How to Give Her Absolute Pleasure (13 page)

side. An area of soft, often ridgy tissue, the G-spot is about the size of a dime when unstimulated and when stimulated swells to the size

of a quarter.

Lubrication

Lubrication is one of mankind’s greatest inventions, and you should use it to your heart’s content. As one mortgage broker from Cleveland said, “I had no idea there was so much fun in one of those little bottles.” Sometimes both men and women tend to shy away from using a lubricant, as if the very existence of this slippery, slidy, marvelous stuff were some kind of reflection on their lack of sexual prowess. After his girlfriend attended one of my seminars, a man called and asked me why his partner would be needing “that stuff.” I knew that he was really asking, “What am I not doing to get her turned on enough?” I’ll tell you what I told him: that there are many different factors that affect a woman’s ability to lubricate, with
How to Administer Lubricant

(

sexual excitement being only one of them.

use three fingers). This works well for two reasons: (1) It warms up as it passes through your hand, and (2) the change in sensation from warm fingers to smoother, slicker palm
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can feel great.

Women lubricate when they are sleeping; it’s a sign of REM

sleep.

¾ If you use saliva for lubricating your fingers, and you’ve had a glass of wine or a beer or two, remember that alcohol is a natural desiccant for your system. It dries you up, so you The mucosal tissue of a woman’s genitals is some of the most may not have as much saliva as you normally would.

delicate tissue on her body, and even if she is totally wet and Dreaded desert mouth at the wrong time.

lubricated when you first start to stimulate her, once that area is ¾ Putting oil inside a woman can give her a vaginal infection.

exposed to air or condoms, it often dries out. So she can be totally turned on and still dry out. If the activity continues, she will start to
ONE-STOP SHOPPING

feel a pulling and tearing and I can assure you that that feels none too Most men don’t enjoy shopping for products as much as women.

nifty. The fact remains that some women, even when they are most From what I understand, gentlemen, you don’t want to waste your aroused, don’t always lubricate on cue. This biological fact time hanging out in the drugstore aisles or at an adult novelty store reinforces the beauty of lubricants. And as I mentioned above, as choosing among the huge array of lubricants on the market. What I with almost every facet of their anatomy and biology, women have assembled for you is a list of the best and brightest lubricants, lubricate to varying degrees.

keeping in mind not only her pleasure but your own as well. For indeed, though she will enjoy the use of lubrication, you will reap the
TIPS FOR USING LUBRICANTS

rewards.

¾ During manual sex especially, put on lubricant by letting it There are many products to choose from, including those that are drip through your fingers, hand in a downward trident shape water-based, oil-based, flavored, nonflavored, scented, unscented, Openmirrors.com

colored, clear, liquid, and gels. It can be a bit overwhelming. I asked a quickie,” all he has to do is call her and snap open the lid my field researchers to investigate which lubricants felt and tasted of Midnite Fire over the phone. “It doesn’t matter where I the best. The results of our efforts are listed below, though this is by am—at my desk or in my car on the cell phone. When I hear no means an exhaustive study.

that ‘snap,’ I am instantly wet!” Need I say more?

Midnite Fire is almost guaranteed to bring you lots of

enjoyment. It not only comes in a variety of flavors, it also
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becomes very warm with gentle rubbing and even warmer

Many women I know prefer colorless lubricants, as they won’t when you blow on it following the rub. Not to worry,

stain the sheets or other materials.

though, because the heat only builds to a certain level, so there is no risk of getting burned. It is the CO2 in your
FAVORITE LUBRICANTS

breath that causes it to heat when you blow on it. Midnite Again, this is not an exhaustive list, but you can use it as a Fire is a water-based lubricant, which is safe for application general guide. (* means the product is colorless.)

both internally and externally. Although it is billed as “The Hot Sensual Massage Lotion,” it’s really too thick to be used ¾ Astroglide.* The company uses “Second Only to Mother

for a straight massage without adding water or another clear Nature” as its tag line, and our field researchers would have water-based lubricant. It feels especially erotic when applied to agree it is the closest to our own natural intimate moisture.

to the nipples or inner thighs. Be aware if your lady has a Astroglide is one of the most popular and easy-to-find

predisposition for infections and test before going wild. It brands of water-based personal lubricant. It has a slightly has also received rave reviews when used on the head of the sweet taste and is odorless. You can buy it at your local penis and the testicles.

drugstore and in many supermarkets as well. For anyone

who wants the benefit of extra comfort during intercourse, but doesn’t want to feel anything even the slightest bit
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unnatural, Astroglide is the lubricant of choice.

Beware of certain lubricants on the market that call themselves ¾ Sensura/Sex Grease.* This is the water-based lubricant of

“body glides.” Eros, Venus Millennium, and Platinum are newer choice for many connoisseurs. It is a clear thick liquid with a products that are made of dimethicone (silicone) and carry no velvety texture that maintains a slick feel for a long time.

protective value and aren’t water-soluble. Some even have a The same product is marketed under two different names and caution “flammable” or “for external use only” on the label.

packaged in two different ways. For the ladies it is called These are not only impractical; they may be dangerous if the Sensura and bottled in pink. For the men it is called Sex silicone is absorbed by the body.

Grease and bottled in black. This one beat out Astroglide for use during intercourse because of its slightly thicker, more velvety texture.

¾ Embrace. Truly one of the nicer tasting and feeling, this ¾

lubricant has a thick, velvety consistency similar to Sensura Midnite Fire.* This lubricant comes in a small container with a snap-on lid. .A woman from one of my seminars told yet with a better taste for some. A favorite of those who want me that whenever her husband wants her to come home “for a lubricant to stay put when they apply it rather than having Openmirrors.com

Openmirrors.com

it run for lower elevations. It comes unflavored (which is ¾ If you are sensitive or susceptible to irritation, watch out for slightly sweet) and in Strawberry and Lime Sherbet.

the spermicide known as nonoxynol9. As I discussed in

¾ Liquid Silk. The name describes it all. This creamy water-Chapter Two, it can be extremely irritating to both men and based British lubricant in a pump bottle contains no glycerin, women. This is the only manufactured spermicidal in the

so it doesn’t get sticky and has become a favorite of field United States and it’s the active ingredient in contraceptive researchers. It is great for manual techniques and intercourse.

foams/jellies, suppositories, film, and on condoms. Know It does, however, have a slightly bitter taste, which detracts what you’re putting near or into your body and hers.

from its use during oral sex.

¾ Check to see if the product is okay for the genital area. Often ¾ Maximus.* This is the clear version of Liquid Silk. It comes the fine print on the package will say “for topical or cosmetic in a clear plastic pump bottle and is also a big favorite.

use” or “avoid contact with eyes.” Also, nonoxynol9 was introduced in the United States in 1920s as a cleaning

solution for hospitals. Translation: it’s a detergent. Can you
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imagine rubbing a detergent on your lady down there? This Be aware of inserting massage oil or any sugar-based product, will give , her pain, not pleasure.

including fruit, into your partner. These products can cause ¾ Remember that your lady is much more at risk for irritation vaginal infections by altering the normal pH balance of the and infection than you are. She is the receptive partner, and vaginal barrel.

the products that you choose typically remain inside her.

It’s about time we consumers hit the manufacturers of these ¾ Know how sensitive you and your partner are to new

products where it hurts—their bottom line. If you’re reading this products. Some women are so sensitive they can get bladder book, read their labels. If the bottle’s back label in teensy-weensy and vaginal infections from merely changing toilet tissue or print says “for topical cosmetic use only,” what does that mean? And soap.

when they say “for external use only”? Hmmmm, I’ll let you be the ¾ Always remember that oil and latex don’t mix. Oil in any judge. Manufacturers also assume they can get away with dangerous form is the mortal enemy of latex condoms, often causing or hurtful products, such as nonoxynol9 and silicone, which can them to break. Check the label of anything you’re using, cause an allergic reaction or irritation. The only way they will stop such as hand or massage lotions. If it says “oil” anywhere, producing them is if you stop buying them.

you shouldn’t use it as a lubricant with latex condoms. These lubricants are fine for manual sex, but if you’re planning to continue on to intercourse using a condom, be sure to use a Positi ons

lubricant that is water-based.

¾ Always remember to read the label in its entirety. The big There are four main positions for manual play, and each position has print alone can be misleading. If you see the word “oil”

moves best-suited to that position. As with any new idea or listed anywhere in the ingredients, chances are the product is technique, use the suggestions below to add to or incorporate into not water-based.

what you already do. You may want to refer to the diagrams so that you and your lady will get the full benefit. Like dance steps, however, it’s hard to know how to move until you actually see how it’s done. In all of these positions, the man can maintain good body contact, which is key.

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For all moves, start with a big motion, go to a smaller, more concentrated motion, and build from slow to quick tempo.

Moving too quickly and firmly niay numb or hurt her. Most women are not ready for that kind of instant intensity. Let the intensity build.

THE CLASSICS-POSITIONS 1 AND 5

These are probably the easiest and simplest positions to initiate manual stimulation of the lady and yet they are also the ones with the most bad habits. One woman in a seminar said, “If he did that
Position #1

‘staying in one spot right on top of my clit’ for a second longer, I thought I would have to kill him.” Another woman added, “Where are the directions that call for ‘find it and rub furiously’?”

One of the reasons these popular positions have garnered bad habits comes from the fact that you’ve been fed a bill of goods by the adult porn industry through its videos and magazines. Their goal is to sell. They are not thinking of your personal pleasure, and they are certainly not thinking about what pleases women. They are focusing on action, whether or not the action works. In real life, intense rubbing too soon or at all is often a sure way to cause your partner discomfort, not pleasure.

Gentlemen, the good news is that you can easily learn how to please your partner by simply adjusting the motion of your fingers and hand, your tempo, and the degree of pressure. After applying
Position #5

lubricant or moistening with saliva, you can use your fingers or the entire palm of your hand in a circular motion to (1) evenly spread the lubricant and (2) use a broader overall motion to warm things up in this area. It’s best to start with the broad strokes and reduce the area of stimulation as sensation builds.

In both of these positions, it’s a good idea to rest the heel of your hand (and the wrist) on her pubis mons, the area where the pubic hair starts, and gently apply pressure. You should feel the pubic hone underneath the base of your wrist. This will also help stabilize your wrist and arm. In other words, keeping your arm and hand in the air will tire you out more quickly and affect the overall fine-motion mobility of your fingers. With your wrist anchored, you can deliver more of the gentle circles and back-and-forth motions that women prefer.

These are also the manual positions that lend themselves best to kissing and snuggling. You can also use the index and middle fingers in a straight up-and-down and/or circular motion with the clitoral ridge and tip between the two of them. Often a woman uses this
It Takes 3, Step 1

It Takes 3, Step 2

technique to stimulate herself. You can also use the palm of your hand.

If your penis is inside of her while you are touching her, try pulsing your PC muscle to make your penis pump. One woman remarked, “He does this penis-lifting thing when he is in me from behind that feels so good. It makes me all stretched and full of him.”

A male seminar attendee noted that “most women respond to this move by tightening inside, while the man moves his fingers back and forth.”

This move will work best if you are behind her or on top of her.

To start, you use three fingers held together to curve over the inner and outer lips. Keep your index finger and fourth finger on the outer
It Takes 3, Step 3

edges of her outer labia while your middle finger is positioned on top of the entire clitoral ridge and bud. The benefit of starting with all Finally, with your index and middle fingers together, do a short three fingers is you don’t shock the clitoris by going straight to it.