. These are too sensitive to do to her that night.

and may create an uncomfortable amount of sexual tension, thereby ¾ Leave her a voice mail describing what you want to do to undermining the point of the massage.

her, or read her a piece of erotica and leave it on voice mail.

Depending on how sensitive she is, vary and gauge the degree of ¾ Use the lovely ritual of dining to build up the tension pressure. Here are some important tips:

between you. One woman shared her and her husband’s style of public foreplay: “It started because I had recently had ¾ Always balance what you do on one side by repeating the surgery on my wrist. We went out for dinner and I was rather move on the other side.

helpless, something I never am. My husband all of a sudden ¾ Use lotion or massage oil so that your hands move easily got ‘that’ look in his eyes over the menu and said, ‘Let me over her skin. Reapply as often as needed.

order for you and feed you.’ So when the waiter returned, ¾ Pour the lotion or oil into your hands and rub them together.

my husband concocted a story about my situation, ordered, This is a way to avoid touching her with cold hands.

and then scooted up beside me on the U-shaped banquette.

¾ Use a towel or sheet to cover the parts of her body that you The next two hours were so sensual and so sexual. It was are not touching, and make sure the room is warm.

such a turn-on having him pay that much attention to me, ¾ Choose soothing music.

and it was so sweet when he cut up my food and made it into little-girl size.” If you’re uncomfortable with a too-public display, just eat and drink slowly, savoring each bite or sip.

T ease Her

Believe me: If you pay attention, so will she.

¾ Send her a postcard and write down what part of her body Kiss her, touch her, and now you’re ready to push her over the edge.

most excites you.

When teasing is subtle, with a precise purpose and direction (i.e., to make her swoon), then, gentlemen, it is totally legal. So for those of you who are wanting to perfect the art of the tease, I have gathered some information taken from the hundreds of women with whom I have spoken in the course of writing first the ladies’ book and now Checkl ist for Fant ast i c Forepl ay

touching, and teasing are necessary and often very satisfying parts of lovemaking. As you will see in the next two chapters on manual and ¾ Orgasm is not the only road to satisfaction; how you make oral sex, women often have trouble letting go if they’re not already one another feel is.

warmed up. As one woman, a magazine writer from Philadelphia, ¾ Use lubricant and keep it nearby—on the bedside table or said, “When we have the time during lovemaking to really play, it is other appropriate place.

sex on a different plane.”

¾ Make sure your breath and mouth are clean. I know that’s obvious but just to be sure.

¾ Slowly, slowly, slowly.

¾ Involve her entire body. Put your mouth and hands

everywhere and use the Swirl.

¾ Using that most powerful of your sex organs, your brain, consider approaching her body as if it or some part of it is new for you. Anyone can say, “Yeah, been there done that,”

and what shows up is a “been there done that” attitude. If on the other hand you have a fresh new attitude, she will be able to tell. Add that to the comfort of already knowing one

another and you have a whole new world to play in.

Mentally treat her as new. Check ideas on yourself first.

¾ Check in with her regularly about pressure and speed, as her preferences can change throughout a given session.

¾ Check stubble. Men with beards can make their beards softer and more user-friendly with hair conditioner. If one of you is eating spicy or heavily seasoned food prior to being intimate, share a taste with the other. This tip was from an elegant European woman who said in her thick Hungarian accent,

“You both need to so your chemistries will blend better.” So be sure to share that Caesar salad.

Foreplay, Some Final Words

Fabulous foreplay is all about enticing and exciting both her mind and her body. I think it’s about time, though, that we come up with another term for foreplay. I think this term implies that foreplay isn’t enough in and of itself. To the contrary, for women, the kissing, Openmirrors.com

Your typical woman enjoys, and sometimes relies on, genital touching to get her wet, and ready for penetration or orgasm. You
FIVE

will learn techniques and approaches that will make a lady more comfortable, especially in asking her what she wants when she’s not

⎯⎯⎯ ● ⎯⎯⎯

sure what that is. We women are thankful you ask what we like, but sometimes, gentlemen, we don’t even know. A seminar attendee L e t Y o u r H a n d s

from San Diego, who is now in her mid-thirties, said that it was her husband, whom she’d met when she was just out of college, who D e l i g h t H e r

taught her about her own body. Growing up in a conservative Catholic family where it was not okay to talk about sex, never mind learn about her own body, she didn’t even know what felt pleasurable until her husband touched her. The key here is that women need your participation and may welcome it more than you ever expected.

SECRET FROM LOU’S ARCHIVES

According to Science magazine, a physical skill takes six hours to Her Action Spots

sink in. After learning a physical skill, such as a variation on your golf stroke or a variation of your cunnilingus stroke, it takes six hours for the info to be stored in permanent memory. But I call this chapter and the next the finesse chapters—the place where interrupt the storage process by learning another new skill and the men who want to be expert lovers learn to stand out from the that first lesson could be erased.

crowd. Although we’ve discussed the power of touching her erogenous zones in arousing her, we haven’t yet focused on her action spots. Referring to some of these techniques, one woman To some women, your hand or mouth on her genitals is more asked, “Couldn’t you please tell me where you are having the men’s intimate than sexual intercourse. They are allowing you access to the seminar so I can wait outside the door and drop my hanky?” It’s not most intimate and private part of themselves and they are doing so in the picking up of the hanky that she was after, though that would a receiving position, which makes them feel vulnerable. Many have been a nice opener. What this woman was really looking for women have been culturally programmed to be the giver, not the was a man who knew his stuff and was confident enough to know receiver. Men have told me that it is very important for them to there is always more to know.

realize that this most intimate of acts can take women some getting There’s no doubt about it: Most women love to be touched used to.

genitally. In the same way that you enjoy being stroked, coddled, and However, if a woman isn’t comfortable being touched genitally, sometimes even squeezed, women become gloriously aroused when she should be respected for her likes and dislikes.

your fingers and hands pay attention to them.

In terms of what works best physically, there is truly a buffet of moves and ideas to consider when touching a woman’s genitals.

Some women prefer that you start out with a soft, barely-touching salt in the sweat of your fingers can make that area feel like it’s tapping on the clitoris. Other women don’t want you to go near the burning. And trust me, if that happens, she’s not feeling good. The

“lovebud” until she is much more stimulated. On the other end of the solution is to wash your hands and get all soap off (a liquid continuum are the women who love very firm, direct, and fast antibacterial soap like Purrel will sting like soap). Lick your fingers touching directly on the clitoris and all around the area. Other ladies if there is no water around or use a diaper wipe.

prefer a very specific repetitive, subtle touch. Again, the best guide Watch your nails. As one woman said, “Man, when he hits me for you is her. If you already know the oral moves that work for her, with his nail, all I can think of is when he’s going to hit me again.