How to Give Her Absolute Pleasure (17 page)

the inside of your wrist. If you feel it, so will she, and for her 2. Use the wag. This is an action of wagging your head like you it will feel like sandpaper.

are signaling “no” while keeping your tongue extended and 2. I have learned that a lot more men are enjoying the pleasures in contact with her.

of trimming or shaving their partner’s pubic hair. You may want to try it as a form of erotic foreplay. Men have also said it’s neater and tidier, which they like.

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Since so many women enjoy oral stimulation in order to orgasm, indulge her. Your tongue is a magical instrument, and your lover will be eternally grateful if you learn to use it as openly, generously, and
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playfully as you like. Remember, your tongue on her is a sign of your total acceptance of her.

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A s s e m b l i n g

( a n d E x p a n d i n g )

Y o u r T o o l C h e s t

You’re Never Too Old For Toys

Do you know how many more men and women use sex toys today than a decade ago? The numbers will probably surprise you.

According to two adult novelty manufacturers, the market has increased tenfold over the past ten years, becoming a $500-million retail business. Experts attribute such a marked increase in the use of sex toys to a couple of reasons. In general, one manufacturer explains that “there is less stigma” attached to toys than there used to be. Furthermore, couples feel there is more openness in marriages to try new things. Tin manufacturer said, “Men and women are feeling pressure to remain monogamous and be safer about sex. As a result, they are looking for inventive ways to spice up their sex lives.” Long associated with subjects less than respectful, sex toys and other

“adult toys” have come out of the proverbial closet. Clear evidence of this turnaround is the fact that some of our grandmothers and great-grandmothers were using vibrators, showing us that they were a lot more progressive in this area than we had any idea. So keep reading.

First let me say that these products are not meant to replace researchers, who then try it and give me feedback. The diagrams and passionate, connecting lovemaking. It is a given that the majority of directions below will shed some light on those toys that received the women in the ladies’ seminars genuinely like men and want to be highest praise. You need to give both of you the permission to around men. (And the same can be said of the men in the men’s introduce something new and have some fun with toys—after all, seminars, regarding women.) This is true despite the fact that we isn’t bringing something new a natural part of intimacy?

may not necessarily understand men at all times. So again, toys are not meant to replace either partner. They are simply meant to enhance our sexual experience and add a bit of fun to our sex lives.

Vi brators

As one man, a triathlete from Los Angeles, said, “I’m just going to design my own tool belt. I’ll slap a bottle of lubricant on one side So we get things straight, a vibrator is any imaginatively shaped and a vibrator on the other. Then I’ll be all set.”

instrument that has the ability to vibrate and can be used to stimulate If you or your partner is unfamiliar with sex toys, then be a woman or a man. Generally, vibrators are in the shape of a penis respectful and courteous in how you suggest introducing them into and are made of a hard, plastic like material (in order to contain the your relationship. Women can be shy and may think the toys are a battery or electrical motor component). For those of you who are sign of your dissatisfaction. If that thought gets into her head, she even the smallest bit reluctant to chart this new territory, let me may withdraw from the toys and you. After her boyfriend suggested repeat myself: Vibrators can never replace the physical you. These they play with a vibrator, one woman said, “I went straight to ‘I’m items, like other sex toys, only enhance a woman’s pleasure with you not adequate enough as a lover.’ And it wasn’t until he told me he and may even help relax her in unexpected ways. Vibrators are got them because he thought we’d have fun that I realized how off-invariably the fastest and quickest masturbatory route. When used base I was.” Another woman said, “What started out as a joke gift together with your partner, they can make sex between you and her led us to look at other toys that are now a really fun part of what we even more uninhibited and fun.

do together.”

Let me dispel another myth: Vibrators should not desensitize her She needs to know from you that toys are something you want to to your touch or penetration, nor do they pose competition. In the share with her. You need to emphasize that it’s the freedom in your same way that most men learn how to orgasm most quickly by relationship that enables you both to experiment and loosen the masturbating, some women learn how to climax through vibrators.

boundaries of the tried-and-true. It’s the icing on the cake—and it’s Yet there is a big difference between her vibrator and your hands, not all the time.

fingers, tongue, and penis. Having said that, if this is the only way a Keep in mind, too, that neither of you is expected to know how to woman can climax, then please indulge her—a vibrator can create already use these items. Look at some of them and you may think, much more intense stimulation than her hand or your body can.

“What on earth is it?” Every industry has its own trade show, and the There are essentially three reasons that vibrators make it easy for a one I attend happens to be the semiannual ANME (Adult Novelty woman to orgasm. One is the intensity of the vibration. Another is Manufacturers Expo); in essence, it’s a trade show for sex toys. I can that when a woman uses it, she is typically by herself and therefore assure you there are times that I see a product and think, “What were more relaxed. The third reason is that she knows exactly where to they thinking?!” (Some of these products are not really intended to place the stimulation and at what intensity.

work; they are simply made to sell.) Then there are other times when a product seems interesting and I hand it over to my field Some women, however, after longtime continuous use, may have use them in any way that makes sense, is safe and clean, and doesn’t become more reliant than they think, and part of your job (as her hurt.

helpful sexual playmate) is to help wean her of her dependence.

Women who use vibrators tend to fall into one of two camps.

You should be aware that there are new “silent” vibrators, so-Either they prefer the intense clitoral stimulation of the small-headed called because of their very high frequency. These vibrators have vibrators, or they prefer the larger-headed vibrators (such as the been reported to numb. A man I know who uses vibrators with his Hitachi Magic Wand), which give vibration over a larger area. But wife tried one of these silent types on his scrotum through his jeans.

you never know how you may sexually surprise her, so use your Five minutes after he’d stopped using it, the whole area began to imagination!

throb and hurt from the over-stimulation. Perhaps this is when your mother’s advice to do “everything in moderation, dear” comes into
TYPES OF VIBRATORS

play.

There are umpteen styles, sizes, shapes, and colors of vibrators. They are powered by one of two sources—electricity or

batteries. They are travel-size or made to leave at

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home. Some have smooth surfaces, while others come

Not all women like or use vibrators. One woman said, “It was too with ridges—just like some potato chips. Other

noisy and distracting. I felt like my orgasm had been pulled out of vibrators come with protruding attachments to

me. It cut off the buildup.”

stimulate more than one area at a time (see the Rabbit

Pearl below). The following sampling (the favorites

You may find it interesting that the electric vibrator was invented among the women and men in my seminars) should

in the late nineteenth century by American doctors as a labor-saving give you a heads-up to begin your search for the

device for their treatment of “female disorders.” Women would go to perfect vibrator for you.

Wand Style

their doctors to receive “treatment” for their “nerves.” The treatment entailed manual stimulation by the doctor until the women orgasmed ¾ “Wand style” describes the shape of the vibrator and is and were relieved from the built-up tension. The practice went on therefore the most recognizable of the various styles. It is until a fatigued doctor invented a mini-appliance (otherwise known usually made of hard plastic and powered by batteries.

as a vibrator) to assist him in the procedure. Patient visits suddenly became quicker and easier on the doctors, and vibrators were soon marketed as home appliances in women’s magazines and mail-order catalogs, where they were hyped as cure-alls for headaches, asthma,

“fading beauty,” and even tuberculosis! Vibrators experienced a fall from grace, however, when they started showing up in stag films and their obvious sexual association could no longer be denied.

The majority of men think that vibrators are only for women. This is yet another myth. I have spoken to a number of men who have discovered the joys of vibration. Essentially, you should feel free to
Finger Tip Style

Remote Style

¾ Coil-operated vibrators were originally designed for sore operate across a room. Please be aware that some of these remote neck and muscle massage. Often electrically powered, they vibrators operate on the same radio frequency as garage door tend to be larger and stronger than the wand style. Some openers.

older coil-operated vibrators strap onto the back of your
Hitachi Magic Wand
. Developed by Hitachi as a body massager, this hand for legitimate massage work. They come with various vibrator has a soft tennis-ball-sized head and gives off strong attachments and are the easiest to disguise as being for vibrations. I don’t think that Hitachi could have foreseen, in their another purpose.

wildest dreams, their secondary market. This is one of the larger ¾ Finger Tip and Remote-controlled vibrators are distinctive vibrators, and because of its size, women can use it more for their ability to create a surprise effect. Manufacturers creatively. For example, a woman can lie facedown on a bed with finally have some that work!

the wand supported by a couple of pillows under her hips, with ¾ Waterproof vibrators are capable of accompanying you and the head of the wand strategically placed, while she imagines she your partner in the shower! They range in size from small is doing her partner.

handheld ones to larger, soft, foam-covered balls four inches
Pocket Rocket or Silver Bullet
. These two small

in diameter that can be used over the entire body.

vibrators are distinct because of their small

size. Let your partner be your guide, as often

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there is a crucial motion and spot. You may

Manufacturers spend much more on the design of the box than also want to try it on your scrotum, using a

they do on the research and development of the products

soft, circular motion. Or if you prefer a

themselves.

stronger, more direct stimulation, try stroking

across the perineal area under the scrotum,

aka the taint.

Silver Bullet

Rabbit Pearl
. Considered to be the Cadillac of

vibrators, the design of the Rabbit Pearl can

This list of special vibrators contains brand-name models that have developed quite an avid following across the country.

stimulate both partners at the same time, and

you can be in charge of the “remote” control.

It has two different operating sections, one

Hip Harness vibrators
. Developed for those who like “hands free”

operation of their dildo or vibrator. The main difference between vibration and one undulation, which

stimulates the vaginal walls. To ensure

this and the regular handheld

maximum stimulation for both of you, it’s

vibrators is the design feature of

elastic thigh straps, which

best to concentrate the vibration in the bunny

section (leave the undulating option off).

enable the vibrating area to be

This way, the lady can have the wand section

adjusted to the lady’s liking.

This is the same design idea

inserted vaginally and, with you lying on top

of her, your hips matched with hers, turn on

now used for the remote

the (very strong Japanese) motor that

Pocket Rocket

vibrators that a partner can

Hip Harness Style

operates the bunny section. The RP’s nose or

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ears can be stimulating her

clitoral area, and vibration from

Dildos

the back of the Rabbit Pearl can

be stimulating the underside of

Dildos, sometimes spelled with an “e” like “potatoes,” are typically your scrotum.

penis-shaped devices that can do everything a vibrator can except
Micro Clit Tickler
. The key to

vibrate. And because of their softer texture, dildos have the added this toy is its stretchy, soft

benefit of being able to penetrate and provide the sensation of material (same as shaft sleeves).

fullness many women love when their partner is busy elsewhere.

It is designed to be worn by you

Dildos are usually made of plastic-like material, rubber, or silicone.

at the base of your penis so that

They can be made of hard plastic, which is more durable but not as when you are inside of her, the

user-friendly and doesn’t retain body heat as well.

small, vibrating silver bullet rests

Like the G-Spot Vibrator, certain dildos have a curved shape to over her clitoral area.